Author's Note: I wrote this awhile ago, not sure what it was. But now I realize just how perfectly it fits in during New Moon, when Bella is consumed by grief for Edward. This takes place during those pages when all it says on it is the month. It is a highly depressing series of letters that will never be read, from Bella to Edward.

I do not own any characters in the world of Twilight, nor do I own any part of the saga.

I have nothing else to say, so enjoy!

# 1

Edward,

You're gone.

I always knew that this day would come, the day when you'd leave me. But now that it has, I can barely breathe from the pain of your departure. I can not bear to tell you how much I miss you, because something deep inside my heart tells me that it would hurt you.

I'm trying to be strong, my love. Truly, I am trying. Trying with all my might. But sometimes the pain is unbearable. Sometimes the hole in my heart hurts so much that I think I'm dying. I need you. More than you could ever know. I have always needed you.

But I am just one person, an ordinary human at that. Nothing special about me. You should do what you believe best for your family. I'm not so stupid and selfish that I can't see that.

But sometimes, when I realize that I am not dreaming, this reality tears me apart.

Hopefully you will never find this letter. I doubt that you will since you are most likely never coming back, but I just…I can't let you find this. I can't bear to let you know the pain that this causes me. How there's a gaping hole in my chest that won't stop bleeding until you come back to me. Alive. I don't know what I would do if it were only your ashes that came back to me. It would kill me. The thought is too horrible to even think about. I mustn't dwell on that, or I might go insane with worry.

I love you so much. Too much.

It's not fair. How can the world be so cruel to you? You were just beginning to be happy in life. I can't imagine what this must do to you.

Writing this down- even though no one will ever know what I it says besides me- helps me deal with your betrayal. The paper can absorb the pain, the worry.

Maybe I can get through this.

I await your return in a world of constant rain that will only cease to fall with the arrival of the light. With your return, the world will once again be a beautiful sunny paradise. And I'll be a stronger woman than the one you left, the one who practically begged for you to stay.

I'll love you forever.

Bella