The Joy of Cooking Milhouse

by Red Raider

In Treehouse of Horror V, Mrs. Krabappel reads The Joy of Cooking Milhouse. Well, here is my version of this cook book on how to cook those students who just go to detention once too often! Please read and review

1. Chapter 1

Introduction

Thank you for purchasing the new edition of THE JOY OF COOKING MILHOUSE, the perfect cook book for the disgruntled, lonely and cannibalistic teacher of Fourth Graders.

This is the 687th edition of this extremely popular cook book. The very first edition was published way back in the times of the Ancient Romans where it was widely accepted that teachers would eat failing students. In fact, the first edition was actually written by Julius Caesar himself who, having survived his school years, saw the market for a cook book that would sweeten even the meanest child. The book was No. 1 throughout Italy and the Roman Empire making Julius Caesar the richest man on Earth, at the time. It was with his winnings that Julius paid for his armies and became the first Roman Emperor. This has been disputed by some historians today but, we assure you, there was definitive evidence that this was true. Unfortunately, this evidence was burned when it was accidently chucked into a stew pot full of sweaty, spotty teenagers in the mid 18th Century.

But, never mind how this book came about, the fact is that it is here and you are now reading it. I bet you can't wait to bite into the deep-fried leg of that kid that always flicked his bogeys at you when your back was turned. Or how about tucking into a five star roast dinner consisting of roasted baby teeth, Yorkshire eye balls, fried tongue and a splattering of vegetables... you don't have to eat the vegetables, personally I couldn't stomach those vomit-inducing brussel sprouts.

I feel though that I must explain the title of this 687th edition. You see the very first edition was titled UT QUAM CRUSTULUM PLURRIMI MOLESTUS DISCIPULUS, if you wish to know what this means in english then find someone who can speak Latin because I haven't a clue. Anyway, through the years each edition has received a new title, such as the special Nazi edition WIE ZU KOCH EIN STUDENTISCH UND VERGASEN EIN JUDE and the Soviet Union edition HOW TO COOK FREE STUDENTS EQUALLY IN THE LAND OF FREEDOM AND EQUALLITY. As a side note, the Soviet Union edition was the biggest failure because no one could afford to buy the book. However, this edition is called THE JOY OF COOKING MILHOUSE. The decision was made for this to be the title because of a very complicated, though-provoking and rather strange reason... but we won't get into that right now.

Each new edition is famous for bringing something new to the series, whether it be a new recipe or a new idea in presenting the world with these recipes. For this 687th edition I decided to request new recipes from the public on how to cook students and I have included all of them in this book. It is rather interesting to note that most recipes came from some of the residents of Springfield, USA. In fact, a certain Montgomery Burns donated his family records on how to cook children. Our thanks go out to him.

So, what will you find in the pages that follow this introduction. Well, you'll find recipes that have been perfected over hundreds of years and great modern tips from the world's greatest cannibal Chefs, like Hannibal Lecter and that guy from Texas Chainsaw Massacre that cuts off people's faces and wears them!

So what are you waitng for? Get in the kitchen! Slap on your apron! Wash your hands! Open this book and get cooking!