Da Baby

Book 1

By: TheOmniscientOne

"Ugh" Percy, a young, atrociously stinky baby, grunted as he crawled another inch. His young, chubby body could barely tolerate the strain the child put on it. Suddenly, Percy almost pitched face-first into a deep, wide chasm.

"Hewp, me fawing" Percy screamed, even though it wasn't true. He slowly worked up the courage to stick his hand out into the void. When he did, he discovered there was nothing there to break his fall.

"Me don fo nowsh" he muttered sorrowfully. "Der so muck me no do yeck. Me was gonna waitsh undew I owder. Now me ne'er geck chanc." He curled up in a fetal position and cried for all he would miss. Percy was so concerned with his losses that it was quite a while before the question occurred to him. Would he go to heaven or to THE OTHER PLACE? His body racked with sobs, he cried "Me gonna diw"

He suddenly realized something. He hadn't fallen off the cliff, had he? So why was he crying and proclaiming his own death? Just because he happened to be near a rather large crevasse didn't mean he would fallinto it. Percy angrily swiped the tears off his face and started to continue back the way he'd come. Soon enough, he came to a door which he had easily scampered through when his mom opened for him, but could not get through alone. All the thoughts of the past few minutes came rushing back him, almost destroying his adolescent mind. His voice grew into a primal scream of rage, which echoed throughout the house. He slowly wandered, his curiosity drawing him ever closer to the rift. Again, he stretched his arm out into empty space, but this time, he felt something, something carpet-covered and hard. Could it be… did he dare to believe?

"Me survive!" he happily yelled, and clambered down onto the protrusion. He felt under it, and to his relief, found another step. He continued in this manner until he sensed hard wooden planks below his bare feet.

"Momma? Whew yew? Oh, der you be." And Percy proceeded to reiterate his story, embellishing at every chance he could. The amazing tale was lost on his mom, as she was preoccupied by household tasks. Percy grumpily decided he was a hero for surviving such a danger, and started creating poems and songs telling of his great bravery in the face of danger.

THIS TALE TELLS OF THE HEROICS OF A BABY ON THE STAIRS.