A/N: A warning: I mention child abuse, drugs and alcohol in this chapter.
So I hope you will like this. Please read and review. This is my very first fanfiction that I have actually had the guts to put out there.
I'm portraying Jess as really broken here but I hope he still comes across like the Jess we saw on the show, at least in some ways.
I also want to thank my amazing beta HelloSunshine89, without her this would be impossible.
Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore Girls.
Chapter 1 – Water is thicker than blood.
Jess woke up in a room that he didn't recognize. It looked a lot like a jail cell. The door with metal bars on it was a dead giveaway since he was pretty sure his mother hadn't replaced his door to his room in an attempt to keep him inside the apartment.
She had never cared that much about him or his safety.
For a few minutes he had no idea why he was in jail or what had happened. All he knew was that his whole body was in pain.
Pulling up his shirt, he could see bruises that covered his chest and stomach. His left arm was in a cast. He began to panic, desperately trying to remember what had happened.
Then it hit him like a ton of bricks.
He let out a groan thinking about yesterday. He hid his head under a pillow in an attempt to escape the reality of the world for just a little bit longer.
Yesterday had been a really, really bad day.
He had missed the last day of school before summer break and he couldn't help but feel defeated. This year he had been trying so hard in school and he had done really well and kind of enjoyed it. He had managed to impress all of his teachers and a few of the top students had thrown him dirty looks. He had enjoyed being on top.
He had been the underdog that no one had believed in. The satisfaction he got from proving everyone wrong was what kept him alive for the past year.
To him school became another way to get away from his everyday life, his mother, the apartment and the boyfriends. School became his outlet. There he could be someone else and not the kid that got into fights and got beaten up at home. At school, he could avoid himself.
There he was successful for the first time in his life and nobody could take that away from him. Every day he had fought to make sure no one took his success from him and it felt really fucking good.
He had looked forward to the last day of school before the summer like every other kid; but at the same time, he had dreaded it.
The last day meant that he had to spend a lot more time at the apartment. Most of his friends would be going on vacations with their families and he would be left all alone.
He used to stay with Terry, his best friend. They had met when they were four years old. Terry and his family had moved from Manchester, England when a company hired his dad. The job was short lived and the family was soon forced to move to the 'poorer' part of town and since then the boys had been inseparable.
Terry was also the only one that knew the extent of Jess's situation. He knew about the abusive boyfriends, his alcoholic and drug abusing mother and her coldness towards her son. He was also the only one that truly understood because the only difference between Jess and Terry was that it was Terry's biological father that beat him and not temporary boyfriends.
Terry had been "sick" for the past three days, so Jess had spent a lot of time in the apartment. Jess knew better than to go look for Terry on days when he was "sick." The first time it had happened Jess had gone over to his house to check on him.
Terry's mother opened the door and Jess ran past her to Terry's room, like he usually did. When he opened the door he stood there, frozen. Terry was sitting on his bed with an empty look in his eyes and a swollen face. Neither boy spoke but a silent understanding had been forged between them that day. Jess stood there until Terry's mother forced him out of the house.
That was the day she had started to hate Jess. It took years until Jess realized the reason for her hate- it was because he had seen the truth, what she allowed to happen to her own son.
That night Terry's father came home drunk and his mother told him that Jess had visited and that lead to one of the worst nights in Terry's life. After that, Jess stopped visiting when Terry called and said he was "sick."
He had a headache. The jail cell was spinning.
Liz had brought home another winner for a boyfriend early in the morning and when he saw Jess, he had snarled at him to get out.
Jess was more than happy to oblige him and went into the kitchen to grab something to eat before leaving the apartment to head to school. His new 'daddy' apparently didn't like sharing food and shoved his face into the refrigerator door before throwing him out.
He was bleeding from a cut above his left eyebrow and knew his eye would start to bruise soon. He had to stay away from school. If he went, they would be forced to call the police and that would end badly for both him and Liz.
Even if it was Liz's fault for bringing the man home, he felt a need to protect her. And not going to the police was the only way he could.
~Flashback.~
After the first boyfriend had laid his hands on Jess, they had both been in shock. Liz about how broken someone had made her son look and Jess about the fact that his mother had done nothing to stop it. She had just stood there in the same room, looking as someone beat up her own son.
They went to the police, thinking everything was going to be fine. But things rarely work out that way. It had backfired on them-big time. The man had come back, given them both a beating neither would ever forget and then stolen everything valuable they owned.
The police hadn't been able to do a thing about it. The man had disappeared and was impossible to track down. After that they kept their mouths shut and never spoke about the incident.
That was also that day that Jess had started to despise his mother. It had been his sixth birthday and there had been no cake, presents or birthday wishes.
Instead he had spent the day surrounded by doctors and police officers while he was wondering what he had done so wrong to cause his mother to take his birthday away.
He got out on the streets and sat on the sidewalk in an alley behind his building, waiting for the bleeding to stop. If he couldn't go to school, he wanted to go to his park and read. He liked to consider it his park, Washington Square Park, where he spent a lot of his time. In a way, the park felt more like a home than the apartment ever had.
When he was sitting there reading his life didn't feel like shit. He felt normal, like any other person that was coming to the park to just enjoy the day. To him just sitting there and losing himself in the words that were written on the pages was the closest to comfort and stability he ever came.
But today he had been thrown out before he had a chance to grab a book. Hell, he didn't even grab his leather jacket, meaning no wallet, so he couldn't buy any food. Standing up on the sidewalk, he thought about going back to grab his things.
He could sneak in and out quickly, before anyone noticed. He had done it before. With determination, he walked back inside the building and up the stairs.
He put his ear to the door, holding his breath, but he couldn't hear anything. The door was unlocked which meant they were probably still inside. Bracing himself, he opened the door, slowly and listened, holding his breath. No sounds could be heard, except for the refrigerator humming.
Slowly, he started to sneak through the apartment to his room while, at the same time, trying to see where they could be.
The living room was empty, as was the kitchen, but the door to Liz's room was closed. Still, no sounds could be heard, so he guessed they were asleep in there.
Letting out the breath he had been holding, he quickly walked to his room, trying to avoid stepping on the places that would make the floor creak.
When he gathered his things, he heard a door slam, cursing under his breath as he heard heavy footsteps walking from Liz's room towards him.
The man from earlier walked in, his eyes red and puffy and pupils dilated. Before Jess could do or say anything the man grabbed him by his shoulders, painfully. They both knew there would be bruises there tomorrow and the man smiled, knowingly.
"I thought I told you to get the hell out. You're disturbing your mother with your presence!" the man screamed in his face. He smelled of alcohol.
Great, both high and drunk, Jess thought. What a nice combination.
"I just came to grab my stuff," Jess answered, trying his best to not show any fear. He kept his voice soft and quiet in an attempt not to anger the man anymore than he already had.
This was not the answer the man had been looking for because suddenly his fist connected with Jess's face. He could taste blood in his mouth by the third punch and by the fifth, his nose started gushing, leaving a trail of blood on his clothes and the carpeted floor.
The adrenaline was pumping through his body so he couldn't feel any pain at the moment. By the ninth punch, Jess slipped on the pool of blood on the floor and fell. He tried to protect his face with his arms as the man started kicking him.
He had learned that by not fighting back, the beating would end sooner than if he fought back. This way they were more likely to leave Liz out of it and only focus on him.
He could take the physical pain (he was used to it); it made him feel like a human being. When Liz's boyfriends hit her she became a shell, an outline of what a human being is, or what a human is supposed to be. There was nothing alive in her at those moments. But as long as he could feel pain, Jess knew he was still alive and that was something he clung to.
Liz appeared in the doorframe and he could hear her trying to reason with the man that was still kicking him. After a few more kicks, the man stopped and embraced Liz, mumbling something about 'the boy needing to learn to respect his elders,' and stalked off to the kitchen.
Liz went to Jess's side and helped him to sit on his bed. She touched his face just a little too hard and her gaze held no compassion. There was no motherly love in her action. He winced back from her touch and he could tell she was high, again.
She looked him straight in the eyes as she talked, her voice low and ice-cold.
"Why do you always have to irritate them? This would never happen if you could behave yourself. It's your fault that they always leave me." His heart sank as she once again chose a man over him.
They had never had a loving relationship but it still hurt him every time she did this.
"Why do you always choose these scumbags over you own son? When they have used you for a while they move on, leaving me behind to pick up the pieces." He didn't have it in him anymore to fight the heartbreak and sadness that crept into his voice.
Before she could answer the man came back in with a bottle of beer that he drank in one big swoop. He looked at the pair on the bed. "You should kick him out, Liz. I know you don't want him, you told me last night that he was a mistake. Something you wish you could take back to the store and get your money back for." He looked at Jess when he said this and finished with a sly smile.
Jess was shocked. No matter how bad their relationship had been he had never thought his mother regretted him, a mistake, something she could just throw away. He looked at her and there it was, regret written all over her face.
She spoke quietly, as if she was afraid of her own words. There was no silver lining in what she said.
"Jess, I think it's time for you to go away. Move out. Maybe get an apartment and a job. From now on you're no longer my responsibility."
The man smiled at her as she got up and kissed him. "That's my girl," he said, proudly, and she beamed at him.
Jess was still sitting on the bed. The gushing from his nose had slowed down a little. He tried to understand what was happening.
He turned his head to Liz and screamed, "I'm fifteen! I'm still in school! You can't just kick me out! Fuck Liz, when are you going to get your life together?"
This time when Liz looked at him it was with hatred and she walked up to him and slapped him hard on the cheek.
"You better go now, Jess, before Bob will be forced to discipline you, again. Call or write with your new address so I can send you your stuff."
Jess had to bite down on his lip to keep from crying. Was Liz really throwing him out? He would be forced to quit school and get a job. What had he done that was so horrible that made his own mother throw him out? What had he done that made his own mother hate him so much?
When he didn't move Bob walked up to him and took him by his left arm, twisting it back. Jess could hear bone break but didn't care. Bob walked towards the front door and threw him out.
"Don't you dare come back here! This is my home now," he yelled. The door slammed shut and he could hear Bob locking it.
Jess walked outside the apartment building and sat down against a wall. The nosebleed had stopped but his left wrist was twisted in an unnatural way and he was starving and aching. For the last two days he had only eaten two apples. Liz had used up all their money for the month so he had stolen the two apples from a student at school.
He ignored the pain and started walking the streets, cringing with every painful step. He really needed to eat, so he went into a store and started to pick up a few things that didn't require him to cook, when he suddenly realized that he didn't have his wallet. It must have fallen out of his jacket in the apartment.
Knowing what he had to do, he scanned the store. It was almost empty. He could only see three customers and a young woman that was working there. He had done it before and he really needed to eat, so he put a few items in his jacket and headed towards the exit.
When he was a few feet from the doors he felt a hand on his shoulder. He tried to run but the hand had a strong grip.
"Well well, what have we here? Someone that thinks it's okay to steal from me." A deep voice said.
Jess cursed as he was forced around and came face to face with the person the hand belonged to. He was glad that he had put the hood of his sweatshirt over his face so the man couldn't see his face.
He was probably the owner of the store, Jess guessed, as he found himself being pushed inside a small office while the guy talked about pressing charges.
The guy had called the police and locked the door to the office. He was alone in there and took a seat on the visitor's side of the desk that was placed in the middle of the room. The room was dark. Jess liked it.
His head swirled with thoughts. He didn't care that he got caught shoplifting; it had happened before. But he had been kicked out and had nowhere to go and no one wanted anything to do with him. His mother wanted nothing to do with him.
Maybe he could crash with Terry for a while. There were two weeks before they would travel home to Manchester to visit family. But after that he had no idea what he would do. Terry and his family would be gone the whole summer. Maybe if he explained the situation to his family he could stay at their apartment while they were gone.
Jess highly doubted it, though, because Terry's mother hated his guts. According to her, it was Jess's fault that Terry continued to get into trouble all the time. Maybe that was true.
To hell with Liz, he thought after a while, but still, he felt like a little boy who wanted his mommy. Jess realized that it was the feeling of being totally alone that hurt the most. Liz had never really taken care of him so he was used to her absence, but he had never felt more alone than at this moment.
He cursed himself for behaving like a small child and forced back the tears that were threatening to fall.
The door to the office opened and the guy came in and turned on the light. In his hands were a few papers that he appeared to be reading. He explained that he was the owner of the store and that the police would come soon.
He didn't look up at Jess until he sat at the opposite side of the desk. When he finally put the papers down he reached over the desk and pulled his hood down. When he took in Jess' beaten face, his eyes filled with sadness.
Without saying a word he walked out again and came in moments later with two sandwiches and a coke. He gave them to Jess and when he spoke, it was in a softer tone.
"I'm sorry, son. I know this is a bad neighborhood and I can tell you've had a rough day but I still need to report you. But I won't press charges."
At this Jess looked up and nodded, hoping the man could see his gratefulness.
The man shot him a sad smile and said that the police would probably just take him down to the station, patch him up and contact his family so someone could come and get him.
At this his heart sank. Liz would never come for him.