Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto! If I did Kakashi would have long been castrated and Naruto would be off making babies with a female Haku or Tenten (who would be the Sandaime Kazekage's lost daughter)
Yaoi may come into play! It exists in the timeline, but not much besides a few surprises in CH 1! Fem-Haku and Zabuza are alive. My OC Washi is here for the ride too! Lots of Sakura, Sasuke, and Kakashi bashing. Some Sandaime bashing.
- The Difference of One Shinobi – Redo Demo -
Team seven was returning to the Hidden Leaf with a few additional members. One in particular was quite an enigma. The group was disturbingly silent and emotionless as they raced back to Konoha. Little did Kakashi know, but his lack of attention to Naruto and Sakura's training would come to bit him in the ass. He did not know whom this blonde stranger was, but he was already starting to get bad vibes…
Naruto was amazed by the blonde shinobi. A man who had inevitably turned the tide and saved one of his first precious people.
Sakura was still amazed that her Sasuke-kun was defeated by the Ice-bitch.
Sasuke was still pissed he was beaten by a girl.
Haku was glad Naruto called her one of his precious people…
Oh… and Zabuza was incredibly jumpy… It had been a long time since he had seen the blonde brat (not Naruto) and he knew that mayhem and destruction as well as insane amounts of luck (good and bad) always followed his blonde gaki.
- The Difference of One Shinobi – Redo Demo -
The group of seven (lol-Team Seven + 3 = 7 ha-ha) quickly approached the gates to Konoha. Izumo and Kotetsu were too busy looking into each other's eyes to notice things until the figures quickly approached the gate.
"I win!" Kotetsu screamed as Izumo blinked and turned his head.
"Looks like we got company. You owe me."
"But I won!!!" Kotetsu whined.
"But I said that the blond brat would be back by the time our stare down was over."
The group approached even more so and it was then they noticed the figures approaching. Before the duo could even ask for identification the blonde shinobi scream out in a tone that would make Iruka pale in comparison:
"TOU-SAN!!!"
It even made Sakura, the pink Harpy/Siren, pale in comparison. The duo assigned to guard duty was confused as neither of them had children, let alone was able to have children almost their own ages.
Before they knew it two streaks made it to the gate.
Kakashi and the others were shocked when they saw who arrived.
- The Difference of One Shinobi – Redo Demo -
"Washi-kun? Is that you? It's been years!"
"Now, now tou-san don't go all wimpy on me. I don't think you should let the waterworks flow in front of everyone its going to ruin your image."
A certain kunoichi giggled in the background.
"He's cute. Is he really your son Ibiki? If that's what's our children could look like, sign me up right now!"
"So this is my future kaa-san? I guess I should give her a welcoming present then!"
Said kunoichi blushed and imagined all kinds of gift.
The blonde, "Washi-kun" took a scroll out of his pack, unrolled it, borrowed a kunai from his fellow blonde, and smeared blood on a scroll.
"Now may I present you Anko Mitarashi the holiest book in the world…"
Kakashi, Izumo, Kotetsu, Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura were all ears. Ibiki had a feeling he knew where this is going.
"…Ice and Honey!"
(Cue banner al la Anko with Ice and Honey on it waving in the background and fireworks and smoke)
"WHAT!" came from Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura.
"That's just stupid Yaoi smut" Kakashi went off.
He didn't notice the killer intent from Anko and peaked interest from Sakura, Kotetsu, and Izumo.
"And not just any ordinary version. May I present you, my future mother, the first ten volumes…"
He was cut off by:
"TEN VOLUMES!!! GIVE ME GIVE ME" (Izumo and Kotetsu)
"But there is only one volume out now! What kind of game are you playing at gaki?"
"Well tou-san said you didn't have a clan anymore, so I thought I would give you the ultimate couples gift: autographed, first editions of the first ten volumes."
"I love you gaki. Ibiki we're getting married sooner. If you have any more children running around with gifts like this I will make you a very happy man."
Ibiki blushed. Zabuza and Haku looked off into space.
Izumo and Kotetsu were drooling. Sakura and Sasuke were becoming red. Naruto was confused.
"Ne, kaa-san aren't you going to ask how I got them?"
"Not really as I was going to drag you tou-san off for some hot, raunchy, sex."
Everyone sweat dropped.
"Well…"
Everyone except Naruto, Haku, and Zabuza moved closer and were all ears. Kakashi tried to hide it, but he couldn't. Sasuke and Sakura were already thinking of all the Yaoi goodness hidden inside.
"…it is because I am the author!"
"YOU'RE A PERVERT!"
"No. Unlike a certain author of a stupid orange series, my series is a pure work of literary genius."
- The Difference of One Shinobi – Redo Demo -
Else where a certain pervert sneezed only to be trampled by a hoard of angry woman he was spying on. In his haste to escape he accidentally ran into a place he shouldn't have…
A gay hot spring.
"Look guys its Jiraya-sama!"
'Kami must hate me!' he thought trying to escape the crowd of gay and very naked men.
- The Difference of One Shinobi – Redo Demo -
"Nothing is better than Icha Icha."
"Well how sure are you Kakashi? You've spent far too much time ogling Sasuke's ass and Naruto's crotch for my liking in the short amount of time I've spent with you."
"YOU HENTAI! WHAT DO YOU KNOW??? HOW DARE YOU INSULT MY…"
Zabuza hit her over the head with his sword.
"Thanks Zabu-kun!" Washi said with a 'nice guy' smile that made Anko go all fan girl.
"OH MY KAMI! THE SERIES IS ABOUT YOU AND ZABUZA MOMOCHI ISNT IT!!!! KURENAI AND THE OTHERS WILL NEVER BELIEVE IT!!! IBIKI LETS GET GOING NOW. WE NEED TO START REVIVING YOUR CLAN!!!" Anko said leaving a trail of dust behind as she dragged her fiancé off to begin the long and arduous task with Ibiki holding on to the books for dear life. He did not want to imagine what would happen if anything happened to the books. He would repay his 'son' later.
Sasuke, Sakura, and Kakashi had fainted from blood loss.
Haku giggled.
"So Washi-san what brings you to Konoha?"
"I heard that my poor little nephew Naruto-kun was being abused."
The temperature dropped several degrees. Naruto was about to open his mouth but Haku and Zabuza stopped him with a look that said 'later.'
Izumo and Kotetsu got nervous.
"Here gentlemen. If you would be so kind to get the Hokage I have something you may enjoy as much as Anko."
Izumo was gone in a swirl of leaves.
"So Kotetsu you're a big fan of my series?"
"Yes. We tried several things to improve our sex life."
Zabuza fainted and Haku blushed while a few drops of blood dripped from her nose before she too succumbed to perverseness.
"Well take this. I present you volumes 1-5, uncut, extra long, and super juicy of Ice and Honey."
Kotetsu looked like Tsunade winning the lottery.
"They're autographed too! And take this too" he said handing the guard a slip of paper.
"What is this?"
"If you want, you two can become advisors on gay sex. I personally am still a virgin and have only playing it by ear. I lost a bet with Tsunade's apprentice and had to write this."
Kotetsu sweat dropped.
Before he could respond Izumo reappeared in a swirl of leaves with several ANBU.
"Washi-san please come with us to the Hokage Tower. BEAR, RABBIT, BOAR, and TIGER will take care of the others" the Cat masked ANBU said as one grabbed Kakashi, another Sakura and Sasuke, the third Zabuza, the fourth grabbed Haku. Cat latched his arm around Washi's arm much to Izumo and Kotetsu's pleasure.
"Sure thing Neko-kun" he replied with a sexual tone causing Izumo and Kotetsu to blush further.
"I will see you two gentlemen later! Think about my offer Kotetsu!"
Soon the group disappeared in a swirl of leaves.
"So what was that about?"
"It can wait for tonight."
"What is it? You've always been bad at keeping secrets."
"FINE! We got the first five editions, extended versions and they're also autographed. And to top that he asked us to become his gay sex advisors."
…
Let's just say Izumo pounced onto Kotetsu and that the Hokage had replacements sent to the gate.
- The Difference of One Shinobi – Redo Demo -
In a flash the group arrive in the Hokage's tower, his office to be precise.
"Greetings Washi-san I am the Sandaime Hokage, Hiruzen Sarutobi."
With a wave of his the ANBU left, dropping their charges on the ground.
"Good day Lord Hokage. I am Washi, adopted son of Ibiki Morino and author of the infamous Ice and Honey series."
"How can it be a series if there is only one book?"
"Well you old pervert it is only the first book. I wonder how you even know about it if there are two hundred and forty three volumes of Icha Icha books hidden through this office right now."
The Hokage began sweating.
"I wonder how Ero-baabaa would like to here about this."
Sarutobi was both confused and worried.
"What can I do for you?"
"If you would kindly have those ANBU leave and erect a silence barrier we could begin."
The Hokage nodded his head.
"WAIT! Neko-kun can stay."
The Hokage looked confused.
"He has a nice ass" the Hokage sweat dropped as Cat became red behind his mask.
The unconscious genin duo of hell and Haku all murmured about Yaoi in their blissful sleep while Naruto and Zabuza woke up from their stupor.
"Tenzo you can remove your mask" Washi began.
The Hokage was confused as was the ANBU.
"You are lucky I am a benevolent man Hokage-sama or you would be dead right now. It is amazing how far the word of the Naruto-kun's STATUS has reached. The Tsuchikage is currently is looking for ways to lure the YONDAIME HOKAGE'S son to his cause."
Hiruzen Sarutobi was not having a good day, and he knew it would only get worse.
"I am sure the Yondaime Hokage left a scroll with five seals on it correct?"
"What are you talking about?" the Hokage pretended to play dumb.
"A scroll with five wax seals: a ruby bird, an ivory tiger, an ebony turtle, an azure dragon, and a golden griffin. I want it NOW!"
"I don't have it!" he stammered while sweating bullets.
"You're lying and I know it's behind the Shodaime's portrait."
"You have failed Naruto-kun numerous times already. I am two seconds from removing him from this god forsaken village and returning home with him."
"Fine you win" he said resigned while standing up from his desk and walking toward the Shodaime Hokage's portrait.
"Why is this so important?"
"It's a mission scroll Sandaime-sama and should explain everything. I expect Haku and Zabuza to be instated as shinobi of the leaf village by the end of the day. If Naruto is not removed from Team Seven, and his squad not punished for their separate crimes, then your student will learn of the hobby you have taken up in HER absence. Good day Lord Hokage. If you need me I am sure you have that crystal ball of yours to find us. After all if you can peep on the hot springs you can prevent abuse on Naruto or me slaying Ebisu."
Washi, Zabuza, and Haku stood up and walked toward the door. Naruto had a hurt expression on his face before he followed the others. Washi turned around once more.
"I am sure the council will be in an uproar. I will be ready by seven. May the Flames of Youth protect you from Kami's judgment Lord Hokage."
Haku latched onto Naruto. The quartet vanished in a swirl of mist (Zabuza), ice (Haku-bringing Naruto along), and feathers (Washi).
The Sandaime was confused and ashamed. He knew he could have tried harder, but he was too much of an idealist with the village. He cracked open the scroll and noticed there were five seals within it. He smeared blood on the first one and prepared for hell…
- The Difference of One Shinobi – Redo Demo -
What did you think of that?
Washi is no ordinary individual. As you know from the original The Difference of One Shinobi he was the student of the Yondaime Hokage, the unofficial apprentice of the Rokudaime Raikage, and a one-time student of Zabuza, as well as an associate of the mysterious Lady Byaku.
The Harunos and the Council better beware. The Midorigan is out for revenge. And Danzo's ROOT ANBU won't be any protection.
Sorry it took so long, but my Naruto muse only returned recently. I apologize for typos. I am taking a break from finals and stuff. Hope you liked it! More will hopefully appear within the next few weeks.
Long live Yaoi! Well if people want it outside of Izumo-Kotetsu and jokes about Orochimaru, Kakashi, etc you are in the right place.
XOXO
Griffy