Hisoka's Bad Romance
The day outside was bright with only a few clouds breaking up the expanse of blue visible through the windows of the hotel room where two young hunters were practising ren. That was until a familiar buzzing from one of their nearby phones broke the focus of the green clad teenager. Eliciting a grown from their snowy-haired friend who had been training with them.
"Gon, I thought I told you to turn that off while we trained?" he complained as he watched his friend lose all focus to check the buzzing phone.
"Gomen Killua… I'm sure it won't be anything too important but it'd be rude not to answer" the dark haired boy smiled at his friend sheepishly, before turning his attention to the still ringing phone in his hand. "Hello this is Gon?" he picked up the call a little surprised at who had been calling.
Killua stood watching and trying to listen in on the call, his friend had been receiving these random and often frustratingly times calls for a while now. Each time he had tried to get the identity of the caller from his companion only for the questions to be brushed off with a shy smile or nervous laughter. After standing around for several minutes the young assassin threw his hands up in the air and stalked out of the room to get them both something to drink. They'd both been at their nen practice for several hours now, surely a small break wouldn't hurt too much. So with a yawn and a satisfying stretch he went about fixing them some refreshments coming back in to the lounge with a tray just in time to catch the end of the mysterious phone conversation.
"Yes! Exactly…. Uh I think so?…. So is that everything you needed to know?" Gon looked like he was pensive as he wrapped up the phone call, before brightening up into his usual cheerful demeanour "Don't worry I won't tell, your secret is still safe with me! If you need any more help let me know OK?… You too, bye!"
"So still not going to tell me who all these random phone calls are from huh Gon? It's like you have some sort of secret girlfriend..." Killua spoke in a teasing tone, earning a confused look from the other boy. Causing the paler teen to grin, "Come on it's about time we had a break so don't worry about it."
*********
Meanwhile at a cafe sitting at an outside table in front of a laptop elegant fingers tipped with long manicured nails fly across the keyboard, in the throws of new inspiration. Their owner smiles in a slightly sinister fashion as their hands move back and forth over the keys and the words appear on the screen. Narrowed eyes reviewing as each new line appears, tweaking here and there as they go. Stopping only to take a sip from their warm drink which was cooling on the table next to them, ignoring the random chatter from the establishments other patrons lost in their thoughts. Not even the sound of a new message being received on their phone broke their concentration as they were so engrossed in their task. Pausing to check through the notes they took from the phone call they had made earlier they nodded to themselves in thought, idly tapping their finger nails against their coffee cup. Should they put that scene now or later? They mused for a moment draining the last of their beverage and decided on later, it was too soon to step things up and it wouldn't hurt to keep the readers hanging just a little bit longer. The smile became a smirk as the song of key strokes picked up once again.
*********
"Soooo Killua, what do you want to do when we finish training today?" Gon asked his friend nervously, he knew his travelling companion was starting to get suspicious about his ever increasing secret phone conversations. Currently they were enjoying the drinks the blue eyed hunter had fetched and the sandwiches they had thoughtfully made. Said teen stopped to look at his dark haired friend curiously. "I mean it's been a while since we've seen Leorio or Kurapika, maybe we should call them and see what they're doing?" Gon continued. 'Please don't ask about the phone call, please don't ask' he repeated inside his head like a manta as he tried to maintain eye contact with the other hunter.
"Yeah that's true it has been a while since we've seen anyone, or you know we could go explore the city for a bit? Just as long as we don't bump into that creepy clown again, how does he always seem to know where we are anyway?" Killua took a bite out of his sandwich and chewed thoughtfully before continuing, "You don't think he's put some sort of tracking device on you do you Gon? I mean he is kinda obsessed with you. Ever since you guys faced off in Heaven's Arena, I wouldn't be surprised if he's stalking you." the teen ate the last bite of his food and fixed his cat like gaze on his friend to gauge his reaction. If Gon had been listening he didn't give any indication instead lying back on the floor staring at the ceiling with a stupid grin on his face. Feeling mischievous the light haired hunter decided to grab a cushion from a nearby chair and threw it at his friend chuckling when it hit him square in the face.
Instead of complaining about the sudden attack, the green clad hunter glowered at his laughing buddy and threw it back without even sitting up. Waiting to see if his aim was true before suddenly jumping up and running out of the room to hide. Yelping in surprise when he was hit in the back by the same cushion signalling his friend was also in the mood for some fun and the hotel suite they were renting was soon filled with the noise of their feet pounding on the floor and their shrieks and howls of laughter as they continued to throw every available cushion and pillow at the other. Like some sort of indoor snowball fight, except with soft furnishings.
Back at the cafe the first mug had been joined by a twin as pale hands had continued to dance across the keys as the phone on the table had continued to beep and buzz in a futile attempt at getting it's owners attention. Finally satisfied that the piece of writing was long enough bright fox-like eyes read over it once again, correcting the few errors that they had made as they went. Once they were finished the laptops user saved the document to make sure they would have a back up for later if they felt the need to go make and make any revisions later based on the feed back of their audience. Next they pulled up their website where they published their work and uploaded a new post with this latest chapter with a grin. It had been a fair number of months since Machi had told him bluntly to quit hitting on her and get himself another hobby and he decided to take the advice to heart. Who knew he had such a creative streak in him?
He reached out to grab his drink when a shadow fell across the table blocking his view across the street, golden eyes finally looked up from his computer screen. Where they met a pair of dark and mostly vacant black ones which seemed to appear unusually annoyed. "I figured I would find you here" came the familiar mono-tone voice, "Is there a reason you're ignoring my calls Hisoka?"
"Oh?" Hisoka feigned surprise that anyone had tried to call him, picked up his phone and schooled his features into one of surprise "I didn't realise you tried to call me, must of left my phone on silent" he lied smoothly and with his usual confidence. Giving a cheeky grin to the still standing man before him as he sipped at his now Luke-warm coffee. "To what do I owe the pleasure of this visit Illumi?" he gestured with his free hand for the newcomer to sit with him, inwardly pleased when they did so.
Taking the offered seat the newcomer sat down with his usual cat like grace and regarded the redhead sat in front of him with interest, noting the presence of the laptop. The eldest Zoldyck hadn't really pegged the magician come hunter to interested in technology of computers but decided to mentally file this new information away for later use. His analytical gaze discerned that although the device didn't appear to be old it wasn't the latest model either indicating that the other mad had owned it for a while, there were even playing card suit stickers on the back of the lid. Had Illumi been anyone else he would of probably smiled in amusement at the sight.
"Well? Cat got your tongue there Illumi?" Hisoka's sing-song voice brought the infamous assassin out of his thoughts, he seemed to be getting a little impatient ironically.
"I came to ask for your help with something, Kill has been avoiding my calls again and mother wants to know where he is." the long haired brunette began. Not noticing that the other man didn't appear to be paying attention, instead looking intently at his computer screen. "Well as you always seems to have tabs on Gon who he's travelling with I was hoping you could point me in the right direction. Naturally I am more then capable of finding him on my own but you could save me valuable time."
"Is that all?" golden eyes flicked up from his screen filled with amusement, "Just so happens I have some idea where they are, I spoke to Gon earlier." he paused to sip at his coffee once more, grimacing as it had now gone completely cold. He gestured to the waitress for a new one who smiled at and went to fetch one for him. "So are you actually going to pay me for this information this time or are you willing to owe me another favour? You know how I enjoy having a Zoldyck I can call on for a favour Ilum-mi" he stretched out the other's name purposely to try and get any sort of emotional reaction from the constantly stoic assassin. Unfortunately it didn't work this time, just like it hadn't work on previous occasions.
"Naturally I'll transfer you the usual amount depending on how good your information is Hisoka, this is simply business after all." there was that usual mono-tone, 'how boring' the red head thought rolling his expressive golden eyes.
"Of course, how silly of me." a pale hand picked up his cell phone and typed out a short message before punching in the other man's phone number and pressing send. "There you are Illumi, that's the name of the hotel Gon said they were staying at here in this city so you won't have far to go. So was that everything you needed from me today?" the magicians tone had lost some of it's usual playful quality, indicating his growing boredom with the situation.
"Actually Hisoka, before I go there is one thing I'm wondering if you could help me with..." the long haired man spoke again, still not making a move to leave as he stared at his phone, "There is something which has been troubling me for a few months now. Mother and Father think it's harmless but I'm not as convinced as them."
"Hmm? It's not like you to go against mommy and daddy are you feeling OK?" Hisoka replied teasingly, poking fun at his not quite friends undying loyalty to his family. Who as ever remained passively oblivious to when he was being made fun of.
"That is true but I simply can not ignore my instincts on this, as it concerns Kill. As his older brother you know it is my responsibility to make sure he takes over the family one day. You see it's come to my attention that somebody appears to be writing some sort of… how do I say this… romantic fantasy about him." the normally expressionless man continued, "Naturally this is a concern because it would compromise the family, and that is simply unacceptable. Whomever it is has been clever to change slight details to avoid it being obvious but there are enough similarities for it sound just like Kill." Before he continue his explanation Illumi's phone vibrated in his hand drawing his attention. At the same time the waitress returned with the hunter's fresh coffee, the magician finally taking an interest in what the other man was saying.
He picked up the new mug blew on it to cool it a little and took a sip of the fresh caffeinated drink, 'aaah much better' he thought to himself. "So let met get this straight Illumi… you're worried because your little brother Killua has a fan who is writing stories about him? I don't see the problem, they're prolly just a fan girl from when he was at Heaven's arena. It's not that uncommon these days you know, you should see the stories I've had written about me by some of my fans." he chuckled, "I bet they'd even make you emote..." the red heads words trailed off as his gaze caught a glimpse at the webpage the other man was currently viewing on his phone screen and swallowed. It looked a little familiar but surely it couldn't be what he thought it was could it? Looking up from his phone screen Illumi fixed his acquaintance with a steely stare clearly unamused at the dig about his usual lack of emotion.
"Of course you wouldn't understand, it's not like you have any younger siblings to worry about is it Hisoka" Illumi shook his head as he spoke, eyes still glued to the webpage on his phone screen not looking up at the magician. If he had of been paying more attention he would of picked up on the way the other hunter was looking unusually uncomfortable with the direction of their conversation. "I still think you leaked those photos yourself for attention, everyone knows you like an audience"
"You wound me, Illumi!" holding his hand to his forehead in an overly dramatic mock show of hurt, "and I thought we were friends" Hisoka pouted. Soon giving up playing for sympathy when he realised that the other wasn't buying it, true he did have a streak in him which got a thrill out of exhibitionism but the idea of leaking his own photos hadn't occurred to him. Although the idea was a fun one and a sly smile split his features as he considered the prospect. So lost in this idea of how that could play out he didn't notice that the other man had moved and was now looking intently at his laptop's screen. Which just so happened to have the same website open in the browser that the assassin was looking at on his phone.
"Hisoka…. I had no idea you read this trash too but I really shouldn't be surprised I mean this is you we're talking about…." Illumi's words brought Hisoka crashing back to reality and in a panic he closed the window. Forgetting he had left his word processing software open with the saved chapter he had just uploaded earlier, with an uncharacteristic squeak of surprise he closed the laptop lid a little too harshly and winced. Hopefully he hadn't damaged the screen doing that. Ah well too late now, not like he couldn't afford to get it replaced. Quickly recovering and trying to feign annoyance at the behaviour of the other man he glowered at him. Shimmering golden eyes narrowing dangerously as he frowned hoping that the other hadn't realised he'd panicked just now. The last thing he wanted was for him to start acting questions. That would get awkward, very fast.
"Heh, well I suppose you think the other main character is a lot like Gon?" Illumi asked, acting as if nothing unusual had just happened. Or so you would assume if you didn't know the eldest Zoldyck the way the redhead hunter did.
"Oh? Really you think so?" the magician tried to feign innocence and ignorance, sipping his coffee to distract himself, "I hadn't noticed, I honestly didn't think it would be the sort of thing you'd read. It's just a childish story after all."
Illumi hummed quietly in response, he was starting to get suspicious with the how the other man was acting. This wasn't the man he knew, he was not skittish like this. Clearly he was hiding something, maybe he knew who the author was and trying to cover for them to protect them perhaps? No that wasn't the magician's style. He would be more likely to blackmail them into including himself into the story, he was arrogant enough in the Zoldyck's opinion and estimation. That being said he wouldn't of expected the other hunter to accept not being the interest of the Gon character so what was he hiding? Absently he reached for one of his nen imbued needles but remembered where they were, it was much too public. This wouldn't do, he clicked his tongue and continued to stare at the now closed laptop. "Shouldn't you check to make sure you haven't damaged your computer screen in your embarrassment Hisoka?" he asked tonelessly. Deciding to play on the other's pride to see if would give away what he was hiding he figured he could try and press the magicians buttons. "Besides I didn't think you'd want to read anything written by a fan of Gon's which didn't involve you, I mean it's clearly Kill and Gon now I am thinking about it"
"Illumi, be careful what you're implying there." Hisoka's voice held a slight growl to it, "Yes I want to fight Gon but my little fruit is far from ripe enough for me to have my fun. Don't forget what I told you at the exam, Gon is mine."
"I haven't forgotten, do not worry I'm not going to touch your 'fruit' as long as you make sure he doesn't corrupt Kill." the long haired brunette held up a hand to placate the gradually becoming irritated man across the table who was glaring at him over his coffee cup. "You're probably right and I'm probably worrying about nothing like you said it's probably some silly teenage girl who's into what do that call it these days… yaoi? I hear from Milluki that is actually quite popular." he continued ignoring the way Hisoka's eye had started to twitch slightly. "Also what kind of a pen name is 'Calliope' anyway? What sort of name is that?"
"It's mythological Illumi, they're one of the nine muses" Hisoka responded in a lazy tone of voice, mentally trying to plot a way out of the awkward situation he had found himself in. "I wouldn't expect you to know about such things as it's not exactly relevant your work" He downed the rest of his drink and went to gather his things so that he could leave, after paying the bill for all of his drinks.
"I suppose you've got a point there" the other man conceded, "Well I need to go and speak to Kill, I'll call you later to discuss payment for the help with tracking my brother down." With that the assassin left without giving the pale red head a chance to say anything further.
*********
Later that night Hisoka was sat up typing away on his laptop once again. The talk he'd had with his associate in the cafe had given some ideas for how to add some angst to the story he'd been composing. He had been worried briefly that Illumi had figured him out, and realised that he was actually 'Calliope' and that it had been him who had been running the website which not only hosted his story but also had fans who would send him fan art and even fan mail with their own suggestions for his next chapters. He'd just been spending an hour replying to the latest messages he'd received and reading the latest reviews for the chapter he'd uploaded earlier and was now in a flash of inspiration furiously typing out another early update for his readers. He figured it was overdue that he thanked Machi for suggesting he 'get a hobby' and had decided to message her earlier. The confused response of 'you're welcome I guess?' had made him chuckle.
He'd just finished a draft for a new chapter, and made some notes planning out the next few when his phone had started to ring. The magician picked up the phone to check the caller ID contemplating ignoring the call until he saw it was Illumi who was calling. This would have been odd for him to call so late if they hadn't of agreed that he would be in touch to discuss paying for the information the redhead had provided earlier.
"Good evening Illumi, did you find Killua?" he answered with is usual carefree drawl, saving his latest work before closing his word processor down. He could always come back to it later or even tomorrow, not like his readers would be expecting another update this soon after the last one.
"Hisoka we need to talk." came the assassins monotone, "but yes I went to the hotel and spoke to the hotel staff there, they confirmed Kill was staying there but had checked out before I got there."
"Oh I see, what a pity. I'm afraid Gon didn't mention anything about moving on when I spoke to him earlier." he tried to keep the mocking tone out of his voice and was mostly successful, "it's possible that they figured I'd tell you where they were and checked out after I spoke to them?" he suggested trying to be helpful.
"Perhaps, I don't think you'd of warned them I was coming would you Hisoka?" Illumi came right out and asked, if it had been from anyone else it would of sounded like an accusation.
"Again with the suspicion Illumi, you really are trying to hurt me today aren't you?" Hisoka tried to make his voice sound like he was upset, it wasn't completely successful.
"Hisoka we both know that you are by definition capricious and not exactly trustworthy. You have loose lips which is why I don't tell you everything." Illumi dead panned down the phone. "Besides I am calling to tell you I know you're hiding something"
"Really Illumi?" Hisoka responded sarcastically, "That's not exactly news now is it? When aren't I hiding something?"
"True enough, but I am referring to your latest hobby. I'm surprised I didn't figure it out sooner." The stoic man continued, "The fact that you know that Calliope is a figure from mythology is unusual for you, you don't care about the past or history in general. You're the one writing that trash romance story about my Kill and Gon aren't you?"
"So what if I am Illumi?" Hisoka asked in a challenging tone, "It's not like you have any way to pin that on me"
"Take the site down Hisoka, and I won't push this any further and you can consider this friendly warning as your payment for your earlier help" the eldest Zoldyck child continued to talk in his usual monotone, but the red head still narrowed his eyes in response to the thinly veiled threat behind the words.
"Why so worried Illumi are you scared they'll read the story and decide to become a couple? You could always let your brother have his fun if Gon and Killua were to get together and break up then who do you think he would come and lean on for support?" Hisoka chose his words carefully, trying to keep a neutral tone and not to sound defensive of his pet project. "Besides it's clear to me that Killua likes Gon and I think they'd make an adorable couple Illumi" he chuckled as he examined his manicured nails and his friend growled down the phone.
"That's not funny Hisoka, Kill doesn't need friends he is an assassin." Illumi didn't get a chance to finish his rant before the other hunter cut him off.
"For the millionth time Illumi I know, but it's just a harmless story it's not like they're getting married. Besides it's not like I can't choose to make it end happily or not..." realising he had just confessed to being the author his words died in his throat, crap Illumi was going to kill him. Or at least try to.
There was silence for a few moments where neither man spoke, the pause pregnant with expectation for the next words to fill the void. And so it happened that both men spoke at the same time after digesting what had just happened.
"I can explain!" Hisoka spoke weakly, as Illumi also spoke to say "Can you add me to the story?"
Both men went silent as they waited for the other to say what they had been about to say, the only sound on the line the quiet breathing from the magician who was anticipating an angry assassin to break his door down at any moment and was readying himself for the attack. Instead there was a knock at the door, not hanging up the phone but not speaking either Hisoka slowly and cautiously made his way to the hotel room door. Opening it slowly to reveal Illumi on the other side, his usual vacant expression and his phone still in one hand up to his ear. Seeing the anxious redhead standing in the door way he hung up the phone and pushed past him to sit on the sofa. Yellow gaze following his every movement with interest, cogs turning in the red heads mind trying to work out what the assassins move would be.
"Illumi if you allow me I can explain..." he started but was cut off by Illumi raising a hand in the air to indicate he wanted to speak.
"Can you include me in your story?" he asked simply, "I didn't mean to make fun of your writing earlier I've read everything you've posted so far and it's been pretty enjoyable. It just feels weird reading about my brother being in a relationship and doing…."
"Relationship things?" Hisoka suggested, trying to be helpful. Fighting a smile when the dark haired man nodded. "He's getting to that age where he's going to experiment, I know I had done much more by the time I was their age you know." the magician gave his associate a knowing look complete with his signature smirk, he hadn't moved from the door but was starting to let his guard down.
"Some how I am not surprised by that, but you still haven't answered by question. Can you include me in your story?" Illumi pressed his earlier question.
"Why should I allow you to mess with my muse?" the standing man shot back, "You can't interfere with with an artists creative process didn't anyone tell you?" He arched an eyebrow expectantly.
"If you include me then I won't try to kill you?" Illumi offered, "Although knowing you, you'd want me to try, why don't you name your price? However I expect you to portray me as a good older brother."
Hisoka chuckled, and finally stepped away from the door to walk back to where he laptop lay still switched on and waiting for input. "To be honest I had been considering introducing some more characters, so why not? You can live your desire to be a good brother through my writing if you wish, as for what I want in return. I have two conditions, and I'll let you help me with planning the next few updates." He turned to the stoic man expectantly awaiting their reply, as they appeared to think it over.
"What are these conditions?" was the toneless reply.
"First you have to promise you won't harm Gon in anyway no matter how close he and Killua become, I honestly couldn't care what you do with your own brother. Secondly Illumi I want you to admit that I'm you're friend." He finished with a sly grin, he didn't think the brunette would go for the second condition but it was fun to try and get him to have an emotional response to anything.
"If I agree to this you'll write me as a good older brother in your story?", Illumi watched as the pale redhead nodded with a close eyed smile, "fine. I swear on my name as a Zoldyck I won't harm Gon, and fine you are my friend Hisoka."
"Wonderful! I knew you cared about me Illumi! Now let's get to work on your character shall we?"