Disclaimer: Characters do not belong to us. They belong to BioWare and any other creators of the Mass Effect universe. We do this for free, fun entertainment and do not mean to offend anyone.
Rating/Warning: This story is going to be rated MA (mature) for a sexual relationship involving two women. If such a relationship doesn't suit your tastes, I would suggest not reading this piece.
A/N: This was a story written last January, but we missed Christmas so we're posting it this year. This first chapter doesn't have any sexual content, but it does have some inappropriate humor. Most of all, please enjoy.
Secret Santa
Chapter 1
Shepard kept her impeccable military bearing until she strode through the entryway of her cabin and heard the door whoosh closed behind her, but then she felt her shoulders begin to sag a little. She could physically fight against pirates, slavers, or hordes of geth for hours on end with barely a hint of fatigue, but put her in a room where she had to answer to bureaucracy and her own military chain of command for any length of time, and her energy drained quickly. Life as a soldier was hard, but it was the kind of work that Shepard knew she was suited for; she just hated having to justify many of her actions to people who had no true knowledge of what her crew went through on a daily basis.
Still, her contact with the Council was a new part of her life as the first human SpecTRe and she needed to get used to it. Shepard knew it was for the good of everyone that she continued to honor the duties of her new position, and all the trying responsibilities that came along with it. She and her crew had been running from one end of the galaxy to the other, taking care of this problem and that, with the Alliance perhaps taking advantage of finally having a SpecTRe in their ranks, and Shepard knew everyone on the Normandy was growing a little weary.
Shepard's attention was drawn from her inner reveries by the sight of a seasonally wrapped gift lying square in the middle of her perfectly made bed. A small smile tugged her tired lips upwards, and she felt a little lighter as she realized that her plan to boost morale might well be working. It had been nearly two weeks ago, while the Normandy had been on its way back to the Citadel for a few minor but necessary repairs, that Shepard had decided to raise the crew's spirits by suggesting they indulge in a little holiday cheer, as it was getting closer to December 25th.
She had run through a bunch of possibilities in her mind, and eventually decided that a Secret Santa gift exchange would be the most fun, and easy for everyone since they would only have to buy for one other crewmember. So, she had called the crew together and tossed the idea out there. After Joker's comment that he usually celebrated Hanukkah, but wasn't particularly picky as long as he got gifts, the humans on her crew had tried to give a general description of what Christmas was and who Santa was to everyone unfamiliar with the decidedly human holiday.
The reactions from the non-human crewmembers had been positive - everyone liked getting presents, it seemed, no matter what the excuse. Shepard had fielded several questions about Santa from Wrex, tried to explain the concept of stockings to Tali, and warned Liara that humans traditionally kissed under a plant called mistletoe, and she would do well to avoid it. She even showed the asari a picture on the extranet. Although she didn't want to admit it, the idea of anyone else kissing Liara made her stomach feel funny. She had a horrible crush on the shy archaeologist, and she thought maybe Liara returned her feelings, but was too afraid to either confirm or deny her suspicions once and for all.
Unfortunately, Liara wasn't the only one who seemed to be interested in her. She had subtly tried to deflect Kaidan's advances, but he didn't seem to be getting her subtle hints, and she didn't want to destroy their rapport by calling him out on it. Instead, she pretended to misinterpret and ignore his statements. Garrus spent an awful lot of time around her unnecessarily as well, and although Shepard liked to think that they were friends, she occasionally wondered if he wanted something more. Even Ashley Williams seemed to admire her more than necessary. In another life, Shepard might have even tried her luck with the Gunnery Chief, but lately, all her thoughts had been wrapped up in Liara. It was becoming a real problem.
With a sigh, Shepard picked up her gift, which was bedecked in green and pink hanar wrapping paper. Whoever her Secret Santa was, they had done a neat job of wrapping. It was a box shape, nothing unusual, and the medium sized package held no clues as to its contents. "Well, there's only one way to find out, I guess..." Shepard said with a gleeful grin, tearing the hanar paper and opening the box in a very childlike manner.
A few seconds later, she dropped it onto the bed as though she had been burned. "Oh my God!" With wide eyes, she stared down at the box, which had tipped over onto its side, sending the main item inside bouncing out onto the mattress. Even though her present was still in its protective plastic coating, Shepard was afraid to touch it. And she had absolutely no idea who would have gotten her a gift like this.
Shepard wasn't usually a prude when it came to sex, and she had certainly seen a strap-on before – hell, she had even used a few in her day – but she had not been expecting this sort of gift from any of her crew members. Still stunned, Shepard finally noticed the pristine white card that had fluttered away from the package as she'd dropped it unceremoniously onto the bed. She reached out and picked it up, wondering who's ass she would be making miserable in the near future for giving her such a present – although Shepard was at least pleased that she hadn't been made a laughing stock in front of the entire crew, since her Secret Santa had left this particular 'gift' in her quarters instead of the mess.
Staring down at the short, unsigned note, her jaw dropped even more as she read the provocative words written in clear black type. 'Just a little something I imagine we could appreciate together. I will be waiting for you in my quarters at zero hundred hours on December 25th. Perhaps we can enjoy your present together.' There was no signature and absolutely no clue as to who had written the note, since it had obviously been printed from a terminal instead of handwritten, and Shepard was nowhere near good enough with techie stuff to figure out which terminal it had printed from let alone who might have printed it.
Shepard couldn't stop her mind from immediately picturing the scenario she most wanted, and lost herself for a moment to the fantasy. It would just be too good to be true if Liara had been the one to send the strap-on and the note. Shepard had fantasized about making love with Liara an unhealthy number of times and she was slightly embarrassed to admit that in many of those fantasies, she was strapped while doing it.
However, it wasn't long before Shepard shook herself out of that fantasy, realizing that it just didn't seem like Liara to be so bold. But that still didn't stop a little ember of hope from burning in her chest. Shepard took a deep breath to clear her scattered thoughts and reached out for the discarded box. She studied it through the clear plastic cover and observed that technology really must be advancing by leaps and bounds, because this was nothing like the models she had used before. Granted, Shepard hadn't used one since her days at the Academy, mostly because she'd been too busy since then to commit to more than a quick liaison to take the edge off her lust.
It was a fleshy pink color, slightly darker than her own skin tone, and rather intimidating in both length and girth. Shepard hoped that it could be adjusted. She flipped the clear packaging over to stare at the description on the back, snorting at the title of the 'how to use' section, because seriously, who didn't know how to use one of these? Liara, her mind answered sadly, and Shepard felt her stomach sink as she realized that the archaeologist would probably be the last person on her crew to get her this gift. Liara was shy, inexperienced, and since she came from a race of all-female aliens - monogendered aliens, Shepard automatically corrected herself, even though she still couldn't stop her brain from interpreting asari bodies as female - she probably had no idea what a strap-on was, and no interest in using one. Still, Shepard couldn't quite smother the small flame of hope in her heart...
But if Liara wasn't her Secret Santa, then who was? Someone on this ship obviously wanted her to fuck them, and she wanted to find out who, if only to let them know that nothing would come of it. Her first thought was Ashley - human, female, seemingly interested in her. But Ashley looked and carried herself in a very dominant way, so she probably wouldn't... Shepard suddenly realized that the person who had bought her this gift might expect her to be on the receiving end, and her eyes bugged out. She dropped the package back on the bed. It wasn't something she fantasized about on a regular basis, but she wouldn't have minded if Liara asked...
"Damn it," Shepard muttered to herself, frustrated that she couldn't prevent her thoughts from constantly returning to Liara. It had to be someone else. Perhaps Ashley enjoyed being on the receiving end, and she was reading this all wrong. It could have been from someone else. There were other females on the ship. Tali, for example. And she was much more extroverted than Liara. She also came from a race with males, so the concept of a dick couldn't be completely foreign to her. Sometimes, it seemed like Tali was flirting with her during their talks in the engine room or when they went on missions together, but she acted that way around everyone. Perhaps she was just really, really friendly.
Shepard picked up the package again, curious despite her misgivings, and started scanning the description more closely. The words 'color and size adjustable' made her sigh with relief, because she really couldn't imagine Liara taking this thing as it looked now... "Liara didn't send it," she said aloud, hoping that hearing the words would convince her. She didn't want to be disappointed when she found out it was from Ashley, or Tali, or... What if it wasn't from a woman at all? What if it was from one of her male crewmembers? That was entirely possible. They weren't the majority – at least of the men Shepard had known in her life – but some guys liked to be dominated, and many of them liked anal. Shepard slapped her forehead with her free hand and groaned. What if it was Kaidan? He obviously wanted to get in her pants, but would he do something like this? What if he was a crossdresser, too? Or in to some seriously kinky shit she had never even imagined? Not that there was anything wrong with that, but she didn't want to be involved.
Kaidan wasn't the only guy on the ship. The present could have come from Garrus or Wrex. Somehow, she doubted it was Wrex, but the thought of having sex with Wrex - with him on the bottom - was so startling that it actually made her choke on air for a moment. That would definitely explain the size of the thing. Liara's slender hips would probably have difficulty with a toy of this size unless she scaled it down, but Wrex could probably take the default size no problem. Then Shepard realized that she was imagining fucking a male krogan in the ass and the relative ease with which it could be done, and wondered if there was a procedure for erasing one's memories besides drinking copious amounts of ryncol.
Shaking her head in the futile attempt to clear the disturbing mental images she had conjured up, Shepard decided that the only thing that would help her now was to search out whoever had sent her this toy and either join them in a laugh before killing them – or at least seriously maiming them – or tell them that it was never going to happen, because she wasn't interested in getting involved with one of her crew members. The only crew member that Shepard might break her own rule for was Liara, and for the first time that day, Shepard welcomed the pleasant mental images that came to mind as she thought about how great it could be between the two of them, since it purged those previous, nausea-inducing scenarios about her other team members out of her mind.
Aware that any member of her crew could access her cabin while she was away, Shepard stashed the gift in a drawer and set out to start her investigation. Her first stop was the cockpit to see Joker, knowing that if he'd given her the present, then at least she wouldn't have to worry about it being a real proposition of some sort. Joker was a good guy, but a little sick with his humor occasionally – something that Shepard was willing to put up with because he was the best damn pilot she had ever flown with, and because he'd never overstepped his bounds, although this would come pretty close.
"What can I do for you, Commander?" Joker asked as she walked up beside him, keeping one eye on the screens in front of him while devoting some attention to his commanding officer.
Shepard didn't sense anything out of the ordinary with his acknowledgement – no childish snickering like he'd pulled a fast one on his boss and gotten away with it – just business as usual while he was at the helm. "I was hoping to get your input on how you think this Secret Santa project is working out," she said, trying to keep her tone nonchalant.
Joker shrugged. "For those of us who grew up with Christmas, I think it's a little bit of nostalgia that we might not have known we were missing until you brought it back up. And I think the other races are embracing it in the spirit of things. It's fun sneaking around to try and find the perfect gift. For example, I know Tali's into engines and mechanics and things, but what could I get her after she's already seen the amazing drive core that the Normandy has? I mean, I'm sure she'd love to know the specifics of how it was built, but I'm not too keen on getting my ass court martialed for handing out top secret, confidential information to an alien race. So I had to chat up Engineer Adams, since he spends so much more time with her, and he was happy to help me think up a great gift idea for her."
"So, you're Tali's Secret Santa?" Shepard asked, unsure whether she was disappointed or elated. On the one hand, if Joker hadn't gotten her the strap-on as a gag gift, Kaidan, Wrex, Ashley, Tali, and everyone else on the ship were still open possibilities, which meant she was in for a lot of awkward conversations. On the other hand, it meant that Liara could have... She shook her head, frowning as she tried to push those thoughts from her mind. If she kept thinking about Liara and her new gift, she wouldn't be able to carry on a conversation with anyone.
"Yep," Joker said proudly. "Got her an awesome gift, too, if I do say so myself."
"Is she the only one you got a gift for?"
Joker looked slightly perplexed by the question. "Uh, Commander, I thought you said to limit ourselves to just one gift so that no one felt obligated? Buying for the whole crew would take more credits than any of us have."
Shepard rubbed the back of her neck, hoping her awkwardness wasn't showing on her face. "Ah. Right, then. I did say that. Just... making sure. You wouldn't happen to know who my Secret Santa is, would you? You know, overheard any Mess Hall gossip?"
For a moment, Joker looked confused. Then, his face split in a grin. "Maybe, maybe not. Did you get an interesting present, Commander?"
Shepard knew that the guilty look on her face made denying everything impossible. Instead, she opted for silence, which, unfortunately, was just as incriminating to Joker as an admission. "What was it? A copy of Fornax and some cheap booze? A porn vid? Vaenia, even? Anal beads?"
"I am not telling you what my Secret Santa got me!" Shepard blurted out, upset at how close to the mark Joker's guesses were. "It's none of your damn business."
"Then I'm not telling you who your Secret Santa is," Joker responded. If his retort had been any more immature, Shepard thought, he would have punctuated it by sticking out his tongue.
"You know?" Shepard said as she folded her arms over her chest, trying to intimidate the pilot into telling her. "I order you to tell me, Joker."
"That's against the rules, Commander. You said none of us were allowed to share until after Christmas. Mystery and the spirit of the season, you know."
Shepard sighed, knowing that arguing with Joker was pointless. Besides, if he knew who her Secret Santa was, someone else must have figured it out as well. She would just have to do a little snooping. Some good old fashioned detective work. She would make a list of all the possible suspects and interrogate them until one of them cracked.
"You're right, you're right. I'll just leave you to it, then," Shepard said, effectively ending their little conversation. At least she was sure that Joker hadn't been the prankster. So, with one name checked off her list, the Commander strode along the bridge and towards the lower decks, knowing that was where her crew tended to stay.
She came across Kaidan first, and while she was actually starting to dread her conversations with him because he wasn't getting her subtle hints that she just wasn't interested, Shepard knew she had to talk to him. He was still an excellent soldier, and Shepard respected his biotic abilities, especially at the cost he had to pay thanks to his implant. Out in the field, he took orders well and there wasn't a hint of his infatuation with her, but every time she talked to him on the ship, he couldn't help but hit on her, and soon Shepard knew she would have to turn him down explicitly.
"Hey, Kaidan," Shepard started, hoping he could read the lack of enthusiasm in her voice. But then she thought about it and realized she was always the one to initiate their conversations, so she could kind of see how he might think she was interested.
"Commander," Kaidan replied as he slowly turned towards her and away from the terminals he had been monitoring. Shepard noted that he was a handsome guy with his dark good looks and muscular physique, but unfortunately, Shepard had been drawn exclusively to women, or at least female-figured species, since she'd been old enough to know what sexual desire was.
Not wanting to ruin the good feelings she was trying to instill with her current Secret Santa project, Shepard knew that she wouldn't be shooting Kaidan down today, but she promised herself that it would be soon. "I just wanted to get your opinion on the holiday festivities," she said with a friendly, but not too friendly, smile.
Shepard noticed just the slightest fall in Kaidan's expression, but didn't know exactly what that meant. Was he disappointed that she wasn't initiating a conversation of another sort? Was he regretting his forward choice of gifts? Or was he perhaps unhappy that he hadn't picked her name in their Secret Santa pool? Of course, that last one might just be wishful thinking on her part, because she really couldn't think about it without feeling slightly nauseated. She could also just be imagining things and his muscles were tired from smiling at her so damn much.
"I think it's going well so far, Commander. Even the aliens seem to be getting into the spirit. I saw Wrex getting into the elevator earlier and riding up with a package."
Shepard's eyes bulged, and she hoped her face hadn't turned bright red. "He did? What floor did he get off on? What kind of package? What did the wrapping paper look like?" she shot out in rapid fire.
Kaidan's brow furrowed as he tried to figure out what had set Shepard off. "Green, with little pink hanar." Shepard's heart nearly stopped until Kaidan continued. "Apparently, Liara did her research on Christmas. She was the only one that remembered to buy wrapping paper during our last trip to the Citadel. Almost all of us had to use hers."
Well, that didn't narrow things down at all, although Shepard was secretly proud of her friend's resourcefulness. "Oh. I see. Um... have you given your Secret Santa gift yet?"
Kaidan gave Shepard another wary look, obviously a little concerned with her behavior. "Yes."
"What'd you pick out?"
"Something pretty high-tech. I probably spent more creds than I should have, but I want to get on this person's good side."
Shepard's stomach lurched as she tried not to think about the 'good side' that Kaidan might want to get on. His vague, noncommittal answer had frustrated her, especially since his description could very easily apply to the strap-on she had received. She decided to try a different tactic. "Joker figured out who my Secret Santa is somehow..."
"Sorry, Commander. You'll just have to wait until Christmas like the rest of us," Kaidan said with an infuriating smile.
Shepard flinched, and then remembered that everyone was forbidden from revealing who had given what until Christmas. It hadn't been a hidden reference to the note... probably. Hopefully. God, this was giving her a headache. Worst of all, she was no closer to solving the mystery, or relieving her anxiety over who had given her the present.
"I suppose I should follow the rules, since I was the one to make them," Shepard admitted, although she was a little sour about it on the inside. "Thanks, Kaidan," she said as she headed for the elevator, sad to acknowledge that she couldn't strike him off her list of possible suspects. "I'll talk to you later." She cringed as she said the words, hoping that she wouldn't be shooting him down later as she gave back her gift.
Once Shepard was a safe distance away, she let out a sigh and began searching for her next suspect. Luckily, she found Garrus not too far away in the Mess Hall.
"Garrus," Shepard said, with a little more enthusiasm than she had given Kaidan. "What brings you up from below decks? I expected to find you working on the Mako again."
"Hmm, oh, hello, Shepard," Garrus answered with barely a glance up at her, still distracted by whatever was going through his head.
"So, did you get your present yet?" Shepard asked. Subtlety had never really been her strong suit. She was good at persuading people, or bringing them around to her way of thinking, but her methods were inarguably blunt, especially when she was flustered. And Shepard was certainly flustered now.
"Yes, as a matter of fact. Haven't opened it yet, though. This Christmas game is fun, I like the anticipation."
"Oh, uh... I haven't opened mine yet either," Shepard lied. "Um..."
Fortunately, Garrus didn't seem to notice how awkward her behavior was. He was preoccupied, his mandibles vibrating slightly as he looked at her with a mixture of concern and curiosity. "Hey, Shepard. Mind if I ask a question?" Shepard nodded dumbly, unsure what else she could say. "Sometimes turians buy gifts for people they're interested in. You know, romantically? Do humans do the same thing?"
Shepard nearly choked on the air. After coughing and spluttering for several moments, she wiped her watery eyes and stared at Garrus in a mixture of horror and confusion. "Sorry! I just, I got - it was something in my throat. Could you repeat the question?"
"I was just wondering if humans gave gifts when they were interested in somebody like turians do," Garrus said, not seeming too bothered by Shepard's bizarre coughing fit.
"Yes. They do. It's very common. Um, do you mind if I ask why?"
For the first time Garrus really looked at her as though he saw her instead of acting like he was talking to a wall. "I'm sorry, Commander," he said and Shepard thought that perhaps she could detect the slightest hint of a blush. But did turians blush, or was it just her imagination… again? "I didn't mean to bring up personal matters with you, but I appreciate your clarification on human courting rituals."
Shepard almost choked again at Garrus's words. God, she hoped that Garrus wasn't looking to take her as a mate, because she counted him among her friends and would hate to ruin another relationship by shooting him down. She wasn't entirely sure if turians would consider a romantic rejection an offense to their honor, but if they did, then there would be no hope of salvaging their friendship.
As Garrus moved back towards the elevator, still in a seemingly mystified daze, Shepard wasn't sure whether she was relieved that she didn't have to continue their awkward conversation or if she was disappointed that she wasn't any closer to figuring out who her Secret Santa was. The only person she had definitely ruled out so far was Joker, and her odds certainly weren't improving the more crewmembers she talked to.
Next, Shepard decided she might as well make the entire round of this level, which meant going to see Liara, who was always in her little room behind the medical bay. Shepard was both excited and a little nervous about visiting Liara, like she always was. The asari had made an indelible impression from the first moment they'd met, even when Shepard hadn't been entirely sure if the young maiden was working with her mother and Saren. Now Shepard was certain of Liara's loyalty, and she was only more fascinated by the shy archeologist who willingly put her life on the line during their many missions together.
To get to Liara's little research room, Shepard had to pass through the Medical Bay, and the Commander thought it only polite to stop and talk with Dr. Chakwas, especially when she saw an amused smile playing over the doctor's lips. "What's so amusing, doc?" Shepard asked, feeling an answering smile tug her own lips upwards. This little diversion was exactly what she had needed. A conversation with someone she knew couldn't have any sexual designs on her.
"Some Christmas hijinx gone awry, I'm afraid," Chawkas said in her clipped accent, still smirking. "Garrus received a very interesting Christmas gift from an admirer."
Shepard nearly let out a strangled sound of horror, but managed to stifle it just in time. "Ah - an admirer?" she asked, hoping her eyes weren't popping out of her head too noticeably. "What... what did he get? Who was it from?" What if Garrus wasn't her Secret Santa at all? What if her mysterious gift giver had bought sex toys for more than one person? What if everyone on the ship had gotten one, and this messed up person wanted them to have some kind of giant inter-species orgy? She couldn't handle this kind of pressure!
Chakwas apparently mistook Shepard's fear for amusement, because she began laughing as she explained. "Remember that Doctor on the Citadel, from the Wards? Dr. Michel? She sent Garrus some dextro chocolates and turian brandy, along with flowers from Palaven. Supposedly, it was a thank you for saving her life, but... somehow, I doubt you or Alenko got any gifts from her."
Her strange conversation with Garrus suddenly made a lot more sense, and Shepard sighed with relief. "Ah! That explains all the weird questions about human courting rituals he kept asking me. Thanks, Doc. I was a little worried."
"Perhaps Mr. Vakarian liked the gift more than he's letting on, or maybe he just needs some context in order to write his thank you note. I have to admit that I'm rather jealous."
"Of the attention?" Shepard asked, her forehead creasing. Did that mean Dr. Chakwas was interested in women? She hadn't been sure whether or not to include the good doctor on her list of possible suspects, but perhaps...
"No," Chakwas laughed, "of the chocolate. It's really too bad, I wanted to beg a piece off him. He'll have the whole box of chocolates to himself, unless he decides to share with Tali. "
"Wait, why would Garrus only share his chocolates with Tali?" Shepard asked, her mind finally processing everything that Chakwas had said. She hadn't noticed any particular friendship between the turian and quarian, but they were both technologically inclined.
'Oh, God,' Shepard thought, 'I've been so wrapped up in my crush on Liara and this stupid Secret Santa disaster that I totally missed a burgeoning romance that's been happening right under my nose!'
"They're the only two on board who can eat the stuff, Commander," Chakwas stated matter-of-factly. Shepard was acting a little more dense than usual today, and she wondered what was distracting their usually observant leader.
"So they're not an item or anything?" Shepard asked in puzzlement, stopping just short of scratching her head in bewilderment. It was seriously beginning to tax her brain power to focus on the shifting dynamics of her crew when she was so worried about who had given her the strap-on.
"Well, there's an idea," Dr. Chakwas considered thoughtfully.
Her answer only confused Shepard more, and the Commander decided to excuse herself before she could get any more confounded. She was eager to see Liara anyway, although she had to mentally prepare herself by chanting 'Liara doesn't think of you that way' like a mantra in her head over and over again. The last thing she needed was another crewmember thinking she was a brainless idiot, especially Liara.
"I'll talk to you later, then, Dr. Chakwas," Shepard said, effectively ending their rather awkward conversation. She stepped around the medical officer and took a steadying breath before passing through into what had effectively become Liara's room since her arrival onboard the Normandy.
She found her friend sitting at the terminal she had been making use of ever since she joined the Normandy's crew, studying the monitor with a seriousness and intensity that Shepard couldn't help but find endearing. Then again, she found nearly everything about Liara endearing. Despite knowing how implausible it was, Shepard still desperately hoped that Liara was her Secret Santa. After taking a moment to push aside the mental image of Liara naked and writhing beneath her as they tested out her present, Shepard cleared her throat and took a step forward.
Liara turned around, nearly upsetting her monitor as she scrambled out of her seat. Her cheeks flushed a beautiful shade of purple, and she twisted her hands together in front of her chest. "Oh! Commander, I - I was not expecting you to visit. I know you have been busy, and - I am pleased you have come to see me anyway."
Shepard smiled, allowing herself to hope for just a moment that Liara was flustered because she was interested, and not because she was a little shy. "I always make time for you, Liara. So, what have you been up to?"
"Oh, just doing a little research," Liara said, deliberately stepping in front of the monitor so that she was blocking Shepard's view. When Shepard took a step to the side in order to get a clear view, Liara followed her in an awkward side-shuffle. "Why have you come to see me? Is this a personal visit, or did you have something specific you wanted to ask?"
"A little of both," Shepard said, straining to peer over Liara's shoulder without being painfully obvious. Unfortunately, she was at the wrong angle. "Have you gotten your Secret Santa present yet?"
"I have received my present, yes. Someone got me a very nice biotic amp. Top of the line and very expensive," Liara said, wondering why Shepard was so interested in what was on her terminal screen. Shepard always showed an interest in her research, but the Commander usually came directly to her for information instead of reading from her notes.
Giving up on trying to see behind Liara, Shepard moved forward in her questioning. "Um, are you finding our Christmas customs enjoyable?" she asked, running a hand through her short-cropped hair and mentally cursing herself for losing all of her usually halfway decent game whenever she was around Liara. She wasn't usually so stilted and awkward around women that interested her, but Liara seemed to be different on so many levels.
Liara felt a small tug at her heart as she watched Shepard roughly rake a hand through her hair, mussing the already messy locks. She wished she could reach out and flatten the hair sticking up at all angles, yearning to just be allowed to touch the human. "They are very pleasant. I enjoyed picking out my gift," Liara said, blushing slightly and averting her gaze from Shepard's. "And having Gunnery Chief Williams explaining mistletoe to me is something that I will not soon forget," she continued with an amused smile. "Fortunately, you had already covered the basics with me earlier."
For a moment, Shepard was lost in daydreams about what she would do if she caught Liara underneath the mistletoe. Of course, if that ever happened, she wasn't sure she would be able to stop at one kiss... or one place. "Ash was probably just looking out for you," Shepard said. "She didn't want any of the human crewmembers to catch you off guard and kiss you."
Liara smiled. "She still does not trust me completely, but I think I am growing on her. I was grateful for the warning, since there is only one human that I - never mind." Liara's blush spread from the points of her cheekbones to her neck, and the smooth purple flush peeked out above the collar of her jumpsuit.
Shepard didn't know what to make of Liara's aborted sentence, but she took it in stride. "So, you enjoyed picking out your gift? Delivered it yet?"
"As a matter of fact, I have. I am anxious to see it put to good use."
Shepard swallowed. Loudly. 'Oh please,' she thought, 'let my present be from her so we can put it to good use together...' But she had the feeling that her hopes were for nothing. Liara was an asari, and obviously inexperienced to boot. If she was going to get Shepard something suggestive, it probably wouldn't be a fake dick.
Still, Shepard couldn't help pushing Liara a little more, although she justified it by telling herself she was just trying to be thorough in her investigation. "So, who did you buy for?" she asked nonchalantly, like she hadn't specifically told everyone that it was supposed to remain a secret until after the holiday was over.
Liara got a slightly panicked look on her face for a second before she calmed down. "I thought it was supposed to remain a secret until after tonight?" Liara asked questioningly. "You did say it was called Secret Santa, correct?"
"Yeah, yeah, I did," Shepard said sheepishly as she rubbed the spiky hairs at the back of her neck. "I guess I'm just a little eager to know who bought for who." It wasn't a complete lie, but Shepard knew she was really just interested in figuring out who had left her gift.
Liara offered Shepard a shy smile. "Curiosity is natural, Commander. I am sure your Secret Santa with reveal themselves in due time."
"You're right," Shepard said. She stood there for another few seconds just enjoying being in the presence of the asari that fascinated her so much. "I guess I should go. I've got a couple more people I need to talk to before midnight."
"Of course," Liara said with a slight bow of her head. "I will see you later," she said with a slight question to her words.
Shepard couldn't stop the little surge of hope that Liara was referring to meeting up later tonight, but quickly squashed it. Liara was not the type of woman to proposition someone so directly. "All right. It was nice seeing you," she said, reluctantly heading for the door to continue her investigation. She didn't want to leave Liara, but their conversation had given her a new target: Ashley Williams. Unlike Liara, Ashley was undoubtedly familiar with sex toys, and she certainly seemed confident enough to purchase one.
Shepard waved as she passed Dr. Chakwas again, and then headed for the elevator, hitting the button for the cargo bay. Ashley would probably be hanging around near the weapons lockers, and perhaps she could kill two birds with one stone and talk to Wrex while she was there. If it couldn't be Liara, Shepard hoped that Ashley was her Secret Santa. She seemed to take blunt statements well, and Shepard didn't doubt that Ashley would back off if she received a firm, "I'm not interested." Kaidan, on the other hand, still seemed determined to push his luck. And the idea of Wrex being interested in her sexually was just plain terrifying.
When the elevator stopped on the bottom floor, Shepard broke free of her thoughts and stepped through the door, surprised when she didn't see Garrus in his usual place. Perhaps he had retreated to think after their earlier conversation. Either way, that was probably a good thing. If Ashley or Wrex did confess to being her Secret Santa, she wanted as few witnesses around as possible.
"Hey, Commander," Ashley said in a surprisingly cheerful voice as Shepard approached. "I got a pretty kickass present from my Secret Santa! Take a look!" Proudly, Ashley hoisted her favorite rifle over her shoulder and turned it on its side. "New heat sink upgrades, freshly oiled and cleaned, and they even blinged it out!" Even Shepard managed a grin when she saw the word 'Boomstick' embossed on the side of Ashley's assault rifle with some kind of shiny silver plating.
"That… is just so you, Chief," Shepard said with a genuine smile crossing her lips. "Do you know who took it and tricked it out?" she asked when she once again remembered her own quest. It couldn't hurt to eliminate another suspect from her list if Ashley did happen to know who her own Secret Santa was.
"Nah, but it's cool, right?" Ashley said exuberantly as she continued to display her rifle.
"Very cool," Shepard agreed. "Did you get something just as awesome for your own Secret Santa?" she added absently, steering the conversation back towards her real goal.
"Absolutely," Ashley replied, still looking lovingly at her weapon. "I spared no expense for Christmas." She finally looked away from her rifle and at Shepard instead, the adoration in her eyes still shining through and confusing Shepard even more. Was Ashley all dreamy eyed for her rifle, or was she thinking of the gift she had left in Shepard's cabin? Shepard looked suspiciously at Ashley, trying to figure out which it was. Ashley was attractive, and Shepard could admit that in another life or situation, she would seriously consider dating the Chief, but it just wouldn't work between them now. Shepard knew they would have a Topping contest if they ever got together, and while she wasn't averse to switching every now and then, it wasn't her norm to play the bottom. Plus, Shepard knew she was too hung up on Liara at the moment to even consider bedding anyone else, which she knew was just sad, since there had been no indication that the asari felt anything similar for her.
Before Shepard could ask Ashley any more questions to narrow down her search, they were approached by Wrex, who had been standing several yards away and observing them for some time. "Shepard! Good thing you're here, Williams won't shut up about her damn gun."
"She's just in the holiday spirit, right, Ash?" Shepard asked, not too surprised when she caught her friend gazing down at her gun with the same goofy expression as before. For the moment, at least, it looked like she was more interested in her assault rifle than figuring out what thread count Shepard's sheets were.
"Yeah. Come on, Wrex, you have to admit that Christmas is pretty awesome. You got your present, right?"
Wrex chuckled. "I did. And mine is bigger than yours." Heading over to his weapons locker, the krogan fiddled with the keypad for a moment before pulling out a gigantic battleaxe. The handle alone was larger than Ashley's entire arm, and the blades were shiny and sharp despite a small chip in one corner.
When she saw the axe, Shepard tried to fake a look of impressed surprise and approval, even though she'd known what Wrex's Christmas gift would be well in advance. She had drawn his name from the hat, and had thought some kind of weapon would suit him perfectly. However, the krogan already had access to all the guns and ammo he needed, so Shepard had gone with something a bit more traditional, even though it wasn't exactly practical. Retrieving Wrex's ancestral battle armor had given her the idea.
Shepard was glad to see that Wrex was enjoying his gift and showing it off to anyone who came along. She had considered writing him a long letter on the history of the battle axe, but had run out of time with her other duties, so she had just decided to tell him when they revealed who had bought for whom in a couple of days. Shepard wasn't entirely sure he would be pleased with an old weapon from Earth, but apparently if it looked deadly, Wrex was happy with it.
"I told you mine was bigger," Wrex said as he proudly wielded the ancient weapon.
His tone made Shepard think that perhaps he was talking about something beside just his double-bladed battle-axe. She jerked her eyes up towards his face, but couldn't detect anything in his expression. Just her luck that she found it extremely difficult to read any krogan's facial expressions. They all just seemed to be steaming for a fight no matter what kind of mood they were in. It didn't stop Shepard from studying Wrex sharply for a few more minutes, but all she continued to see was his pleasure in his present and eventually an annoyance at being scrutinized so closely.
"So, did you get your present yet, Commander?" Ashley asked, bringing Shepard's attention back to her. "I'll bet you got something interesting."
Was it just Shepard's imagination, or was there a suggestive note to Ashley's tone? It wasn't as though the Chief had waggled her eyebrows in blatant invitation, but there may have been something there. But that's what she'd thought with Kaidan, too. And she still wasn't convinced that Wrex hadn't left her that strap-on either – it had certainly been big enough to compare to his species, or at least Shepard assumed, as she hadn't ever seen a naked krogan in person.
"Um, someone left my present in my cabin, but I haven't gotten around to opening it yet," Shepard replied when she realized that both Ashley and Wrex were waiting for her answer. She didn't notice a disappointed look cross either of their faces, and in fact, they both seemed to be rather disinterested, but that could just be a cover. Both of them were soldiers and knew when not to give their emotions away.
Slightly disheartened by her inability to narrow her suspects to even just half her crew, Shepard left Wrex and Ashley adoring their respective weapons and walked towards the engine room. She wasn't too keen on her chances of figuring out anything from Tali, but the quarian was the last member of the crew that was a part of their Secret Santa pool, and something rubbed Shepard the wrong way about leaving her interviews unfinished. As it was right now, Shepard figured she would just lock herself safe and sound in her cabin tonight and forget about the odd present stashed away in her underwear drawer.
Engineer Adams wasn't in the engine room when she walked in, but Tali was in her usual place, tapping away with her dexterous gloved hands. She was obviously working on something, and for a moment, Shepard debated turning around and retreating to her cabin to watch the hours pass until she was safe again without questioning her. But before she could leave, Tali caught sight of her and paused what she was doing. "Shepard! Hello. Were you looking for me, or Engineer Adams? Because I offered to let him catch a few hours of sleep while I took care of things here. He hasn't been resting enough."
Shepard smiled. "That was nice of you, Tali. I'm sure he appreciates it."
"I'm glad you don't mind. Some Captains in the flotilla are very strict about on-duty hours."
"Tired people make mistakes. Besides, everyone deserves a break now and then." Shepard paused, wondering how to bring up the subject of Christmas and the Secret Santa exchange, but Tali beat her to the punch.
"So, did you open your gift yet? Was it anything interesting?"
"Uh... no. Haven't opened it yet," Shepard stammered, hoping she didn't sound too flustered. She ran one hand through her hair, leaving it messier than it had been before. "I'll probably open it later tonight. Let it be a real Christmas present."
"I bet it's something really nice."
"Why - why would you say that, Tali?" Before this conversation, Shepard hadn't considered Tali to be a very likely suspect. Not as likely as Kaidan or Ashley, anyway. But some of the things she was saying seemed a little suggestive.
"Well, you are Commander Shepard. Everyone on this ship admires you. I imagine whoever drew your name wanted to get you something special."
"Do you know who drew my name?" Shepard asked cautiously, realizing that Tali had been the first one to seem excited when talking about their Secret Santa pool without going on and on about the present that they'd received. Shepard had thought of Tali as a capable younger sister since she had welcomed the young quarian amongst her crew, and she'd thought that Tali might look up to her in the same familial way, but she'd been wrong before. Could it be Tali who had left that anxiety-inducing gift for her?
"Well, yes, I do," Tali said, her voice tentative. "But I thought we weren't supposed to say until tomorrow," she continued a little nervously.
"I won't tell if you don't," Shepard said softly, with what she hoped was a teasingly conspiratorial whisper. She was afraid that it came out more like a stressed plea, though, because she so desperately wanted to know who her Secret Santa was. She tried to smooth over the awkwardness by giving Tali a trusting, welcoming smile, feeling horrible the entire time for tricking her friend. But desperate times called for desperate measures, and Shepard was definitely at the end of her fraying emotions.
"Well…" Tali started, still not entirely committed to revealing the secret, "Garrus and I–" Tali was cut off by the sound of the engine room door whooshing open and heavy boot-steps coming their way. She redirected her focus behind Shepard just as the Commander was about to finally find out the answer to her long suffering question. But with how Tali had started her last sentence, Shepard realized that perhaps it was better if she didn't know for sure. She had the sneaking suspicion that her misunderstanding with Dr. Chakwas might actually be correct, and Tali and Garrus were a couple. Perhaps they were trying to find some way to spice up their sex life, and had decided that this Secret Santa thing was the perfect opportunity to invite Shepard into their bed. Oh, God, she had to get the hell out of here right now!
"On the other hand, I don't want to break the rules. It's not fair to everyone else, you know," Shepard babbled as the footsteps approached and she heard the sound of the door swishing open. "OkayIshouldprobablygonowbye!" Quick as a flash, Shepard exited the other side of the engine room, practically sprinting away and hoping she could sneak back onto the elevator without anyone else noticing.
Back in the engine room, Garrus frowned, looking down at the box of chocolates in one of his claws, and then back at the door that Shepard had just escaped through. "That was strange. What's bothering her?" he asked Tali, taking the lid off and offering some of the chocolates to her. "Here, have some. I can't eat them all."
"That's nice of you, Garrus, but..." Tali gestured at her mask and sighed.
"What if we took them up to the kitchen and melted them? Then you could use a straw."
Tali weighed the pros and cons, and eventually decided that the minimal risk of contamination was worth it. "Good idea! Let's do it."
"So, about Shepard..."
"Oh, she's fine," Tali said dismissively. "We have more important things to worry about. Like chocolate. I'm sick of nutrient paste."