Disclaimer: I claim no ownership of Glee or Nickelback (although I have in my possession two tickets to see Nickelback in Sheffield UK on October 7th - I genuinely do own them, woohoo - a little bit excited for that, can you tell?)
A/N: This is the song that should have heralded Puck's return from juvie, if the writers had any 'Quick' in them at all, they would have got back together rather than not talking for a full season. In this bit of my imaginary Glee, Quicketh is here for the long haul.
"Next Contestant"
"Good afternoon guys, I'd like to welcome back Mr Puckerman, I hope you've learned a hard lesson there?" Mr Shuester said looking over the glasses perched on the end of his nose.
"I have Mr Schue, I'm never going back there, I'm not leaving Quinn and Beth again. Ever." He looked round at his classmates. "I know you were all here for them, thank you" he nodded at his friends looking round as he acknowledged each of them. "I wasn't too happy about one thing though, the duet competition and I have a song ready, can I sing it Mr Schue?"
"Errr, yeah, go ahead Puck" replied the teacher.
Quinn looked curious as he picked up his electric guitar. He nodded at the band then they all started playing.
"I judge by what she's wearing
Just how many heads I'm tearing
Off of assholes coming on to her"
Puck stared straight at Sam, his eyes hard, real meaning behind the lyrics.
"Each night seems like it's getting worse
And I wish she'd take the night off
So I don't have to fight off
Every asshole coming on to her
It happens every night she works
They'll go and ask the DJ
Find out just what would she say
If they all tried coming on to her
Don't they know it's never going to work
They think they'll get inside her
With every drink they buy her
As they all try coming on to her
This time somebody's getting hurt
Here comes the next contestant
Is that your hand on my girlfriend?
Is that your hand?
I wish you'd do it again
I'll watch you leave here limping
I wish you'd do it again
I'll watch you leave here limping
There goes the next contestant
I even fear the ladies"
He winked at Santana, who laughed back.
"They're cool but twice as crazy Here comes the next contestant
Just as bad for coming on to her
Don't they know it's never going to work
Each time she bats an eyelash
Somebody's grabbing her ass
Everyone keeps coming on to her
This time somebody's getting hurt
Is that your hand on my girlfriend?
Is that your hand?
I wish you'd do it again
I'll watch you leave here limping
I wish you'd do it again
I'll watch you leave here limping
There goes the next contestant
I'm hating what she's wearing
Everybody here keeps staring
Can't wait 'til they get what they deserve
This time somebody's getting hurt
Here comes the next contestant
Is that your hand on my girlfriend?
Is that your hand?
I wish you'd do it again
I'll watch you leave here limping
I wish you'd do it again
I'll watch you leave here limping
There goes the next contestant
I wish you'd do it again
Each night seems like its getting worse
I wish you'd do it again
This time somebody's getting hurt"
Puck walked right up to Sam who was sat in the front row and looked down at him, making sure he understood,
"There goes the next contestant"
"Jeez, Puckerman, I get it, Quinn is taken, but all we did was sing a song together" Sam hurriedly explained when the song ended, holding his hands up in surrender.
"Sam, you douche bag, you tried to kiss her! Did you think she wouldn't tell me? We tell each other everything, it's called being in a committed relationship, we have a daughter together, we live together, yeah we're only 17 but this is it for us. Now do you get it?" Puck spelt it out, his hand out stretched to Quinn. Quinn left her seat and came to his side, hugging his hand in both of hers, pressing her body up against his arm, Puck bent a little and kissed her quickly.
"Ok, that's settled then?" asked Mr Shue, eyebrow raised. At their nods he continued. "Good job there Puck. Can we discuss sectionals now? I have the list here. We are up against The Hipsters, a choir comprised of elderly people getting their GED and The Warblers, an all boy a cappella group from Dalton Academy"
"We need something spectacular this year Mr Shue" gushed Rachel, rushing to stand at the front of the class. "And I know just the song for Finn and I to sing"
"No Rachel, you aren't automatically getting a solo or a duet this time. I'm holding open auditions for the solo and the duet" Mr Schuester announced. "Do your best, I want you to go all out, costumes, choreography, we'll choose the best. Ok?"
A/N: I think this might possibly become a multi chapter Nickelback tribute, let's wait and see…..