The Proper Usage of Various Vocabulary Words

A/N: Alright. A little background knowledge is necessary here. So, in my attempts to become a better writer, linguist, and student, I am forcing myself to learn dozens of new vocabulary words. Since I'm not very good at simply remembering things, I've decided to include them in my daily speech and writing—and what better way to use them often than by using them in RoyEd fan-fiction? So, I will be writing down a large list of words, and then using them in the following stories. Hopefully, as they progress, they improve!

Or, maybe not. Like, I said. Hopefully.

Also, there are spoilers for the end of the first series and for Conqueror of Shamballa. Refrain from reading if you haven't seen them!

—xx—

Despondency

—xx—

The electricity that had shook his being from the attempted handshake with the Fullmetal Alchemist, on their final meeting, had left him with a feeling of solicitude that settled into the depths of his heart. When Roy Mustang watched Edward smack his hand with a sort of flippancy, and then run off in the opposite direction, the context of the recent events caused a curious combination of regret and pain to swell in his heart; because he knew that as Ed ran away, he would not be coming back. It possessed his being until the problem at hand caused these feelings to become temporarily tacit.

However, in the months to come, various events would arouse self-pity in him. Though blinded in one eye, he could clearly see young Edward clearly at all times. He could see his own faults and blunders that had led to Ed's disappearance from Amestris. Roy, sitting by the flames of his match-induced fire, was blinded by the effulgence of Ed's personality, a thing that did not exist in his secluded cabin, nor in the world around him. Though the military had gone through motions of burying the blonde—that is, burying a coffin that was empty in a plot, with a gravestone that read his name—Roy could feel him with every movement; like a phantom, surrounding his being listlessly. The former Colonel was faced with plenty of time to think, to face his demons, and to come to a discernment that unsettled him even further.

Roy Mustang was enamored with the young alchemist, foolishly, inexplicably, and most definitely wholly in love with him. It was not a fact he had been entirely thrilled with discovering. However, Roy had taken it in stride, not allowed it to afflict him—much. He had found that there was no reason let it bother him much—he had lost his imperious attitude that being in power had graced him with; his beloved pedestal on which he had perched had crumbled. Who did he have to impress?

Once Roy had come to terms with his discovery, it had only upset him further. Ed's absence was just one more thing gone.

The man felt terribly out of control, like a cog in the machine of the world, merely spinning to keep everything going. Once he was broken, he was stored somewhere where he would never be looked at again. He knew that he had never been in control of his own actions, and that he was foolish to think that he would ever be able rise through the ranks. It was an impossible procession that was merely controlled by the evil in the world—good never stood a chance. The ones who stood in power would have encumbered him forever.

Sometimes, when Roy looked into the fire, he saw Ed's face, his smile. He knew that Edward Elric was alive; somewhere, somehow, and he would wait for him. He would wait until time stood still.

—xx—

Central was a strange place to be in again. It looked different, yet as though it had never changed. When the train pulled into Central Station, the mass amounts of life, the hustle and bustle that had become foreign, all of it gave him a head rush that threatened to blur his already impaired vision. He took easy steps, allowed the idea of people to repose in his mind. He had a very vague idea why he was even here; he was fairly sure that the world had just suffered some nondescript earthquake that was somehow related to alchemy. All signs seemingly pointed to one thing in Mustang's mind.

Alchemy that could shake the entire earth? He had thought sardonically. It must be Edward.

To be completely honest, he had no idea what he was even doing in Central. Perambulating the streets on a mere whim, his feet led him to the only place that seemed logical—a graveyard. He stared down the empty grave that had the Fullmetal Alchemist's name on it, a whole only filled with obnoxiously priced wood and metal and cloth. Edward Elric does not go gentle into that good night, he would die in a flurry of explosions and glory, taking entire cities with him. Roy chuckled at the report that would have fallen on his desk, explaining the destruction that Edward would have taken with him to the next life—if there were one. Roy spits on the idea superciliously. Edward would not have approved of the world assuming that he leaves the world as the flame of a candle is snuffed.

But, there was nothing that could be done. Edward was "buried" more than two years ago. Roy knew this.

He had purchased flowers from a vendor on his way out, and thus reversed his path to visit an old friend. One thing had had resented about being so far up north was the distance he had been from Maes Hughes' grave. Upon approaching it he felt very much like he was faced with a stranger, when in reality, he was merely standing opposite a block of polished stone. For a moment, he did not know what to say, and in his struggle to get a word out, he chuckled.

"Maes…" he trailed off. "…it's… been a while."

The silence didn't hurt anymore. He had become accustomed to silence.

"I am, for lack of a better word, confused, Maes. I suppose that things don't always work out as we plan them to, but I certainly didn't foresee this future at all." He laughed again. "A hint would have been nice.

"Perhaps I was too ambitious. I was so desperate to take control that I managed to lose hold of everything. I lost my position, my friends, my ambition, and what could possibly be the worst…" he breathed, "…I lost Edward. I hadn't quite realized it when he was here, but he must have been my rock. I know that he was just a child, but there was something about him. Things just don't seem right. When I was trying to make things right, and everything fell apart." He sighed. "Yet, here I am—back in the city that tore me to shreds, all on a feeling.

"I know that recent events are related to him. I am sure of it. I must see him again. I know that the idea is crazy, but, I must."

Roy kneeled in the dirt and placed the flowers near the grave.

"I know my sins were great, Maes. No one knows better than me the terrible things that I witnessed, the even worse things that I have done. I know that all of this must be punishment for all I've done; it's what I deserve. But, I also know that if Edward is out there, that I must seek him out. You and he are the only ones that can apprehend my horrors."

He was about to say something else, but footsteps and voices were approaching, and he did not want to see what might be a familiar face, so he fled. Mustang took to the streets, reviewing the streets of the place that he had once called "home." He even passed his former estate; one that was not so "former" because he still possessed the deed to it. However, such a house did not seem to suit his needs anymore, so it lay vacant.

As time went on and nothing revealed itself, Roy's despondency grew exponentially. Eventually, he found himself back at the station. He knew that he would find nothing here, that his attempt to capture Edward had been one similar to catching water, and that there was no point to remaining. However, just as he was purchasing his ticket for the train, the sky itself opened up and revealed that he had been incorrect.

The town was instantly in ruins. As he made his way on foot through the rubble, he felt a disgusting exuberance fill his being. He was well aware of the battle around him and it's terrors, but he couldn't help but feel a giddy pressure in his chest. He had been away from the city entirely too long.

It also appeared as though he had been away from his regime for too long, as well; they were doing incredibly poorly at holding back the mysterious armor regiment. Despite his rank of "corporal," he stepped forward. The power felt strangely welcome as his voice barked orders at men who were not his subordinates; subordinates who obediently took his orders. After the swift dissolution of his former men, it was merely he and Hawkeye. She began to falter at attention as she took in his presence, finally breaking it to give him a genuine smile. Although they were on the battlefield, everything stood still for one awkward moment after she spoke, before he strode over to her and embraced her without a reason either of them might even understand.

The feeling of creating sparks and flames with his very fingertips again caused pathos to erupt in him. He had forgotten how delicious it felt to spread fire across the vast expanse of land with a simple snap of his fingers. With the feeling of Edward in his heart, the pain and memories associated with his flame alchemy subsided, and he fought with a conviction that it would bring him closer to that blonde.

—xx—

The electricity returned. It sped through his body, leaving in his mouth in the form of words. He screamed an order, moving swiftly to save him as he and his brother fell swiftly. The two brothers looked back at him, Al, an ignorant smile, and Ed…

…he was old; an adult. A smirk spread across his features at the sight of Roy, and he referred to him as "colonel" in the same way that Roy had spoke to him as "Fullmetal." Roy marveled, smiling at the boy genuinely without even knowing it.

He joined the two, willing to do whatever it took to keep Ed safe and close. Roy joked that Ed had brought the trouble with him; Ed replied eloquently: he didn't like his eye-patch. The flutter in Roy's chest was acknowledged by its owner, but deemed it unimportant in the midst of battle. He skillfully transmuted flames as he went, exploding various parts of the ship, and instructed Ed to move forward—that he came to attack the outside, and it was up to them to take care of whatever horror was controlling this attack. His eyes followed Ed as he left. Roy spoke, but his words were lost in a flurry of flames as he kept his promise.

The brief time with the boy—hell, he was a man now—had sparked introspection. Edward had changed. He hadn't accounted for that. He expected that the Edward he would see would be she short, sputtering, angry boy that had left. Instead, he was faced with a taller, leaner, and more mature Edward that Roy could have never fathomed.

Also, for the first time, Roy noticed his face. In its final stages of maturation, it had hardened into angles and features that exuded beauty and manhood. Edward was, indeed, different. The blonde's body and attitude had come to match what he had been forced to be for the last six years. The spark of attraction in Roy's being caught and became flame, a heat engulfing his body like none he had ever created before; his heart was pounding so hard in his ears that he did not hear the battle cease, and therefore did not expect Edward to reappear.

He also did not expect what it was that he had to say.

—xx—

Al's sobs broke through his own state of shock. He wanted to shout, "You're leaving me? Again?" But, Roy knew it was not his place to put such accusations on Ed's shoulders, because he knew he was right. As Al jumped forward to catch his brother, Roy grabbed him. He held the squirming boy in arms, knowing that it could have very well been him doing the same in Alphonse's arms. Ed's words made it to his ears, and he comprehended, but he did not want to cooperate. Roy's heart thudded angrily in his chest as Edward drifted away from him, and he felt the hopelessness return to his being.

Alphonse was already out of his arms, contemplating the slab of material Ed had left him with, fashioning it into some sort of flying machine. Roy was too dumbfounded to understand what it was he was doing, and too hurt to care. As they soared through the air, Roy barely noticed that they were following Ed's machine, the one flying underground.

Only when the plane landed did Roy finally come to discernment: Alphonse had every intention of disobeying his brother's orders. They stopped in front of Ed's plane, which he was absentmindedly transmuting, no doubt assuring that it would fly easily. Alphonse moved to sneak onto the plane, but when Roy stepped off the platform, the two were spotted, and the boy gave Roy a look that was dirtier than any that he had ever received.

"Al! What the hell?" Edward stopped mid-clap, to reprimand his brother. "I told you that I have to go alone. There's nothing you can do to stop me. The gate must be destroyed." He looked to Roy for a moment, searching for his reasoning for being there.

Al stood, hurt. The two were speechless, watching Ed go back to work and begin to finish up. Roy expected Al to do something, anything, to make him stay, but the boy remained motionless.

Roy surprised himself by stepping forward before Al could.

He surprised himself further by grabbing Ed's dirty sleeve, looking at him with sympathetic and loving eyes that he had never given even the prettiest woman, and pleading, begging, hoping, "Please, don't."

—xx—

A/N: okay, so I ran out of words somewhere in there and had to go searching for more. Hopefully, I'll find a whole slew of words over the next few days. Also, it doesn't help that I'm terribly tired, so I apologize that it gets kind of… awful… towards the end. Anyway. I like the idea of Ed staying in Amestris after Shamballa, so I wanted to write something showing that it was entirely possible.

I tried to keep the RoyEd minimal in this, though it was obviously still present and obviously a large part of the story. Still, I feel like Hiromu had to be hinting at RoyEd in Shamballa, haha. Really, I hope all RoyEd fans noticed how prevalent it was.

Anyway. I hope you enjoyed this. It took an entire evening, because I have absolutely no focus!

maria