"Brian, what do you mean you're not 'completely' gay? How can you not be completely gay? You've fucked over half of gay Pittsburgh - including me - just this morning!" Justin screamed
"Calm down, I'm not saying I'm not gay. All I'm saying is that I'm not completely gay. I enjoy fucking men. And I love fucking you. I mean, it's been over a year and I haven't gotten tired of you." Brian explained
"If you haven't gotten tired of me, then why are you leaving me? What's wrong with me?" Justin asked
"Justin, there is nothing wrong with you. I told you, I've just decided that it's time I settle down. I'm going to be thirty-one this year, so I should give up drinking, drugs, and tricking. I don't want to end up like my old man" Brian said.
Justin started to cry. "But why can't you settle down with me? Don't you care about me?"
Brian fought hard to keep his own tears from falling. "Of course I care about you. I have always cared about you."
"Then what's the problem?" Justin sobbed
"I also care about Lindsay" Brian said, deciding to cut right to the chase.
"Lindsay? What does she have to do with this? I know you care about her, she gave birth to your son." Justin asked, slightly confused.
"Justin, I'm in love with Lindsay. I've always cared about her, that's true, and she has always cared about me." Brian replied
"I care about you, and I love you" Justin said in a low voice.
Brian found it harder to keep his tears at bay. "I know you do. I just feel that it's time for me to be a family man. I want my son to have a mother and father in his life."
"So you just want me out of your life?" Justin asked, crying.
"No, I don't want you out of my life." Brian let a tear roll down his cheek. "I need you to understand, or at least try to. Without you I never would have been able to admit to loving anyone. I want you in my life, and in my son's life."
Justin was surprised to see Brian start to cry. "I can only try to understand. But, what about Mel?"
"Lindsay told her yesterday. She's moving out next week. She'll still be a part of Gus's life, but she is signing my parental rights back to me." Brian answered
"That's great, Brian. Really. I'm happy for you." Justin tried to sound convincing. "So, I guess I have the same week's time to move out of here?"
"You can take as long as you wish. I'm not rushing you out. Lindsay and I are going to be taking things slowly. We love each other, and we know that we can make things work." Brian said
"Don't worry, it won't take longer than a week to figure out where I'm going to move and to get my stuff out of here." Justin replied, wondering where he would be living in a week.
"Take all the time you need. Now, I'm going out for a bit. I promise we'll talk more when I get home." Brian said, walking toward the door.
"Sure" Justin said, not knowing what more they could possibly talk about.
Brian left the loft.
As Justin sat on the bed and replayed the conversation, the reality hit him like freight train. Brian is leaving him for a woman. Justin couldn't help but scream. "NO!" "No Brian, you can't leave!"
***
Startled by the screaming coming from the bedroom, Brian stopped working and ran to see why Justin was screaming.
"No, Brian, no. You can't leave. You just can't" Justin was tossing and turning and screaming.
Brian sat on the side of the bed and tried to wake Justin. "Hey Justin, wake up. Come on Sonny Boy, it's just a dream, wake up".
"Brian, Brian, come back. Please." Justin was still screaming.
"Justin, I'm not going anywhere. Please wake up" Brian said, gently shaking Justin.
"Brian... Brian..." Justin woke up, startled by the shaking, and saw Brian looking at him with concern in his eyes. "Brian, you're here"
"Yeah, I'm here. You scared the hell out of me. Another nightmare?" Brian asked, slightly relieved that Justin was awake.
"Kind of... " Justin trailed off, trying to figure out what was real and what was a dream. "It all seemed so real"
"It's ok Justin, don't think about it" Brian said, hugging him close.
Justin curled himself around Brian, and rested his head on his shoulder. Brian held him tight, and let the boy use him as a pillow.
After a long silence, Justin looked up at Brian and asked, "You're still gay, right?"
Convinced that he'd heard Justin wrong, Brian shook his head and looked at him. "What?"
"You're still gay, right?" Justin repeated
"I thought that's what you said. Uh Justin, I've always been gay, why wouldn't I be?" Brian answered.
A huge smile broke out on Justin's face. "Thank god!"
"Calm down, I'm not saying I'm not gay. All I'm saying is that I'm not completely gay. I enjoy fucking men. And I love fucking you. I mean, it's been over a year and I haven't gotten tired of you." Brian explained
"If you haven't gotten tired of me, then why are you leaving me? What's wrong with me?" Justin asked
"Justin, there is nothing wrong with you. I told you, I've just decided that it's time I settle down. I'm going to be thirty-one this year, so I should give up drinking, drugs, and tricking. I don't want to end up like my old man" Brian said.
Justin started to cry. "But why can't you settle down with me? Don't you care about me?"
Brian fought hard to keep his own tears from falling. "Of course I care about you. I have always cared about you."
"Then what's the problem?" Justin sobbed
"I also care about Lindsay" Brian said, deciding to cut right to the chase.
"Lindsay? What does she have to do with this? I know you care about her, she gave birth to your son." Justin asked, slightly confused.
"Justin, I'm in love with Lindsay. I've always cared about her, that's true, and she has always cared about me." Brian replied
"I care about you, and I love you" Justin said in a low voice.
Brian found it harder to keep his tears at bay. "I know you do. I just feel that it's time for me to be a family man. I want my son to have a mother and father in his life."
"So you just want me out of your life?" Justin asked, crying.
"No, I don't want you out of my life." Brian let a tear roll down his cheek. "I need you to understand, or at least try to. Without you I never would have been able to admit to loving anyone. I want you in my life, and in my son's life."
Justin was surprised to see Brian start to cry. "I can only try to understand. But, what about Mel?"
"Lindsay told her yesterday. She's moving out next week. She'll still be a part of Gus's life, but she is signing my parental rights back to me." Brian answered
"That's great, Brian. Really. I'm happy for you." Justin tried to sound convincing. "So, I guess I have the same week's time to move out of here?"
"You can take as long as you wish. I'm not rushing you out. Lindsay and I are going to be taking things slowly. We love each other, and we know that we can make things work." Brian said
"Don't worry, it won't take longer than a week to figure out where I'm going to move and to get my stuff out of here." Justin replied, wondering where he would be living in a week.
"Take all the time you need. Now, I'm going out for a bit. I promise we'll talk more when I get home." Brian said, walking toward the door.
"Sure" Justin said, not knowing what more they could possibly talk about.
Brian left the loft.
As Justin sat on the bed and replayed the conversation, the reality hit him like freight train. Brian is leaving him for a woman. Justin couldn't help but scream. "NO!" "No Brian, you can't leave!"
***
Startled by the screaming coming from the bedroom, Brian stopped working and ran to see why Justin was screaming.
"No, Brian, no. You can't leave. You just can't" Justin was tossing and turning and screaming.
Brian sat on the side of the bed and tried to wake Justin. "Hey Justin, wake up. Come on Sonny Boy, it's just a dream, wake up".
"Brian, Brian, come back. Please." Justin was still screaming.
"Justin, I'm not going anywhere. Please wake up" Brian said, gently shaking Justin.
"Brian... Brian..." Justin woke up, startled by the shaking, and saw Brian looking at him with concern in his eyes. "Brian, you're here"
"Yeah, I'm here. You scared the hell out of me. Another nightmare?" Brian asked, slightly relieved that Justin was awake.
"Kind of... " Justin trailed off, trying to figure out what was real and what was a dream. "It all seemed so real"
"It's ok Justin, don't think about it" Brian said, hugging him close.
Justin curled himself around Brian, and rested his head on his shoulder. Brian held him tight, and let the boy use him as a pillow.
After a long silence, Justin looked up at Brian and asked, "You're still gay, right?"
Convinced that he'd heard Justin wrong, Brian shook his head and looked at him. "What?"
"You're still gay, right?" Justin repeated
"I thought that's what you said. Uh Justin, I've always been gay, why wouldn't I be?" Brian answered.
A huge smile broke out on Justin's face. "Thank god!"