Title: What I've Done
Author: Chronos Mephistopheles
Disclaimer: I do not own anything of SquareEnix's stuff, nor do I own the lyrics to Linkin Park's song. We should all know this by now.
Author's Note: Sorry I haven't posted the next chapter of Love Games, or Academia, or Keybearer. This little songfic has been bugging me for a while and I just had to write it. It might be a little longer on all the other stuff, seeing as I barely have time to sleep. And university just started a week ago today… that's a sign.
But no more excuses for me! I hope this can hold you all off for a little bit.
Warnings: Angst, shonen-ai/slash/yaoi, possible spoilers for the few of you who still haven't beaten Kingdom Hearts I,II, or CoM, or even Re:CoM, sappyness
Genre: Angst/Romance
Pairing: Riku/Sora
Summary: Riku still can't forgive himself for falling into darkness. Will one conversation change it all for him? PostKH2 yaoi
What I've Done
Riku sat on his Paopu tree, staring off into the sunset. Another day on the islands, another day reminding him of the problems he caused. Beautiful aqua eyes hidden beneath overgrown silver bangs stared at the horizon. The horizon was a symbol, and Riku had recognized that as early as twelve years old.
He had known now, for approximately five years now. No wonder the darkness took over him so easily. Riku was weak. Weak from this obsession, this…love he has for his best friend. Weak because his dearest wish would never come true.
The Land and Sky aren't meant to be together. There is always something separating them. The horizon, the darkness, the Door to Kingdom Hearts, his guilt and back to the horizon.
In this farewell
There's no blood
There's no alibi
Cause I've drawn regret
From the truth
Of a thousand lies
"Riku!" The silver haired boy startled, his head whipping around to see who it was. Sight was unnecessary, but the Twilight Keyblade wielder always liked visual confirmation. There he was, Sora, running towards him with a smile that could chase away the darkness.
So let mercy come
And wash away
Sora was pure, completely filled with light. Even with Roxas, his own personal darkness, back together with him, Sora remained pure. It was like his heart just chased everything away. Riku never had any cares anymore when around Sora.
The brown haired boy hopped over the side, taking position not even a full foot away from Riku's knee. Sora still had the big smile on his face, the grin making the sunset last even longer if possible.
What I've done
I'll face myself
To cross out what I've become
Erase myself
And let go of what I've done
The silver haired boy just sat and watched Sora, the cerulean eyes of the younger boy just staring out into the horizon like Riku had only moments before. It was right about now, that Riku had to hold himself back from touching the boy. No, not boy. Sora had grown into a man, an adult right before his eyes. Sora was pure in his heart, but his mind knew the true darkness in the world.
Riku caught himself in his daze; his calloused, pale hand was reaching out for Sora. To touch him, to rub his fingers through that messy hair, to feel the light that just radiated from the boy. Zexion had been right all along. Where the light goes, the darkness will follow it. That had to be to blame. Riku still had darkness, he still was tainted.
Light can never be with dark. Just like the Sky and the Land can't be together. Always something separating them.
Put to rest
What you thought of me
Well I've clean this slate
With the hands
Of uncertainty
"Hey Riku?" Sora's voice was a soft whisper barely heard over the white noise of the ocean. Riku jerked his hand back, forcing his eyes back to the horizon as Sora turned his gaze to him. "You okay?"
Riku smirked, "Of course I'm okay."
Sora shook his head, his cerulean eyes darkening with sadness. "No, not like that." Sora's eyes darted around. The boy had never been able to stare into Riku's eyes for too long; at least, since Xemnas's death anyway. "You, you know we're not mad at you right?"
"Huh?" Very intelligent Riku, his mind supplied. Way to go. "Whatever are you talking about?" Riku could feel the nervousness and depression slowly bubbling in his stomach. Like letting loose a flock of butterflies, or a group of cricket jumping around inside of you. It was a very horrible feeling.
So let mercy come
And wash away
What I've done
I'll face myself
To cross out what I've become
Erase myself
And let go of what I've done
"You know exactly what I mean Riku!" Sora's eyes were narrowed, and did Riku see the beginnings of tears? Oh no… "I don't hate you. None of us do!"
"Whoever said I thought you hated me?" Riku had to turn away.
Sora pouted, moving himself to stand in front of Riku, his hands resting on the older boy's knees. "They way to act Riku!" Riku froze, his breath halting. "I know you better than anyone else. You think I don't notice the way you are trying to separate yourself from us? From me? Why don't you talk to me anymore? Why don't you…" Sora shook his head, lowering his gaze to the sandy ground. "Why don't you like me anymore?"
For what I've done
Aqua eyes widened, their owner staring at the Keyblade master in shock. His mouth moved open and closed, like a gaping fish, unable to force any sound out.
"It hurts when you ignore me Riku. It hurts a lot." Sora's form began trembling, taking in gasping breaths. He was fighting back tears, Riku remembered the same process from when they were younger.
Riku finally allowed himself to reach out, pulling Sora into an awkward hug. The blue-eyed boy clung to him, latching himself on with a grip that rivaled leeches. "I…I'm not ignoring you Sora. I-" Riku closed his eyes, burying himself into the tanned crook of Sora's neck. He could feel the younger's pulse, and hear every raspy breath he took in. "I just don't know how to do this."
Sora pulled back forcefully, Riku and Sora finally meeting each other's gazes; Sora's eyes were puffy from crying, Riku's slowly getting red from wanting to cry. Sora's look was incredulous. "And you think I do?" Sora gave a nervous laugh. "I have no idea what I'm doing." His look softened, "I'm making up stuff as I go along. It's hard to be leading."
"Leading?"
"My own life." Sora closed his eyes. As Sora thought for the proper words to say, Riku pulled back and just stared. Sora's back was to the fading sunset, the sky darkening almost ominously. The fading light had washed over Sora, a small halo-like effect around his petite form. "The entire time we were off Destiny Islands, I was following someone. Just following. Chasing after you, a good ninety percent of the time." Riku could feel his eyes widen, just ever so slightly.
I start again
And whatever pain may come
Today this ends
I'm forgiving what I've done
"Even when you were in darkness Riku, I chased after you! I didn't even have to think about it. Follow Riku, my heart told me. That's all I've ever done." Sora chuckled, the sound dry. "Even when I had no idea where you were, I looked for you. I needed to follow you, to find you." Sora finally opened his eyes and leaned forward. His arms were across Riku's thighs, Sora barely reaching mid-chest on Riku.
"I'm lost without you Riku."
I'll face myself
To cross out what I've become
Erase myself
And let go of what I've done
And the look that crossed Sora's face, that filled Sora's beautiful eyes as the last bits of sunset faded away was one Riku thought he'd ever see.
What I've done
Love.
Forgiving what I've done
And Riku, whose namesake meant 'land', the keyblade wielder that still had darkness inside his heart, felt the horizon disappear.
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Okay, that didn't really come out how I planned, but I had to get this written. This story has only been begging to be written since I started Love Games. 0.0 yeah, that long ago.