The last thing he saw before loosing consciousness was Lucy laying on a gurney in the trauma room on his left; he also remembered how everything smelled like iron and the warm, sticky feeling of blood on his back. Then, everything started going black and silent, so silent, he closed his eyes, after that he couldn't remember anything else.
When John Carter opened his eyes he knew exactly where he was. Taking a deep breath, he looked left but only found an empty wall, he looked right and found a window; it was pitch dark outside. As he carefully reached for the call button, the door opened and Dr. Peter Benton stepped in.
"About time you woke up, Carter" – he greeted as he took his chart and wrote something down, probably the time. – "You've been out for almost a day. From 1 to 10, how bad is the pain?"
"Six" – Carter lied, his voice deep and weary, he needed some water.
"From 1 to 10, how bad is the pain?" – Dr. Benton asked again, there was no fooling that man.
"How is…" – Carter choked, he blamed the dryness in his throat – "How is Lucy?"
Peter Benton was not a man who avoided questions, he took the bull by the horns, he cut down to the chase, he was straightforward and honest; yet, he couldn't bring himself to tell Carter the truth. The truth was that he looked terrible but she looked worst, that he had lost a lot of blood but she had lost even more blood, that he had laid in the floor besides her but she had laid there longer, unattended, scared. The truth was that doctor Romano had operated on her for hours; that doctor Corday had given up on her but for god knows what reason, Robert Romano had refused to give up and they had brought her back, at least partially. Lucy Knight was across the hall, five doors down, unconscious and on a respirator.
"She's stable." – Dr. Benton checked his former intern's signs and served him a cup of water – "You look terrible, Carter."
"Getting stabbed can do that to a man" – John replied after taking a long sip, everything hurt, breathing hurt and he was tired, so tired.
"You know that it's procedure to send a psychiatrist after this kind of things, so lets get this over with, ok? After that I'll make sure someone gives you some more pain medicine."
"Can I see her?" – Carter asked
"Not yet"
"So it's that bad, huh?"
Yes, it was that bad but those were not news John needed to know right that second, he had to recover and he had to talk to a shrink. After that, they would take things one step at the time, and while he operated on his former intern, he had promised that he would be there every step of the way.
A side effect of getting stabbed, Carter thought, was that everything happened in slow motion. The action of the attacker, the feeling of the blade cutting and hurting, the blood pouring out of your body, and even the feeling of falling and despair. The psychiatrist had taken forever to go check on him and then aski all those routine questions. How was he feeling? Like crap. Was he in pain? Well, obviously. How did he feel about Paul Sobriki? He had no comment on that; his mind was still wrapping everything up. Did he feel guilty? Of course he did, how could he not?
It had been two days and they still wouldn't let him see her. Carter would just sit by the window and stare outside; his grandmother would talk his ear off and send greetings from his parents, who couldn't be bothered to get back from Europe. Doctors would come in and out, checking his meds, asking how he was feeling and bringing some, but not many, news about Lucy.
"It seems like you're never alone" – Gamma said as she entered the room, it must have been 2pm, she always visited at 2pm – "It's nice to see you've made good friends at your workplace."
"Did you ask if I could see her?" – Carter asked without even bothering to turn around, he didn't need anyone else telling him how terrible he looked and that he should eat more and get more sleep.
"I'll take you there after lunch." – Millicent Carter replied, if that would make her grandson start taking care of himself, then it could be arranged. – "But you have to eat John, you've lost weight and Dr. Benton says the meds you're taking are really strong."
As usual, Gamma had brought lunch from home, some chicken, rice, veggies and even dessert. It was the same thing as if he was eating hospital food only that the one Gamma brought had some flavor to it. Carter ate lunch and even had a spoonful of dessert but the idea of seeing Lucy for the first time after the attack – he refused to call it an accident – was making his stomach twist and turn.
At 2:30pm John stepped up from the couch and transferred to a wheelchair, his physical therapy session had been painful that morning and all his muscles were sore. Gamma pushed his chair all the way to the half opened door and stayed there – "It would feel like intruding" – she had said.
John pushed to door and slowly got into the room. She was off the respirator, as Dr. Weaver had told him that morning, but she looked so pale and fragile. Her hair was no longer soaked in blood so he could finally replace that mental image, the one of her lying down waiting for death to take her. He tried to fight the urge to look at her chart but couldn't help himself; he needed to know how bad her situation was.
"You're not allowed to do that, Carter"
John almost dropped the chart, he was not expecting company and he was not expecting Dr. Romano to be doing rounds.
"I… I know." – Carter said as he placed the chart back on its holder and took another look at Lucy, if she hadn't been so pale, one could have thought she was sleeping. – "How is she holding up?" – he finally asked.
"You read her chart, or does getting stabbed also compromises your memory and you have forgotten how to be a doctor?" – Dr. Romano paused, it seemed as if he was considering to apologize – "She's off the respirator, no more fevers, stable and in a comma but she's fighting, you can tell she is."
Robert Romano was the least emotional doctor in the hospital, he was cold as ice, rough as stone and could burn you down to ashes if you crossed his path but something in his voice gave away the soft spot he had for Lucy. He had been the one who kept pushing when Lucy went into cardiac arrest and Dr. Corday was about to give up, he had conducted the surgery and the nurses said that he had done all the stiches himself to minimize the scars.
"She's talented. She could be a great surgeon if she wanted to." – Dr. Romano said as he scribbled something on her chart – "You look awful Carter and she is the one who took the worst part, don't be a victim."
And with that, Robert Romano exited the room. Once more Carter took the chart and checked the signatures, Dr. Romano had logged his visits during every round and only God knew how many other times he had sat next to her bet waiting for her to wake up.
Gamma was waiting for him outside the room, if he didn't know her any better she would have said that she was praying but that was not likely.
"Did you talk to her?" – Gamma asked
"No" – Carter replied as he pushed his chair to his room, he had been there for an hour and felt exhausted, though he really didn't know why.
Gamma stayed for another hour, she always left at 4. As she was gathering her things and making sure John had everything he might need close by, she took a deep breath.
"You should talk to her John… you call her name in your sleep, maybe there's something you want or even need to tell her".