Disclaimer: I do not own Total Drama, The Ridonculous Race, or any of their characters. They belong to Teletoon and Fresh TV. The toys played with in this story are mostly based on toys talked about in a non-fiction book called, TOYS! Amazing Stories Behind Some Great Inventions, by Don Wulffson.

Chris McLean: "Yo! After a bit of a hiatus from the show, Total Drama is back once again, and some oldies but (so-called) goodies are coming back again, with the intention of winning one million dollars! Campers from all three generations of Total Drama so far will be participating, and to please those of you who enjoyed The Ridonculous Race, some former racers will be in the game, as well. But this time, things are going to be a little genre themed, like in Total Drama Action. Oh, how I miss that season! This season, we will be playing around here in this outdoor playground, as well as in several indoor game rooms nearby, with… wait for it… TOYS AND GAMES! That's right, our contestants are going to go back to their childhoods and have a little real fun for a change. Of course, that doesn't mean things won't be fun for me and you. No, sir! I'll be including plenty of creative ways to make sure the toys and games bite back at their handlers in funny ways! And now, I can see our contestants arriving here, right on the dot for once. Let's all welcome them back, for another season of Total… Drama… Playground!"

(Theme song plays: Shows hidden cameras popping out everywhere, and Chris McLean selling toys at a counter in a toy store. Owen is seen sitting among numerous presents, opening them eagerly and discovering great toys. Cameron is blown away by a gust of wind and his kite. Samey plays with a stuffed teddy bear, until Amy snatches it from her and tears off parts of it, and Samey cries. Junior wins a game of Twister against DJ and Spud, and Taylor carelessly throws away her favorite doll. Kitty catches the doll and glares at Taylor's back. Duncan frowns at a piece of Play-Doh and throws it. It hits Jay, and he promptly sneezes. Chef Hatchet notices and hands Jay a handkerchief, which is covered in Chef's own mucus. Ellody examines a Pokédex. Sam loses a video game to Lindsay, and Lindsay cheers while Sam cries. Rodney goes hopping around on a pogo stick cheerfully, while Courtney watches with disapproval. Finally, Beth and Zoey are shown sitting on a couch, hosting the Total Drama Playground Aftermath show and enjoying quality time with Mr. Whiskers (Beth's animal friend from Total Drama Action). The camera pans back to reveal the campers, plus some non-participating contestants, sitting nearby and whistling, as the title of Total Drama Playground is shown.)

Episode 1: Slink 'n Stink, Part 1

Chris: "Here they come now. Our campers, some of them returning for the nth time! Hi, Lindsay!"

Lindsay: "Hi! Great to see you again, Christian!" She hugs him.

Chris: "Okay, I can tell you guys don't really mean affection like that, so stop it."

Lindsay: "I mean it, Christine. I like you!"

Chris: "Okay, if you're gonna call me a girl's name, I could have you shipped back to where you came from."

Lindsay: "Oh! Sorry, Chris."

Chris: "That's better. Ah! Nice to see you again, twins!"

Samey: "Uh, yeah, I guess. I intend to do better this time, and Amy's not gonna interfere with me. Right, Amy?"

Amy: "You know me better than that, Samey. You beat me last time, and I don't intend to let that happen again. And don't even think of standing in my way!"

Samey: "It's Sammy! And you don't deserve to beat me! We're cheerleaders, but I do all the cheering. You're more like the Ice Dancers from The Ridonculous Race-!"

Chris: "Uh, technically, isn't that one of the things Total Drama is about, Samey?"

Samey: "Well, yeah, but-"

Chris: "I rest my case. Hello there, Ellody! Interesting to see somebody whose I.Q. can actually rival my own!"

Ellody: "If you want, I can teach you some things about advanced geometry, or maybe algebra-"

Chris: "All right! When I want a math lesson, I can go back to middle school, okay?"

Ellody: "Wh-whatever. Touchy man."

Lindsay: "What's geometry?"

Ellody: "It's an advanced form of math which can help sharpen a person's mind so she or he can solve complex problems better."

Lindsay: "Oh. Okay." She grins.

Chris: "Here come some more not-so-happy campers, or at least soon to be!"

Cameron: "Hey! I've always loved playgrounds! Too bad my bubble always prevented me from being able to monkey around on the monkey bars and play catch with other kids."

Kitty: "Aw, such a cute little place! All it needs is a litter of kittens and a mechanical bull, and we're rolling!"

Chris: "Oh, you'd be amazed, Kitty, at what sorts of things the producers, Chef, and I have done with this place (chortles)!"

Duncan: "All right, man, this really bites big time! I'm a punk teen. I don't do toys anymore! You hear me, Chris?"

Chris: "Yeah, I heard you, Duncan. Now please join the others standing over there." He points to where the group is standing.

Duncan: (Sighs and scowls).

Taylor: "As much as I don't like you, juvie boy, I'm with you on this one. Toys are for babies, and they're all expendable."

Duncan: "What I meant is that all toys are just plain stupid, you brat!"

Taylor: "So? What I said was very similar. Wait a minute! Who're you calling a brat?!"

Duncan: "You!"

Taylor and Duncan do a glaring contest.

Chris: "Okay, enough! Save the drama for when the show is really underway! That's when our viewers really like to see the blood, sweat and tears."

Courtney: "Yeah, miss 'I-get-everything-I-want.' Stay away from the most gross and annoying boy I know, my first boyfriend!"

Taylor: "Look who's talking! You're pretty selfish yourself. Pun intended! (Narrows her eyes)"

Duncan: "Courtney, I wish you'd stop standing up for me. Every time you do, it's like you're gonna drive me crazy!"

Chris: "Yeah, we all know what that's like, don't we?"

Courtney: "Shut up, Chris!"

Rodney: "Uh, hello there, Mr. McLean! Great to be back again!"

Chris: "Yeah, nice to see you again, too, Big Boy Rodney."

Rodney: (Walks up to Ellody) "Wow! You sure are… uh… pretty, young lady. I l-l-like your glasses."

Ellody: "Uh, thanks. I use them to see better, because I'm nearsighted, and to make myself look a little smarter."

Rodney: "Amazing! What are you, uh… doing later tonight? I'd like to go through your layouts, or somethin'."

Ellody: "I think I'm just going to walk over to the other side of the crowd, if that's okay." She walks over to the other side of the growing number of campers.

Rodney: (Pouts)

Chris: "Here comes Total Drama's favorite party animal! Owen!"

Owen: "Sweet Marie! It's great to be back in the game again! Come 'ere, Chris!" He gives Chris a bear hug.

Chris: "Hnnnggghh! Okay! I get it, Owen, you've never lost your enthusiasm for playing in reality shows! Now stand over there with the others."

Owen: "I hear we're playing with toys this season. It'll be great getting reacquainted with my favorite childhood playthings!"

Chris: "Actually, Owen, most of the toys, though not necessarily all, will be provided by me and Chef, and that toy store over there." He points to a toy store not far from the playground.

Owen: "Oh. I'm not worried. I can play with anything!"

Duncan: "Like you can eat anything, tubby?"

Owen: "Yeah, exactly!"

Chris: "Welcome to the game of Total Drama Playground, Spud."

Spud: (Stands and stares without a response.)

Chris: (Waits impatiently, but finally gives up.) "All right, rocker, I get it! Just get over there and continue not to say anything!"

Spud: (Walks over to the campers.)

Chris: "Ah, yes. Here comes our little farm girl, Beth!"

Spud: "Thanks, man!" (Grins)

Chris: (Glares at Spud.) "You had your chance to earn my respect before, but now it's too late, so shut it. Anyway, Beth, how's things down on the farm?"

Beth: "Mr. Whiskers tried to eat my pet pig, Bertha."

Chris: "Okay, you know what? I don't think even Total Drama is the appropriate place to talk about dog-eats-dog literally."

Beth: "Technically, they're a raccoon and a pig."

Chris: "You seriously think I'm interested in that, Beth?"

Beth: "Um, I guess not?"

Chris: "Correct. But now, let's continue to welcome more campers! Here comes another familiar big guy, and a couple of less familiar little guys!"

DJ: "Great to be back again! I just hope we're not doing any more scary challenges this time."

Chris: "Oh, it won't be as scary as in previous seasons, DJ!" (Aside to camera) "Of course, 'as scary' is a metaphorical term, you know!" (Winks)

Jay: "Man, I hope none of these toys are anything I'm allergic to. I couldn't bear to lose because of my allergies!"

Chris: "Yeah. Your parents warned us about that. Well, we'll keep that in mind. It can't hurt your chances at winning."

Jay: "Whew!"

Junior: "Wow! It's great to be here! I can't wait to play the fun games at this place; although, I hope that not too many of them are too childish. I'm becoming a little man, after all."

Chris: "You'll find out eventually, Junior. You know, normally I don't let people below the age of sixteen participate in this show. But I made an exception this time, 'cause I thought the fun and games would be right up your alley."

Junior: "Great! Thanks, Mr. McLean!"

Duncan: "Oh sure, that shrimp gets preferential treatment, but I, a kid who wrecks and hacks stuff for a living, have to be involved, too? A season like this fits Gwen better than me!"

Chris: "Yeah, we thought of that. But unfortunately, Gwen convinced her family to force me to rescind her Total Drama contract after the last All-Stars season. Apparently, she hates me and this show so much, she'd sooner sink to the bottom of the ocean and implode than come here ever again. Of course, maybe the producers can change that someday. Maybe." (Grins)

Ellody: "Is anybody left?"

Chris: "Just a couple more. Ah, here they are now! Sam, our video game pro, and Zoey, resident nice girl!"

Sam: "Hi guys! What's the name of the game?"

Chris: "Total Drama Playground. Have you already forgotten, dum dum?"

Sam: "Sorry."

Zoey: "You really should stop being so mean, Chris. Some people think you're not even human, for gosh's sake!"

Chris: "Yeah, I get that a lot. But it's not like I care all that much, Zoey. That's the reality of being a reality TV show host, isn't it? Drama and conflict are part of the game, right?"

Zoey: "It still doesn't feel right."

Chris: "Save the psycho analysis, flower girl! I'm never in the mood for it!"

Courtney: "And we're never in the mood for psychos like McLean and Hatchet to treat us like toads!"

Ellody: "I think the word for it is, Chris McLean is 'sub-human', from what I've heard."

Chris: (Puts his hands over his ears and tries to ignore them.) "Let's get on with it! Now that everyone's arrived, it's time to form your teams. Listen as I call your names, and stand where I tell you to, and I'll announce the name of your team. Sam, Rodney, Ellody, Duncan, Spud, Amy, Kitty, Taylor, and Cameron. Come over here. (Gestures to his left hand side.) You are now going to be known as… the Raving Gamers!" (Tosses to Spud a flag with a typical Total Drama circle emblem on it, this one showing a PlayStation/Xbox style remote control.

Spud: "Awesome, dude! We're all Gamers!"

Ellody: "Sounds like a great name for a genius like me!"

Sam: "I LOVE IT! GAME ON!"

Chris: "And now, for the rest of the campers. Zoey, Lindsay, Courtney, Owen, Jay, DJ, Beth, Samey, and Junior, come over here." (Gestures to his right hand side.) From here on, you are going to be called… the Drama Queens!" (Tosses to Owen a flag with a TD emblem displaying building blocks.)

Owen: "Sweet! I'm a Drama Queen!" (Pauses as everyone looks at him pointedly.) "I didn't mean it that way! Oh, man, how clumsy can I be?" (Facepalms)

Jay: "Chris, am I a Drama Queen because I'm effeminate?"

Chris: "Maybe, maybe not."

Taylor: "I'd say he is. He sure is lame enough."

Kitty: (Slaps Taylor twice) "Stop putting down the Adversity Twins, Taylor! They don't deserve it!"

Taylor: (Rubs cheeks) "I say they do!"

Chris: "I say you all do. You've never been grateful to be on my lovable show, and-"

Courtney: "Go screw yourself, Chris! You're nothing but a pig and a bully!" (Chef suddenly grabs her from behind) "Ah! Put me down, you beast!"

Chef: "I expected more out of you, soldier."

Chris: "That's right, campers. Let Courtney be an example of what happens when you talk back to the Host with the Most."

(Everybody glowers down Chris, even Owen, Jay and Junior.)

Chris: (Stammers, then sighs) "Okay, fine! I'll lay off the attitude for a little while. But only a little while. But for now, let's stop arguing. It's time for your first challenge, and time to see which of the two new teams will prevail first, and which will flunk first."

(Chris takes them inside the toy store and produces a toy that all of them recognize from one time or another. Junior, Jay and Owen look excited. Taylor and Duncan look exasperated.)

Chris: "As I believe all of you know, this is a Slinky. Now it may not seem like you can do much exciting with it, or treacherous, on a reality show. But the producers and I have thought of a clever way to let you have fun with it, while at the same time, giving you a taste of the latest Total Drama torture we've thought of. Come outside with me, and I'll show you."

(They walk outside, and Chris leads them to a very steep hill on an old, mostly abandoned road, and gestures for them to look down.)

Chris: "At the top of this hill, you're expected to let your Slinkys spring down to the bottom of the hill, and at the same time, you have to run after it and get to the bottom before it does, even if it means tumbling over your own two feet. Then, you must use your hands and/or a stick to make the Slinkys go back up a slightly less steep part of the hill, and only slightly less, I must emphasize. Fail at either half of the challenge, and you have to go back to the beginning of that half to try, try again. The first team to finish the challenge, or the team which has the most members able to finish the challenge, wins invincibility for their team. The losing team goes to Chef Hatchet's Toy Auction, where somebody will be the first one voted out of the game. So… what do ya think, happy campers?"

(Everybody looks at the hill and the road.)

DJ: "Oh, s***!"

To be continued…