Malfoy Manor was filled with noise today, the hustle and bustle of numerous servants preparing food, decorating the garden and cleaning the house. The feast would start in less than an hour and everyone was eager to finish their duties on time, which caused some collisions and angry words. Today was not a day for mistakes or failure, the master was bad-tempered and no one wanted to get in trouble. And it was definitely not advisable to get in trouble with Lucius Malfoy.
Latter had retired himself to his rooms and was now brushing his long blonde hair with soft strokes. It soothed his mind, counting the number of times he brought the brush up and down again kept him from thinking. It was a warm midsommer evening, a mild wind was blowing inside from the balcony, making a few papers trail down slowly from the ornate desk. Normally Lucius detested any untidiness, but tonight he did not care. The noises of the servants got through to his room, even though it was on the upper floor. Hopefully these fools were not going to disturb him. He had been very clear about that, but no one could know.
Lucius decided to put the brush away and looked into the huge silver mirror, a family heirloom. He was indeed satisfied with his picture: Grey eyes in a narrow face with high cheekbones were looking at him- it was a proper appearance of a Malfoy.
After having checked the clock for the hundredth time in the last ten minutes, his fingers were knocking the table and his impatience was on the peak. How dare he let Lucius wait. Not today. The next few minutes his thoughts were revolving around the man he was about to meet. It would have been better if he had not thought about him, but Lucius had given up on this long ago. It was simply impossible.
When he heard the noise of someone apparating on the balcony, Lucius had not yet decided whether he should be angry or delighted. He stood up extremely slowly to cover his impatience and looked Severus Snape straight in the eye. "You're late.", he said in a coolly tone. It did not seem to bother the other man, he neither apologized nor explained. Instead he simply stood there, waiting.
A shiver went down Lucius spine, despite the warm temperatures. Something was going very wrong- there was a tension in the air. So the Malfoy heir decided to forget his anger and put on a smile. "I'm glad, you're here, Sev." He waited for a reaction, but there was none.
A shadow had fallen over Severus eyes, clouding their usual vigilance. He started moving towards Lucius, but it was hesitating and reserved. What on earth was going on here? "Sev?", his voice was quavering a bit and he hated his opponent for making him feel insecure.
The younger man sighed and ran his fingers through his black hair, which was a huge contrast to his pale skin. Lucius suppressed the urge to decrease the distance between them and crossed his arms. Severus finally managed to look the blonde in the eye and said the four dreaded words: "We have to talk." A wave of fear shook the blonde. "Talk." He did not mean to sound rude, but it was all Lucius could manage to say at the moment.
Severus sighed again and a mixture of refusal and hopelessness was gleaming in his eyes. "I can't do this anymore." Lucius bit his lips, and managed to sneer a reply: "So you've had enough of me? Or did you find someone better with more money?" He refused to let Severus see how hurt he was.
Severus looked down, seemingly feeling very uncomfortable, but Lucius did not care. At the moment rage took over his mind and he wanted to crush something. Luckily, he had learned very early to hide his feelings and so he just stood there, staring at his companion. The black-haired man bit his lips, a gesture which was very familiar.
"You know it never was about the money.", Severus whispered. "What was it about then?", asked the blonde in a sharp voice. "Do I really have to say it?" "I want to hear it.", Lucius insisted.
The younger man was taking a deep breath and then he said the only three words, which had the power to crash Lucius self-control: "I love you." Silence. "I love you, Lucius, but we can't be together, when you are marrying Narcissa."
The Malfoy heir had to collect himself, before he answered in a halting voice: "But it does not change anything between us, Sev." The black-haired shook his head: "It changes everything. You will be hers, not mine." "But you know that I will always be yours, Sev.", Lucius was desperate. He knew he was not going to win this battle.
"That's not enough for me, Lucius. I can't watch you being accompanied by her all the time, holding her hand, laughing with her and getting children with her. I can't even think of such things without having my heart broken. I refuse to be your mistress, the one standing in the shadow, never being able to be truly together with you. It hurts too much."
Lucius was not able to catch a clear thought; all he wanted to do was change this horrible situation. "Don't leave me." It was the first time in his life Lucius Malfoy had ever begged, "I can't live without you." Severus managed a sad smile: "Neither can I live without you."
A tear was running down his pale cheek and Lucius wiped it away with the tip of his finger. This touch was enough to break every self-restraint, they had clung to. They kissed each other with desperation, only stopping when they had to catch a breath. Tears were now flowing down from Severus eyes, making the kiss taste salty. The world around Lucius was fading away, the only thing that he saw and felt was Severus, whose fingers were clawed into the blondes robe. Could this really be the last time?
When they pulled away from each other, Severus said: "You could refuse to marry her, but I know you won't." It did sound a bit reproachful. "No, I cannot refuse to marry her, it is my duty.", Lucius insisted. He was a member of the Malfoy family, it had always been clear to him that he would marry Narcissa and they would get an heir. But this did not mean that he could not visit Severus anymore.
Severus sighed, looking rather resigned: "Who says that? Your father is dead and you are an adult now. You can do whatever you want." Lucius wanted to contradict him, but the younger man only shook his head: "Don't. You're not going to shift your ground, and I'm not going to shift mine. I knew that this day would come and was aware of the fact that you would always choose your heritage and not me. "
Lucius wanted to say something, but all the words were gone. Maybe because his lover had said the truth. Being a true Malfoy, he had always assumed that he could get everything of life he wanted, not considering that the black-haired may not want to play his games. And even if he really loved Severus, he could not imagine a life without the prestige, the glamour, the society he had been born him. If he broke their rules, he would be excluded. And that was something he could not let happen, even if it would break his heart.
"So I guess, this is the end.", the blonde noted. Severus nodded and slowly turned around. "Sev?", Lucius voice was hoarsely and he damned his feelings for his opponent. "Yes?" "Would you kiss me farewell?" It was a lover's request and it was granted.
As their lips touched a last time, a picture was popping up in Lucius mind and he suddenly remembered their first kiss. They had been boys, sitting in the garden of Malfoy Manor, talking about some unimportant things, when a silence had suddenly appeared. And as they looked at each other, Lucius had lain his fingers on the other ones face and then softly kissed him.
And during all this time it had always been Severus, who had been the emotional one, to one who said the little three words. Saying them revealed so much, it was about giving your heart to another person, which was something that Lucius had always refused to do. There had to be a back door, an opportunity to escape in everything he did.
But right now, holding Severus in his arms and kissing him for the last time in his life, it appeared to him that the other man had had his heart all along and that he had already gotten in too deep to have a chance to get out unharmed. This was going to hurt.
Their kiss seemed to go on forever, like they both did not want it to stop, but it eventually did. When they finally pulled apart, Lucius managed to smile. Severus turned around for the second time, stepping out on the balcony and deapparating.
"I love you too.", Lucius whispered. Then he made his way down to his wedding.