Hagrid rolled over in bed and looked away from the wall. Now he saw three sets of bright shiny eyes staring at him. They were located somewhat less than a meter from the floor and they appeared to be owned by three one-meter tall stuffed bears??? The only trouble was these three seemed to be very much alive and waiting for him to wake up.
"Good morning Hagrid, its too late. You blinked your eyes too many times.
Would like some assistance getting out of bed?" He turned to the bear on his right who said "pick Hagrid up and put him in his chair, gently please Dax. Hagrid, I am Jax and this is Bex."
Hagrid was startled when Dax gently lifted and placed him in the chair by the fireplace. "Hagrid, would you like a fire this morning?" asked Dax.
Bex went outside and returned with a load of wood for the fire. Which started immediately as was proper.
"Hagrid, do you have anything for breakfast around here?" asked Jax. "I don't think we ought let you go up to the castle for breakfast today."
"I have some ham and rye flour," said Hagrid.
"Bex, you and Hagrid start with that. Dax will get a couple of puppies to play with and I will get some more breakfast food from those 4-legged 2-armed idiots in the woods," said Jax.
"You met the centaurs?" asked Hagrid.
"Yes," said Bex. "Are they like that all the time? How can they find their way home?"
"The centaurs are very interested in the stars and they keep a close watch on the heavens."
"If they are not careful, they will be watching the heavens from the bottom of a roasting pit," said Bex.
Hagrid looked at him in horror. "What were the puppies Dax was going after in the forest?"
Bex looked at him and smiled. "Now just what kind of puppies could we catch for your morning class in the Forbidden Forest?"
Hagrid once looked horrified. These little bears were demons.
"You are demons!" Hagrid said.
"Really we aren't," Bex said. "We have been called the Demon Teddy Bears before, but that was far, far away. We aren't going to hurt any students, teachers, or even a monster or two. I really can't speak for a werewolf's pride, I am afraid that will be quite damaged. I don't think it will hurt anyone else. Now lets finish getting breakfast ready. My friends will be quite hungry.
Can we feed the puppies some of your ham, I think they will be hungry too?"
Hagrid's mind was spinning in all directions. Feed some of his ham to some werewolves? Get breakfast ready? He moved slowly and steadily getting breakfast put together. Rye bread was finally ready from the coals and the ham was sliced and broiled.
A knock at the door and Jax entered with a basket of things from the centaurs. "Hagrid," Jax said, "they felt sorry for you when I told them we were staying with you. Dax is tying the puppies out back. He will be inside soon. Sort through the basket Hagrid for anything else we need."
As Jax was washing up, Dax entered and joined him. Hagrid and Bex found several other foods. Cheeses and jellies were added to their breakfast.
Hagrid was astounded that the little bears and their politeness.
"Hagrid, I believe it is time for class. Would you like to greet the students, personally I think it would be best if you and my partners would wait behind the hut! We can have more fun that way!"
Oh Lord! Thought Hagrid. What are we in for today? The three of them of them went of the back door. Jax went out the front door to wait for the students.
The Gryffindor and Slytheryn students walked down to Hagrid's hut for their first class. They were only a few yards away when they noticed a stationary object. They moved closer and identified a small bear? The Slytheryn students made their usual rude comments and wound on the ground out cold. The Gryffindor students backed up. Jax looked at them. "I am your teacher today. I will so tell them. When they wake up. They will not be able to move or talk, just listen for a while."
"Where is Hagrid?" asked a girl with bushy hair.
"Ah you must be Hermione? Hagrid warned us about you. He will be here in little while. There are three of us here for your morning lesson. Oh good your classmates are awake."
"Attention Slytheryn students, my associates and I are teaching your class this morning. Please watch the opening class demo before deciding on further resistance. Your current condition is not due to magic but Muggle technology
10,000 years in the future. We are also immune to your Magic. If any of you would like to try, please get an angle that would not get a classmate. Please get back on your feet."
"I am JAX. Here is BEX." A second small bear comes flying over Hagrid's hut. "Here is Hagrid!" Hagrid comes flying bravely over his hut. Bravely is the best way to say it. He does not look very comfortable doing this. "Here is DEX with your morning lesson!" A third bear landed with looked suspiciously like a pair of full-grown were-wolves in a state of shock.
A boy sitting next to Hermione raises his hand and asks, "Jax, those look like were-wolves?"
"10 points to Gryffindor, I believe is the phrase you use. Quite right. These were-wolves are a bit mentally battered at the moment. They should recover in a week or two."
"DAX!!" bellowed Jax.
"All right, all right. See I didn't even use that Americanism that infuriates Imogene? I popped up in front of the puppies when they were hunting. I let them bite me a couple of times. Once each. They said it hurt to bite me, so I started biting them. I don't think they will hunt any small bears again in this country. As a matter for thought, if they ever see a small bear in England again they will be over in shamrock country for the rest of their lives."
"Hagrid, I am afraid you now have some psychotic were-wolves," said Jax.
The students were rolling on the ground laughing.
After Hagrid had delivered the lecture he had always wished teach. He turned and thanked his teaching assistants and asked for a round of applause from his students. He even got some applause from some of the Slytheryn students before Malfoy glared them into silence. Dax took the were-wolves behind the hut and 'put them up' for the afternoon class.
Hagrid asked, "What do you mean 'put them up'?"
Dax smiled as they walked to the castle for lunch. "I put them in a kind of cage. Then disguised it to look like it wasn't a cage. Put up a sign to keep people away."
They entered the great hall. Jax looked up. "Looks just like its described in the books. I need to sit with Professor Dumbledore." They climbed to the teacher's table. "Professor, I need to sit next to you, my friends will be at the corners of the hall. We should be able to stabilize this building, no matter what else happens."
"Jax, I hope I am glad to meet you. Why are you here."
"I wish I could say it in simple way Professor. Your world is up for evaluation. Have you ever been exposed to the concept of the-world-as-a-myth? This is your turn."
"But with only seven books in the series, I did not think we did not think we even had a shot," said Dumbledore.
"You probably would not have, except for fan-fiction sites. They have blown your mythos way past mine and even the venerable one of OZ," said Jax.
"Well time to tinker a bit. I can reset with no damage. So we can see just what is required and what is not. Sometimes it really hurts. Here we go."
A dirty filthy, were-wolf bitten Lucius Malfoy ran into the great hall surrounded by death-eaters. "I am going to kill him, I am going to kill him!"
He chanted over and over.
Jax stood on the table. "Looking for someone Mr. Malfoy?"
Lucius Malfoy pointed his wand and opened his mouth.
Draco yelled at his father, "It's a trap!"
Jax called out "tuning out Malfoy."
While everyone watched in horror both Malfoys started getting fainter and fainter.
Dumbledore looked on in fascination. "What's happening?"
" The Malfoy family is being removed from J K Rowling's stories and all other fan fiction," replied Jax. "It is not being replaced with another character in the same slot. So now Crabe and Goyle will wander clueless. Bex and Dax how are the readings now? I get some faltering of several storylines. A lot of fan-fiction has fallen away."
Bex shook his head. "Apparently there a lot of fan-fiction authors with a rather gloomy outlook on life. They probably need to hook up with the SCA for a more active approach to life."
Dax agreed. I get the same readings. The steps outside the castle are getting misty too. Bring back the Malfoy clan and set the time to 7 am in Dumbledore's bedroom upstairs.
Dumbledore rolled over in bed. He saw three sets of bright shiny eyes staring at him. They were located somewhat less than a meter from the floor and they appeared to be owned by three one-meter tall stuffed bears??? The only trouble was these three seemed to be very much alive and waiting for him to wake up.
Opened his eyes. Closed his eyes. "I have got to stop having those night-caps," he thought.
"Good morning Professor Dumbledore," his hangovers sang out!
"Who are you?" he asked.
"We are from the-world-as-a-myth evaluation group. We would like to congratulate you on being recognized as a new world line. You will be monitored as such almost entirely due to the voluminous writing of the fan-fiction writers on the various web-sites."
"Goodbye Professor. If you see Sir Cadigan replaced by a fat knight. That's Sir Paul, our creator. Kick him out and send the loafer back to work. St Mongo's could use someone his size and strength."
They faded out.
"Where's that bottle," Dumbledore mumbled. Then a memory of an evening in the great hall that will never happen came back and he fell out of bed.
Everything could have been chalked up to a dream if it hadn't been for that certificate stating that they were now "in existence". Nice joke, if it had not been for the signature line: GLINDA the GOOD, of OZ.
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Acknowledgements to the some of the all-time greats of Science Fiction
Robert Heinlein for the concept of world-as-a-myth and to Paul Anderson and Gordon Dickson for creating the lovable HOKA's. I hesitate to give more on either author lest we corrupt this genre entirely. My only regrets are that those authors have passed away.