Mistakes
Staring at the trains could give you a headache after a while, Jyou realized. At least, he hoped the pain at his temples could be attributed to the constant movement-- the alternative wasn't particularly pleasant.
Back in boarding school in England, these pains associated themselves with a variety of individuals who'd had more than a few unpleasant words for the Japanese boy. Before then, they'd been associated with his school mates who hadn't understood the way that the world changed for someone who'd seen another place, another world which glittered with digital claws and promises. Even earlier, they'd been tied to his friends-- the other Digidestined-- and their exploits.
Why am I back here? Jyou thought to himself vaguely as he rose from his seat at the train platform in Odaiba. There hadn't been any real point in coming back. All of the other Digidestined-- the only ones his own age he'd ever been close to-- had changed, shifted into people he couldn't even recognize anymore. Everyone seemed to act as if there had never been a Digiworld, a Digidestined team who'd worked together trying to do what they thought was right.
Clenching and unclenching his fist, barely noticing the nervous habit, Jyou walked back towards the single bedroom apartment he'd rented for at least this first month. He refused to move back in with his parents, preferring to keep them in the dark as much as he'd kept everyone in the dark when it came to his whereabouts. Undoubtedly, this course of action would prove to be safer, especially since he didn't plan on being here for long.
Maybe he'd made his way back here, over oceans and continents, because he still felt like this was 'home'-- as much as any place could be home. Some things should be done at home. Sometimes it was necessary to come back to finish everything at the place where you began.
It had been... gods, seven years? How time flew when you stopped paying attention to the damned thing. Jyou'd made his way to England for boarding school only three years after they'd all returned to the real world. Four years later, he'd returned to Japan, even though he hadn't finished at the college he'd been attending-- mainly leaving so they wouldn't kick him out. Who knew that if you stopped studying you'd end up failing classes?
Well, he wasn't Koushirou.
Grimacing at the thought, Jyou glanced about almost warily, as if he expected the redhead to jump out at him. "Idiot," he muttered under his breath at himself. Koushirou hadn't been trying to find him for two years now-- not after Jyou had deliberately faded away, not even leaving an electronic trail for Koushirou to follow.
Maybe that's what hurt the most about school-- that his friends had stopped trying. Not that Jyou could blame them-- he hadn't encouraged their attempts at communication with any sort of response. In fact, he'd avoided answering any of them. One by one they'd stopped trying.
Jyou kept track of them-- after all, it was important to know what happened to the team. Everyone lied about their lives. Maybe that was to be expected, with everyone older, trying desperately to be people they weren't, people they could never be, no matter how hard they tried. It wasn't anything surprising that Jyou joined the ranks in lying, was it?
Turning on his computer once he entered the mostly-empty room, Jyou blinked as an instant message window popped up almost immediately. This screen name had been private, one for him to spy on others through-- how had someone gotten it...?
ComputerWhizKid4: Jyou, is that you?
And how did they know who he was?
Deciding the answer was more important than the issue of remaining invisible at stake, Jyou took a deep breath and responded.
Unsound6: Who is this?
ComputerWhizKid4: Koushirou. Remember me?
...he shouldn't have answered. Damnit, this wasn't going to go well. This wasn't in the plans.
Pausing for a long moment, Jyou considered shutting off the computer. But no... now that he'd started this, he couldn't very well stop. He had to respond.
Unsound6: ...yeah. It's me.
ComputerWhizKid4: When'd you get back? I thought you were in England.
ComputerWhizKid4: You've been gone for a while, Jyou.
Unsound6: ...recently. I was. And yeah, I guess.
ComputerWhizKid4: ...you doing ok?
"Perfectly fine. I have no idea why you're contacting me, and it's going to mess up my plans, but I'm perfectly fine, Koushirou," Jyou groaned quietly, hating the fact that things only seemed to be getting more complicated.
Unsound6: Fine.
ComputerWhizKid4: ...you sure?
"Of course I'm sure," the youth glared at the screen. "Would I say so if I wasn't?"
Damnit-- he'd thought he'd broken the habit of talking to himself when he'd gone to England. Apparently, all it took was being back in Odaiba and talking to Koushirou to bring back the ritual.
Unsound6: Yeah.
Unsound6: Was there something you wanted?
...
Unsound6: Was there something you wanted?
Koushirou took a deep breath at those words. He'd been making his nightly rounds on the internet for any new activity from his friends-- or anyone who might be his friends hiding. Generally, he failed at figuring out anything new, but with the way things happened these days, any chance was better than none. But somehow he'd ended up lucky-- or so he'd thought-- and he'd managed to find Jyou.
But what a changed Jyou! The reluctant Digidestined now seemed as cold as Yamato had been when they'd first entered the Digital World. Koushirou wasn't sure how to react to all of this, wasn't sure what he could and couldn't say.
Closing his eyes for a long moment, Koushirou's mind drifted back. The older boy had always been something of an enigma to all of the DigiDestined, but surely he hadn't been like this-- had he? Had Koushirou missed something so obvious about the boy?
No. He'd watched Jyou since they'd first been sucked into the Digital World from camp-- he hadn't missed anything that glaringly obvious. Something had changed over the past four years. Jyou hadn't been this cold before he'd gone to England. Was this what happened when people left the country for the west? No-- Yamato had been in and out of the country for his tours, and he seemed to be more open than he'd ever been.
So what was different?
ComputerWhizKid4: Can't I be worried about a friend?
Unsound6: If you say so.
Unsure of how to respond, Koushirou took a long moment to consider the screen. Granted, when reading an instant message, a lot got lost in the electronic transfer-- humans communicated mostly through body language and intonation, two factors which weren't anywhere near the words coldly popping onto his screen. However, Koushirou had never had any problems with this method of communication before.
ComputerWhizKid4: So, are you staying in Odaiba for long?
Unsound6: No.
ComputerWhizKid4: Why not?
The words appeared on the screen before Koushirou thought about them. He hadn't meant to pry, given the fact that Jyou obviously didn't want to share information, but... the idea of finding Jyou and then losing him again so quickly hurt, and the computer expert was almost as bad as Taichi at hiding that kind of pain.
True, Jyou probably had little reason to stay in Odaiba. Shuu and Shin had left recently, having each accomplished everything they could here. As for the rest of the Kido family, while Jyou's parents still lived here, Koushirou suspected Jyou never really resolved things with them after he'd refused to plan for medical school, deciding that he really wasn't suited for that sort of thing.
But... Koushirou, selfishly, wanted Jyou to stay. He wanted Jyou to stay in Odaiba-- then things would seem more manageable. It wouldn't matter quite so much how many people changed, how everyone drifted apart. It wouldn't matter so much because it was Jyou.
The little redhead wasn't sure when he'd realized how much Jyou meant to him, wasn't sure when he'd noticed that the keeper of Reliability centered and grounded him more than any of the other DigiDestined. He knew why the DigiDestined were important as a whole-- after all, Koushirou spent so much time behind his computer, he barely got to know anyone around him. That forced environment of the Digital World gave him an opportunity he'd always turned down before, and he'd been part of a group for once.
The computer beeped at Koushirou, snapping him back to the screen.
Unsound6: I just came back here to do something.
Unsound6: No point in staying.
"But I want you to stay," Koushirou whispered, shaking his head slightly.
ComputerWhizKid4: ...I guess since your brothers left, there's not a lot left here for you, is there?
Unsound6: No.
Unsound6: Besides, Shuu and Shin wouldn't be that much of an incentive to stay anyway.
"Then what would be?" Koushirou demanded of the computer screen, glad he hadn't pushed for a video chat. This talking to a computer which wouldn't respond verbally made him feel a little better. At least this way he wouldn't send Jyou offline faster.
ComputerWhizKid4: Well... want to hang out for a bit while you're still here?
All of Jyou's responses up to now had been fairly fast, but this time, Koushirou could practically hear the seconds ticking by as he waited. Was this response taking longer, or was it only his imagination?
Seconds became minutes and Koushirou checked to make sure Jyou hadn't signed off on him. What was taking so long? Could Jyou read his mind? Was Jyou trying to figure out how to say no without sounding even harsher than he already had?
ComputerWhizKid4: Jyou? You still there?
Unsound6: ...yeah.
ComputerWhizKid4: We don't have to if you don't want to.
ComputerWhizKid4: It was just an idea.
ComputerWhizKid4: I mean, you're probably busy.
ComputerWhizKid4: Sorry.
He sounded like he was making excuses now-- but he was, wasn't he? Trying to say something, anything to keep Jyou there, keep him as close as he could. When had he gotten so desperate? When had he gotten so needy? Was this what being apart from people for too long did?
Unsound6: ...we'll see.
...
Unsound6: ...we'll see.
Now why had he written that? That wasn't in the plan. In fact, that went so far as to completely and entirely deviate from what had once been the plan that Jyou wasn't sure what he was doing anymore. Trust Koushirou to be the one to find him, to force Jyou to rethink what he'd planned on doing without even knowing. That redhead had a way of twisting Jyou's world around.
ComputerWhizKid4: I'm still living with my parents if you ever want to come over while you're here.
ComputerWhizKid4: Do you remember where it is?
Unsound6: Yeah.
Was Koushirou asking him to come over? Now? No, not now. He shouldn't be thinking about that sort of thing. He should be focused on his objective, the reason he'd come back to Odaiba.
The gun in his hand.
ComputerWhizKid4: What are you up to tonight?
Shooting myself? Jyou thought before grimacing. He couldn't say that to Koushirou, even if it were true.
Unsound6: ...tying up some loose ends.
There. That sounded enough like the truth that Koushirou wouldn't sense the lie, while it still would keep the computer whiz in the dark enough that he wouldn't... Wouldn't what? Make him suspicious? Make him feel guilty in the end?
ComputerWhizKid4: Let me know if I can help, ok?
Unsound6: You can't.
Or you have already. Maybe that was the problem.
The longer Jyou stayed on the computer with Koushirou, the less he wanted to follow through with his plans. The plans Jyou carefully worked on for the past four years. The plans which were supposed to end tonight, here in Odaiba.
ComputerWhizKid4: ...well, let me know if there's anything I can do for you, Jyou.
ComputerWhizKid4: ...I worry about you.
Jyou had been about to shoot back another retort, trying to cut Koushirou off before that second message popped up. Now what was he supposed to say? He didn't want to worry anyone, least of all the redhead who still managed to believe in him, despite everything.
He had to change the subject, had to think, had to do something...
Jyou already knew, deep inside, though he hadn't really registered it, that he wouldn't follow through on his plans tonight. There really wasn't any way he could. He would have to do something to make sure Koushirou didn't think it was his fault or something.
Unsound6: Don't.
Unsound6: I have to get off.
ComputerWhizKid4: Oh... ok.
ComputerWhizKid4: Come by when you have some free time? I'm on break, so I'm free all the time, and I pretty much just stay at home...
"Don't beg like that, Koushirou, it doesn't suit you," Jyou sighed. "You'll get your way. You always do."
It seemed like he would be around to talk to Koushirou for a while. Maybe they'd even talk about what had happened between them.
Unsound6: ...we'll see.
With that, Jyou signed off, staring at the screen for a long moment after he'd turned off he machine. Things changed. He'd changed. A few facts hadn't changed, but... at least for tonight, he'd let it go.
Yesterday's mistakes could be solved tomorrow. For tonight, though... he'd rest. Tomorrow would be another day.
...
Koushirou sighed as Jyou signed off, grateful that the older boy hadn't outright denied the possibility of seeing him. Things had gotten so complicated-- it was strange and unwelcome. But then again, the past had taught Koushirou that sometimes there were too many mistakes to forget, to forgive. Sometimes, the mistakes you made came back to haunt you, even if they were your secrets.
"Well... goodnight, Jyou," Koushirou murmured to the now-empty chat, closing the applications on his PiBook. "Maybe I'll get to talk to you again tomorrow..."