Hello everybody!
I'm Gwendoline, also known as Gwennie333, and I decided to write my own commentary of My Immortal, a fanfic by Tara Gilesbie. I haven't read the whole fic yet (got to chapter 12) so I'll comment during reading (most of it) for the first time. My comments are in bold.
Also, 'fangz' to my beta, Andraste Straton. (Andraste Straton: Fangz Gwen, for letting me beta for you!)
Chapter 1.
AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik (goffiks have fangz? Not even through the first authors note and I'm confussed already.)) 2 my gf (ew not in that way) raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. U rok! Justin (Bieber?)ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX!
Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way (why the apostrophe?) and I have long ebony black hair (doesn't ebony mean black? You have long black black hair.) (that's how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears (limpid tears… Aren't they always limpid? You don't have to say everything twice!) and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!). I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. (That makes total sense. My boyfriend is really hot too, to bad I'm not related to him though.) I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. (I'm a vampire too, but my teeth are orange. You know, the normal color of teeth :S) I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England (really? I didn't know there was another Hogwarts. I thought there was only one, in Scotland, apperantly I'm wrong.) where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. (Because Hot Topic is THE shop for vampire witches in England (for the record, I've been informed that there aren't any Hot Topic's in England. Wouldn't know it myself, living in the Netherlands and all.)) For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets (pink? Pink! ? Some gothic you are.) and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation (why?), black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining (at the same time? How? Oh, of course, magic. I forgot that at Hogwarts they have this special wheater. Sometimes, the sun is making everyone sweat while it's freezing at the same time.) so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them. (Did you notice how only 2 sentence didn't start with 'I'. Great start!)
"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. (oh, the suspense) Draco Malfoy! (I can't really picture him shouting 'Hey Ebony'. Why do I have the feeling he's going to be out of character.)
"What's up Draco?" I asked.
"Nothing." he said shyly. (Shyly. Like I said, out of character.)
But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away. (Wow, what an amazing chapter! And such good dialogue. Tara, you really have talent!)
AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz! (It sucks Royal Hippogriff.)