Because Rebecca is just that poor confused girl I love, LOL. Anyways, Here's a little something-something. I'm sick again and there isn't much to do. Excuse me while I go barf.

Why is Cotswolds so hard to spell?

Twebecca!

I'm not sure how to explain it.

I got tangled in a series of events by mistake. A giant web of bad decisions intertwined into a vortex of preposterous behavior.

...Now I'm just not making any sense. Forget what I said. Ngh, it's just confusing.

It was strange and... I've never had something like this ever happen before... Well, at least to me. I was just some guy in this social anxiety focus group. Basically, it was just a nice way of saying, 'gathering of the socially awkward'. And I was always sitting by this girl, Rebecca.

It was like any other love story.

She was sweet. Sweet like coffee creamer. She was quick to the draw and incredibly smart. Rebecca would often stand up for me when I was cornered. She was my friend.

At first, Rebecca was impossibly hard to talk to. It took forever to break through this invisible barrier around her. Rebecca would flash a smile and spell something out for me.

"...t-w-e-e-k." I can still hear her muffle the letters in her hands.

How did I get in this situation again?

Rebecca's bedroom eyes and the way she's holding me so tight, I'm going crazy.

Rebecca Cotwolds was no normal girl. I'm almost positive she's an alien. Like, totally beamed down one night in South Park to study and dissect us! Under her flesh is that grey skin and the big eyes, man! I always told her that if she was an alien to spare me and especially not probe me. AGH!

She's so inexperienced to a high degree, especially when it comes to all sorts of things.

Love is one such thing.

She's miffed by the concept. A girl who can spell out, 'algorithm' without batting an eye, doesn't know what love is. Although, it wasn't that hard to understand her situation. I still haven't experienced it myself but I know it isn't... this.

It's not like I don't want a relationship... I'm just not mentally stable enough. I'm way too paranoid. When I say paranoid, I mean it. I'd be up at three AM thinking about things that shouldn't bother me but do, itching and clawing at my exposed skin. My last relationship ended in flames because I thought my significant other was planning to kill me. Let's just say that person never spoke to me again.

I'm not normal by any means...

Rebecca grip on my intensified as she pleaded. "Please Tweek? Just do me this little favor? I'm not asking much."

...But I'm not like her.

"Rebe-Rebecca, get off. Yo-you're being weird."

Craig didn't like how I followed her around like a lost puppy, let alone this weird relationship that fell into my lap.

"Rebecca con-control –AGH- yourself!"

He wasn't afraid to turn a blind eye to it. I'm not sure how I feel about that.

It was strange when I told my little group about Rebecca. Clyde and Token were grinning like idiots, silently high-fiving each other. Craig said, 'whatever makes you happy. You might as well be dating Kenny' and that was it.

It didn't make sense until just now.

She doesn't understand love.

Love doesn't mean... this.

This isn't love.

We were just studying calculus, like always. She would come over to my house after school and I'd make her some coffee. Rebecca would never drink it, she'd just hold it in her hands. After a little while of enjoying each other's company we'd flop on the bed and do our homework. She'd help me with my essays and I'd help her with her math.

Fractions were just too much pressure. Rebecca saw the world in letters while I saw them it numbers but a different story for a different time.

Then, we would snuggle into each other. We were comfortable with each other's company and I... liked being close to her. It was like any other day. Then somehow I ended up under her with her hands pinning down my wrists. Her usual innocent eyes were hazy and... strange.

A paradigm shift of roles. This sweet and innocent Rebecca was replaced by a scandalous girl. A lecherous girl. A seductive stranger. A stranger.

"But Tweek, I want this. We're just making each other feel good."

"I-I don't… -Ngh- I've told you this."

Rebecca's lips turned into a pressed line, leaning down to me. When she touched me it was like fire scorching my skin. I let out a meek sigh. "Rebecca," I pulled her from me when I really, really didn't want to. "Jesus Christ. Stop."

I straightened out my haphazardly buttoned shirt as best I could. She smiled that same old smile as she encroached again. "You smell like coffee." Rebecca's arms constricted around my waist. "You know I like coffee Tweek."

She was using the usual tactic.

"I don't usually drink it..."

Rebecca would avoid every question, like I wasn't even talking. She would ignore everything. Rebecca's special defense system against my protests.

Although I've never seen her like this today. Sometimes she would kiss me and try to make advances. I would stop her. And every time I would tell her, 'I want a relationship' but she never listened.

And I guess in a way, it never bothered me either. I liked having someone clinging onto me for once instead of the other way around. I like someone appreciating me.

"You're always doing this to me." I muttered.

"I really like the smell. It reminds me of you." her breath was warm and her lips tickled my neck.

"Why me?" my lip quivered. "Why do you let me hang around you? Am I just some guy that you can fool around with whenever you want?"

"You even taste like coffee."

"You never listen to me." I sighed, giving up like so many times before. It's useless to even try.

I felt the bed shift again, our text books and papers flying off onto the floor. She sat in my lap, her legs neatly wrapped around my waist. Her hands were cupping my cheeks.

Her coffee stained hair was pulled back from her face. I could see those pretty eyes of hers. Not even a little bit of pink graced her cheeks.

She was used to this.

I was used to this.

"Rebecca," I started but I found myself lost. "Why won't you ever answer me?"

And it was just like that. My words finally reached her.

That amorous look was wiped right off her face.

There was a long silence between us that seemed to last eons. It was that painful kind. The kind where you don't know what to say. The kind where neither parties want to talk. I believe I struck a nerve.

"I-I just, I don't know why I do this."

"You don't know? Have you told anyone? Jesus man, that sounds like a self-esteem issue."

She scooted away from me suddenly, picking up her discarded sweater. Rebecca wiggled into it, slipping it back over her blouse.

I noticed a sound escape her lips.

Rebecca was giggling. She held her mouth as she giggled even louder. I don't know why she would be laughing at a time like this. Then I noticed her face was red and her eyes were welling up with tears. I realized she was really just sobbing.

I've never seen her cry. Ever.

"Jesus Christ! Are you okay?!"

Rebecca plopped on the edge of the bed. She brushed her eyes angrily with the back of her hand. "I just… I don't know why I'm like this. That's why I can't answer you, Tweek."

Rebecca giggled again, wiping her face violently.

"You don't understand Tweek. I hop in anyone's bed. It's like, it's like-" she hiccupped. "I just don't know who I am anymore."

"Then don't do it." I said simply.

I feel like she can't even hear me. Like, we're in a wind tunnel. I can hear her but I'm drowned out by the sound of roaring wind.

"I just hate myself so much. I just-" she took her textbook in hand, chucking it across the room. Nearby, my cockatoo fluttered in its cage, chirping loudly.

Rebecca curled up, yanking at her hair. "I hate being in my own skin. I hate waking up in the morning and realizing I'm still me. If you knew who I really was you'd go away too."

"Why would you hate yourself? You're the smartest person I've ever known. You don't even run away when I call you an alien!" I smiled at my lame joke.

"I'm just a whore." Rebecca sputtered into her hands, ignoring me. I knew she wasn't listening. Just like always. "A stupid, spoiled whore."

I dunno why, but at that time, I felt this rage burn in my stomach. I didn't like this Rebecca. I gripped her shoulders, whipping her roughly to my level. "Listen to me for once." I said sternly.

Rebecca let out a gasp in surprise, her attention finally turned to me. I was never aggressive but I felt like it was the only way to reach her.

"Hooking up with people won't solve your problems. It's just going to make things worse. You shouldn't let guys just use you like that... because you and I both know you're better than that. You have a lot going for you. Do you just want people to take advantage of that?" I studied her close. "I emulate you."

Her mouth gaped as her attention was drawn to me, her eyes becoming redder and puffer.

"You're so strong and even though you have a lot of anxiety like me... you're like Craig and Kyle. You're independent. Maybe that's why I always follow you around all the time. I would kill to be you."

She bit her lips, holding back loud sobs that hitched in her throat.

"And if you want love, you need to open up and stop putting yourself through all this. It's a natural thing. Once you open your eyes, you'll be sure to find what you're looking for."

Her eyes were wide, boring into mine. This shocked expression replaced the hysterics. Rebecca darted into my chest, sobbing madly. "I l-l-l-love you, T-Tweek!" her tic coming out for the first time in months. "I-I love you, T-w-e-e-k."

My response was a pat on the head and an embrace. I didn't... Well, love her. That takes time and effort. I knew she was just upset and I knew she just needed someone for her.

I knew she didn't mean it. Or maybe she did... I liked to think that either way I changed her.

One side of her was sweet like creamer and the other like burnt coffee. And, I'm not sure if she would ever find love walking down the path she was taking. I know she would find what she would be looking for soon.

Maybe.

Kind of ironic we both didn't understand love and we were both curious about it. I mean, what's it like? But, then again, isn't everyone looking for love? Isn't every teenage conflicted with what it true love is? I dunno, now I'm just rambling.

I'm not sure how to explain it but...

I got tangled in a series of events by mistake. That day we both started to understand it. Love. Not fully, but I think we both understood. Love is not a preposterous concept.

I think I'm in love with Rebecca Cotswolds.