Okay, so here's my little answer to a challenge: 500 words inspired by Nigel and food. The premise has to be attributed to my other half, Chris!! It's a bit silly, but I hope you enjoy it. It was also proof to myself that I can write a one-shot. Yay!
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Entertainment
by Katy

'Sorry!' boomed the burly bouncer in a strong, Finnish accent. 'It is guests only. You're not coming in unless you are willing to partake in the entertainment yourself.'

'What a shame.' Nigel grinned, relieved. 'We'd better come back another day…'

'No way,' stated Syd, arms folded resolutely. 'We need the key tonight if we were going to get to the crown of Sverker I before the League of Ancient Mariners.' She smiled seductively at the doorman of the smoky, seedy-looking club. 'Err, what kind of entertainment are you after?'

Soundlessly, the doorman pointed at a poster announcing something in large, bold words, entirely in Finnish.

'Uh, Nigel, my Finnish is a little rusty,' admitted Sydney. 'What exactly does that say?'

Nigel squinted at the poster for a moment, running his fingers through his hair but had no more success. 'Sorry. Give me hieroglyphs, Latin and ancient Greek any day, but Finnish was never my major. Not that we have majors in England…'

'Well, whatever it is, it can't be that bad. Singing might be bit of a nightmare, but I'll give it a go.' She beamed at the surly bouncer. 'Okay, I'll do it. Can you let us in?'

He grunted and opened the door slowly. 'Follow me!'

……………………………

'Sydney - I think we should leave right now!'

Nigel covered his eyes and failed miserably to conceal his blushes as just what the entertainment was became very clear.

On the stage, at the end of a large, packed room was a little, transparent-sided swimming pool filled with bright, green jelly. Inside, two scantily clad women were rolling about and generally tugging at each other's clothing.

'It's obscene!'

'It is a bit silly,' conceded Sydney. 'But some women see this stuff as a liberating form of self-expression. At least I'll get close to that key. Jari said it was hidden behind the stage…'

'I don't think you should do it,' blurted Nigel. 'In fact… in fact, I won't let you!'

Sydney regarded him, slightly surprised at his strong words. 'It's sweet of you to be so defensive of my honour, but I can take care of myself. And it's the only way!'

Nigel nearly leapt two foot in the air as the bouncer suddenly landed a meaty hand on his shoulder.

'You're next, Englishman!'

'What?'

'The poster - it asks for men, no? You go up now and wrestle with the girls.'

Nigel just stared for a moment then spluttered: 'Absolutely not. No…no way!'

Nevertheless, the bouncer, who was at least a foot taller than Nigel, didn't look like he wanted to take no for an answer.

Nigel looked across at Sydney desperately: 'Please! Help me!'

'It mightn't be so bad,' she suggested. 'You keep the crowd entertained, I'll slip around the back and look for that key.'

'It's the slipping I'll be doing that concerns me,' squeaked Nigel. 'I can't do it. I just can't.'

'Can he keep his underwear on?' asked Sydney sweetly of the doorman.

'They must stay on!' growled the big man. 'This is a respectable club. No nudity!'

Sydney grinned. 'There you go,' she winked at Nigel. 'It'll be fun. They look like nice girls and, when you're finished I'll help you lick the jelly off!'

Nigel gawped at her, wondering if she was joking, and then raised his eyes to heaven. Now she was using blackmail - and, as ever, he had no choice. Still, he'd go through it for her. The things he did for Sydney Fox!

THE END

But, no...a sequels not entirely out of the question...please review. Thanks ;)