So I'm supposed to be studying for my upcoming ACLS exams on Monday, but I just feel like I have to write this oneshot first!
If Tomorrow Never Comes
(Based on the song: 'If Tomorrow Never Comes', by Ronan Keating)
Sometimes late at night If tomorrow never comes 'Cause I've lost loved ones in my life If tomorrow never comes So tell that someone that you love
I lie awake and watch her sleeping
She's lost in peaceful dreams
So I turn out the lights and lay there in the dark
And the thought crosses my mind
If I never wake up in the morning
Would she ever doubt the way I feel
About her in my heart
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face this world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes
Who never knew how much I loved them
Now I live with the regret
That my true feelings for them never were revealed
So I made a promise to myself
To say each day how much she means to me
And avoid that circumstance
Where there's no second chance to tell her how I feel
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face this world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes
Just what you're thinking of
If tomorrow never comes
Derek's POV
6 months after the shooting
It is in the middle of the night, and the entire neighbourhood is asleep. It is silent, except for the occasional car passing by and the occasional shouts of drunken teenagers returning from their Saturday night romp at the bar.
For some reason, I just cannot sleep. Hot milk, which usually works as an excellent sedative, doesn't work for me tonight.
I turn over in the bed for the umpteenth time. The person next to me sighs softly and stirs. She turns over so that her back is now facing me, and her soft curls brush across my face.
I prop up on my elbows and look down at her peacefully sleeping face. She looks even more beautiful than ever in this resting state, if that is at all possible.
She just has to ruin the beautiful moment by letting out a soft snore, which turned into a snort. I snicker to myself. I remember that night when she left earplugs on my side of the bed after I told her that she snores. That is my Meredith, always taking things to heart. How is it possible that she looks so beautiful even when she snores?
I feel a sudden sharp pain radiating through my chest. It lasts for about 10 seconds, before subsiding. When the pain subsides, I take in a deep breath. I know it's most probably musculoskeletal, probably due to one of my injured ribs, due to the sharp nature of the pain. However, there is still a nagging feeling behind my mind that it might be a cardiac cause. No, I try to shake this feeling off my head. The last time Teddy checked on me, which was yesterday, she said that my heart is now doing totally fine, my heart rate has gone back to normal, although the ECG still showed slight atrial fibrillation, but that's ok.
Suddenly, this thought comes through my mind. What if tomorrow never comes? What if I suddenly die from a heart attack tonight? What would become of Meredith? Will she ever know how much I loved her?
I have this sudden urge to tell her exactly how I feel about her. Should I write it down on a piece of paper and keep it in a drawer for her to discover and read when I'm gone? Or should I try to compose a song for her? Or just tell her right now, in the hope that she'll hear what I've to say in her dreams?
I recall our very first meeting at Joe's. Mer was sitting alone at the bar, sipping her glass tequila, her favourite. There was something about her that stood out from the other women. I couldn't put my finger down on what exactly it was then. There was something about her which intrigued me, which caused me to walk right up to her and start a conversation with her and ask her about her story.
'I'm just a girl in a bar. No story.' she had said.
But it was still enough for us to end up sleeping with each other that night itself, which, I have to say, was magical. (Please don't tell her I said that, she would be embarrassed!)
The next day, I had awoken to an empty and silent house. Mer had gone to work earlier, not wanting to be late on her first day of work at Seattle Grace. I took the time to shower, soaking in the smell of the lavender shampoo, and resisting the temptation of opening her drawers to check for any signs of another male staying in the house.
And of course, we had to meet in the hospital. To tell the truth, I was actually elated, almost ecstatic when I discovered that she was also going to be working in this hospital.
My many attempts of asking her out had resulted in her refusing them all. But that only made her hotter and sexier in my opinion.
Life was blissful for a while when she finally accepted me.
Of course my ex-wife Addison had to ruin it all by appearing in Seattle Grace. Mer was upset, understandably, but she handled it so well, I was so proud of her. And mad at myself. The times when she told me that she felt inferior to Addison , I wish I could tell her that no, that's not true at all, she is greater than Addison. But I didn't.
And that fateful night, when she told me 'Pick me. Choose me. Love me.' But I purposely delayed my time, as I was too scared to choose. How I wish she had seen me appearing at the bar hours later, after she left. I should have told her that I chose her!
That time when she almost got struck to pieces by a bomb in a patient's chest cavity. I wish I could've been there for her, hugging her and telling her that it will be ok, instead of being in the next room operating on Bailey's husband and not being able to leave the room.
The time when she drowned, I should've been there with her, I should've jumped into the water immediately after she fell in it, and saved her immediately. Her pale and lifeless appearance when I pulled her out of the water will haunt my mind forever. I really thought that I had lost her then. If she had indeed died that day, she would never have known that I really do love her and care about her.
I remember the House of Candles, how she stood in the middle of it, angry with me for letting her wait for so long. I should've hugged her close and tight there and then, and told her that yes, someday we would built our dream house, just like this one, except better. And how she still refused to leave my trailer when I batted her engagement ring into the woods, saying 'Is that all you've got?' I should've apologized to her right away.
But all these just showed how great and strong a woman she is.
I can see how great a friend she is, to Cristina- who always comes to her for advise and girl talk. And to Izzie, who she accepted as a housemate, and who she comforted when Denny and George died. How she was the rock that held them all together during the LVAD incident, when George died, and when everyone was traumatized after the shooting. How she told everyone that everything was going to be fine, that they will fight this together when the Mercy Westers invaded, (I heard this from Alex) how she told me everything was going to be fine when I was still lying weak on the hospital bed, when she was still miscarrying our baby. She didn't even tell me about it until much later. How great a sister she is, donating her liver to Tatcher, even though he abandoned her from young, just for Lexie. How she held Lexie in her arms as her sister cried and cried for hours, blaming herself for the shooting, a few weeks after the shooting and I found them both in the supply closet in the same position hours later. Lexie had just discovered that she was pregnant so soon after the incident, and was having a nervous breakdown. And Mer, although she could've been jealous about her sister when she had just lost her own baby, was there for her.
Mer stirs some more, and lets out another soft snore. My eyes travel down from her beautiful face to her beautiful body. And I stare at her belly, where the most amazing transformation is taking place.
That night 2 months ago, I returned home for work with Lexie, to discover that my Mer had actually cooked a whole steak dinner by herself, although she seldom cooks. When she passed me the gift and asked me to open it, and I opened it to reveal the big bold letters, I loved her more than life itself.
The gradual changes her body is currently going through amazes me as well. Her breasts are now fuller, her hips are broader. And just this morning, she complained that she couldn't fit into her current pair of jeans any longer. This evening, after dinner, she confessed to me her innermost fears, that she would become a crappy mother just like her own mother was. I should've told her that no, she was going to be the most amazing mother ever! Instead, my response was' Who told you so?' I could see that she was a little taken aback by the response, and decided to change topic.
Now, I am suddenly worried that if tomorrow never comes, I would never have the chance to say all this things to her. How much I love her, how much she means to me. And how strong, extraordinary, capable and amazing a woman she is.
I move closer to her sleeping form and kiss her shoulder. She unconsciously shifts her position, so that she is now facing me. I kiss her cheeks and lips gently and say
' I love you Mer, so much. You're an amazing person, I'm so blessed to have met someone like you. I'm so glad that you belong to me.'
My hands then move to her abdomen where the slight buldge reminds me that our unborn child is currently safely nestled inside. 'Daddy loves you too' I whisper.
I then turn back to my side of the bed, feeling like a heavy burden has been lifted from my chest. Somehow, I just knew that she had heard every single word I said. And I can somehow feel her eyes flutter open beside me and her lips carving the beautiful smile that I've always loved.
My eyelids are now feeling droopy and I can feel sleep overcoming me. Even if I don't wake up tomorrow, even if tomorrow never comes, she now knows how much I love her.
I hope you like it! =) If yes, please don't forget to comment and review! Reviews mean a lot to me!