September 1952. 4077th Mobile Army Surgical Hospital. Uijeongbu, South Korea

Majors Frank Burns and Margaret Houlihan were having a drink in the officer's club celebrating Burn's recent promotion to acting commanding officer of the 4077th M*A*S*H*. With Frank as C.O. And Margaret as head nurse, nothing could stop the duo. The thought made Frank giggle. That and the fact he and the Major were playing footsie, and he was slightly ticklish. Just then one of his surgeons, Captain John McIntyre, came in to the O-Club. Without invitation the captain sat next to his superior officers.

'Trapper' John requested, "Frank, Hawkeye has been taking Henry's death pretty hard. I think he is overdue for some leave."

Houlihan stated, "That's Major, Captain. Colonel Blake's passing has been hard on all of us. But, unfortunately it is part of war. If the Major granted leave to everyone affected our former commander's death, there would be no-one left to attend the wounded. We still must soldier on... and follow military protocol."

McIntyre observed, "Wow, Frank, your lips didn't even move. Henry's been gone less than a month, and Pierce is going a little more bananas each day. I should know, I haven't slept for a week thanks to our Chief Surgeon's tossing and turning in his sleep and shouting out in the middle of the night. There has been a a lull in the action, and I really do think that we can spare Hawkeye for a few days!"

Almost on cue, Dr. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce, Chief Surgeon of the 4077th M*A*S*H*, walked into the officer's club wearing his class "A" hat, sunglasses, combat boots, and nothing else. Among the whistles and the cat calls McIntyre glared at Burns.

The acting commanding officer simply said, "It's nothing we haven't seen before."

The chief nurse suggested, "Frank, maybe it wouldn't hurt to get rid of Pierce for a week or so."

Burns replied, "But Margaret, if I let him go now, McIntyre will be running around the camp naked tomorrow."

Trapper caught the look on Margaret's face when she was pondering the thought of the Bostonian Surgeon running around the camp in the all-together, and saw a chink in the duo's armor. McIntyre walked over to the piano, and whispered something into Father Mulcahy's ear. The priest quickly transitioned from playing a quick jazz number to the "Tennessee Waltz." Trapper John then walked over to Margaret, and started waltzing with her in the middle of the bar.

The sight of Captain McIntyre dancing with Major Houlihan had it's effect in making Major Burns very jealous. But what Frank furious was how much Margaret seemed to be enjoying it. The acting commanding officer garnered as much courage as he could and started angrily tapping on Trapper's broad sholder.

Margaret softly said, "Trapper..."

The Captain mumbled, "Hmmmmmm"

Upon seeing Burns, Houlihan stated, "Captain, I believe Major Burns would like to dance."

McIntyre acknowledged, "Yes, Ma'am." Upon that, the junior surgeon started dancing with Major... Burns- much to the approval of the onlookers in the club.

"Captain, what do you think you are doing?!" Frank cried while trying free himself from "Trapper" John's embrace.

McIntyre smiled and whispered in Burn's ear, "Can Hawkeye have his leave?"

The acting C.O. firmly answered, "No!" Trapper then started to dip Frank. Burns ordered, "Captain, let me go!"

For once, Captain John McIntyre obeyed an order. Frank fell flat on the floor. When Burns looked up, he saw McIntyre had returned to his waltz with Major Houlihan.

Margaret quietly asked her dance partner, "Captain, what do you think your doing?"

Trapper answered, "Oh just helping out a buddy."

Houlihan just mumbled, "Hmmmm."

Burns didn't like what he was seeing at all. Much to Trapper and Margaret's surprise, Frank tapped Margaret on the shoulder. When the chief nurse stepped aside, the acting commander simply said, "You win McIntyre. Pierce gets his leave."

Trapper then walked over to Hawkeye, who was napping in the corner. Somebody had mercifully given the chief surgeon a blanket. McIntyre shook his friend's shoulder, instructing him, "Hawk, get dressed, you're going to Tokyo.

Hours after Hawkeye left the inevitable happened. Trapper was having what passed for lunch in the mess hall when the PA started blaring. "Choppers, Choppers, Choppers." McIntyre could feel the 'I told you so' looks from Burns and Houlihan. Wounded arriving and they were two surgeons short.

In the O.R., Burns was incessant, "Well, well, well, what do you have to say for yourself now, Captain Smartypants?"

Trapper just said, "C'mon Frank. I don't have a crystal ball." Franks sniping didn't bother him as much as the fact that he may have been right. They probably should have at least waited until they got a replacement for Henry before letting Hawkeye go on leave.

Just then Company Clerk Walter "Radar" Orielly came in, "The 8063rd will take the heavier part of the casualties, since we are so short handed."

Major Houlihan said, "Thank you corporal."

Frank complained, "But we still have quite a bit of work here."

Radar continued, "Per your instructions, sir, I put a request for a relief surgeon." Burns nodded in approval, but didn't remember ordering the clerk to put in for another doctor.

USS Kearsarge CVA 33 Yellow Sea off the coast of Korea, west of Incheon.

Lt. R. Quincy, MD was greeted when he entered sickbay by Petty Officers Charlie Barnes and Max Carson. Barnes and Carson were Corpsmen who had been through some pretty intense times with the doctor.

"Quincy, Lindy and Leadbottom are looking for you." Carson warned, referring to the ships Chief Medical Officer Leonard Linderman and the Skipper, Captain Burgess McKenzie, respectively.

The Lieutenant moaned, "That can't be good. And my day was going so well. The pictures I took while I was on leave in Yokosuka finally came out..."

Barnes asked, "I thought you had it in good with the Skipper?"

Quincy answered, "Yeah, Leadbottom and I have been getting along great, but that in itself has caused some friction between myself and Commander Linderman."

Max observed, "Ahh Unlucky Lindy is green with more than just sea sickness..."

Lieutenant Quincy made it up to the Captain's office. After knocking, Quincy heard a loud command of, "Enter!" When Quincy came in he saw Commander Linderman sitting across from Captain McKenzie at the skipper's desk.

McKenzie spoke, "At ease, Lieutenant. You look like you just got summoned to the principal's office. We actually have an opportunity for you."

Quincy assumed the position of 'at ease' and relaxed a little. But the Lieutenant did tense up when he saw his immediate supervisor smile.

Linderman made a sickly grin and said, "Oh yes, you'll like this, Quincy."

The Captain appeared not to notice the Commander's odd smile, and explained, "While the Army and the Navy are often at competition with each other- a joint assignment goes far to getting one promoted. And one just came up that we think you are perfect for."

Lieutenant Quincy wasn't much interested in a promotion, he just wanted to be out of the Navy and on his own boat. One that wasn't government issue. And one that had one or more members of the crew being that of the female gender. That is the only situation that the good doctor saw himself as 'Captain Quincy.' But the Lieutenant was curious what the Captain and Commander had in store for him.

Commander Linderman continued, "A Mobile Army Surgical Hospital is critically short of surgeons. You will be assigned there for at least one week until their chief surgeon returns from leave, and possibly until their commanding officer's replacement arrives."

Quincy incredulously asked, "They let their chief surgeon go on leave while they were short handed?"

Leadbottom just grunted, "It is the Army after all... Any other questions?"

The Lieutenant followed up with, "What happened to their C.O.?"

Linderman answered, "KIA," This made Quincy think the CMO was trying to get rid of him a bit more permanently...

Leadbottom gave the final order, "Lieutenant, the mail chopper will drop you off at Kimpo Air Force Base tomorrow morning. A representative from M.A.S.H. 4077th will be waiting for you there."

Quincy acknowledged, "Yes sir," and returned to his quarters to pack his sea bag. The Lieutenant wondered what sort of hell hole Unlucky Lindy was throwing him in.