Disclaimer: All ASOIAF belongs to G. R. R. Martin, they aren't mine nor do I profit from any fanwork.

Note: Written for the kink meme. You can find the OP on my profile.

It was madness, Alannys thought as she sat upon her bed. Her sight fixed upon the window, trying to ignore the fuss inside the castel's walls. Her two youngest were with her, Theon clinging to her waist and Asha sitting straight next to her, holding onto her hand.

It was madness that had taken over Balon by declaring himself a King and declaring himself free of the Iron Throne. He had been dismissive of the new King, he had declared that Robert was a green boy and an even greener King. So Alannys sat and waited, her two eldest two were fighting with their father and she prayed her sons would be safe.

It was not to be.

Alannys stood by the docks, holding Theon close to her as Asha held onto her skirts. She held him and told him that he would be fine, that everything would be fine. And she wasn't sure if she was just trying to convince herself or Theon. She held him and fixed his hair, looked at him, making herself hold his face in her memory, for only the Gods knew when she would see him again.

It had been Balon who told her that her sons were dead and that Theon would be made a hostage, spitting bitterly about being a ward of the King's friend. The Lord of Winterfell and Warden of the North would be the one to keep Theon. And she had felt her heart drop, two sons dead, one hostage. And for that instant, she hated Balon, the King and the man who would take her son away.

She was still holding Theon, whispering a lullaby when Balon had ripped him from her arms and dragged the him away. He pushed him towards the man she had come to know as Lord Stark, he stood tall and still, his face a grim mask and she prayed that he would be good to her son. Lord Stark had looked at her then, giving a small nod to her and placing his had on Theon's shoulder, telling him it was time to leave.

Alannys had stood upon the decks, alone, for Asha had gone with her father, until the ship that took her child away wasn't visible anymore. Day gave into night and Alannys was still standing there, only the memory of Asha had moved her.

Theon had been gone for a week when it hit her. Balon had bastard sons. Her son was his heir now, a royal hostage in lieu of his good behavior, panic began to set into her mind as she feared that Balon would rebel again and she would lose her son and some other would replace him. And something inside her snapped. She would and could not stand for it.

She found the first boy playing near a rocky cliff, practicing with a wooden sword on an invisible enemy. The boy had stopped when she approached, but she had smiled and told him to continue, for only that way he would be great with a sword. The boy had smiled then and began anew his practice. She stood still, just watching for a moment, he could not be past ten, so very close in age to her own. She looked around and made sure they were alone.

She placed a hand on him, they boy had been surprised and turned to look at her. She had looked at him back and whispered, "you look so much like my Theon." And she closed her eyes and pushed. She stood still for a while and when she opened her eyes and looked down, the boy had fallen amongst rocks, blood was seeping from his head and his body lay in odd angles after beeing broken by the rocks.

She turned around and left, looked for her daughter and took her to her chambers and sang her a song. It was a lullaby and it was Theon's favorite, Asha didn't complain.

The second boy she found near a pond, playing with some other children. When they saw her approach they quieted and ceased to play, but she told them to ignore her and continue with their play. She sat down near the pond and watched them play, she hoped her Theon would have someone to play with. Little by little and one by one, the boy began to leave. When he boy she had been there for made motion to leave, she beaconed closer and the boy complied, she asked if he knew how to swim. When the answer was 'no' she smiled and pushed the boy into the pond.

He struggled, but she reached over and placed her hands over his shoulder and kept him underwater until she felt him stop his struggle. When she let go of his shoulders, she looked at him, his eyes were empty and his body began to float upon the pond. He had been no more than six summers. She stood up and left and looked for Asha. She had found him with her father and had told her that one day she would be great. Balon had only smirked and said she already was.

The last boy was barely a year old, the son of a maid that worked in the kitchens. She had inquired about him, passing it as simple curiosity. No one questioned her, she was sure they pitied her, two sons dead and one a hostage. The girl had told her where to find the babe and she had smiled as benevolently as possible and said, "babes are precious things, continue with your work."

She stood looking down the crib, the babe was asleep as the maid had told her he would be. Her hands shook as she took a pillow from the crib and held her over his face, she began to shake, so she closed her eyes and thought of her son. She pressed the pillow down and held it until she was sure the boy was dead. She stood still, her eyes still closed when she put the pillow down and whispered, "Gods forgive me." She left the room.

This time she did not seek Asha, but went towards the docks. She stood still looking on the horizon, wind blowing her hair and making the sea restless and she began to sing, Theon's favorite lullaby and she hoped the wind would carry her song to her son and let him know she was waiting. And she stood there, alone and only left until nightfall but she would be there tomorrow and the day after that and the day after that. Until such day, when she could hold her baby again.

A/N: Unbeta-ed. All comments, reviews and constructive criticism are welcome, thank you for reading.