Disclaimer: I own bleach (not the manga kind). Tite Kubo owns BLEACH (manga, anime, etc). Sensei, please don't sue me for this strange remake!

*Warnings: Several cuss words (Ichigo's fault) and character death...

~~Karakura Town

My name is Ichigo Kurosaki. Several years back I had orange hair. Even further back in time I was the age of 15.

All of my long life, I have been able to see lingering souls, the many restless spirits of men, women, children. They say that death is the great equalizer, claiming king, commoner, rich, poor. This is our destiny and our ultimate fate.

Unable to escape this final circumstance, I've tried to help these specters in any way I can. Sometimes with a simple offering of flowers or a kind word. Although occasionally I somehow help these ghosts find rest. But today, I saw Death for the first time.

I am lying in bed, the steady beep-beep of the heart monitor in my ear (annoying thing). Someone calls me, I turn my attention to them and manage a small smile. My granddaughter looks relieved. (Oh, the beeps had seemed kinda slow for a sec there.)

The shadowy figure tip-taps across the floor and stops by my side, looking around.

"I sense it..." the mysterious presence mutters, "it's close."

"Orihime, can you please get this old man some water?"

"Eh?" She blinks in surprise, "uh, sure Grandpa."

After Orihime exited my room, I turned to the dark haired woman, raise my hand and -flick- her face. (Either she is very short or my bed is raised higher than normal.)

"Ow!" Her hand rubs the red mark, "what?" her eyes pin me in place, "how did you..."

I point an accusatory finger (slightly shaky) and whisper hoarsely, "begone ghost!"

Short-stuff mumbles in surprise, "You can see me?"

"I did just flick you. Figure it out genius," I answer sarcastically.

She leans in and a small hand pats my cheek, "you appear to be human...are you defective or something?"

I push her arm away causing her to stumble back slightly, "I don't know who you are but you are disturbing my rest."

She scowls back fiercely, "well you are disrupting my mission."

"I don't care about you or any make believe mission you have. Get out of my house."

"It's not make believe! I sensed a strong spiritual presence from the area!" A sketchbook appeared from hammer-space, (~sreek sreek~ markers fly across against paper.) "I am responsible for this region of Karakura," she flips her book around revealing a couple vague blobs that were...bears? rabbits? raccoons? "my mission is to guide Plus souls to Soul Society and also destroy any Hollows that appear."

I'm guessing the 'angry bear-blob' was this 'Hollow' and that 'happy rabbit/raccoon-thing' is supposed to be a 'plus.'

"Like I said, I don't care about your mission, get out of my house," I stared at her, "also...your drawings suck."

~Pak!~ She hit me with the damn thing, stating, "You are very rude."

My facial expression said 'I don't really care,' "I don't care if you think that. You are welcome to leave now."

Her imperious attitude kicks in, assuring haughtily, "I was leaving anyway," as she heads toward of the door, a smirk appears, "try to take it easy...Oldtimer."

A moment later, Orihime returns to my angry sputtering.

"Grandpa? Who were you talking to?" The child looks around eagerly, "is it a ghost?"

"I wasn't talking," I grump (I was arguing.)

The phone rings and Orihime bolts back down the hall. I sip the small glass of water as I glance out my window. My eyes widen at the sight of the short ghost-girl facing down a midnight-black creature. Teeth like tombstones crash together inches from her hair, then the beast rears upright (easily 3 times her height) and it screams, roars, the echoing sound piercing my head. A hand the size of a car slams into her side, flinging her tiny form away. She lands in a heap and doesn't move.

I bang on the glass, "Oi! Over here!" Maybe if I draw that weird monster's attention, ghost-girl will be able to run away. She has to know that she is outmatched, right? ~Bang bang~ "Yo Ugly!"

The massive head raises and turns slightly toward my pounding, "Hey! Over here!" ~bang bang bang~ Is that thing sniffing the air?

It turns around and yellow eyes land on me, hungry and mindless, ~bang bang~ "You want me? Come get me," I smirk as a foot lurches forward, "that's right."

I glance at the still heap of black kimono, "come on, get up, move..." I will ghost-girl to stir, the shadow-beast is right outside my window, reaching toward me, another echoing roar, dark fingers melt through the wall, 'oh shit...' I can only lay there stunned as a long arm and head emerge inside my room.

The monster's hand begins to close around me when suddenly a fountain of blood erupts from its arm. Sword at the ready ghost-girl stands on wobbly legs between me and that shadow-thing.

"How did you...? When did you...?" My brain was officially shut down.

One violet eye glances back at me over a skinny shoulder, "I told you already. This is my mission." Her grip on the sword's hilt tightens.

"You mean that is one of those Hollows you were talking about?" (It looked NOTHING like her crappy drawing!)

She nods in confirmation, "That one has sensed your spirit, now it will seek to consume you."

"Then you should run! That thing will kill you!"

She looks at me again, asking in surprise, "Then who would protect your soul?"

A blurred shadow lunges at her unguarded back, I yell, "watch out!"

Too slow her sword raises, too slow she focuses on her enemy, too slow my warning. The hollow gets a mouthful of sharp steel and ghost-girl. Screaming the monster retreats, ghost-girl collapses into a puddle of her own blood.

"Hey! You!" She doesn't answer, "answer me dammit."

She stirs slightly and mumbles, "baka..."

Just then Orihime rushes back in, "Grandpa! What's wrong? What are you yelling about?"

I spare her a brief glance, "are you able to move?"

"Huh?" My granddaughter asks.

On the ground, ghost-girl heaves herself to a nearby wall and answers, "yeah."

Orihime tilts her head, "I can move fine."

"That's good," I turn to the slowly advancing hollow, "then you should get out."

"Grandpa what are you talking about?" Orihime presses worried, confused.

The ghost-girl emits a low chuckle, "I can still fight," she stands, clutching a bleeding shoulder, "worry about yourself Oldtimer."

"Orihime, go home to your mother."

The child's wide frightened grey eyes connect with my own brown irises, her hand reaches for mine, "Grandpa?"

"I said go home," I state resolutely.

My granddaughter, the only child that had inherited my infamous Kurosaki-orange hair, nods in understanding. She pecks me on the cheek and turns to leave, a small sad smile lingering on her lips, "goodbye Grandpa...I'll...I'll see you tomorrow."

I nod, "farewell child," her footsteps faded from my awareness, I turn back to the ghost-girl, "I don't need your protection. I didn't ask for you to rescue me."

Ghost-girl readies her sword, listing slightly to one side, "and I told you, it's my duty. A shinigami must be fair to all souls, living, dead, plus, hollow," she smirks "...even Oldtimers."

"Dumbass," I clench my teeth and curse, "how are you going to beat that thing?"

Violet eyes widen with surprise, and she breaths a frightened, "...thrust..." her hand gestures at me.

"Wha-..." my entire bed was pushed across the room, metal legs screeching in protest. A long arm made of shadow and midnight crashing into the space I had been. A merciless fist crushing the ghost-girl, its mate reaching for me.

"Bastard!" I struggle out of my covers and sheets, my heart monitor going crazy until I rip off the leads.

Gasping coughs emit from the girl as I stumbled on unsteady legs toward my death.

"Don't...Oldtimer.." blood stains her pale lips, a sliver of purple burns steadily, a gleam of frost crawls up the monster's arm.

"You got hurt again, protecting me." The hollow's hand wraps around my body, I feel several bones creak, its mouth opens revealing another hidden behind the bone-white mask, "ghost-girl run away if you can."

Fingers tighten and a couple ribs shift painfully, suddenly a flare of red and heat, a burst of fire. The hollow stumbles backwards freeing us.

Her hand points at the beast, she shouts defiantly, "shakkaho!"

Another firework flash of red-heat crashes into its mask, the monster roars again, ghost-girl stating, "your opinions are rejected, Oldtimer."

Once more shadow melts through the wall, forming hands, arms, head, neck. The hollow growls over the diminutive warrior.

Her sword spins in a circle, "Mae.." a burst of frost and a sudden chill, "...Sode no Shirayuki." A bell-chime, a pure white ribbon flutters around her, a slash of winter ice becomes her blade, "Next dance Hakuren."

A rush of snow and ice, an avalanche bursts from her sword tip. The hollow is swept away, ghost-girl stumbles and falls to one knee, panting, muttering "... too much..."

Her deadly blade of white reverts back to a normal katana. Blood pit-pats softly against the floor tiles.

"You alright?"

She nods slightly, asking smugly, "are you worried about me?"

"No!" I deny vehemently, insisting instead, "You weren't exactly doing too well against that hollow."

Ghost-girl smirks, "I'm right, you were worried."

"Not at all," I scowl, "so now what? I'm far too old to sling you on my back and make a run for it."

"Then go by yourself. I've told you before, this is my duty."

"You are either obstinate or crazy. Do you want to die here?" I pick her up, she was short and small, but still her weight pulled on my creaking (possibly broken) ribs something fierce.

"What are you doing Oldtimer?" She hollered, "put me down!"

"You are wounded and can't fight that creature anymore. For now retreat is the only option," I shuffle down the hallway.

"Fool...dumbass.." the ghost-girl continues insulting my intelligence, "idiot..." (etc etc)"...put me down, my duty-"

"You can't complete your mission if you're dead."

Her arms cross, "technically I am already dead."

I stumble slightly at that admission, "huh?"

"I am a shinigami, a death god. I haven't been alive since I woke up in the Rukongai."

I glance down at her, "you're here. I can touch you. You bleed and breath. You're not dead."

She huffs, "I'll admit that you seeing me, carrying me, is unusual. Normal humans can not perceive the spirit world."

I somehow manage to open the door, "well I have always been able to see ghosts and the like. Even as a child I could touch spirits that I came across."

There the gate in the fence, hopefully the hollow is still frozen on the other side of the house. I emerge onto the street, "where to?"

"What?"

"You need a place to get fixed up. I can't take you to a hospital, so where to?"

"..." she looks away, "...do you know the Urahara Shoten?"

I search my memory, "..I'll call a cab."

Five minutes later the taxi arrives, the driver expressing concern over my health and state of disarray (freaking out at the old man holding an invisible weight.)

I paid him twice the normal fare and insisted he drive to Urahara candy shop. A glare and scowl and tone of no argument finally got us on the road.

Tires hum as we pass through the city, in my arms she stirs, "thank you."

I smirk and mutter under my breath, "that's my line."

The driver stops outside a rundown alley, "Sir? Urahara's shop is down that alleyway. Are you sure you don't need an ambulance or doctor?"

"I'm fine," I answer gruffly and trudged down the path, after 3 or 4 feet I ask, "ghost-girl, you'll be alright here?"

"yeah..." she manages a smile, "..he is a...friend. Kind of."

"Kind of, huh?" So someone she has to rely on but not necessarily trusts.

I knock on the rice screen door with my foot. ~bang bang~...~bang bang~...~bang bang bang~

A moment later a giant eases it open a crack.

"Sorry we are closed..." his glasses reflect light, "ah, Kuchiki-san," the door opens completely, "welcome, I'll get the owner."

Uninvited I barge into the candy shop and set the ghost-girl down on a cushion, sinking into another seat gratefully.

"Ghost-girl, if you aren't busy with your mission you can come by my place tomorrow."

"Huh?" She looks dazed from blood loss.

"Someone's gotta clean up that mess," I smirk, "and seeing as it's your blood, it's only right you should help me out."

"What?!" Her eyes burn with anger, "it's your house, clean it up yourself."

"Is that how you thank your rescuer?"

"I saved you! You should be thanking me!"

"I thought you were just doing your job?" I cough slightly, I felt bone grind and my lungs ache, "I think you are supposed to be grateful to me for saving you instead."

"And I told you I didn't need your help."

I tried not to laugh, "the rescuee's has no say in their rescuer's plan,"

"Bakamono! That's not how it works! You can't ignore my say in being saved or not."

"I believe I did," I chuckle and broken bone dug further in, "this time, your opinions are rejected."

Just as she was going to insist on my level of intelligence (and lack thereof), the giant returned followed by a blond haired man.

A fan snapped open and waved in our direction, "Welcome Ms. Kuchiki and guest," his geta sandals clacked against the wooden platform, a striped hat shielded his eyes, in my mind doubt formed. This person appeared shady and unreliable.

"Tessai, kindly brew some tea for our guest," a dark coat flared as the store owner bowed, "this way please, Ms. Kuchiki."

Ghost-girl stood and wobbled behind the Geta-boshi. She paused at the door leading deep within and slants her violet eyes toward me.

"I'll be here," I nod, "go get fixed up, shinigami."

Still she hesitates even as a sing-song voice calls from further back, "I've got the room prepared Kuchiki-san~"

Ghost-girl turns to face me, "it's not shinigami, I am Kuchiki Rukia."

I smile, "and I'm Oldtimer, Kurosaki Ichigo."

She stifles a laugh, merely shaking her head before disappearing into the hallway. I lean on the low table in front of me. Suddenly a presence appears by my side.

"Ack!" I jump slightly and feel something tear and rip inside my chest.

Tessai the giant looms quietly at my shoulder "my apologies sir. What tea do you prefer?"

"Uh...anything is fine."

He bows and departs to prepare the tea, I settle my weight against the table once more, breathing is become more and more difficult. I stare at the closed screen door, "Rukia...Kuchiki..." my eyes flutter shut, "...seems..you..were...my death...god."

My grey hair rests against the table, the edges of the world begin to blur. I sigh out my last breath and fade into the space beyond this mortal coil.

AN: So what do ya'll think? Interesting? Insane? Boring? Not another Bleach-remake! I'm not redoing the whole manga (I'd probably die of old age before getting that far) but I'm thinking of doing up to 'Soul Society Invasion arc' at least. So yes, I'm having Orihime be Ichigo's granddaughter and Rukia will not transfer her shinigami power over...oh and Ichigo is a senior citizen. If this is too much change, I apologize but will stick with the tweaked plot. I do hope you readers will give my demented AU story a chance. *puppy eyes* Any grammar or spelling issues, let me know please. MantaRae