A/N: This is my follow up to Wedding Night Jitters (that nobody read). I've invented a new genre I'm calling 'emotional smut' or 'emo-smut' for short, lol. I'm fed up of grim descriptions of 'tips' and 'entries' and 'mounds' in the smut genre. I want a bit of emotion and subtlety - not a string of smutty keywords. I also don't want peeps to skip straight to the smut because it won't make sense if you do but you can do whatever really, i'm not hovering behind you!

EACH TIME YOU WRITE A REVIEW OF MY WORK A FAIRY GETS ITS WINGS.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or its characters.

CHAPTER ONE

I don't know how long I'd been sleeping

I don't know how long I'd been sleeping. My eyes opened slowly and adjusted to the light. The sky was the perfect shade of blue. The sun was high and its bright yellow light filtered through the green forest leaves. A warm breeze caressed my hair. The setting was familiar. I was in the meadow.

This place held so many memories for me…the first time I had shown Bella my true form…that was a day I would never forget. So many years had passed since that day; it felt like I was remembering another lifetime. I stared up at the sky and felt the grass beneath my fingertips.

Enough time had passed for Bella to become fully accustomed to her life as a vampire. It hadn't been an easy journey but I was with her every step of the way, giving her support when she needed me. I was so lucky that she needed me…but where was she? I was sure she was around here somewhere.

I was ready to get up and find her when suddenly she came bounding into view. She was barefoot and wearing a white cotton summer dress. Her eyes shone with happiness as she smiled and laughed. As she came closer to me I noticed there was something different about her.

Her cheeks were flushed, perhaps from the heat?

Her skin was delicate and translucent but not sparkling in the sunlight.

Her eyes were deep brown, not the pale amber I remembered.

Were my eyes deceiving me or was I really seeing Bella in human form? What kind of trickery was this? Fear flooded my brain as I tried to make sense of what I was seeing.

She came towards me and knelt down in the grass beside me. Each arm rested by the sides of my body.

"Edward, I love you,"

I stroked her arm as she pressed her lips to mine. She giggled after she kissed me and then quickly got up.

"Bella, come back, wait," I cried out desperately.

She didn't look back. She was still laughing as she ran, her white dress billowing in the wind.

I didn't understand what was happening but I knew I had to follow her. I tried to get up but my muscles didn't move. I tried again but still nothing happened. I couldn't lift my body off the ground.

I watched helplessly as Bella ran towards the middle of the meadow. She leapt spectacularly into the air.

Her dress blew in the breeze.

I blinked and she was gone.

Before I could even make sense of what I had seen, the entire meadow collapsed around me, an earth shattering sound piercing my ears. The sky was torn down revealing nothing but darkness in its place. The ground beneath me gave way and I tumbled into the dark emptiness below.

There was no light now.

A figure walked out from the darkness towards me. He was an elderly man I had never seen before. I lay crumpled on the floor. He pulled me up with a force that belied his age. I looked around to see to where the light was coming from. Then I realised it was coming from him.

"We have been waiting for you,"

"Where am I? Where's Bella?"

"Bella is no longer your concern…"

"Who the hell are you? What have you done with her?"

"An apt choice of words, or rather word…hell,"

"I am in…hell?"

"Yes,"

"But where is she?"

"As I said, this no longer concerns you. We suggest you take your time to reflect upon your actions, this is the perfect opportunity and you'll have plenty of time on your hands, we guarantee it,"

"You just don't get it, do you? I don't care where I am, as long as Bella is safe, now where is she?"

"She has also been given time to reflect, it won't be for as long as you but it will be a burden that she carries with her eternally,"

"No, she doesn't deserve whatever you plan to do to her, it was my fault, I made her…"

"What do you call a soulless creature that takes another's soul?"

"A monster," I whispered.

He walked away taking the only source of light away with him. I ran into the pitch black emptiness. I tried every direction. I ran for miles but there was no end in sight. Just complete black shutting down all my senses.

"A monster,"

My eyes opened slowly and adjusted to the darkness. I immediately looked to my left and saw an angel sleeping there. I was in our bedroom. We had married three days ago. We were staying in the house I had bought just outside Forks.

We were enjoying our 'honeymoon' of Bella's last days as a human. The date had been set for her change which was just a week away. However, all the doubt and worry had resurfaced and now this waking nightmare had rocked my conscience to the core. I didn't want to be the monster that ruined her soul and cast her into eternal damnation.

My stomach churned at the thought. My throat felt dry. I was going to be sick. I had to run to the bathroom. I hunched over the bathroom sink, ready to throw up the contents of my stomach. I knew what it would look like. I would see red blood swirling in the white porcelain basin as I try to wash away the evidence. And I would hate myself for it afterwards for being such a monster.

Nothing came up as I dry heaved until my stomach muscles stopped contracting. I rinsed out my mouth, then walked slowly back into the bedroom. I hoped that Bella was still asleep. I quietly slid under the covers.

"Are you all right?" she said turning to look at me.

"y-y-yeah," I half smiled. She wasn't fooled so easily.

"Edward, you're shaking all over, what happened to you?"

She sat up, inspecting my body, my face, searching for an answer. I pushed her away from me. I sat up in bed, my back against the iron wrought headboard. She looked confused and hurt by my rejection. But she wouldn't give up on me.

"Edward, your scaring me, just tell me, whatever it is," she pleaded.

I knew my silence was a form of torture for her. I may be monster but I had a choice in whether to be cruel to her and looking into her eyes I knew she didn't deserve it.

"I had a waking nightmare, so vivid and real. You were apart from me, suffering because of me, the monster that took your soul,"

The penny dropped and Bella understood. She smoothed down her long mahogany hair, as she collected her thoughts.

She climbed into my lap and sat her body in the space between my legs. She leaned her back onto me. She pulled my arms around her, willing me to hold her close.

"Hold me, Edward,"

"I…can't,"

My arms flopped to my sides. I could feel nothing but misery and self-hatred. Bella turned around sharply, cupping my face with both of her hands. She tried to meet my gaze but I refused to look her in the eye.

"I'm not going to let you be consumed with guilt, Edward, you haven't done anything wrong; you have to let these doubts go,"

I plucked up the courage to look at her. Her deep brown eyes were wide, pleading me to believe her. I tried to speak but no words could escape from my lips. My doubts were holding my tongue ransom. She could see I was struggling to believe her.

In one move, she jumped out of the bed and walked to the electric heater in the room. She switched it on and then settled back into her original position in my lap. We had brought the heater to keep the room warm so that Bella wouldn't get cold during our 'affectionate' moments. We had agreed to take things slow and hadn't gone all the way yet. We were both still slightly shaken from my kidnapping on our wedding night.

She leaned her head onto the side of my neck.

"We belong to each other; this is how we were meant to be,"

She pulled my arms around her. This time I let myself hold her close. I could feel her heartbeat on my bare chest. I was in my boxer shorts; she was in her pale blue night slip. She placed her hands over mine and guided them under her night slip. She shivered as my ice cold hands grazed along her hips, her waist, her stomach, finally resting on her breasts. She held my hands in place.

I could feel the rise and fall of her chest as she took each breath. Neither of us spoke as I listened and felt her heartbeat. This felt more intimate than anything physical we had ever done. The atmosphere of the room - which had been weighed down by my sadness - was now crackling with anticipation.

She turned her head to look at me; her eyes were alight with a fierce passion.

"Only you are capable of loving me, Edward,"

Was this a statement or a command? She let go of my hands, leaving them where they were. She wanted me to love her. She wanted me to know that I wasn't a monster but a person capable of loving her. She was waiting for me to make the next move.

I've dreamed of this moment but Bella forgets that I did die 17 year old virgin. I may have studied anatomy in medical school but there was no text book on 'how to make love'. And if there was one I probably wouldn't have read it because I simply wasn't interested then…until she came into my life…

Bella could feel my nerves. She took one of my hands in hers and began to delicately nibble and suck each one of my fingertips. Her warm tongue ran the length of my index finger. I shut my eyes and let my feelings wash over me, overpowering the misery and doubts that were in my mind. I hugged her close to me, never wanting her to stop. I could feel every muscle and bone of her back press into me. This fragile body was a living, breathing miracle right here in my arms.

I held her by the waist and leaned her slightly forward away from me. I slowly rose up her night slip over her head and flung it to one side. I stroked her bare back, my ice cold fingers running down her spine. She trembled with excitement. I lifted her hair and brushed it forward, giving me access to her bare neck and shoulders. I let my parted lips drag across her skin. It fired up my senses to feel her so closely with my lips. This was much better than using my hands.

I wanted to explore every part of her. I turned my attention to her ear, licking every crevice of this dainty little shell. I kept my face close to her so that my breath blew softly over her skin. I heard her inhale deeply, taking in the scent.

I took her hand and kissed and sucked her fingertips just as she had done to me. Her fingers were long and slender. She tasted warm and inviting. After I finished I began again with her other hand. Our bodies swayed gently together; forwards and backwards, forwards and backwards. I could feel her heart rate start to increase. I massaged her stomach and breasts with my free hand.

I turned her whole body so that she was now directly facing me. I tucked the strands of hair that had fallen forward behind her ear. She smiled at me seductively. I loved the way she smiled at me. It radiated a pure love that I never thought I was capable of knowing. I wanted so much to return that same feeling; I wanted her to know just how much I loved her. I kissed her with a passion that was now surging through my body. She returned my kiss eagerly, bringing me to life. Nothing bad could ever happen to me when I felt like this.

I held her in my embrace as we rolled over onto the bed. I rested her head upon the pillow and positioned myself above her, careful not to rest any of my body weight upon her. I pulled the bed covers up around me to make sure she wasn't cold. I broke away from the lingering kiss as Bella gasped for air. I turned my attention to her neck and collarbone, kissing and feeling my way around her. She held onto me, her hands travelling from the centre of my back, to my arms and back again. Her skin against my skin was a thrill I could never become tired of.

As I kissed the base of her neck, I decided a little mischief was in order. I held her hand and guided it down my lower back, placing it on my bare cheek. I glanced up at her as she bit down on her lip, trying desperately to repress an embarrassed yet wicked grin that was slowly forming across her face. Her hands had definitely never travelled down there before.

She looked purposefully at me and gave a hard squeeze to my cheek, raising one eyebrow in the process. I knew she wouldn't let me get away with naughty behaviour like that as I buried my face into her shoulder to hide my own impish grin. I put my hand back onto hers and squeezed it gently, making sure her hand was firmly pressed against my naked flesh. She put her other hand on my other cheek and then gave that one a squeeze.

"You win," I murmured, finally admitting defeat.

"I always do," she replied in a low, husky voice.

to be continued...bonus points if you spotted the Edward Scissorhands rip off.