The Monster in my dreams
It always starts the same way. For the last two months, every night I go to sleep nightmares swarm me, like little bees trying to find a way out to their victim. The feeling of desperation fills me up and I can't seem to breathe. It chokes me and I try so hard to wake up, but nothing works.
The dark scares me. It always scared me, even when I was a little girl. But at least then there was always someone to wake me up. But now I'm all alone. And I pray every night that I don't fall asleep, but whoever listens to them never hears ME.
Now every dream is filled with darkness. That is if I'm lucky. But there are times when HE comes to me. Always silent, in that everlasting night. Shadows follow him and they serve him like little puppies. Bloodthirsty ones. So eager to chase after me when he gives command. And I run, run like there's no tomorrow. I try to escape them because if I don't they'll catch me and bring me to him. And that's my motivation, for as much as they terrify me, HE scares me the most.
That being made of darkness, full of hatred that's boiling, just waiting to spill out. Coldness resonates from him so strongly I can feel it even when I manage to wake up. How is it even possible?
He lurks on the edge every night. Waits, for what I don't know and I don't wish to know but I'm afraid if I do find out my life will end.
Even now, the dark surrounds me with its blackened I think they reflect my soul, that these dreams are showing me who I really am, what is inside me. But I have never felt anything so negative in my life, even when everything seemed hopeless I didn't lose sight of my dear mother, who was everything bright and sweet to me. How could I neglect her memory so? I always tried to be cheerful, look on the bright side of life, even if there wasn't much to it.
Sometimes it's hard to remember who I really am and who I'm supposed to be rather than wonder is this really me.
I feel the warmth on my skin, sun must have risen early or I overslept. Probably the second. I'm getting really lazy, I must correct this, as soon as possible.
Perspiration dots my skin, my hair is wet and my limbs hurt so much. I guess i didn't manage to wake myself up this time. Oh, well nothing to it now, time to get up and see what kind of job am I gonna take. Rent is getting nearer, and those damn teammates of mine can't control themselves enough not to destroy the whole damn town.
Ughhh, what am I gonna do with them?
Ohh well, they are my friends after all.
They really are the best friends a girl like me could ever hope to find. But they are soooo destructive it sometimes brings me a headache when I think how much damage they have caused. And, certainly will continue to cause. Sigh.
But no matter what they always manage to make me smile, especially that silly dragon friend of mine.
Ohh it's 8 o' clock already. Time to get uuup.
I try to move my legs as slowly as possible , damn these blankets are heavy. I stretch my arms, then my shoulders till I hear a pop, and my vertebra. I don't know why, but always when I stretch my back, my vertebra pops like crazy, it's really annoying and weird. Note to myself, never tell that to Natsu or I'll never hear the end of it.
I wobble to my bathroom, trying not to look in the mirror. I must look like hell .
I turn the water on, and a waterfall of crazy ass hot water comes down. I smirk to myself. Just how I like it.
Taking of my pj's and grabbing a strawberry scented shower gel I get in the tub. The water hits my shoulders, it burns. My skin becomes red, but I don't mind, because that fiery feeling makes me alive, it's like it's cleansing my very soul. I stay like that , not moving, very still, enjoying this little moment of peace. Mustn't waste water Lucy. I do my business and get out. Now I have to face myself. I always do it with a large dose of trepidation, fearing that all my nightmares are forever etched on my face, like an ugly painting.
I slowly tilt my head up to the fogged mirror and wipe the condensation off. What greets me in the mirror is not what I expected but is what I hoped it will. A pair of brown doe eyes blinking tremendously. I see anxiety in them, and so much sadness that even I can not comprehend how I've managed to crack my facade so terribly. Dark bags under my eyes and a pallor that would astound even a geisha. I must be careful today, no good will come if I let them see me like this. I sigh to myself and start to get ready for my day.
I pick up a simple black bra and panties, black skinny jeans and a simple short sleeve white shirt. Nothing like me at all , I must say but I'm not feeling like myself today at all.
I dry my hair, put on some concealer grab my faithful keys, my whip and head on to the guild
It's a sunny day, not too hot just perfect for today's outfit. I climb the little wall near the canal and try to keep my balance. It's so amusing when people think I'm so silly for walking on the edge. If only were they to find out that not that I'm good at it I'm also pretty awesome when it comes to gymnastics and acrobatics. Buuuut, lets keep that tidbit for myself. A girl 's gotta have some aces up her sleeve. Hihihihihi, I feel so silly, like that iron prick Gajeel with his gihihih laugh. But it's pretty funny, if you think about it.
„ Oh, I forgot Plue. Well I can't walk to the guild without my cute friend." I murmur to myself.
„ Open gate of the Canis Minor!Nikora!" –„ Pun, puun!" With the sparkle of golden light pops my little doggy. I squeal with joy.
„ Hi Plue!" –I jump to him and squeeze him to my chest. His little body quivers with small shakes but he still nuzzles his cone nose to my neck.
„Did ya miss me, because I missed you soooo much!" I pull him to me harder ad he happily nods his head –„Pun, puuuun, pun!" – „I guess that's a yes." – I laugh at his cute expression.
„Okay, Plue, lets go to the guild, I have to look for a job. My landlady is scary as duck when I'm late with rent. I'll have to go solo, I don't trust Natsu and the guys not to destroy something." I say to him, while I scoff to myself.
„Puun, puun, pun." Says Plue walking now next to me.
„Dangerous? No, Plue, I'll pick very carefully, so I can handle myself just fine. Don't you worry." I pat his head affectionately.
„Pun, pun, puuun!" Trembles Plue with his shaky body.
„Aww, you're so cute. But really don't worry, I won't endanger myself!" I kiss his little head and he blushes so cutely. I laugh at his reaction.
„ Look Plue, we're here, wanna come inside with me?" Hopefully he'll say yes, I don't feel like facing all that by myself.
„Pun, pun!" – „Yeeeey" I shout happily, pick him in my arms and head to the guild doors.
There's a hesitation in my steps as I 'm near the door, but I quickly put a burst in my step and arrange my face in a bright smile, somewhat fake, but who could tell? I damn near perfected fake smiles.
Now somewhat calm, I push the guild door wide and with Plue securely in my arms I step in, and shout happily to everyone. „Good morning Minna!"
A lot of faces, that I know very well turn to me and watch me walk in, all saying the same thing with exuberance.
„Good morning Lucy!"
„Morning Lu-chan!"
I smile happily and walk to the bar. Nothing can fix my mood as quickly as the shouts and cheers of my guild mates.
I sit at the bar, and put Plue carefully on the surface.
„Good morning Lucy! How are you? I haven't seen you lately in the guild. Were you sick?"
Leave it to Mira to interrogate me as soon as I walk in the guild. She is such a great person, she's like a sister I never had and most of all she has compassion for every soul she encounters but when angered, damn she's scary as fuck. Brrr, never wanna see her angry at me.
„Morning Mira! I've been fine, just a little sick, nothing big. But I didn't want it spreading around, so I stayed at home. I even locked my window so Natsu couldn't visit me unannounced." The lie rolls easily off my lips.
She looks at me with concern in her eyes while biting her lip every while and then considering my response. I squeeze my hand under the bar hard, turning my knuckles white from the pressure. I still keep my carefree smile, hoping she'll believe me.
She searches my eyes for something, I don't know what, but as I observe her she stills somewhat, then gives me a big smile. I sigh mentally. That was close. Indeed it was.
„Oh Lucy, you shouldn't have to deal with sickness alone, you know you have us? We are your family, I would've helped you. Next time call me Lucy, okay?" she says with a smile that to anyone else seems reassuring, but I know better. A dark aura had risen slightly, and the smile said or else. I gulped.
„Hnn. Of course Mira, I'll lacrima call you next time. But I don't think I'll be sick anytime soon. It's a one year thing, you know, I think. But if it happens again I'll be sure to call you."
I give her a weak smile, relieved she didn't see through my lie. Uff that was a close one. I guess.I 'll have to be more careful in the future. Mustn't stay away from guild so long next time Lucy.
She leans on the bar and slides me my strawberry smoothie. I gaze at her thankfully and say
„Thanks Mira!" – „You're welcome Lucy, and I'll hold you to your word." She winks at me and goes to serve other patrons that are demanding her attention. I look at Plue, he was sitting quietly the whole time, observing me with his head tilted to the side. Curious for his inspection I turn to him fully and pull a lollipop from my pocket that I've been meaning to give him. His eyes sparkle for a moment and with zeal I have only seen with little kids he grabs it and promptly puts it in his mouth. Murmuring „Puunnnnnnn!"
I laugh at his antics and turn to my drink. I sip slowly trying to enjoy the taste of strawberries.
Mmmm. Mira makes the best strawberry milkshake. I sigh to myself.
Suddenly I feel arms hugging me to a muscular waist and I stiffen just the slightest. But then I hear a familiar voice shouting, right in my ear.
„Luuuuuuucy! Where have you been? I missed you. It was lonely going on jobs without you, are you feeling better?" And the whole time he was squeezing me to his chest.
„Natsu! I can't breathe!" I say trying to catch my breath. Natsu releases his death hold on me and slugs his arm around my shoulders all the while looking at me with a pout on his face. Natsu you're really childish sometimes.
„Owie Natsu, that really hurt. You really don't know your strength sometimes!" I rub my waist trying to bring back feeling to my muscles.
„Hehehe. You're right Luce. But I was sooo excited to see you" He rubs the back of his head sheepishly.
„Well no need to choke me to death then." I laugh at him. „Yeah I'm feeling all better now. It was just a bug, no biggie." I smile reassuringly at him. He whoops with joy and exclaims, „Lets go on a job then Luce, just you and me and Happy, ne? Like old times sake. Whatdya say? Ha,ha?„
„I'm sorry Natsu, but I was planning on going alone this time. I reeealy need rent money and I don't want to be murdered by my landlady. And besides we all know you're gonna destroy something, so I need to go solo this time. Pleeease" I say pleadingly to him. His face fell and he looked at me with puppy eyes. „Buuut Luucy I wanna go with you. We're a team and you're my partner and partners go together on jobs!" He said with a big pout on his face, looking aggravated, while crossing his arms across his chest.
„I know Natsu, we are a team, but I really need this. It will be just a short mission, a day or two. Then we can go on a big one with Erza and Gray. And in the meantime you can go fishing with Happy and Lisanna. Don't you want to go fishing with your friends? I'm sure Lisanna would be happy to go with you, you haven't been hanging with her lately and I'm sure she'd be veeeeery happy to spend some time with you like before." I saw he was about to protest so I quickly added „And if you get a really, and I mean a REALLY big fish I'm going to cook it for you when I come back, okay?" I say cutely, swinging my legs from the barstool.
I saw he was thinking it over, putting his arm over his chin and rubbing it in circular motion. Hopefuly he'll say yes. I really don't need the liability of him destroying some poor town and costing me my rent money. I scoff to myself just thinking it over, but quickly smooth my face in a pleasant smile. I can see he has come with a decision.
„Okay Luce. If you say so. Buut, you better make me an amazing dinner." He says trying to be stern with me, but failing greatly. I laugh at him joyously and grab him in a big hug.
„Of course Natsu, as you know a celestial mage never breaks a promise." He laughs and hugs me tightly for a second and puts me down.
„You better. HAPPY!" He shouts for his blue exceed and out of nowhere I hear MAX SPEED and see a blue furball flying towards me. My eyes get slightly wide with disbelief.
WHOOSH. SMAAACK!
Then suddenly I'm on the floor with an aching butt and Happy firmly enclosed in my chest. I rub the back of my head and whine. „Haaapy did you have to do that? For gods sake, I'm only human." „But Lusheee I missed you soooooooooooo much! Waaaaa!" Then I hear a roar of laughter coming from my guild mates, some of them are trying to stay seated while others are on the ground like me. Cana was spluttering beer, she was laughing so hard her barrel, empty of course, fell on the ground. Mira was snickering behind the hand that was covering her mouth, a devious glint in her eyes. Wendy's eyes were wide with surprise, and Charla was muttering to herself „That idiotic he cat" and shaking her head. Master was laughing so hard he almost fell from the railing and the Rajinshu were shaking their heads with disgust while Bickslow was snickering and his babies were repeating the word „butt". Well I assume he must've said something like"Cosplayer fell on her butt!" Go figure, I scoffed to myself. From the back tables I heard a suspicious „Gihiihiih". Great, it seems everybody saw that, even that damn iron bastard. And when I thought it couldn't get any worse then it is, I was proved wrong. From my place on the floor I saw a big shadow land on me and looked up. „Well damn Blondie, that's a heck of a hug you got there."
I blushed all the way to my ears, embarrassed with the whole situation. He just smirked while his eyes laughed at me, his big muscled arms crossed across his chest. Not knowing were to look when all of them were laughing so maniacally I just slumped to the floor with my body and put a hand over my eyes while the other was holding Happy who was crying crocodile tears. I sighed loudly. „Tch. Happy, you damn cat!" But I didn't drop him, still holding him to my chest tightly. Then a big roaring sound shook everybody with surprise. Laxus just laughed at me. Laxus, you big thunder buffon. I grit my teeth together from humiliation. Well, time to get up. I removed the hand from my eyes, putting it up in the air for someone to help me get up. Like my best friend, who I was hoping would be decent enough to help. But noooo, he was sitting on the floor stupidly blinking. Is he sane? I mean I was surprised Laxus laughed, well not so much, I scoff to myself. But he's treating it like a miracle for gods sake. Then out of nowhere a big warm hand engulfed mine and lifted me so high I thought my feet were gonna stay up in the air. I look at my savior a.k.a.thunder butt known as Laxus and he was smiling so big I saw teeth.
Incredulous. He's so handsome when he smiles. I thought to myself with wonder. He must've seen it on my face because he smirked so deliciously. „You're welcome Blondie." I blushed, a little dazed, still, with the remembrance of his smile and said- „Thank you Laxus" somewhat shyly. I turned around to observe my guild mates who were still in various states of shock. Master's mouth was hanging wide open, a lot of them were blinking rapidly, trying to dispel the daze that was Laxus laughing. The Rajinshu were the only normal ones in my opinion. Well normal as they can be. Freed was a little surprised but I saw a proud look in his eyes, Bickslow was still snickering but not as loudly as before, while Evergreen just huffed and fanned herself, but I did see an up tilt of her lips. Looks like even the Fairy Queen can show emotions other than scorn. I plopped my butt on the bar stool massaging my back when all of a sudden Plue, who was curiously watching the scene jumped on me, and not wanting him to fall I quickly put my other hand up to embrace him as well. This sudden move made me dangerously sway on the stool but luckily someones big hands steadied me and stayed on my shoulders.So big and warm. I let a sigh of relief, thinking Natsu has come to his senses. I turn around trying to say thank you, but what I heard next made me blush so hard, I was a glistening red apple right then. „Blondie, creatures sure love to jump on you."Laxus did a wiggle with his eyebrows and promptly laughed his ass off. I slumped once again, this time with his hands on me, and hit my head on the counter, putting my forehead on the bar and muttered to the two little trouble makers in my embrace.
„Happy, Plue, you're so damn lucky you're so darn cute." I exclaimed with a great sigh. „Mmm Lusheee, fish, mm."
„Puun, pun" And they both hugged me tightly while I inwardly sighed. And Laxus? Well lets say he laughed his ass off like there was no tomorrow.