AU: How hard could raising a baby be? Ulqui x Hime !

I believe in nothing...
Not the end and not the start.
I believe in nothing...
Not the earth and not the stars.
I believe in nothing...
Not the day and not the dark.
I believe in nothing...
But the beating of our hearts.

Finders Keepers, Chapter One: For The Love Of Flapjacks!

" Ulqui-Chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan~!" Orihime sang as she skidded down the stairs. Skimming her hands against the dandelion yellow walls, she jumped the last step and rounded the corner into the kitchen diner. She was greeted with the back of an onyx head. Dainty feet danced around his lithe form, and peered into green eyes brimming with confusion.

" Ehhh?" She exclaimied, " Whatcha doin' Ulquiorra?" He blinked, glancing towards her.

"What is this, Onna?" He questioned, pointing an accusing finger towards a small, rectangular, and currently singing, metal device. Orihime, looking dumbstruck, started to giggle quietly. His serious tone coupled with his childlike ignorance made her want to gather him into her arms and protect him from the world, while cowering at his feet. Such a strange feeling. Plucking the object out of his slim hands, she started to explain what exactly it was.

" Well you see, Ulquiorra, this is a communication device! It allows us to talk with people while they aren't there, or send them a written message. It's really great, see?" She flipped the top up, and showed the former Esapada the workings of a cell phone. " This here is a text message! People just type in the letters aaaand - Voila! Or you could call them, and then you can hear what they're saying, whatever floats your boat. " Accustomed to the girl's strange sayings, Ulquiorra nodded his head in understanding. He could aquire further information elsewhere.
"How is the child?" He asked, laying a hesitant palm on her slightly rounded belly. Sighing at his touch, she leaned in closer and encircled his waist, resting her head on his chest and banishing any doubts he held. Returning the gesture he inhaled her scent of freshly baked bread and cinnamon rolls.

"The baby's missed it's daddy..." She murmered, sighing softly. Ulquiorra snorted in a rare moment of amusement, and lifted his head to gaze into her eyes.
"It's has hardly been an hour, Onna. The baby has not had the chance to miss me, and even if it had, I very much doubt it would. " Orihime's face dropped at his comment. Where had his self confidence gone? Did he think the baby would not like him? Did he not like himself ? While she was thinking, her eyes shimmered with tears, alarming Ulquiorra greatly to her inner turmoil. Realising his mistake, he kissed her forehead and rubbed his hand in comforting motions on her back.
"Do not worry Orihime. I just meant that the baby will not know me yet. All it knows is it's mother..."
"We wont have to call him or her 'it' any longer after today Ulqui-chan ! We have our doctors appointment at 3 O'clock!" Noticing her change of mood, he thanked the God's for pregnancy. Cheering her up would be so much more difficult without it.

Utter boredom. A never ending hole of crap with nothing to do. Sinking deeper and deeper into the sofa, Tatsuki resisted the growing urge to call her pregnant freind. Sure, Orihime would cheer her up, but what sort of friend would she be if she rung her up at this hour just because she was bored? Not a very good one. Besides, she was probably planning the vacation with Ulquiorra, why would she feel the need to intterupt that? She was happy for the ditzy girl, and that wouldn't change, but she felt somehow that she was missing out on that kind of living. Yeah, she'd had fun, made friends, beat up a few people. But where was the meaning to her life? Where was the commitment to another person, the trust that was almost always absent? Why didn't she have the life everyone else seemed to live? Orihime had Ulquiorra. Ichigo had Rukia. Hell, even Uryuu had that shinigami girl! What the hell was wrong with the world? She hadn't done anything not to deserve someone but...what was she thinking? She sounded so jealous and spiteful!
"Whats wrong with me?"
As soon as the words came out of her mouth, her phone started to beep. Who was texting her at this time of night?

Taaaaaaaaaaaatsuki! Tatsuki, Tatsuki ,Tatsuki!
It's twins! Me and Ulquiorra are having TWINS Tatsuki! Oh , It's so exciting! A girl and a boy too! Oh my golly golly GOSH I can't wait !
And remember what we talked about yesterday? Ulqui-chan said yes! It's going to be great seeing everyone again! ( And Ulqui can get to know them as well :L) I'm going to start packing right now, how is everyone by the way?

Your best buddy,

Orihimeee xxx

PS! Ulquiorra says hi!
PPS! No, I did not. I would never use such a foolish welcome. The grammar is all wrong.
PPPS! Never mind him! He SO said hi!

Tatsuki smiled fondly. Orihime was still Orihime it seemed. Reading over her text once more, she pressed the 'reply' button and began to type.

Hey Orihime ! I'm so glad for you two, you honestly deserve it! Ichigo and rukia are still touring america, but they'll be back in time for the 'reunion'. Chad's in the semi- finals now, he's up against some guy called Jeagerjaques? Stupid western names. Oh, and Uryuu moved in with that girl (Nema? Noume?), but it's close to Karakura, so they wont be travelling far... have you still not told everyone about 'him'? Or the baby?
I hope you realise Ichigo will murder him in his sleep.

Tatsuki .

PS. Tell Ulquiorra to look up 'hi' in the dictionary, I'm sure it's in there.

Deciding her response would do, she placed the phone on the plush sofa and started towards the kitchen. With a simplistic design of beige walls and oak flooring, her kitchen was suited perfectly to her hectic lifestyle. After leaving college, Tatsuki had pursued her dream of running the Dojo and taken over from old man Daichi, leading the team all over the country, until finally, their ratings soared into the top ten. Smiling to herself at the thought, the karate champion searched the fridge for any food that had survived her two week absence. Her sharp brown eyes caught a glimpse of chocolate in the corner, and leaning closer, she discovered it was the chocolate cake Orihime had sent over for her a while back. It looks safe enough...

How wrong she was.

With watering eyes, she sprinted to the bathroom and promptly threw up.

Ichigo was suddenly overcome with a feeling of great pity. Call it a sixth sense, but he was sure someone had just been faced with the most vile, inhumane torture a human being could could undergo. Tatsuki? Chad? Uryuu? Or the that knew boyfriend of Inoue's Tatsuki had been telling him about? Who ever it was, the guilt settled as he came to the conclusion that he could not have prevented the mental scarring in their mind. After all, he couldn't possibly blow up Orihime's kitchen without hurting her feelings...

"What about this one?"

" I don't think 'horse radish' is a name, Orihime."

"Are you sure? It says it right here...oh! How about this? Pork! How cute! "

"Pork? Onna, if I remember correctly, that is related to pigs. "

" Nooo...that was 'steak' Ulquiorra. Honestley! FLAPJACK!"

"Excuse me?"

"As a name...?"

" What sort of book are you reading?"

"..."

A/N: HEY ! Thankyou thankyou thankyou for reading! Did you notice a sertain Espada's name somewhere... ? Review if you want the next one, I would LOVE some ways to improve this :)

Bye!

YukiHimeChaan xxx