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Things Left Unsaid
Horatio saw Speed undo the safety and pull out his gun. "Speed," said Horatio as he looked at Speed. Speed turned around and looked at Horatio then turned around again. "Stay put," said Horatio to the owner of the store as he made his way to the back. There was movement coming from a door in the back. Horatio saw it open slowly. When the door was almost all the way opened Horatio hollered, "Speed". He had his weapon drawn and has the man behind the door came out and shot, Horatio fired back. Speed shot his gun twice, but his gun wasn't working right. He looked at his gun, but didn't notice the guy aiming for him until it was too late. He felt the bullet as he fell on the floor. He struggled to stay alive, but knew he wouldn't make it. After the two men ran off Horatio ran to Speed's side and radioed for help. He then put a handkerchief to the side of Speeds mouth where blood was coming out. Horatio tried to assure Speed that he was going to be okay, but then Speed stopped breathing. Horatio said his name over and over again. "Speed. Speed." He put his ear to Speed's chest, but didn't hear a heart beat. He knew Speed was gone. Horatio sat there as he waited for his team to come. He felt so numb inside. He didn't know what to think. He didn't know his team had arrived until he felt Alexx put a hand on his shoulder. "Give him to me Horatio. He needs to come with me," said Alexx as she rubbed her hand on his shoulder. "Okay," said Horatio. he looked up and saw Calleigh waiting for him. "Okay," said Horatio again as he stood up and walked up to Calleigh.
Horatio woke up in a sweat. He was breathing hard. He had the same nightmare every night since the accident happen. Horatio looked over at his clock on his night stand, it read 1:00am. He knew he had a few hours before he had to get up to get ready for work, but he knew he wouldn't be able to fall back to sleep. He got up and took a shower. After Horatio was done with his shower he put on a pair of sweat pants and walked into the kitchen to make some coffee. "Maybe I should see a Psychologist," thought Horatio. Stetler had told him that he had to see someone. He had made Horatio an appointment for 10:00am that morning. "Maybe it'll do me some good. Yeah, right. Nothing will do me any good. Speed is gone and it's because of me that he is. I saw that shooter point his gone at Speed. I should have shot him when he aimed at Speed. I failed Speed," said Horatio to himself. He blamed himself for Speed's death. He knew the others would tell him it wasn't his fault, but he couldn't help but think that it was. "Maybe if I had checked his gun before we went to the place he wouldn't have died. I should have made sure he cleaned his gun," thought Horatio. He picked up a picture of him and the team. It was taken on one of his birthdays. The team wanted to celebrate his birthday so he allowed them to. He remembered how much fun that had been. Eric and Speed teasing him about getting old and stuff. He remembered one of the gifts he had gotten from Speed was a pair of sunglasses. Horatio laughed at the memory. Speed had told him just in case his "precious" sunglasses got broken. "Speed always knew how to make people laugh at the oddest moments," thought Horatio with a sad smile.
After Horatio ate breakfast and cleaned up his mess he decided to try to get some more sleep in before he had to get ready for work. The last thought Horatio had before he fell asleep was of Speed's smile. Horatio's dreams were filled with images of the past when Speed had been alive and full of laughter. He missed those days when he use to laugh so freely. He wasn't afraid to let his team see that side of him. Now, he seemed to be distancing himself from the others. He knew he shouldn't have, but he felt like he had to. He thought if he distanced himself from the others they wouldn't get hurt and end up dead like Speed. The others tried to talk to him, but he didn't really want to listen to what they had to say. He knew what they would say to him. He had heard it all before when Raymond died. He didn't want to hear the same speech again. He just wanted to be left alone to grieve on his own, but it seemed like that wasn't going to happen. Stetler had made him an appointment with the department Psychologist. He said it was mandatory whether he liked it or not. He knew the others had seen the Psychologist. He had overheard them talking about how it went and how they felt afterwards. "Maybe I should invite everyone over so we can all talk about it together. Hopefully everyone will agree to this. I think it'll help everyone," thought Horatio as he finally fell asleep.
Soon it was time for Horatio to get and ready. After he got up and dressed, he grabbed his keys and headed out the door. As he was headed out the door his cell phone rang. "Caine," said Horatio. "Hey. I was just calling to make sure you were coming in to work today," said Calleigh. "Yes. I'm on my way now. I have an appointment today with the department Psychologist at 10:00," said Horatio. "That's okay. Nothing much going on right at the moment. Eric and me are in the break room eating breakfast if you're interested," said Calleigh. "Yeah. I think I will get a little to eat when I come in. I woke up at 1:00am and I ate something then," said Horatio. "Did you have a nightmare," asked Calleigh concerned. "Yeah. It's the same one since Speed died. Hopefully talking to someone will help. By the way, I wanted to ask you, Eric, and Alexx if you wanted to come over to my place one weekend so we could talk about Speed's death. You don't have to if you don't want to. I just thought it might help," said Horatio. "Sounds good to me. I think it's a great idea. I'll run it by Eric and Alexx and see what they say. I'll see you when you get here," said Calleigh. "Bye," said Horatio as he hung up his cell phone. "At least one person so far likes my idea," thought Horatio as he continued on his way.
A few minutes later Horatio arrived at the crime lab. "Good morning sir. Here are your messages," said the receptionist as she handed Horatio his messages. "Thank you," said Horatio as he took his messages and headed toward the break room, when he was stopped by a familiar voice. "Horatio," said a female voice. Horatio turned around and saw Yelina. "Hey. What's up," asked Horatio. "Nothing much really. I just came by to see if you were here," said Yelina. "Yeah. I'm here. I was headed to the break room. Calleigh said she and Eric are eating breakfast. Would you like some," asked Horatio. "No. Thank you though. I just wanted to make sure you were okay," said Yelina. "I will be," said Horatio. "I'm glad. I better go. Is it okay if Ray Junior and I come by later on," asked Yelina. "Yeah. I would love that. I could fix Ray's favorite meal," said Horatio with a smile. "Good. We'll be around 6:00. Is that okay," asked Yelina with a smile of her own. "Yeah. That would be great," said Horatio. "Okay. We'll see you then," said Yelina. "See you later," said Horatio as he turned and walked away. As Horatio continued on his way to the break room he was stopped by yet another voice. "Horatio," said a male voice this time. Horatio turned around and saw, none other than Rick Stetler. "Stetler. What can I do for you," asked Horatio. "Nothing at the moment. I just came to remind you of your appointment," said Stetler. "I remembered. Don't worry. I won't skip out on it, if that's what you think I'll do. Now, if you'll excuse me. I would like to get a little something to eat from the break room," said Horatio. "Sure. I'll see you around," said Stetler as he walked off. Horatio turned and continued on his way to break room. He hoped no one else would bother him.
"Hi. I hope you saved me some," said Horatio as he walked into the break room. "We sure did. Here you go," said Calleigh as she handed Horatio a plate of food. "Thank you, said Horatio. "Calleigh told me about your idea. I think it's great too. Should we bring anything over," asked Eric. "You don't have to if you don't want to," said Horatio. "Okay. So, I heard you have an appointment today," said Eric. "Yeah. Hopefully it'll help some. I woke up early this morning because of the same nightmare I've been having since Speed died," said Horatio. "It'll get better over time I'm sure," said Eric. "Yeah. I hope so," said Horatio. "We have each other to help out too. Don't forget that," said Calleigh with a smile. "I'll try not to. Do you think I should invite Yelina," asked Horatio. "I guess. If you want to. It's up to you," said Calleigh. "I don't see why you shouldn't invite her," said Eric. "Thanks. I think today is going to be one of those slow days," said Horatio as he looked up at the clock on the wall. "Yeah, I have a feeling it is too. I'm not complaining though. I don't know if I could concentrate. Speed's funeral is still fresh in my mind," said Calleigh. "I'm sure it's fresh in everyone's mind, but we'll get through this together," said Eric. "Yeah, I know. It just feels weird not having Speed around," said Calleigh. "Yeah. I'm going to have to start taking applications to fill his position. We'll never find anyone like Speed though," said Horatio. "Yeah. He was one of a kind. Hopefully we'll find someone who we can get along with easily," said Calleigh. "Well, I guess I better go. I'll see you after while I guess," said Horatio as he stood up. "Yeah, see you later. Don't give her too much trouble," said Calleigh with a laugh. "I wouldn't think of it," said Horatio with a smile on his face. "Yeah, right," said Eric with a chuckle.
Horatio entered the Psychologist office and walked up to the receptionist. "Hi. I'm Lieutenant Caine. I have a 10:00 o'clock appointment," said Horatio. "Okay. Please, have a sit. The doctor will be out in a few minutes," said the receptionist. So Horatio sat down on the couch and waited for the psychologist to come out to get him. He didn't have to wait long. The door to the back rooms opened to reveal a young looking woman. "Lieutenant Caine. You can come back now," said the woman. Horatio stood up and followed the woman to the back rooms. "My name is Dr. Victoria Sanders. I'll be evaluating you today," said Dr. Sanders. "Okay," said Horatio as they entered her office. "You don't have to be nervous. Try to relax. I'm just going to ask you questions about different things. Some of the questions I'm going to ask you are going to be both professional and personal related," said Dr. Sanders. "What kind of personal questions," asked Horatio. "Questions regarding your personal background, from your childhood up until now. Are you ready for me to begin," asked Dr. Sanders. "I'm not sure. I don't like to talk about my childhood that much," said Horatio as he looked at his hands. "Were you close to your parents as a child," asked Dr. Sanders. "I was close to my mother. I didn't like my father much. He was...abusive. He would hit me almost everyday. He'd hit my mother too. I would take care of my brother Raymond. I would protect him from our father. My dad would shove me in a closet and lock the door," said Horatio in a low voice. "How would you feel when your father did that to you," asked Dr. Sanders. "I was scared. I would scream for him to let me out, but he wouldn't. He said I needed to learn my place. He would keep me locked up for hours on end," said Horatio. "What happened to your mother," asked Dr. Sanders. "When I was about twenty-five, I was a police officer for Miami-Dade. I got a call about a disturbance. I took the call, but I shouldn't have. The disturbance was from my house. When I went inside the house I saw my father standing over my mother. He had killed her," said Horatio.
"You know what? I don't think I'll be able to concentrate knowing Horatio is basically being interrogated about his personal and professional life while I'm sitting here doing nothing," said Calleigh with a sigh. "I know how you feel. I know Horatio doesn't like talking about his personal life; especially when it comes to his childhood. I know some about it, but not much," said Eric. "I know he didn't have a very good childhood. I know his old man beat him, but that's about it," said Calleigh. "Hey Calleigh. Hey Eric," said Ryan as he came into the break room. "Hey Ryan," said Calleigh. "So, what are you two up to," asked Ryan. "Nothing much. We were just talking about Horatio seeing the department Psychologist," said Calleigh. "H went to see a Psychologist," asked Ryan confused. "He's having nightmares about someone we lost a few months ago," said Eric. "Tim Speedle, right," asked Ryan. "Yeah. How did you know," asked Eric becoming defensive. "I saw his name on a locker. I asked someone if they knew who he was and they told me," said Ryan. "What exactly did they say," asked Calleigh. "They told me Horatio and Tim went to ask questions at a store and Tim saw movement coming from the back. They said he drew his weapon and Horatio walked to the back with him and that's when shots were fired. They told me that Horatio said that Tim may have looked at his gun when he got shot. I'm sorry if I did something wrong," said Ryan. "No. You didn't do anything wrong, but next time come to one of us," said Calleigh. "Okay. I really am sorry," said Ryan. "It's okay. You're still kind of new. We forgive you," said Eric. "Thanks," said Ryan with a sigh. "Would like to come over to Horatio's? He's invited us and Alexx to come over and talk about Speed's death. I'm sure he wouldn't mind if you came over," said Calleigh. "I don't know. I mean, if it's okay with him I'll come over," said Ryan nervously. "Okay. You know. You don't have to be nervous. It's just Horatio," said Calleigh with a smile. "I know. I just don't want to feel like I'm intruding or anything," said Ryan. "You won't be intruding. I think it'll be good for you to know about Speed," said Eric.
"How did you feel when you saw your father standing over your mother," asked Dr. Sanders. "What does this have to do with Speed's death," asked Horatio. "You're avoiding my question," said Dr. Sanders. "You're avoiding mine," said Horatio. "Lieutenant Caine, I'm trying to understand what you're going through so I can help you," said Dr. Sanders. "I've lost a few loved ones over the years doctor. I blame myself for every one of them. My mom died because I couldn't protect her. My brother died because I couldn't help him when he needed me. Now, Speed died because I couldn't protect him either. I blame myself for what happened to him. I feel like it's my fault that he died. If I had shot the guy when he pointed his gun at Speed, Speed would be alive right now," said Horatio with anger. "I see. You don't blame yourself for killing your father," asked Dr. Sanders. "How did you know I killed my father? I didn't tell you that," said Horatio. "I know. Someone else told me. They told me all about you," said Dr. Sanders. "I'm sure that person was Rick Stetler. I think this session is over," said Horatio as he got up and left.
"How dare he tell her about my childhood. He had no right to do so. He's trying to get me to make a mistake. I know it. He's got another thing coming to him if he thinks I will," thought Horatio as he walked to his office and closed the door. He was really ticked that Rick did what he did. He was interrupted from his thoughts as someone knocked on his door. "Come in," said Horatio. "Hey. I thought I might find you here. What's wrong," asked Yelina as she walked in and sat down. "Rick Stetler is what's wrong. He told the Psychologist about my childhood as if my life was an open book," said Horatio with a sigh. "I can't believe he would do something like that. He's so arrogant," said Yelina. "Yeah, I know. I wish I could do something about, but I can't really. Anyways, I was wondering if you'd like to come over one weekend. I've invited Eric, Calleigh, and Alexx over. I thought we could sit and talk about Speed. I thought it might help ease the pain some," said Horatio. "Sounds good to me. He was a good man. He had a weird sense of humor, but he was funny," said Yelina with a chuckle. "Yeah. Remember when everyone wanted to do something for my birthday? Speed had gotten me an extra pair of sunglasses in case my "precious" sunglasses got broken," said Horatio with a small laugh. "Yeah. I remember that. We had great times," said Yelina.
The rest of the day went by slowly for Horatio and the others. They only had one call of a dead body and it didn't take them long to figure out that the person have committed suicide. "Today has been the most boring day of my life," said Calleigh. "I agree with that. It didn't help any that the man was hysterical," said Ryan. "Yeah, I've never seen anyone that hysterical before," commented Eric. "The guy has some issues I think," said Calleigh. "Yeah, he must have some serious issues to act the way he was acting," said Eric. Horatio hadn't said anything during the conversation. He was still thinking about Stetler telling the Psychologist about his childhood. "Hey Horatio. Are you alright," asked Calleigh. She noticed his pensive look. "Huh? Uh...Yeah. I'm fine. I just have something on my mind," said Horatio. "Are you sure that's all," asked Calleigh. "Yeah. I'm sure. Rick just got on my nerves today," said Horatio. "How did that happen," asked Eric. "He told the Psychologist about my childhood. I thought I was going in there to talk about what happened to Speed, but we ended up talking about my childhood. She then tells me that she's heard all about me from someone. I knew it had to be Stetler. He's the only one who knows about my childhood," said Horatio with a sigh. "Stetler needs to mind his own business. I wish there was a way to get him fired from IAB so he won't bother you anymore," said Ryan. "I wish there was a way too, but I don't think there is," said Horatio. "I'm sure we could find a way to get him fired," said Calleigh. "It wouldn't surprise me. By the way, I asked Yelina if she wanted to come to the house so we could talk about Speed. She was all for it," said Horatio. "That's good. Do you mind if Ryan came too? I think it would be could if he knew about Speed," said Eric. "That would be great. Do you all know when you want to come over," asked Horatio. "I think we should to it this weekend," said Calleigh. "Yeah. I have no plans for this weekend," said Ryan. "Same here," said Eric. "Good. It's agreed. We'll have a cookout at my place," said Horatio. "Yeah. I can't wait to see the inside of your condominium," said Eric with a laugh.
Soon the weekend came and everyone couldn't wait to go to Horatio's place. "It's going to be nice to finally see the inside of Horatio's condo. I can't wait" said Eric with a laugh. "Will you stop? You are so bad. I can't believe you've never seen the inside," said Calleigh. "Have you," asked Eric. "No, but I came close," said Calleigh with a smile. "I've seen the inside of his place," said Yelina. "Of course you have. I'm sure you and Ray Junior have eaten over at his place a few times," said Eric. "Yes. We have actually," said Yelina with a laugh. "Very funny," said Eric. "I thought it was," said Yelina. "You would," muttered Eric. "I've seen the inside of Horatio's place," said Ryan with a smirk. "No way! You have not been in H's place," said Eric. "I have to. H and I were finishing up paper work on a case and when he left he forgot his sunglasses. I know how much he loves his sunglasses so I found out where he lived and took them to him," said Ryan. "Man. I can't believe me and Calleigh are the only ones who haven't seen H's place. It's so unfair," said Eric as he and the others walked up to Horatio's door and knocked. "Hi. I see you all made it. Good. Come on in," said Horatio as he opened the door and let everyone in. "Did you redecorate since the last time I was here," asked Yelina. "Yeah. I did do a little bit of redecorating recently," said Horatio as he brought out some drinks. "It looks nice. I like it," said Yelina as she and the others sat down. "Thanks," said Horatio. "You definitely have a nice place. It has a nice view too I see," said Calleigh. "Yeah. I love looking out on the ocean. It's very calming," said Horatio. He felt very at ease with everyone at his place. He didn't feel like he had to put up any barriers around them since they were away from work. "Who's this picture of," asked Eric as he picked up a picture from one of the end tables. "That's me and Raymond as kids. It's one of many pictures our mom took of us," said Horatio. "Aw. You and Ray were cute when you two were young," said Yelina. "I think you embarrassed him. H is blushing," said Calleigh as she tried to hold back her laughter. "I'm sorry. I can't help it," said Yelina with a smile. Everyone laughed at Horatio's embarrassment. They had never seen Horatio blush before.
After the laughter died down Calleigh spoke up. "Do you have any more pictures of you and Ray," asked Calleigh. "Yeah. Somewhere around here. I don't have all of them. I gave some of them to Ray," said Horatio as he looked for some more pictures. "Here we go. These are some of the last pictures of me and Ray," said Horatio as he handed Calleigh a small photo album. "You two seemed real close," said Calleigh. "We were back then. We looked out for each other," said Horatio. "When did that stop," asked Eric. "When we got older and I went into law enforcement. He wanted to make a name for himself. He didn't want to be in my shadow anymore. He wanted to go into Narcotics, but I told him not to. We had an argument that didn't end too well. We didn't talk much after that," said Horatio. "That explains a lot," said Yelina. "I'm sure it does," said Horatio. "Not to change subjects or anything, but I thought we came here to talk about Speed," said Eric. "Yeah. We did. We just got a little side tracked is all. It happens," said Calleigh. "Yes. It sure does," said Horatio. "So, what kind of person was Speed like," asked Ryan. "He was very laid back. He didn't really have anything bad to say about anyone, unless you got in his face. I remember we worked a case on the beach and some guy comes up to him and says he has a permit to throw a party where Speed was standing. Speed was not happy at all. He told the guy like it was and the guy backed off," said Eric with a chuckle. "I remember that case. I remember the Hurricane Anthony case. That was interesting," said Calleigh. "Yeah. After you left the break room when you told s about the beach bum Speed said you were way too cheerful," said Eric. "I remember that day too. I remember someone getting a cut above their head trying to evacuate a woman from her home," said Yelina with a smirk as she looked at Horatio. "I remember that all too well also. I remember the day we implemented Dispo Day and Speed got shot then. He was lucky that time. He had a vest on," said Horatio as he looked at his hands.
Yelina and the others knew where this was going. They knew Horatio would try to blame himself for Speed's death. "Horatio. It wasn't your fault that Speed died. You couldn't have prevented this from happening," said Yelina as she put her hand on his. "I could have prevented it from happening. If only I had made sure he had cleaned his gun he would still be alive," said Horatio. "If that's true then we all could have prevented it from happening. We all got after Speed for not cleaning his gun. We all tried to warn him," said Calleigh. "She's right. We all could have made sure that he had cleaned his gun, but we didn't. We trusted that he had cleaned his gun. We all thought he learned from being shot the first time. We can't blame ourselves for this happening. It wasn't anyone's fault, not even Speed's. He knew the dangers and he took them without hesitation. Stop blaming yourself for his death. You did all you could do. I know he wouldn't want you blaming yourself for his death. He would want you to move on," said Eric. Ryan didn't say anything the entire time. He didn't know what to say since he wasn't there when Speed died. He had only heard about it through other people in the lab. Horatio, for his part, knew his friends were right about what they were saying. He knew Speed wouldn't want him to be blaming himself for what happened. "You're right, but it doesn't make it any easier," said Horatio as he looked up at everyone. "I know it doesn't, but like you said, we can get through this together," said Yelina with a small smile. "Yeah. She's right. We have to stick together. We're family, and family sticks together no matter what happens," said Calleigh. "Thanks. I feel better now," said Horatio. When he looked up he noticed Ryan wasn't in the room. He looked around, but couldn't find him. He then noticed the screen door to outside was slightly ajar. He stood up and walked outside.
It didn't take long for Horatio to find Ryan. He was sitting in the sand near the water. "Ryan. What are you doing out here by yourself," asked Horatio as he approached the young CSI. "I thought I'd give you and the others some space. I didn't want to intrude. I would have said something, but I wasn't there when Speed died and don't know that much about him other than what I heard from people in the lab," said Ryan without looking at Horatio. "It's okay. Sometimes it helps if someone is just there and doesn't say anything," said Horatio. "Why did you hire me," asked Ryan suddenly. It took a minute for Horatio to speak. The question threw him off guard. "I saw potential in you. I saw that you were very dedicated to protecting the innocent," said Horatio. "It wasn't because I keep my gun cleaned," asked Ryan. "That was one of the reasons, yes. I didn't want the same thing to happen to you that happened to Speed," said Horatio. "I understand. I'm glad you hired me. It's been an interesting experience. When you asked me to see my service pistol I was nervous; especially when you commented on how clean it was. I thought my OCD was working against me getting the job," said Ryan with a small laugh. "You're a good addition to the family. We're all glad to have you. You have excellent attention to the slightest detail. That's the kind of person we needed and we got. Come on. Let's go back inside before the others hunt us down," said Horatio with a small smile. Ryan just laughed as he stood up. "I'm sure the Calvary will be coming soon and be chewing us out for leaving them without telling," said Ryan with a laugh. "Yes, especially Alexx, but don't tell her I said that," said Horatio with smirk. "I won't tell if you won't tell," said Ryan as he held out his hand. "Deal," said Horatio as he shook Ryan's hand.
"Hey. Where did you two run off to," asked Alexx as she and the others noticed that Ryan and Horatio had come back in the room. "We were outside talking," said Horatio. "Is everything okay," asked Calleigh. "Yes. Everything is okay now," said Horatio in a tone which said he wasn't going to say anymore on the subject. "I'm glad everything is good. By the way, we looked at some pictures of you and Raymond as kids," said Calleigh with a smile. "I'm sure you had some good laughs with those," said Horatio. "Oh yeah. We certainly did. We also looked at pictures from when you were in New York, before you moved to Miami," said Alexx. "I haven't looked at those pictures in a while. Is everyone ready to eat? I was about to start fixing dinner," said Horatio. "Yeah, I'm starving," said Eric. "You're always starving," said Ryan. "Not always," said Eric. "Yeah, whatever Cubano boy," said Ryan with a laugh. "Very funny Wolfe," said Eric. "Boys will be boys," commented Yelina. "Indeed," said Horatio as he and the others headed to the kitchen. "Would you like help with the food," asked Calleigh. "That would be nice. Thank you," said Horatio giving her one of his boyish smiles. "You're welcome handsome," said Calleigh. "Okay you two. Enough already," said Alexx. Calleigh and Horatio both chuckled. "I guess that means we should help them, huh," asked Horatio. "I guess so. After you handsome," said Calleigh. "Thank you," said Horatio. So everyone pitched in with preparing the food and setting the table. Once everything was done they sat down and ate. "This is really good. I didn't know you could cook so well," said Alexx. "I love to cook. My mom taught me how," said Horatio. "It's delicious. We'll have to come over more often to good meals like this," said Eric with a smirk. "I think you should put some pictures of you in your office," said Yelina. "I might do that," said Horatio. "Has Speed ever been in your house," asked Eric. "Not that I recall. I can't remember him coming in my house," said Horatio. "Remember when those agents wanted us to go through a lie-detector test? I remember Speed walked out on them," said Calleigh. "I remember that too. I thought it was great," said Eric. "Yeah, he showed them," said Calleigh. "He sure did," said Eric.
A couple of hours later everyone started to get ready to leave. "Thanks for inviting us. I had fun," said Calleigh. "You're welcome," said Horatio. "Yeah, this has been so much fun. I really enjoyed it. It really helped to talk about Speed," said Eric. "I'm glad it helped. I do have to say, I do feel better also," said Horatio. "That's good. We were all worried about you there for a while," said Eric. "I'm fine now," said Horatio with a smile. "Good. Well, I'll see all of you Monday," said Eric as he left. "I'll see you all Monday too. I'm ready to hit the sack," said Calleigh. "See you Monday then," said Horatio. "Night," said Calleigh as she left. "Night H. Night Yelina," said Ryan. "Night Ryan," said Yelina. "See you Monday Ryan. Don't forget what we talked about," said Horatio with a knowing look. "I won't. Thanks," said Ryan as he left. "You had a talk with Ryan," said Yelina. "Yes. I did. He felt kind of left out, so I talked to him to let him know how much he means to this team," said Horatio. "That's good. He is a good addition to the team. He's very dedicated to his job," said Yelina. "Yes. He sure is. So, are you and Ray Junior doing anything next weekend," asked Horatio. "No. We're not doing anything," said Yelina. "Is it okay if I come over," asked Horatio. "Of course. You know you're always invited to come over. Ray will be happy to see you," said Yelina with a smile. "I'm sure he will. I bet he's grown up a little bit more since the last time I saw him," said Horatio with a smile. "He has grown some, but not much since you last saw him. Well, I better get going. I don't won't Ray to start worrying about me," said Yelina. "Okay. I'll see you around," said Horatio. "See you," said Yelina as she left.
The next morning Horatio woke up bright and early. He felt like he needed to spend some time to himself. He knew exactly where he needed to be. As he drove to the cemetery lots of thoughts went through his head. He thought about the many times he wanted to tell Speed how much he meant to him. He wanted to tell Speed he thought of him as a son. He wished he had said those things to him when he was alive, but didn't because he didn't know how Speed would react to it. He always thought of Speed, Eric, and Calleigh as his children in a way. He felt like he had to watch over them and protect them from all the bad in the world. "I wish I could have protected you Speed, but I couldn't. And because of that you died. You died because I failed to protect you," thought Horatio as he pulled up to the cemetery. He got out of his vehicle and walked to Speed's grave. When he got to the foot of Speed's grave he just stood there for a minute in silence; going over the things he wanted to say out loud. "Speed. I just want to say sorry for not being able to protect you. I should have been able to shoot that guy when he pointed his gun at you, but I didn't. I don't know what happened. I guess I thought you had him, but when you looked at your gun for that split second I knew something was wrong. I should have yelled at you to duck or something. I didn't do anything. I just stood there and saw as you got shot. I'm sorry Speed. I'm sorry," said Horatio as he looked at the head stone. Horatio stood there for a moment before he turned to leave, but when he did he could have sworn he heard Speed's voice say "I don't blame you." Horatio looked up at the sky and felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders for the first time since the incident. If Horatio had glanced back at the hill he would have seen Speed's spirit watching over him as he left.