A/N: Hope you enjoy this little one shot of brotherly love.
My baby brother
His heat ached as he gave his little brother a tight hug. Sometimes he wished he could just squeeze the youngest Winchester hard and never have to let go. He hated closing the motel door on watching those sad brown eyes follow him to the car. He hated the dread that came with slamming the car door closed, the possibility that this would be the last time he saw his Sammy lingering in the air. Sam would dig his fingers into his jacket every time and burrow his face into his chest.
They never really said goodbye when he left with his father. They never really said anything, because they knew there really wasn't anything to say. They knew they loved each other, they knew how much they would do for one another, and how much they just wished that life didn't have to be the way it was. They both wished he could stay home, watch a movie on the crappy couch and maybe even eat the cheap popcorn they found in the shops.
They had said it all before and saying it again would just make it sound less true, less genuine. They also knew that dad didn't enjoy them acting all emotional and such. He thought it wasn't manly enough, he barely tolerated the swift hugs as it was. He still remembered the first time that his dad had told him to pack a bag and come on his first hunt.
He had been so excited at first. His first case! Dad finally trusted him enough to take him with him. All of these long training sessions, the hard studying, the endless work outs, the different guns, knives and spells he had to learn. And now he was finally allowed to come with his dad. Who knew what they were going to hunt? His dad said it was probably a werewolf, but he wasn't certain. He had watched his dad pretend to be an FBI agent from the car and had been quite impressed at his acting skills.
He had come along to the library done research, he had gone to the victim's younger brother to talk with him about the man's death. That had been the first thing that had shocked him. The horror that the young boy had seen and heard as his brother had been mauled to death, it was the first really time that he had seen the damage that these horrible monsters caused. He knew of it of course, he had lost him mother to a creature of the night. He hadn't however ever seen it happen to someone else.
But that wasn't the worst of it, that night they went to hunt the beast, the monster that had killed an innocent person. His dad had told him who he thought was the werewolf and they were planning on confirming that this night. It was another full moon and they had been stalking the killer's house for hours now. Dean had caught glimpse of him from time to time and he looked strangely normally.
He ate cereal, watched TV, called people and played with his dog. He didn't look like a killer. But then he had ripped a man's heart out. The time came and his dad handed him a gun as they left the car. He found his hands sweating as they unlocked the door, he continued to whip his hands from on his pants. He watched his dad kick the door open and stride into the living room his gun loaded and ready.
The man wasn't really a man anymore, by the looks of it he was mid transformation. Dean might have never seen something like that before but that wasn't what had surprised him the most. It was the fact that he was tied up to a massive metal pole. His ankles, wrists and neck were chained up. He took precautions not to hurt anyone but his dad didn't seem to care.
The man's eyes widened as the duo rushed into the room and coward from them, struggling to speak as his canines started to grow and his features started to change. But the words managed to escape from his lips. "Please. I am sorry. I didn't mean too. The chains snapped. I didn't mean to kill someone. Please don't kill me."
Dean looked in horror at the man struggling in his bonds. "I beg of you! It was a mistake! A horrible mistake!" but his dad cocked his gun and shot him in his knee. The cry of pain echoed against the wall, as he curled on the ground. "Finish it Dean." He looked at his father with horror. "Dad, he… he is chained up. He can't hurt anyone." His gun was pointed at the ground and they listened to the sound of the crying man and the howling of the dog in the kitchen.
"He is a monster. He killed a boy. End him Dean." Dean was on the brink of crying now. "I… I… I can't." "Dean!" he yelled at his son. "This man is a murder! It could have been Sammy! It could have been your brother! He has torn the heart out of a boy and ate it. It isn't a man! It is a monster!"
Dean started to lift his gun to the chained man's head. The werewolf looked at him with terrified eyes. "I am so sorry! Please don't! I didn't choose this! I don't have any choice anymore!" Dean's hands were shaking, and he had tears running down his cheeks as his finger tremored on the trigger.
"Dean! Now!" Out of reflex he pulled the trigger. The man slumped onto the ground and the room felt so silent. The dog had stopped howling but was whining now as the blood started to pour from the wound in his head.
He almost dropped the gun onto the ground but a strong hand enclosed on his shoulder and dragged him away from the scene and back into the car. "Stop your crying boy. You did a good thing." It didn't feel like a good thing. That night he cried in his pillow the entire night, he couldn't sleep because every time he closed his eyes he saw the man on the ground.
The second case his throat had almost been ripped open by a ghoul. His father hadn't done anything, insisting that Dean wasn't in any really danger. He needed to kill the creature himself, he had to save himself, learn how to think in such a situation. But the teeth of the ghoul on his throat had felt very real, the claws digging in his sides, the warmth of its breath as it panted in front of him. A second later he would have been very dead.
But his dad had just stood there, the gun loosely in his hand. He reassured his oldest son that if it became too dangerous he would have saved him, but after that he never really felt safe with his dad. How could he?
So now every time he said goodbye to Sam he was very much aware that it could be the last time that he held his little brother. He realised that he might end up doing something that he would consider wrong even or evil because his father told him to. But at least his baby brother was safe. He knew his brother wanted nothing more than to join him and his father on a hunt but he couldn't let him, not ever. So whenever his father asked if he thought Sam was ready he would always find a flaw, a reason why he couldn't go.
It worked for years, for years he hugged his brother goodbye and watch him study when he came home. He felt so proud of his brother whenever he came home with perfect grades or whenever he was rehearsing the presentation he had to give. No matter how tired he was he would always sit there and listen to Sam talk about things. Sometimes he hated the fact that he couldn't understand what he was talking about, he felt jealous. He had never gotten the chance to learn about these kind of thinks like a normal teenager and he never would.
But Sam deserved it more than he did, he wasn't smart enough to understand all of that, he wasn't smart enough to learn all of that but his Sammy was. So he would listen to him talk and he would listen and he would praise him on how he pronounced the French words and Sam would beam at the praise. It hurt him whenever he saw Sam try to get their dads attention and the man wouldn't care. He'd tell him to go bother Dean and that he was too tired to look at the volcano he had made all by himself.
It didn't work forever though. One day his father told Sam to pack his bag and the young boys face lit up. He was finally included! His dad finally had attention for him as well! He could join the rest of them! That day Dean made a promise to himself, he would never let Sam get that close to being in danger, he would never make Sam kill anyone innocent. In fact he would try to make sure that Sam never had to kill anyone. Sam would never think that Dean didn't respect him or think of him as a child but god damn it he was still a child!
He would make sure that Sam ended up become anything other than a hunter. He would make sure that he got a real job and a family, he would make sure he got a normal life one without pain and hurt. The second Sam got out of the business he would make sure he stayed out of it. Sam would live a happy life, he'd make sure of it. He'd take care of his little brother because no one else would.