Authoress
By Heaven's Flying Fish
Summary: oneshot An authoress has a problem. She can never get Lily and James together. So, she sets herself a challenge. Get them together – less than 950 words, under half and hour.
o:o:o
One day, an authoress sat at her computer. I bet you can't do what Claire wants. I bet you can't actually get Lily and James together! The young authoress glared at her thoughts as she wrote them down. Oh yeah? She challenged. I bet I can! And I bet I can do it in less than 950 words!
She smiled, satisfied, and settled herself in for a long (or short) night. Well, half and hour, anyway, because she gave herself a time limit.
o:o:o
"James!" Lily cried as he turned her hair pink.
She glared at him and he immediately folded under her murderous gaze. "Sorry, Lily," he said, looking like a five-year-old after being told off by his mother.
Not that he thought Lily was his mother.
Because that would be incest.
And that would be wrong.
He charmed her hair back to its natural red colour.
"Thank you, Potter," she said, reverting to her use of his last name after she had got her way. She turned away from him, and stormed up the stairs.
o:o:o
The authoress banged her head against her keyboard, annoyed with herself. Bugger, she thought. HA! The more cynical part of her brain crowed. I knew you couldn't do it! Refusing to give in, the authoress put in another 'o:o:o' break, and tried again.
o:o:o
"James!" Lily cried as he turned her hair pink.
"What?" James squeaked, startled, from the other side of the room. He was supposedly doing his potions homework.
"Turn it back!" she cried, close to tears because she was a wimpy girl of seventeen, who simply couldn't take this stress.
"I can't," he said simply, turning back to his essay.
"But-but –" her lower lip quivered and her eyes glossed over with threatening tears.
"It'll only turn back if you forgive the caster," he said, not looking up from his work.
"Then it'll never happen!" she shouted, turning and running up the stairs and away, into her bedroom, slamming the dormitory door behind her.
James sighed, and put a fullstop on the end of his sentence, wondering if he'd ever get used to a pink haired Lily Evans.
o:o:o
The authoress screamed in annoyance, gripping her hair crazily and looking at the clock. Eight minutes have passed! She shrieked (in her mind, of course). She'd never get them together. Ever. The authoress wept as she put in another break, and tried again.
o:o:o
"James!" Lily cried as he turned her hair pink.
"Mhm?" he inquired lazily from the Common Room floor in front of the fire.
"Why is my hair pink?" she asked, rounding on him.
He sat up, then stood up, walking over and grabbing a fluorescent strand.
"No idea. Looks nice, though." He smiled casually down at her, as if he hadn't a care in the world.
"James," she growled, her voice dangerously low.
"Mhm?" he replied again, still twirling the luminescent lock of hair between his fingers.
"ATTACK LILY GET JAMES BACK! HAAAAIII-YA!" Lily leapt at James, kicking, clawing and punching, screeching in fangirl Japanese as she tore little James to pieces.
"Ni-yoooorr – HAI!" she said, going into a grasshopper stance.
The world slowed and everyone watched with bated breath as Lily's slow-motion foot drew back. Reality suddenly regained its speed and her foot flicked out, sending James spinning across the room, blood spraying comically from his nose.
"AHAHAHA!" Lily screeched.
Remus, wide-eyed, quickly turned her hair back to its natural shade, before edging towards James's corpse and dragging it slowly out of the portrait hole.
Lily patted her hair, picked up her wand and scourified the place, before picking up her Charms book and settling down to read.
o:o:o
OH, god! I can't do it! I can't! I only have two-hundred words and twelve minutes left! AHHHHH! The authoress, grabbed her purple pencil and sharpened it down to a stump before breathing twenty-six calming breaths and conguating the verb 'to wash' in French, like the guy does in the movie : For the Term of his Natural Life
Leaning back down, she settled her hands carefully over the keys. Taking a swig of PVA glue, she stared fixedly at the screen and began to write, her eyes crazily darting about the place.
o:o:o
"James!" Lily cried as he turned her hair pink.
"Yes, Lily?" he asked, walking closer.
Suddenly, Lily was struck by just how… how beautiful James Potter was. He had a long nose, terminally messy hair, glasses and was a skinny as rake. Lily stared into his muddy-brown eyes and stars and birds began to twinkle and flutter about her head.
Three cherubic Cupids shot arrows into the air and sang songs as Lily stared at James.
"Lily?" he asked hesitantly, waving his hand in front of her face.
"ILOVEYOUJAMESPOTTERAHHHLOVEAHAAHAYOU!" Lily shrieked.
She tackled him, and he, too stunned to say anything, fell straight over backwards.
Lily was struck with the urge to snog something. She loved James. She was currently cutting of James's air supply.
Hm… what to do?
After possibly several sunlit nights of snogging, Lily resurfaced from her crazy schizophrenic state and giggled.
James looked dazed, but happy as he blinked owlishly up at her from the floor.
"Wanna go to Hogsmeade with me?" Lily asked.
James smiled and nodded, before pulling her down for another kiss.
o:o:o
YeS! I said I could do it! The authoress crowed. One minute left to spare, too. She smiled, and saved it, opting to show it to Claire first in IT the next day (if she can be stuffed). There. The two of them get together in the end.
I quite like this, too. And, for a special prize, she took and extra large gulp of PVA and went off to wrap Dani's present.
FIN