I realised Cosette didn't have any fics about her, and thought she at least deserved something small. So, in her honour, here's a little one-shot. I'm not sure how well it's turned out, but it's definitely better than nothing.
Disclaimer- I do not own the Nightshade Trilogy or anything you recognise from it; they belong to Andrea Cremer.
When we're scared, we do crazy things. Efron scares me. His hungry gaze, his sly grin that reminds me oh so much of the monsters in the bed-time stories that Sabine used to tell, the ones that wait in the dark to pounce.
Sabine. I miss her, I think. It's difficult to say. She left me. I should feel angry. I should hate her. But I don't. I just feel so very afraid.
She always knew what to do. When Efron smiles at me like a horrible monster, or when Emile's eyes lock on mine and sparkle slightly. It's not a good sparkle, like Ren's when he sees Calla, or Nev's when he's telling us a story about his date with Mason. It's the sort of glimmer that I can imagine a gangster's eyes doing just before they stuff you into a sack and cart you away. It's the most terrifying thing of all.
Without Sabine to help me, without Sabine to take Efron and Emile away and do whatever she does to keep them away from me, I'm at a loss for what to do. Dax isn't helpful; he just told me to 'stop being such a baby'. Fay sided with Dax, of course. She always does. I think that's what you do when you're in love; side with that person even if you know they're wrong. I don't know though. I've never experienced it.
I wish she was here. Sabine would've shouted at him for me. I can never pluck up the courage to do it myself, but Sabine always could. She never did teach me the trick to it, and I've found myself in a situation where I need it more than ever. She isn't here to save me, and I'm not sure how to save myself.
Ren left too. Of all of our pack, Ren was the second person most likely to help me. As tough as he tries to be on the outside, he's so broken without Calla. I noticed it. When she ran away, when Shay disappeared with her, I saw Ren's words through his silence. He didn't speak about it, and that said enough. He loves her, more than all of the rest of us put together. If he was given the chance to see her again, I was always certain he'd take it.
I just never thought I'd be so lonely when he did.
I look up at the stars, through the window.
"Those, Cossie, are the stars." My mother used to tell me, when I was a little girl. "They'll be the same, no matter where you are. No matter how scared you are, no matter how far from home, how alone you feel, look up at them. Because you can bet that I, from wherever I may be, will be gazing up too and thinking of you with all my heart."
I squeeze my hand with the other as hard as I can to keep from screaming. I want to scream. I want oh so badly to scream at the top of my lungs. But I can't, because that will awake the others, and I don't want to do that. I don't want to wake up Dax, with his temper, or Fay with hers, or Efron with his horrifying monster smile.
Raindrops start to spat against the cool glass of the window. I reach out and place my hand against it, hold it there for a moment. And then I'm standing, heading for the door.
It's cold out, and my t-shirt means my bare arms are tickling with goose-bumps. I wrap my purple scarf round my neck a few more times, so that at least that part of me will stay warm, and walk away from it all, to somewhere safe.
Luckily, I'm under the cover of the forest when the rain decides to force its way down even harder. Despite the canopy of leaves over my head, much of it still drenches me to the bone. My teeth start to chatter.
My shoulders jerk in an involuntary shiver as I look around for somewhere to sit and look at the stars. My mother is in the stars. She was killed years and years ago by a stag during a hunt in the forest. Even now, even when I'm surrounded by my pack-mates, seeing a wild deer causes some sort of icy fist to grip my heart and squeeze and squeeze and squeeze until I'm so scared it physically hurts.
And, when people die, they appear in the stars. That's what Dad used to say, what Sabine still says. And if they both said it, it has to be true.
I find a friendly-looking hawthorn tree and rest my forehead against its damp bark. It's tall; I think I could climb it, see the stars that way. It takes but a moment to decide I will.
From up in the hawthorn tree, I have a better view of the stars than I had before, even back in my house through my rain-splattered window. The rain clouds are wispy and only block part of the sky. The part they don't hide away is truly breathtaking.
I look back down, to the place I came from, and my breath hitches in my throat. It isn't pretty. At all. I realise with only a small amount of horror that I don't want to go back, ever. Not to Dax's shouting, or Efron's smiles, or Fay's yelling, or Emile's horrible laugh.
Sabine's coming for you. I tell myself, over and over. It helps at first, but, as the words sink in, I realise how stupid they sound. She's escaped from all this. She's escaped from whatever Efron does to her in her bid to protect me, left me out in the open for him to take if he chooses to. I won't be able to stall him for much longer.
She's not coming. I look up at the stars, only they look hazier than before. It takes a moment for me to realise the reason is the film of tears building up. I reach up a hand and wipe my eyes frantically. More water quickly rises up to take its place.
"What do I do, Mum?" I whisper to the night, not expecting any form of answer. "I'm just so scared."
The wind ruffles my hair, my purple scarf. I look down at it, back up at the stars. And I have a horrible, terrible, wonderful plan on how to get myself up their in the beautiful sky too.
I unwind the scarf and tie one end firmly round the branch I'm sitting on. It's difficult, due to the fact that the cold of the wind and rain combined is making my hands shake (or maybe that's just my fear), but I manage to tie the other end into a neat circle. I slip it over my head.
Standing on the branch, I look out at what was my house. I left the living room light on. I hope someone turns that off.
Up at the stars. They seem to twinkle a little more brightly. If Sabine isn't coming to help me, then Mum will. Her and her new star friends; they'll help.
I jump. My feet never touch the ground.