Hey everyone! Listen, I'm sorry that I'm taking a long time getting that Next Generation story up. I'll be sure to get it up real soon, hopefully by tomorrow. I've just been distracted by stuff. Until then, I decided to make this one-shot, which takes place in the canon Harry Potter universe. This is a little parody thing based off of numerous observations I and other fans have made on the series. It's not every observation that people have made, but some fun ones. I hope you get a laugh out of it!
By the way, the point Hermione brings up for year five is supposed to have somewhat faulty logic. I feel as though all three members of the trio had lapses in judgment during that year. And yes, I tease Ron several times here, but, as I've said before, he's my favorite character, so I'm not doing it out of meanness. But, honestly, don't take this one-shot too seriously. Its only purpose is to make you chuckle.
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter in the slightest, little, tiny bit.
Hermione was sitting in the Gryffindor Common Room beside Harry and Ron. It had been less than an hour since the three of them had worked together to take down a troll…Well, technically the boys did most of the work while Hermione sat in the bathroom crying and shaking, but that's beside the point! She did her part by making sure they didn't get blamed.
The three of them were eating the food that had been brought up from the Halloween feast. Harry and Ron were informing Hermione of what had happened while she was crying over Ron's ill-timed comments.
"So then, Dumbledore told everyone to go back to their dormitories," Ron was explaining through a mouthful of chicken, "And then-"
"Wait, what did you say?" Hermione asked.
Ron gulped down the chicken loudly and repeated his sentence.
"Dumbledore told everyone to go back to their dorms."
Hermione looked to Harry for confirmation. She was quite surprised when he nodded that yes, Dumbledore had indeed said that. Hermione became quite outraged at that fact.
"But, that's absurd!" she exclaimed, "According to Hogwarts, A History, the Slytherin dormitories are down in the dungeon! You said that the troll was supposed to be in the dungeon."
"That's what Quirrell was yelling about when he ran into the hall," Harry stated.
"Yeah, before he fainted," Ron agreed.
"If that's so, then why would Professor Dumbledore have the Slytherins also return to their dormitories?" Hermione asked, a little peeved that neither of the boys seemed to be getting what she was hinting at, "He would have been leading them straight to the troll!"
Harry and Ron looked at each other for a minute before glancing back at Hermione with expressions that didn't match her annoyed one.
"Listen, Dumbledore probably knew what he was doing," Harry said reassuringly.
"But-" Hermione began.
"And it's not like one troll could take on a huge group of students, right?"
"But, that's still-"
"Yeah," Ron said as he took a bite of his baked potato, "Don't question it, Hermione."
Hermione was watching Harry fitfully as he explained what had happened down in the trapdoor after she and Ron had left to get word to Dumbledore. She had felt so terrified, wondering how Harry had gotten back alive. But, something about the story he was saying puzzled her.
"Wait a moment," she said softly.
"C'mon, Hermione, Harry was getting to the part where he took out Quirrell," Ron said with a slight whine, causing Hermione to shoot a sharp glare at him.
"Quirrell answered all your questions, Harry?" Hermione asked the bedridden boy, "Just like that?"
"Yeah, what about it?" Harry asked in return.
"Well, that's rather stupid of him, wouldn't you say?" Hermione said, immediately adding, "I mean, I'm glad that he did, because that saved your life, but…Well, wasn't it obvious that you were trying to stall for time? He is an adult after all…Did he honestly get outsmarted by an eleven year old?"
"You make it sound like I'm an idiot, Hermione," Harry said, bristling slightly at Hermione's last statement.
"No, I don't think that at all!" Hermione exclaimed, "It's just, he even had You-Know-Who with him and-"
"Don't question it, Hermione," Ron interrupted, before turning back to Harry and telling him to continue the story.
Harry had told Hermione and Ron, in Hermione's opinion a watered down version, of what happened down in the Chamber, when no one else was around to hear. It was obvious, from Harry's expression, that a lot more went on down there than what he was telling them.
However…
Hermione didn't want to say it aloud. Not only was it incredibly tactless, but it was also rather morbid to voice her thought.
Harry had stated that Tom Riddle had explained quite a lot about his past and his goals. He had spent much time on this. Time that he, goodness, Hermione hated thinking like this, could have used to call the basilisk and attack Harry. Was You-Know-Who just the type who liked dramatic monologues or did he really not see how stupid he was in that moment?
Hermione looked at Harry and Ron, who had gone quiet. They were both staring at her with knowing looks. Hermione was somewhat unnerved at seeing that look on Ron's face.
"Wh-what?" she asked.
"You have that look," Harry stated.
"What look?" Hermione replied.
"That look," Ron answered, as though that answered everything, "Seriously, don't question it, Hermione…"
"Please stop saying that…"
On the train ride back to King's Cross at the end of the year, Hermione observed Harry reading his letter from Sirius and Ron petting his hyperactive new owl with a smile. Despite the fact that Pettigrew had escaped, Sirius was still considered guilty by the rest of the wizarding world, and Lupin had to resign, Hermione thought that the year hadn't ended too badly…At least it wasn't as violence-filled as their previous years.
"Lucky you spotted Pettigrew on that Marauder's Map, Harry," Ron said as his owl bit his finger yet again, "Man, I can't believe I've shared a bed with that lousy arse since first year…"
"Wait a second!" Hermione shouted suddenly, startling the boys.
"Here she goes again…" Ron said in an exasperated tone.
"Ron, your brothers had that map since we've started at Hogwarts, right?" Hermione said, ignoring Ron's remark, "If that's so, then how on earth did they never notice a man named Peter Pettigrew sleeping in the same room as you?"
Hermione was pleased to note that Harry and Ron seemed to at least consider this. But then…
"Well, they probably weren't looking at the boys' dorm often," Harry noted, "They would be keeping an eye out for Prefects, professors, and Filch."
"Yeah, Harry's right," Ron said in a rather relived tone, "Geez, Hermione, give me a heart attack, why don't you?"
"But, Ron!"
"Don't question it, Hermione."
"Stop saying that!"
"What on earth are they thinking?"
Harry and Ron rolled their eyes as Hermione went off on another passionate tangent about the whole Triwizard Tournament, which had been announced would be taking place this year just a few hours ago. Ever since the announcement, Hermione had been in a frenzy.
"Hermione, what's your problem?" Ron asked.
"What's my problem?" Hermione repeated angrily, "My problem is that all those professors and Ministry people think it's perfectly acceptable to get this tournament started up all over again."
"But it sounds pretty cool," Harry said, "All sorts of tasks, getting to challenge other schools."
"And all that fame and glory if you win," Ron said in a dreamy tone, "Not to mention the money."
Hermione stared back and forth from Harry to Ron and back, completely and utterly shocked that they didn't understand.
"People. Have. Died," she said slowly and firmly, emphasizing the last word, "As in killed, kicked the bucket, knocked off and whatnot."
"We know what 'died' means, Hermione," Ron muttered, "Besides, it hasn't happened in years."
"Because the tournament hasn't happened in years!" Hermione replied in a shrill tone.
"Dumbledore said that there'll be restrictions, Hermione," Harry said calmly, in an attempt to soothe the panicked girl, "The organizers will keep people from dying."
"That's beside the point!" Hermione exclaimed, "A tournament that has resulted in the death of students shouldn't be revived, no matter what the reason!"
"Come off it," Ron said dismissively, "People die in sports, right? Not just Quidditch, but those Muggle sports too. That doesn't stop anyone from enjoying those games."
"That is not-"
"Don't argue, Hermione."
Hermione stared at Ron with an odd expression, prompting the redhead to ask what was up with her.
"I just expected you to say, 'Don't question it, Hermione'," she said.
"If it'll make you feel better," Ron stated before saying with a smirk, "Don't question it, Hermione."
"Prat…"
Hermione remained dogged in her attempts to make Harry see sense and complain about what that foul Umbridge woman was doing to him during his detentions. She looked at Ron with approval when he joined her in trying to persuade Harry. But their best friend remained irritatingly stubborn.
"I won't have her see me complain," Harry stated yet again once they made it back to their Common Room.
"Harry, can't you see?" Hermione said pleadingly, "If you tell Dumbledore or McGonagall about this, then…then we can be rid of Umbridge!"
"How the bloody hell will that get rid of her?" Ron asked.
"The use of Blood Quills is illegal, Ron," Hermione explained, "If we bring this up to one of the professors, then we can get Umbridge in trouble. And I'm certain that she's used them on some other students, so I'm sure that-"
"Hermione, you do remember that the Ministry hates me, right?" Harry responded.
"Harry, you do remember we have two Aurors and one retired Auror on our side, right?" Hermione shot back in a similar tone, "If we make sure that one of them finds out, then-"
"It won't work," Harry stated moodily.
"You won't even consider it!" Hermione said.
"Because it won't work."
Hermione made a sound of fury before turning to storm off into the girls' dorms. She glared at Ron, who shrunk back at the gaze.
"Don't you dare say, 'Don't question it, Hermione'," she hissed before she left.
"How the hell was I supposed to say that? That wouldn't have made any sense!"
Harry, Ron, and Hermione went over their new schedules with each other, glad to have mostly similar schedules. As the boys continued to complain about Snape being the new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor, Hermione was suddenly reminded of something that had bothered her for a couple years now.
"Don't you guys feel that Muggle Studies should have been mandatory for those not raised in the Muggle world?" Hermione asked her two best friends.
Well, one was her best friend and the other was the boy she was head over heels for, but he could be such a prat that there was no way that she would make the first move!
"What are you on about now, Hermione?" Ron asked.
Case in point.
"Try to use your brain, Ron," Hermione sighed, "So many witches and wizards have had close calls with breaking the Decree of Secrecy because of a lack of knowledge of the Muggle world. There are those who will exclaim loudly over a mundane object or not know how to handle basic tools and currency."
Hermione gave Ron a look, wondering if he remembered his first phone call to Harry's house, which he had told her had not ended well.
"Well, not everyone would pay attention in that class, Hermione," Harry said, giving a pointed look at several Slytherins.
"So?" Hermione retorted, "Ron barely pays attention in any class and he's somehow done well for himself."
"Hey!" Ron said, looking at Hermione with an offended expression.
"But that's not the point!" Hermione continued as Ron grumbled, "The point is, it would be much easier for people to follow the Decree of Secrecy if they are actually taught about basic stuff that most Muggles know. It would also help them to stand out less when around Muggles."
"Well…She does make sense…" Ron said slowly, causing Hermione to beam at him, making his ears turn a dark red.
"But would anyone bother to change the curriculum?" Harry asked.
"No way," Ron responded immediately.
"But, it would make things easier!" Hermione stated.
"Doesn't matter," Ron said with a shrug.
"Yeah, I don't it'll change anytime soon, if ever," Harry added.
"But-"
"Don't-" Ron began.
"-question it, Hermione!" Hermione shouted out of frustration, "I know!"
"Miss Granger, please don't shout," McGonagall said in a tone that showed that she was disappointed over having to scold Hermione of all people.
"What? But I-I mean…Yes, ma'am…"
It had been nearly a week since the Battle of Hogwarts had ended. Hermione, Harry, and Ron were at Hogwarts, helping out with cleaning and repairs, alongside several other volunteers. Hermione was quite glad that she and Ron had finally resolved the romantic tension between them ad were now going out.
"Ron, I have a question," Hermione started as the two of them were clearing rubble from corridor, Harry having gone to help Ginny in another end of the castle.
"What's that?" Ron replied as he grinned at his girlfriend.
"How were you able to copy Parseltongue well enough to open the Chamber of Secrets?"
Ron paused and actually looked rather thoughtful as he considered her question.
"I…just did…" he said after a minute.
"Really, Ron?" Hermione said amusedly, "That's the only reason you have?"
"I can't think of anything else," Ron said defensively, "I remembered what Harry had said to the locket, I used at the sink, it worked."
"How could you even remember what Harry had said after everything we went through after that?" Hermione asked, "And after hearing it only once too?"
"I can remember things better than you think," Ron responded.
"And you can also differentiate between snake noises?" Hermione asked with a raised brow, "Snake hisses all sound alike to me."
Hermione and Ron shared a look before a smile formed on both of their faces.
"Don't question it, Hermione?" she said.
"Don't question it, Hermione," Ron agreed.
And so she didn't.
Done! I hope you found this amusing in some way. Please don't get offended people. I specifically stated that this was a parody for a reason. I love the series and all, but I wanted to just put this up. I hope you enjoyed it!
Please read and review!