Ok it's been a long time since I published anything, but with the news that the boys are heading back to production shortly, I thought why the SMEG not. The story is about an object that has got the boys from the Dwarf all worried, any then there is Holly, why had he gone offline.

Chapter one - The Blip

Inside the Navi comp room

Rimmer is sat hunched over a console, his right leg jiggling up and down. A noise outside the room made him glance towards the door, through which Lister strolls in.

"Alright Rimmer, what you doing?" askes Lister who then proceeds to wonder over to a nearby console seat and sits down.

Rimmer has returned to looking at the screen, without looking up he says. "Nothing you need to concern yourself with Lister!"

Lister uses his feet to push off the nearby console desk and freewheels his way over to Rimmer. "Come on man you have been looking at that screen all morning, let's go and have some fun."

Rimmer snaps his head around to glare at Lister. "Listen you total git, some of us care if we crash into a moon or a star or … or … "

Lister interrupts him mid or "Or what Rimmer, there is nothing out there, there has been nothing out there four the last 6 months and there is nothing out there still, it's space Rimmer, it's big, black and empty."

Rimmer points to his screen. "Well Lister that is where you are most definitely wrong. See this blip?"

Lister leans over to take a closer look and points to a splodge on the screen. "What that one?"

Rimmer shakes his head. "No, that Lister, is the last evidence of a chicken curry you had two weeks ago, I mean this one." Says Rimmer pointing to the green blip flicking on the screen.

Lister licks his index finger and traces it over the first blip, and then quickly he returns that same finger to his mouth, sucking he pauses to consider the taste. "Nope that's not chicken, that's lamb."

Rimmers face is one of utter disgust. "You know Lister, in all the years I have known you, it still amazes me how you can totally, and I mean this with 100% certainty, disgust me."

Lister smiles. "Thanks man." Lister leans in to take a look at the second, real blip. "So any idea what it is?"

Rimmer smiles. "Well I know what it isn't.".

"What isn't it?"

"It isn't space, and it isn't dead!"

Lister moves over to one of the other consoles and glances down at a series of digits and graphical representations. "So what does Holly think it is?"

Rimmers right leg starts to jiggle again, only more so than before. "Holly isn't available."

"What do you mean not, not available?"

Rimmer shifts in his seat. "He's gone offline."

Lister looked alarmed. "Offline, why the smeg has he done that?"

Rimmer gulped. "Emm, he got this err letter." Rimmer paused not sure how to continue.

Lister pressed him to continue "And…"

"And, he just switched himself off, said something about a millennium bug."

Lister frowned. "He turned himself off because of a bug?"

Rimmer nodded.

Lister got up and stared out of the window. "So if it's not space, what the smeg is it?"

Rimmer handed Lister a readout, Lister studied the sheet, then studied it again. "But that's not possible."

Rimmer clenched his fist and bit it. "I know" he said through a mouth full of fist.