Ghosts

by the fish is dead

She reflects on what she's learned, and what she should have done. My thoughts/inspiration was a sort of friendship SSHG, but really, let your imagination guide you however it might

Forgetting the compass of time, etched with harsh lines and sharp edges into my palm,

It's foreign to me

Your voice hasn't changed,

Your tones, deep and challenging, ring in my ear just the same

It urges me,

Drives me into greatness I can no longer hope to achieve

I've emptied my soul on silver platters for too long

I want something true; raw and gutless,

Unlike every sugar-coated explanation I've had to hold myself down to hear

Through all these years,

At least you can still offer me that.

I've queried my soul and my worth to your approval

Useless and flat; you're never there to oversee every misdeed,

Every snide remark,

Every boundary I push,

To please what you've left me to think of you.

Ghosts of neutral consent bind me to my inevitability

I chose my own destiny with a smile on my face

Ironic until the end, you showed me everything I needed before my vision returned

So blind, I scrape myself off the ground and try to listen

To the words you're telling yourself

Before you leave with the wind once more.

It's because I'm tired that I pause in my ocean

Treading water hardly seems important

When I have the means to stand up

But not, I find as I sink to the bottom, the capacity

Lying beneath the sand, I collect what scattered thoughts remain,

What choices I no longer have,

What opportunities I let dry up or burn out,

And what else you might have told me,

What else I might be able to salvage

So I turn to you for advice,

And feel the ghost of a smile greet my wearisome features

It's funny,

That after all this time,

After all that's happened, and that I know to be true,

I can still pretend about you.