Disclaimer: I do not own Toradora!
A/N: I just want to say that this fic is about some moments in the anime told in Minorin's point of view. I really loved the anime, and I'm really sad about it. Especially for Minorin, it's just I feel so much for her. And I really like her. Anyway, please enjoy :)
There he is. Takasu Ryuuji, the so called delinquent, unfortunately born with super scary eyes, you can call him a neat-freak, but he's actually cool. I was really happy when we were still at the same class.
But somehow, Ryuuji's picture in my head isn't really complete without Taiga. Aisaka Taiga is my best friend, and I really really treasure her. I see her with him, and she's happy. I see how she pushes it away, for my sake. How she manages to put all her effort into making Takasu get closer to me…
As you know, I like Takasu Ryuuji. I've always liked him. But I love Taiga too, and I can see that she's starting to fall for him. I can see that she's happier than her usual happy when she's with him. And I feel I should be happy about it too. I think, I think it's what's best.
I live by that rule, see. I reckon people say I'm weird, but actually, I'm fine with it. I have a lot of friends, in my class, in my work, in my softball team, and everyday I find many reasons to smile. I really like being with Takasu-kun, and I rarely have moments alone with him. That's why, whenever I could, I always remember them.
One was when I was stuck with him in a warehouse. We sang school hymns to ease off the fright. But actually, I was scared that time. He knew about it, he saw my hands were trembling as I held on an ersatz ball in an attempt to play softball with him inside. But I wasn't really scared after that. I told him being scared is pointless, that's why I only have to beat my weakness. I noticed his eyes shone when I talked to him about it.
There were once rumors in our class, and it was about the Palmtop Tiger, that's Taiga, and Takasu. My classmates were going on and on about them going out together, since they come to school everyday and they live pretty close by. I myself, found this quite believable too. It reached to a point when my classmates spread the weird rumors, and Taiga wasn't happy about it. I apologized to her, and to Takasu, since I also misunderstood it all.
That wasn't the case, in that time. But it all went down to that thing immediately.
Sometimes, I think I'm pushing the happiness that I should have because of my being so loving, and generous. That's why whenever I feel like when my conversations with Takasu would reach to a point in which I'd be obliged to tell the truth, I change the topic. I think he likes me too, and I was right about it. One thing why Taiga and Takasu are really close is because the two had agreed to cheer for each other. Agreed to help each other achieve their goals, that is, confessing to the ones they like. I knew it because I can feel the way Taiga wants Takasu to be alone with me, and the way he acts all nervous when it comes to that. Taiga likes another guy, Kitamura, and he's also Takasu's best friend.
When I look back, I think I may have been the one at fault too. Whenever Takasu talks to me, I just talk back normally, without giving him a hint that I like him back. I even go off topic sometimes, see, so that I can avoid talking to him about it. And the reason I avoid that part… is because I can feel my best friend was starting to fall for Takasu.
I liked Takasu Ryuuji, but my best friend likes him too. And I love my best friend.
It isn't that bad, I guess. At summer break, I talked to him alone. The stars were pretty marvelous that night, as I sat on the porch. My head was glued above. I guess it was because the sky was pretty awesome, but I also know that it's because I don't want to look at him seriously. We were talking about stupid things. It was about me not wanting to see ghosts and UFOs and such, and him being the exact opposite. But he told me that I should see ghosts too, since he said I shouldn't really say so squarely about my thoughts about them, and that they may be ghosts and UFOs too that wants to show their faces to me. He said that was why he was trying to scare me, but I ended having to scare him. Well, him and Taiga. They were the ones plotting about scaring me, after all. Their objective? To make Takasu closer to me.
Those were one of the times when we talked alone. And I treasure those times. The fireworks were great. Really great. I told him, it was an exploded UFO. He didn't disagree, well, at least not argued with me about it.
We washed the plates together too, and I had added a few moments of my life alone with him. I told him that I let my guard down, and asked him not to tell anyone what I said about UFOs, since I haven't really talked to anyone about it before. Only to him. I wasn't lying. And I was glad he hold onto that promise.
But that doesn't mean I don't get anry at Takasu. I did, though it wasn't really a big mad. It's just that I yelled at him when I found out that Taiga's father was coming back for her. I knew about Taiga's father's real nature, and perhaps it shocked him that I was trying to take that happiness away from Taiga. I knew how Taiga's father could be the worst, and I wouldn't like him to hurt her again. I was pretty messed up. I know Takasu was just trying to help Taiga, and I was at fault too, since I didn't tell him about the old man's true nature.
Sure enough, Taiga was fooled once again, that's why I burst into Takasu. I wouldn't like him giving her hopes about his father being good with him, bacause that'll never happen. But actually, it was all my fault. I was on Takasu's shoes last year too, back when I believed Taiga's father really did come back for her.
But see, whe didn't talk to each other after that, and I can see that Taiga was concerned about it. Since she was trying really hard to have me get closer to Takasu. Instead, we fought. But we talked back again, see. And I was pretty glad that the problem was eventually fixed.
There was this other girl, Kawashima Ami. Sometimes, I think this girl is pretty dangerous, but not really in a bad way. It's just… I think she can easily know what other people feel, and I find that quite scary. She's a very frank girl, and I guess she saw right through me.
She saw the guilt that I've been holding. I didn't know how she did it, but she was right. See I've been suppressing my liking to Takasu, I don't really show it to him, especially when Taiga is around. She knows that if I would tell Takasu what I truly felt, I'd feel as though I'd betray Taiga. She knew I'd feel guilty if ever that happens…
After that, I think I wasn't really myself. I messed up pretty bad on our softball game, and because of that, we lost. It wasn't a good impression for my teammates. They got pretty surprised when I wasn't as weird as usual. It was almost Christmas, and Taiga's heart broke a while before. She found out she Kitamura liked the student council president. Even though he got rejected, he still held onto that feeling. Turns out, the president didn't want to reject him. She only did it for his sake. Taiga was in front when it happened. After that, was when Kawashima Ami told me if the feeling of guilt I had were gone. I was pretty shocked.
They were talking about a Christmas Party, and they said one was supposed to bring a date with them. Taiga invited me, as well as the others, but I refused. I wouldn't want to have serious fun after I messed up a match. It didn't feel right. Besides, I still have to practice for a match in New Year, and I wasn't lying when I told them about it.
I was close to breaking down. My classmates were putting up a Christmas tree in the gym, and placed atop was a beautiful glass star Taiga brought from her house. I didn't know I messed up more than I expected when the ball went straight through a window and broke it. I rushed to the gym, but when I opened the door, my heart felt as smashed as the big Christmas tree lying sideways on the floor, the bits of glass once a beautiful star now in pieces.
And it was my fault. My fault.
My hands were shaking. Taiga told me it was alright, she comforted me. I was thankful of that, really. But I feel that I should do anything I can even if I can't really fix the star that I broke. Takasu was there, and he saw my hands shake as I tried to put the broken pieces back together. He sat down next to me, I, too embarrassed to look at him. He started helping me, and I told him not to.
But he told me he wasn't helping me. He said that there is a little time left, and that he's doing what he needs to do. Not for me, but because it's what he wants. I broke down, I cried. I called his name many times. "Takasu, Takasu… Takasu", I was saying.
And he said he was there, he said he was listening.
The star was starting to look back to its original form. Even though it would never be as perfect as before. But Takasu told me that it can be fixed. Takasu was there with me through it all. If he wasn't there, I don't know if I could get myself back together, or if not myself, just the piece of treasure that was precious to Taiga. I was really, really, really thankful that he was there.
After I gave a big apology to them, Taiga hugged me. And I was thankful to her too. When I left, Takasu asked me again that I should come for the party. I told him that I won't. Actually, I was too embarrassed to show my face to them after what I did, even if it was just an accident, or even if I apologized to them already. But he said he would wait for me, I told him he shouldn't, since I won't come.
At that time, I don't know who was more pitiful. Me, or him. It may be him, because even though I know he really wants to go with me, I still refused.
Me? Because…
The night of the party, I came home with the sound of Ryuuji on the phone. He left a message, asking me one more time that I should go. Then I saw Taiga on my door, telling me that Ryuuji was waiting for me at school. Telling me that I should go already.
Then she left.
I can see it in her eyes, I guess. I think she was trying to convince herself that, too. That it would be better if I should go. So I did, later on.
On my way to school, I saw it. The evidence that I was putting very much effort to believe on. The evidence that would change everything. The evidence that confirmed that I shouldn't tell Takasu the truth. In the front of an apartment complex, I saw Taiga. Sitting on the ground, crying, she was crying.
She was calling out his name. "Ryuuji, Ryuuji…"
I realized, I would be too selfish if I take him away from her. I mean, she really needs him.
She didn't see me.
I was thinking I shouldn't go anymore, but I dismissed it. When I got to the school, what I saw was Takasu wearing a bear costume. I would've laughed, if only if I wasn't a bit hurt. He said something, but I told him that I should speak first.
I asked him if he remembered that time when we were at Ami's villa, and we talked about the ghosts and UFOs. I told him it would be better if I wouldn't really see some of them at all. I told him it would be better if that was it… I lowered my bonnet as I talked to him, because it was so hard looking at him, lying to him. It was so hard doing it, and I was afraid that if I'd look at him, I would cry.
So without any further words, I told him that I'd go home first, my hand still pulling my bonnet down. I gestured a little salute, and I turned around. I ran. Fast and away from him. I left him speechless, not even giving him a chance to chase me. I didn't want any of that to happen, but I guess it was for the best.
At school, I was back to normal. As if nothing happened. I was the usual high-energy Minorin, and I greeted everyone with a happy smile, even Takasu. He ran away before greeting back though, I guesss he was embarrassed. I noticed Taiga was looking at him, unimpressed at the way he ran.
I guess they were still doing their plan.
The next day, I found myself pissed off at Taiga for a while in the morning. I was about to cross the road when Takasu greeted me from behind. I was glad he wasn't running away now. Then I heard Taiga's voice, telling me to not let him get away. As if on impulse, I grabbed Takasu, as what Taiga told me, but I ended up holding his hand. It was very embarrassing, I let go immediately. I grabbed his sleeve instead, and noticed Taiga running ahead of us, leaving her bag behind. We ended up having to bring it on the way to school.
We had a field trip at a ski resort. There, I got to talk to him again. I knew he wanted to confirm what I truly felt gain, but I go full force into not letting him talk about it. Whenever he was about to, I would then pretend like I forgot about it, but I guess everyone knows nobody could easily forget a confession like that. Even so, I didn't let it get to that. I like him, and the only times I think that would satisfy me is when I talk to him alone, so I really find chances upon doing that. I talked to him, and I showed him a hair clip Taiga gave to me. I didn't know why he was so shocked when he saw that. Either way, I told him I'd treasure that gift, because Taiga said it was precious. I wore it in front of him, and told him it was cute.
Then at the girls room, I had a fight with Kawashima Ami. She slipped the thing about me rejecting Takasu before he even got the chance to confess to me. I didn't know how exactly she knew about it, but it was true. I was even determined not to talk about it, or remember it, but she pulled it out. She said I was very good at faking, that I just pretend that I'm an airhead and say that I forgot about it. I realized she was very right about that.
The day after that, we got into an even bigger fight. I already forgave her, but we ran into her in Taiga's sled. She was furious about it, misunderstanding, telling me I did it on purpose because of our fight the day before, and well, we got physical.
After that, Taiga was lost.
At night time, I couldn't be just calm about it, so I decided to look for her. Takasu and Kitamura joined me in my search, and I found some sled marks beyond a broken fence downhill. I called Takasu and Kitamura. Takasu's eyes went wide almost immediately. He must've found something. I was about to go down, but he stopped me. His eyes was full of determination, and he went down to find out if Taiga was truly there.
See, right now. I think Takasu likes Taiga too.
After the trip, school was back again. Taiga was absent for a few days because she was ill. When she came back though, it was almost valentines. It was time when giving off chocolates to the one you like is done by most students. Taiga called each of us in a room. I was curious about it, but she gave us each a chocolate. One for Kawashima, one for me. She thanked me for looking out for her when she got lost in the trip. Then she gave one to Takasu, telling him he should share it with his mother. Lastly, she gave one to Kitamura, saying she put the greatest effort into making it. It was because she believed it was Kitamura who brought her to safety when she was lying cold on the ground. She said she was very thankful to him, and that she said something really embarrassing while he was carrying her on his back.
It was the second time I faced Takasu. I was looking at him with wide eyes, not believing what I was hearing from Taiga. I wanted to punch Takasu for a while. He lied to her.
"What did you blurt out?" I said to Taiga.
She didn't want to say it because it was embarrassing. But I was pretty sure it had something to do with Takasu, and that's why Takasu lied to Taiga about Kitamura carrying her on his back. Because he doesn't want Taiga to know that he heard what he said about him. I told Takasu he's a liar, and I grabbed Taiga. It was the first time I grabbed her that tightly, it was because I was tired of it.
I was doing everything, I even lied to Takasu. I did everything. I told her it was Takasu who saved her, and not Kitamura. She didn't want to believe it. She was trying not to hear more. I noticed I was holding too tightly, and I didn't realize she was hurt. She got away, but Kitamura and Kawashima was blocking the door.
There, I told her. I told her that she shouldn't be making things to make me happy, since she said she wants to make me happy. I guess by that line, what she meant was those times when she was trying to get me close to Takasu. But I told her I don't want that, and that my happiness can only be done in my hands. I let her go, and she got out of the room. Kawashima let her out.
I faced Takasu and I told him what he would do. He was spacing out, and I called his name. He said he would go after her. He did, and I also did.
That time everything was going too fast, I just ran and ran, and we didn't find Taiga. Intead, I called her name, hoping she would hear me. I guess she heard me, I hoped she heard me, since that was the time that I really told the truth.
Yes, I screamed that I liked Takasu, that I've ALWAYS liked him. I was fully aware that Takasu was behind me, and that he can hear it. I talked as I ran, not finding her still. I told her about my feelings for the guy running behind me, and that I thought it would be better if I gave him to her. I said that her happiness should also be done by her hands, so she should not run away. I told her, asked her, what she would do about it.
But when we got at the entrance, she was already gone.
I didn't know if she heard everything, but there. I said it. I said what I truly felt about Takasu.
My nose was bleeding, since I tripped once when I ran. Takasu brought me to the infirmary, and we had another time alone.
We talked once again about things that you could see and not see, but this time, it's clearer. I was determined. I would just let him go, for Taiga. Because I love Taiga, and she probably needs him more than I do. I didn't say that, but the words that came out of my mouth meant something like that.
I realized that hairpin wasn't from Taiga at all, but it was a present Takasu should've given to me on Christmas eve. I didn't know then, so I apologized about wearing it in front of him. I asked him where it was now, and he told me it was in his house.
"Yep. I can't accept it." I told him. He smiled.
I told him I can see another thing too, and that was that he likes Taiga. He nodded.
Now he knows I liked him, and I let him go. I didn't know what he feels about me anymore, but I'm convincing myself it's not that important anymore.
I gave him a BIG GOODBYE, I extended my fist into his face, enough where my knuckle would meet his lips. I told him he should run towards the thing that he could see. And he stood up, his face determined.
I cheered for him as he ran away to Taiga. "Ta-ka-su! Hey! Ta-ka-su! Hey!" I chanted. When he was out of my vision, I stopped. My hands were still closed, I held it in front of my face, barely touching my mouth. That's the closest thing I can get for a kiss.
That wasn't the end for the two of them though. We - Kitamura, Kawashima, and I, found out that the two of them were trying to run away. I didn't really understand what it was all about, but I guess they talked it through. I told the two of them that I didn't approve of what they were thinking, but if that's what they want and that's what they think is better, I'd support it.
I knew that may be the last time I'd see them again. The last time I'd see Takasu again, but I was putting up the brave girl act. Before they left, I told them that I had things to discuss with Ami first. Taiga was really happy because me and Kawashima are friends again. Yeah, she's concerned about me. That's why I love Taiga, and I can't hate her no matter what.
But as soon as the door closed, I felt weak. My hands which were holding around Ami's shoulder for a while was now slumping on my side. I sat down on the floor, and my tears started to fall. Kawashima was surprised to see me in that way, but I was glad she was there.
See, I really liked Takasu. I've always liked him. I like how he understood me when I talk to him about weird things. I like how he noticed my hair style change. I like how he held my hand as we ran together towards the finish line during the cultural festival. And I was glad that he liked me too, even if it didn't really last long.
I guess… we really weren't meant to be.
I think… even if you really really love a person, you'll sometimes realize that there's others who need them more than you do.
And it's much harder if that other person is your best friend.