"Well, Stubbles, it's just you and me again!"

Kurt cursed under his breath. They were at a "charity" dance in a huge mansion, which was actually a cover for the selling of classified FBI documents that had gotten into the wrong hands. Rich had been invited to the event by an old friend of his, Jason Sterling, who just happened to be the guy who was selling the documents. Of course, now that Rich was a "changed man" (or so he said), he'd given the event's details to the team, saying that it was just a favour. But his favour had one condition: he needed to be there too, and he would only go ywith his favourite couple.

So, Kurt reluctantly put on his tux and Jane stepped out in a gorgeous floor-length dress that left him speechless. Kurt warned Rich before they stepped into the car that if he put one toe out of line, he'd send him straight back to prison. But Rich had an answer ready for him.

"Oh, don't worry about me, my little munchkin, I'll be on my best behaviour".

Originally, Jane was going to be posing as Rich's date, with Kurt pretending to be Rich's bodyguard - or "eye candy", as Rich had slyly put it. But midway through the dance, Jane had a brainwave to go and flirt with Sterling, to see if she could get on his good side. So now, Jane was off to flirt with another man, and Kurt was stuck with Rich. It was like his worst nightmare had come true.

Standing over at the bar, Rich attempted to tuck his arm into Kurt's, but he shrugged him off.

"You're Jane's date, not mines, remember?" he growled.

"Okay, okay", Rich backed off, rolling his eyes. "Man, you haven't lightened up at all, have you? I thought once you'd caught Shepherd that you'd come out of your tightly wounded shell, but you haven't at all!"

Kurt didn't even glance down at Rich. His lips stayed in a straight line, his body rigid. He willed Jane to come back and save him.

Rich gestured grandly towards the bar. "Shall we have a drink then?"

Kurt sighed. "I guess so, there's nothing better to do". Plus, he thought, a few glasses of bourbon would probably help him tolerate Rich a little better.

They hopped up on the bar stools, Rich ordering a martini and Kurt ordering a bourbon. Rich leaned his elbow against the counter. "So, what's up with you and Janie, then? Please tell me you've made some progress. I'm sick of waiting for you kids to get your act together".

Kurt exhaled and pinched the bridge of his nose. Hurry up Jane. Hurry up dammit.

He and Jane had been dating for a little over a month. They'd started seeing each other right after they'd confessed their feelings and slept together. However, they didn't want everyone on their backs straight away, so they'd decided to keep it quiet for a little bit, just so they could figure things out first. No one else knew about them, aside from Tasha, Patterson and Reade. And Kurt wasn't about to tell Rich, especially when they were on open comms. It was bad enough that Kurt's first "I love you" was heard by the entirety of SIOC, so he definitely didn't need Rich's overdramatic responses to be heard as well.

"No," he gruffed, "we're just friends. Colleagues".

"Oh, c'mon," Rich exasperated, "you guys are more than that! The sexual tension between you two is off the charts. I mean, I still enjoy it, but it would be so much better if you guys were actually a thing".

Kurt winced at Rich's comments. "Rich-"

"No seriously," Rich continued, blatantly ignoring Kurt. "It's a disgrace to humanity that you guys aren't together yet! I mean, your chemistry together when I first met you two was good enough to fool me, so there's obviously something between you. Just figure it out, that's all I'm asking. For example-"

"Please don't give examples," Kurt begged through gritted teeth. "The comms are still on, you idiot".

"Fine, fine," Rich said dramatically. "But don't call me the idiot. That's like the pot calling the kettle black".

"I'm not an idiot," Kurt muttered. He looked behind him to see if he could see Jane. Seeing her always managed to calm him somehow, even in these sorts of situations. His eyes immediately found her; she was standing next to a huge window that had expensive-looking drapes, and she had her hand on Sterling's arm, laughing at something he'd said. Her eyes crinkled as she laughed, and Kurt instantly felt an inkling of jealousy, even though he knew perfectly well that she was faking the whole thing. For a split second, she looked over at him and gave him the tiniest nod, as if to say I'm okay. He decided to take her word for it, and reluctantly turned back to Rich, who had been watching him gawk at Jane the whole time.

"Sure, yeah, you're not an idiot," Rich chuckled, sipping his martini. "C'mon, could you be more in love with her? Seriously, Stubbles, it's actually getting on my nerves".

"Mine too," Kurt muttered, and then almost choked on his bourbon when he realised what he'd said.

And Rich nearly choked on his martini.

"Wait, what?!" Rich exclaimed. "Did you just say-? You love-?"

"No, no, I didn't say anything," Kurt flustered, trying to throw Rich off the trace. But his attempts were a failure.

"Oh sweet mother, are you guys together?" Rich whispered excitedly, his eyes almost popping out of his head.

"No," Kurt growled, rubbing his eyes. "We're not-"

"You are!" Rich squealed. "Aw look, your cheeks are going red! That's adorable".

"My cheeks are not red, and we are not together!" Kurt yelled just a little too loudly.

Everyone in the ballroom turned their heads to look at him. Rich had to stop himself from laughing. Jane glanced over at Kurt and Rich with a confused look on her face. She politely excused herself from Sterling and made her way over to them.

"What the hell is going on?" she whispered, looking from Kurt to Rich.

"Janie, I believe congratulations are in order!" Rich teased.

"Yeah, I got the flash drive!" She pulled out the tiny stick from her clutch bag, a small smile on her lips. "I just kept him chatting so I could slip my hand into his coat pocket, take the flash drive and replace it with our fake one. Not bad, eh?"

Kurt smiled back at her. "Good job, Jane".

"No, no, I wasn't on about that," Rich sighed, "although that is an achievement! What I meant was, congratulations on you two finally hooking up! I swear, that wait was like waiting for Leonardo DiCaprio to finally win an Oscar".

Kurt buried his face in his hands, while Jane's mouth fell open slightly in shock. "Wha-… we're… we're not…"

"Oh, sweetie," Rich chuckled, "you don't have to do the whole lying thing. Stubbles has already done that, and I must say, he did a terrible job. For an FBI agent, you're a pretty bad liar, Kurt!"

Jane was speechless. She just looked over at Kurt, prising his hands away from his face.

"How did he..?" she asked, unable to finish the question.

"I accidentally muttered that I'm in love with you, and Rich unfortunately heard me," he sighed, his face a contorted mixture of guilt, shame and disbelief.

"And now the whole of SIOC knows we're dating," Jane half-laughed, burying her face into Kurt's shoulder.

Kurt smoothed down her hair, unable to resist laughing with her. "Oh well, I guess they were going to find out at some point. Right?"

Jane pulled back to look at him. "Right," she agreed, squeezing his hand gently. "Do you wanna get out of here? You know, before Sterling finds out what I've done?"

"Yes, let's go," Kurt replied immediately, desperation in his voice.

"No no no!" Rich interjected. "Can we not stay and have a drink? Now that you two are official, it's my duty to know all the details - first kiss, first time you guys had sex, first-"

"No!" Jane and Kurt said in unison. "We're leaving. Now."

"Okay, fine!" Rich conceded, as Kurt tugged Rich off of his stool whilst keeping his hand intertwined with Jane's. "But on the way back, I expect details. And I mean, lots of details".