Note: None of these characters are mine. The setting is not mine. In fact, that's the definition of fan fiction, right? – bgbez

A Ninja Turtle in Menzoberranzan

Written by: bgbez

The walls were thick with some kind of slime. Very little looked different from the first day he had seen the constant dripping from the low ceiling down the arced walls. It seemed that the drip had continued for so long that it had sediment caked around it several meters deep. Running his rough three-fingered hand down the wall, Leo realized that it had likely been weeks since he had stumbled into the Drow city, following Shredder through the Black Gate, while trying to find out what next scheme the maniacal archfiend was attempting and what it had to do with jumping between dimensions.

Leo tightened his brown trench coat taut by pulling his belt into a smaller knot before he adjusted his fedora to cover his blue mask. The people here didn't look human to Leo. They had white hair and pointed ears. He had seen elves once or twice, but never black elves. The lights of the city were merely glowing bits of magic, Leo assumed. For some reason, his eyes had become adjusted to the otherwise bleakness of impenetrable darkness.

The wind picked up and Leo went back into the city, this time he would need to find someone he might talk with. The last three he had found just laughed and refused to acknowledge him any more. "It's like New York city, but wetter, darker, and prettier," the ninja thought.

Finally, he was able to get someone's attention and motion them over to talk. The man had on a large, wide-brimmed hat with a great feather that looked like it was from an ostrich. He had an eye patch over one eye and smelled like he had been bathing in olive-oil.

"And I suppose you're not from here?" the man asked, smiling.

Leo replied, "You are correct, good sir. I am looking for lodgings and accommodations, but the citizens here do not appear to be very hospitable."

"What are you talking like that? You sound like you don't know what you're talking about but trying to figure it out while your jaw is left hanging down. It's quite silly."

After asking his name, Leo thought he heard the man say "Jarls" so that is what he called him.

"Mr. Jarls, I am looking for a man in a metal mask who carries a large gun."

"Gun? A metal mask? No wonder you're lost. You're not even occupying your own head."

Before he pulled away, Leo caught the man by the arm. "Please, Jarls. I haven't eaten in a week. I fought several giant mushroom people outside of the city, but I could only eat them for so long. Can't you give me some help?"

The man jerked his arm out of Leo's three-fingered, slimy grip. "Come have a meal with me. We're about to meet on a subject you may find quite amusing. In fact, you might be of some use to us."

Later that day:

"And who will take this giant turtle seriously?" asked the other Drow elf at the table.

"I'll admit he has his flaws, but he will suit our purpose," the one in the hat replied. The meeting had gone well and Leo had been given the device to translate the language of Drow elves into the language of the Deep Gnomes, the race of the neighboring city.

"Will you be prepared to explain to the Matron what has gone wrong when he fails?" The other elf asked.

The one with the hat shrugged. "He will fail. The question is, 'when?'"

Elsewhere:

Leo parried the claws of the giant beast as it again pounced at him, swinging aimlessly. When the beast reached out again, Leo grabbed its arm and pulled it over as he thrust his katana deep into the creature's chest. A strange feeling overtook Leo when he realized that he had never once drawn blood with his katana.

"These things work for killing too?" he asked himself as he smiled a large turtle smile across his beak-face. A murderous rage overtook the turtle as he hacked and stabbed until the large bear-like beast stopped moving.

Leo looked up from his kill and realized he was being watched. Within seconds, several dozen gnomes circled him, holding blades and glancing at the turtle's crimson-tipped katana as a single drop of blood rolled down to the dusty cavern floor.

Leo simply grinned.

CONTINUED