How to Lose a Guy
Full Summary:
Bella attempts to show women everything they do wrong in relationships, her victim: Edward Cullen. Edward Cullen wants to prove that he can make any woman fall for his charm, his victim: Isabella Swan. What happens when they both end up with more than they ever thought was possible? AH AU and OOC.
A/N #1
HI guys so shoot me, I was watching this movie and thought this would be cute. It'll be based a lot around the movie but I'll try to add my own twists and turns in as well. So anyways Stephanie Meyer owns all, I just like to play around.
Bella Swan POV
"Ugh!" I exclaimed sending off the final copy of my "How to Have Your Best Orgasm" my "How to" article for this month.
I have a Masters from Columbia University in literature and here I am telling women how they can have "earth shattering orgasms." What a joke.
I worked for Composure magazine, the fastest growing women's magazine in the country.
"Bella" Rose called out. Rosalie Hale was one of my best friends who also happened to be our fitness expert, "Have you seen Alice? I tried to call and she didn't answer."
We both looked at each other and groaned. Alice tended to freak people out specifically men, often. She had some weird premonition of the future, and a big mouth along with more spunk that should even be healthy for one person.
Often Alice got these visions, seeing her and a guy growing old together, getting married, having kids, which would tend to freak any guy out especially considering it was usually only after one date that she'd describe her visions to him.
"It's my turn" I sighed glancing at the clock. I had an hour and a half to drag her out of bed and get her to our weekly Monday meeting.
Rose rolled her eyes, grabbing a dress off a rack nearby. "Here Alice will love this" she said tossing me the bright yellow number with a rouched waistline and a slight v neck back. Without a second glance I headed out of our office toward the Starbucks located at the corner to pick up two iced coffees along the way to her apartment.
It was a beautiful day in May of New York City. I listened to my heels click put a polite smile on my face as I shoved through the crowded streets, passing people of all sorts, including the annoying construction men who unintelligently whistled and shouted as I walked by always causing the familiar pink blush on my cheeks.
I reached Alice's apartment door in no time, letting myself in with her password I came up to her top floor apartment and knocked.
No Answer.
I knocked harder, and finally I heard the door lock click and there stood all 4'9" of the little pixie in her hot pink pajamas, white robe, sniffling with a Kleenex in hand.
I shoved through.
"Alice! Get dressed!" I exclaimed.
"Bella I just can't! He was the one! I could see it so clearly I am just so upset" Alice retorted pushing past me heading back towards her bed room.
"No way missy" I said setting the coffees down quickly and grabbing her arm before she could head back to bed.
"Bella! You just don't understand! We made love last night and it was… just…. so ….perfect!" she exclaimed as a fresh round of sobs were brought about.
Don't roll your eyes, Don't roll your eyes.
"Alice, did you tell him you love him?" I inquired.
"Maybe"
"Aliceeeee, we told you! Guys don't understand your whole premonition of the future thing. Hell Rose and I don't even understand it. Any guy will go running if you tell them you love them after…how long was it?"
"Two weeks…" she trailed off looking down at her feet.
"Exactly! Now, you might have lost….what's his name?"
"Jasper"
"Jasper, that's right, but you've still got a killer job that I won't let you lose, AND check this Cynthia Vincent dress, that we all know will go perfect with your new Fendi heels you just bought last week" I said as I pulled the dress out. Her eyes went wide. You would have thought it was seriously Christmas.
"Oh Bella it's PERFECT!" she exclaimed rushing over to me snatching the dress out of my hands.
"Just give me 20 minutes" she replied as she rushed into her bedroom shutting the door. I smiled and shook my head at my crazy best friend. She really was lovable, but she just did it all wrong when it came to men.
Edward POV
I grabbed my black coffee from Starbucks and felt my pocket making sure I had the number the cute blonde named Tanya had given me in line and made my way to work.
The sun was bright in New York City. It was going to be a good day.
I made my way into Aro's advertising agency and headed up to the top floor. I was one of the top executives in charge of mostly our beer and athletic campaigns, which was beginning to slightly bore me. I needed a challenge.
"Good morning Mr. Cullen" Sophie my assistant purred. I gave her a wink.
"Any messages for me?" I asked.
"No Sir" she replied leaning slightly over to reveal her full supple breasts, reminding me why I hired her.
"Is Aro busy?" I asked referring to my boss.
"Not necessarily but I believe he may be talking to Jessica and Lauren right now" she mentioned.
Jessica Stanly and Lauren Mallory were the other top executives; they usually ran the ad campaigns for anything that was more along the female line.
Curious as to why they were having a meeting so early I made my way towards Aro's office. I walked in unannounced, deciding to play unknowing that he was meeting with Jessica and Lauren right now.
"Good morning" I said flashing them all my knee weakening smile, "I'm sorry to interrupt!" I apologized.
"Ah Edward! Good morning, I was just filling in Lauren and Jessica about exciting news!" he exclaimed.
"And what would that be?" I asked.
"Twilight jewelers are looking for a new ad agency and they've shown a big interest in us. Apparently Jane's agency didn't quite do the job they were looking for"
Twilight jewelers were a large multi- million dollar business; they had recently taken out both Tiffany's and Harry Winston. Twilight Jewelers would be by far our largest account.
Mine.
"Ah and why wasn't I invited into this little meeting then?" I wondered aloud meanwhile pulling up a chair to Aro's desk.
Jessica and Lauren narrowed their eyes at me, they knew how my mine worked but Aro let out a loud boisterous laugh.
"Edward, this is jewelry! What do you know about jewelry?"
"Aro! It's not about the jewelry it's about the women who wear it" I replied smugly. I saw the wheels begin turning in Aro's head.
Lauren intervened, "Oh Aro, Silly Edward here knows nothing about the meaning behind jewelry. Jewelry and diamonds represent love. And we all know Eddie here, does not fall in love." She smirked at me.
"She does have a point" Aro admitted.
Bitch.
"Well, I may not have exactly fallen in love myself, but I can make women fall in love with me. Therefore, I'm absolutely positive I can make a woman looking at a diamond advertisement fall in love with the jewelry as well"
"Edward!" Lauren began but was cut off by Aro.
"Edward, you really think you can make any woman fall in love with you?" Aro questioned.
"Absolutely, as long as she is a straight and single woman, I believe I can"
"I want to make a proposition!" Aro announced.
"Aro you can't –"but Lauren was cut off.
"Tonight, we will meet at Metropolis and we will let Jessica and Lauren here pick out a fine young lady for you to approach, and I will give you almost 3 weeks, until the Grand Gala that is coming up, to woe her. If you are successful and she is in love with you, you will get the Twilight account. However, if there is any doubt she is not, than the account will go to Lauren and Jessica. "
"Deal" I said, flashing one last smile at a grimacing Lauren and Jessica.
Without another word, Lauren and Jessica stood up glancing at the clock.
"Well Aro, if you'll just excuse us we have a meeting at Composure" Lauren stated hastily.
Aro gave them a smile and waved us all off.
"Metropolis, 10 o clock" he reminded. I nodded and headed out as well.
I had yet to meet a woman that hadn't wanted me. This account had my name written all over it.
Bella POV
I was relieved when Alice and I trotted into the conference room, easily on time. We took our seats as we waited for the rest to pile in. Rose took her seat next to Alice giving her a pat on the back and smile. Last but not least, out boss Janice walked in.
"Good day!' She chirped out. Janice was a wonderful boss but when it came to Composure there was no joking around. It was her baby.
So she stated, "Let's hear it, we don't have all day!"
We went around one by one each discussing the article topics we were interested in for the month. Since it was May and summer months were approaching I figured I'd do something lame like "How to be bikini ready." As if that hadn't been printed already in at least a dozen magazines.
"Ok Alice! What's your idea?" Janice asked. I looked over at Alice whose eyes were wide. She obviously had been so into Jasper these past two weeks she hadn't focused on her next topic.
"I…uh…" she stuttered.
"She got dumped" Rosalie blurted out for her.
"Oh no! Everybody tell Alice how wonderful she looks today!" Janice cooed.
Compliments were thrown left and right at Alice who just sat flustered in her seat. Then Janice spoke up again.
"You can always write about it Alice!"
Alice's eyes went huge, "Oh Janice, I can't I-" fresh tears were brimming to her eyes, before I knew it I opened my fat mouth.
"I'll write about it" I stated.
Janice turned her attention to me.
Shit.
"Go on" she encouraged obviously intrigued.
Rose and Alice both stared at me dumbfounded.
"Well I mean- I sort of will. Alice, well Alice here, is just a beautiful girl, full of energy but she makes those classic mistake the uh- well most girls make like our readers. So.." I trailed off racking for ideas.
"I will uh…I'll find a guy and make those same mistakes, and keep a log so that way girl's can see what they do wrong?" I ended it off in a question.
What the hell was I thinking?
"How to lose a guy in 20 days!" Janice exclaimed. "I LOVE IT"
"Uh why twenty days?"
"Because tens too short, and by 30 we'll be putting it out on the stands."
"Oh" was all I said.
I looked at Alice who mouthed a "thank you" to me and Rose just looked amused.
The conference continued on for a bit longer, as it was released and we were walking out and I accidently ran into another young woman.
"Oh god I'm so sorry!" I exclaimed.
"Oh no you are fine!" the blonde replied.
"Bella!" Angela greeted as she turned around the corner. Angela was in charge of our advertisements.
"This is Lauren" she informed me pointing to the blonde I had just ran into "and Jessica" she continued nodding her head at a girl with brown curly hair standing next to her.
"They from Aro Advertising, and in fact we were just talking about your 'How to Column.'" I smiled shaking the hands of each of them.
"So what's in store for this next coming month?" Jessica asked but before I could even reply Janice responded from behind me.
"Oh it's so fantastic! Bella here is going to find a guy and drive him crazy making all the mistakes most girls make! "Janice gushed.
Lauren and Jessica let out a laugh, "well that sounds very interesting I can't wait to read it" Lauren replied. I gave her a polite smile and she continued on, "Well we have to get back to Aro's but it was nice meeting you."
"Nice meeting you too" I replied and watched as they walked away.
How to lose a guy in 20 days? It couldn't be that hard right? I just have to play it cool for a couple of days to get them hooked and then I'll flip the switch. The guy won't even know what hit him. And if Janice loves this article, maybe I'd finally get the promotion and I could start writing about things that actually mattered in the world.
I turned to face Rose and Alice.
"Ladies, we are going out to Metropolis tonight, and I'm going to find some bait." They looked at me with devilish smiles.
You know, Maybe this could be fun.
A/N #2
There you have it! I'll probably do a schedule from here on out for this story I would plan for an update every Wednesday and Thursday. I want to take my time and I also want these chapters to be a bit longer than my previous ones in other stories.
Also if I get the time I plan on making a website for all the outfits. I already have pictures of the dress and shoes I mention for Alice in this chapter.
And I'm looking for a beta so let me know if you are interested!
And Yes I am very well aware I have two other unfinished stories, and I will get to them. In fact, I've actually been thinking alot about re-doing Green Eyes. Some of the plot twists I added involving Bella's past in that story just feel wrong to write. I also felt like I moved way to fast. The story line had so much potential and I rushed through it, so be patients pretty please.
Well reviews make my day!