Author's Note: First up, Loz POV.
Kadaj is quiet now; Loz knows it won't last long. It never does, these days. It used to, back at the beginning, when they first escaped from the labs. It was Kadaj who had led them to safety, who had stayed focused despite everything, who had avoided the distractions of the world beyond the labs long enough for them to find somewhere to hide and recover. The focus is still there, but most of the time, Kadaj isn't. When he looks into his younger brother's eyes at times like this, there isn't anything there, and Kadaj doesn't see him. All he sees is mother. Sometimes Loz thinks that's all Kadaj has ever seen. Sometimes, Loz hates mother, because mother is hurting Kadaj, and mothers shouldn't hurt their sons.
Kadaj has always heard mother the clearest. Loz hears her too, sometimes, but unlike Kadaj, he hears nothing he understands, and for once Loz doesn't mind his incomprehension. It is the words Kadaj understands that cause him pain. But sometimes for Loz there is… something. Something that hurts him like it hurts Kadaj, except while Kadaj feels it all the time, Loz just hears it when Kadaj isn't there, is somewhere where Loz and Yazoo can't follow. When he hates mother for taking Kadaj away, for hurting his younger brother, she hurts him too, and it is then he cries and hates mother a little more. But he doesn't tell. If Kadaj knew, he would hate Loz, and while Loz might not mind mother hating him most out of all her sons, he couldn't stand it if Kadaj hated him too.
Loz isn't sure if Yazoo hears mother, too. He might; Yazoo doesn't really talk much, but if he does hear her, he doesn't mention it, and Yazoo never cries or goes where Loz cannot follow, so Loz has no way of telling. Yazoo is gone now, has left to go find them something to eat. Loz wishes Yazoo had not left. Kadaj's fit started while Yazoo was gone, and Loz doesn't know what to do. Yazoo always does, always says the right thing that will calm down their younger brother and let him sleep, but Loz doesn't have the words.
Back at the labs, Loz was the best at what he did, was trained to be the best. But as Loz watched his youngest brother's eyes open and couldn't see anything there, he knew that what he's good at will never be as important as this. When Kadaj begins to thrash against the sheets, keening in his throat a sound that might be 'mother,' Loz tries to find the words that will finally allow his brother to rest, but he never had them to begin with. Loz wishes that Yazoo was here, but he isn't, so Loz does the best he could. He wraps his arms around Kadaj and tries to block out mother's voice from his brother's ears long enough to let Kadaj sleep. He says nothing, because anything he'd say wouldn't be the right thing. It never is. Kadaj quiets, but when Loz looks into his eyes, there still isn't anything there. Loz says nothing, but quietly, he hates mother a little more, because mothers shouldn't hurt their sons like Jenovah hurts his brother.