I'm close to killing myself. Help?
It's the same post, albeit worded differently, that appears time after time. Several each day, most crowding the "latest posts" section when the sun has already dipped beyond the horizon. Because when literal darkness was all that surrounded you, it seemed that the metaphorical species did too.
Already, several members of that specific forum had replied to the thread, noted Ichimatsu. Many, though their intentions were good, giving useless advice and meaningless words of encouragement. The people who asked for help weren't interested in the kind thoughts of strangers, of the feeble promises of a faceless sea that would always remain a collection of profiles on a digital message board and nothing more.
They were interested in ideas, of truths, of something that would grant them the strength to push to the final chapters rather than stagnate their lives to short stories.
A purpose.
Meaning, their essence, the thing that gave them reason to stay in a life where the exciting colors seemed to fade to a dull grey, in the hopes that they'd be able to once again distinguish a rainbow from the sky rather than it blend into a monochrome canvas.
That's what they were after, what they wanted.
What they needed, or so they thought.
Ichimatsu could hear chattering in the next room as his brothers buzzed over something. He put his headphones on and clicked on a playlist to drown them out. It was easier replying and interacting electronically. No stuttering, no awkward pauses...
ur probably looking for some sort of special answer, like a philosophy quote, thatll radically change how u see things and how u feel and give u the courage and the will to live and one day be happy, like none of what ur feeling will matter in a few weeks time
but thats not going to happen
i cant tell u that ur life will be worth living. i cant tell u that all the hardships will be worth it in the end, in terms of how much ur life is actually worth. in fact, i dont think u have a purpose at all. theres no god giving u a grand meaning, even if he/she/they do exist.
u wont find anything like that. dont let anyone tell u different.
and who cares?
why depend on anybody else to give u a reason to live? u can lean on ur siblings or friends, but u cant let them carry u, even if they offer to.
but what u really want to look for is the reality. u may never feel completely free of what ur feeling right now. but that doesnt mean ur going to feel as bad as u do now, and it doesnt mean that theres nothing worth fighting for.
it just means ur fight is harder.
what ur looking for can only come from u. i cant tell u why u should live, and no one on this thread can, even if they really want to.
even if u want to die, theres things and people that u love, and dreams u want to chase, even if they feel distant or u dont care about them at the moment
i can only say things like this pass.
but i cant say it gets """better""" bc even when it does pass, it will come back
is it worth the bad for the okay? i dont know.
its not easy. ur not going to be cured.
ur just going to come back stronger the second time around. next time when these questions come back, asking you if u want to die, u will already have the answers.
and it will pass.
and it will be okay again.
Ichi cracked his knuckles, briefly glancing it over. Then he added one last little piece:
source(s):
personal experience
He got up, satisfied, and went to go see what his brothers were arguing about.
Before he went to bed that night, he checked his notifications. There was one in particular.
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"Thank you."