Author's Note: Yes, yes, I'm starting a new story. Please, be gentle. I have only read through book 5 of Tokyo Babylon and seen XTV, so if there are things (like Kamitra warned me there are) that seem off, please take that into account. I don't know Hokuto nearly as well as I'd like to. ~sniffles~ Other than that, please enjoy this! Please tell me what you think, and please let me know if you think I should continue! Many thanks go to Kamitra for this, you have been an inspiration as well as supportive. (Okay, and it was also convenient that you let me babble at you when it came time to push the bird out of the nest.)

Silence and I

Prologue



"Subaru! Where have you been? I've been worried sick!"

Hokuto was frantic by the time he stumbled in the door. Their grandmother had called three times and there had been a phone call about a job, but his pager was still resting in his bedroom. Underlying it all had been an unshakable feeling that something was wrong. She had woken up with a blinding headache and a feeling that the world had somehow--shifted. Things had been building for a while, she had felt it coming, but today that feeling just stopped.

Subaru simply shrugged distractedly. "I had something I needed to do." He wandered to the kitchen, fixing himself a glass of water, but he didn't drink. He stared vacantly off in the distance until Hokuto walked up behind him and placed a hand on his shoulder. The glass slipped from his fingers. As it shattered Subaru didn't even flinch.

Hokuto shot her twin a bewildered look, then quickly started cleaning up the glass. Subaru didn't move at all as she knelt down and fussed over everything, picking up the large shards first by hand. She walked over to the trash can, paying more attention to her brother's stunned state than what she was actually doing. A sudden sharp pain in the palm of her hand made her cry out in pain, and finally Subaru reacted. He was there to help her stop the flow of blood as it pooled in her palm, and he took the shards from her and threw them away himself.

She dressed the wound herself, returning to find Subaru mopping up the last of the glass and water on the floor. She was slowly unwinding the white gauze as she watched her brother finish. "Are you okay?" he asked gently as he put the mop away.

"Oh, nothing to worry about. It stopped bleeding already. There aren't any slivers, and I don't need to go to the hospital or anything." He still came over and helped her with the dressing on her wound, making sure it was tight so it would not reopen. That's when she noticed-- "Subaru, you got blood on your gloves."

He looked startled, then looked at the stains where he had grabbed her to try to stop the blood. He couldn't take his eyes off of the deep red that contrasted with the white gloves he had decided on that morning. They were one of his favorite pairs, so Hokuto felt a touch of guilt that it was her fault they were now ruined. She should have been paying more attention, she should have--

Subaru fell to his knees and all thought left his sister's mind. His expression was bitter as he tore off the gloves for the first time in her view in as long as she could remember. He looked like he was going to throw them across the room for a moment, wadding them into a ball and cocking back his arm, but his eyes fell upon them again and he stopped. Instead he clutched them to his chest and began sobbing brokenly.

Hokuto couldn't believe her eyes. This just wasn't the way her brother acted. It wasn't like him at all. She kneeled next to him, wrapping him in her arms, holding him close to let him cry it all out. Each sob was like a stab through her own heart. Why was he like this? What had changed? In the course of doing his job he had seen so much and been put through hell, but it had never broken him.

The sobs finally subsided, though when Hokuto pulled back to look at Subaru's face the tears were still flowing freely. "What happened?"

"He's gone," he said in a hoarse whisper, chin quivering.

That's when she realized that only one person could have reduced him to this, only one person could have destroyed him so utterly. Hokuto gasped. "Sei-chan? How? Why? When?"

"He left. There's no trace of him. When I woke up this morning there was a note on my pillow telling me I won, and that's it. I had to go see, and everything's already gone."

"I'll kill him! I can't believe he did this to you! To do all that and then just up and leave? I don't think so! I'm going to kill him!" It was just what she had promised Seishirou after all.

"No! Hokuto, you can't. Please." Subaru sobbed into her shoulder, holding her tightly. "Don't do anything, just let him go."

"Give me one good reason I shouldn't go after him for hurting you."

"Because I love him. And I love you. And he'll kill you if you confront him."

Hokuto looked stubborn in the face of Subaru's declaration, but something about what he said made her pause. "He really is--"

Subaru nodded. "He is the Sakurazukamori."

She moaned softly. She had known there was something sinister about their friend, she had sensed something dangerous about the one who had presented himself as a kindly vet, but she had eagerly thrown her own twin brother at him. Hokuto had been so desperate for Subaru to find happiness in true love that she had jumped at this chance. What have I done? I encouraged my innocent little brother to love the one person in all the world he never should have. This is all my fault. She remembered with a wince all the times she had joked about the Sakurazukamori clan of assassins, and how their Sei-chan was a member. It had been morbidly romantic in theory, but she really thought it had been all in fun. This wasn't funny or romantic or anything resembling good.

"The note? What exactly did you win anyway?"

"My life." The answer was so soft that Hokuto almost couldn't hear it as he spoke into her shirt. "I remember it all now, and that's all I get. My life, and the worthless knowledge that I get to keep it."

*~~*~~*



Seishirou surveyed his new apartment with a smile. It was spacious, the carpet was a dark green through most of the rooms, while everything else was in black and white. He imagined how everything would look once it was furnished and things were arranged to his liking. This apartment had potential. He would be comfortable here, and that's all that mattered.

Until then, there were boxes and empty spaces.

The empty spaces bothered him, but when he looked at the boxes and thought of some of the things they contained he hesitated in filling those empty spaces. He had packed everything, and there were just some things he didn't want to face right now.

Why did I do that?

Why did I walk away?

There was the obvious answer. He had lost. Subaru actually meant something to him, and he could not bring himself to destroy the boy. He had come to terms with that in the hospital when he realized that he had stood in the woman's path out of a genuine want to protect his Subaru-kun. He hadn't expected that though. It has been part of the bet, he had said the words himself, he had said that he would protect Subaru through the year.

He had never imagined that he would lose an eye standing in the way of danger though. It was something that went beyond the bet, beyond simple duty, and when he had forced himself to see the truth behind his motivation he realized he had lost. He could have stopped her, he could have killed her, but instead he had put himself in harm's way for the sake of Subaru.

Now comes the hard part, the unexpected part. What do I do about this?

He sat on one of the larger boxes, pulling out an ash tray and his pack of cigarettes. He lit a cigarette while he thought things through. The first thing he realized as he inhaled the smoke was that there would be no simple solution. He had made the bet under the assumption that he could not feel a thing for another human being. He had smiled as he killed his own mother and watched her die in his arms, and neither of them had felt regrets at her death, so why now?

It was simply too puzzling.

He crossed the room to the window, trailing tendrils of smoke. The city called to him, reminding him of the duties he had. His world did not end simply because he found himself unable to kill one person in this world. He would continue as if the year had never happened, performing his tasks with skill and cunning, with the cold calculation of a hunter.

He only hoped that fate would not cross his path with either of the Sumeragi twins before he had a chance to plan what his next move would be. It was a situation that could prove to be...awkward.

And that was a word that Seishirou could not accept being applied to his life.