Title: Five memos Adam Brody left in various places on the Destiny
Author: Shenandoah Risu
Rating: PG-13
Content Flags: utterly mundane stuff - like showers, toilets, stills, water dispensers and command chairs
Spoilers: vague hints to events up to early Season 2
Characters: Adam Brody, the Destiny Crew
Word Count: 900
Summary: Five memos that are too short for a summary.
Author's Notes: Written for prompt set #129 at the LJ Comm sg1_five_things. Memo 2 was written for the LJ Comm Stargateland.
Disclaimer: I don't own SGU. I wouldn't know what to do with it. Now, Young... Young I'd know what to do with. ;-)
Thanks for reading! Feedback = Love. ;-)
oOo
Five memos Adam Brody left in various places on the Destiny
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To: everyone who takes a shower here
From: Adam Brody
Yo, dirty people,
Have you noticed we don't have custodians here? Just because it's not your turn to clean the showers doesn't mean you can walk in here and make like Conan the Barbarian. We all like to be clean but that means the dirty stuff comes off you, and since these showers don't use running water, your dirt STAYS. That's what the vacuum is for. Yep, those big metal tubes you're looking at right now. Yank on the hose at the bottom, suck up your nasties and – presto! Clean shower!
I've hidden a kino in this room where you'll never find it. So if you don't clean up after yourself, guess who'll have purple sweet potato juice in their NEXT shower!
Sincerely,
Adam Brody
PS: trust me, that purple stuff will let everyone on board know you're a slob.
PPS: Just ask Riley.
PPPS: Bless your fuzzy little heart, Riley. We miss you and your pranks.
To: all current residents of Destiny (ex-Lucian Alliance - that means you, too!)
From: Adam Brody
Folks,
This is the toilet closest to the Control Interface room. This means it's for Control Interface Room personnel ONLY. We slave away in here day in and out, and when nature calls we need access quickly. There are plenty of other bathrooms on this tub, so if you need an extended session, go find another one. DO NOT PARK HERE. Unless your name is Eli, Rush, Volker, Brody, Ginn, Lisa or Riley, or you are a body-swapped science advisor from Earth, do NOT enter this facility.
Anyone caught defying this rule will have an UNPLEASANT morning after their next visit to my still.
Sincerely,
Adam Brody
PS: High-ranking military personnel (Colonel or above) and medical staff are exempted from the rule and welcome to use this potty should the need arise.
PPS: Also exempt is Airman Dunning who kindly fixes the damn thing several times a week.
PPPS: Franklin - you, too, can haunt the loo at your leisure. We miss you.
To: all you boozers out there (you, too, Varro, despite the fact that you apparently have Kevlar intestines)
From: Adam Brody
Fellow liquor aficionados,
A word of warning: this stuff is STRONG. If you could drink anyone under the table back on Earth my booze will teach you that you are not immune to the effects of alcohol. Please enjoy it in moderation – no more than one finger's width high in a mug. Give it an hour or so and if you're still standing then, you can try one more. If you chuck it faster than that you WILL scrape your own stomach lining off the walls the next morning and TJ will make you personally stuff it back inside yourself.
Anyone passing out in the still room will experience the full horror of my special Betty Ford closet. You do NOT want to be next in there.
Sincerely,
Adam Brody
PS: Don't try to drown your troubles. See Ms Wray if you're tempted.
PPS: Because your problems will still be there once you sober up AND you'll have a hangover to boot.
PPPS: We're out of the pink stuff, so your stomach is on its own.
To: everyone who eats or drinks on this tub (that means you too, Leftover Water-Guzzling Sand Bugs)
From: Adam Brody
Fellow water-based creatures,
We haven't had to restrict water consumption here in a while now, but that does not mean you can waste it. Granted, the water dispenser hoses DO look like penises (whatever the Ancients thought about when they designed those things we'll never know for sure), but rubbing and pulling on them does NOT make the water come out faster. Having "Point and Shoot" contests while moaning at the top of your lungs is not only juvenile but also extremely wasteful. Do not under any circumstances restrict the water flow and then let it go to see if you can hit the wall across the room.
Yes, Eli has kino footage of it all.
Sincerely,
Adam Brody
PS: I know it's not just guys.
PPS: And guys, just because you can't do it doesn't mean you have to make the water dispenser do it.
PPPS: Congrats to the person who managed to get it halfway down the corridor. You're seriously twisted. Maybe you should take up knitting or something.
To: all visitors to the Bridge
From: Adam Brody
Peeps,
This is the Command Chair. It may look comfy but if you sit here the ship will expect you to do something more than fart in it. So unless you're in command of something, don't plant your butt in this chair. We all have a lot of work to do and sometimes we need access to command systems in a hurry. Trained Bridge personnel knows what all the buttons, sliders and dials do but you don't, so keep your mitts to yourself and stay clear.
Sincerely,
Adam Brody
PS: Nobody looks better in this chair than Colonel Young.
PPS: If he calls you Captain Kirk, feel free to sit here until some alarm goes off.
PPPS: Ghostified spouses, ascended former colleagues, Destiny avatars and hallucinations can sit here whenever they want to because there's not a damn thing we can do about it anyway.
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Thanks for reading! A comment or feedback would be lovely!
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