Don't even trip!

Chapter one: Intro

"Uzumaki Naruto, the one person you don't want to fuck with!

A complete bounty-less creep that existed in the pirate world for unknown purposes. He acted in conflicting ways always, either being hired by the Navy HQ or by high ranking pirates." At least, that's what the newspaper said.

"Pathetic!" Naruto walked quietly in an overly quiet island, almost civilian free but military crowded. His mind covered up in the paper. He swiped the pages slowly one by one until he got to the bounty page and it proudly displayed the rookies. Fucking rookies as usual, all the big guns had gone Shichibukai or Emperors, the rest were either afflicted with someone big or they were amateur rookies.

He sighed, boring world. At least it was more fun than the Elemental Nations, after the war everything became so peaceful that one could rape a woman in the middle of the village and it would still be regarded as a peaceful act. That was boring as hell. After years of marriage and having kids, Hinata passed away so he took it as a sign to let the next generation handle their own shit. That was it, then he cramped on one of his father's space-time experiment.

Viola! And there you have it, he now runs things in the Pirates world.

Where was Sasuke? Uhn, he probably didn't care much. The bastard decided to roam the world or something related to it so he wasn't sure of his location but Naruto knew he was alive. And back to the matter on hand….

Eustass Kid – 50,000,000

Monkey D Luffy – 30,000,000

Bla, bla, bla,

Many many unnecessary people but now he had beef with someone else, the one and only Reporter from the Newspaper!

He changed his walking pace and kept on moving until he reached a Large Building with a large signboard for "World Press!" The gate was vastly guarded with many roaming land Marines with smug faces and many weapons. Amusing!

He proceeded and as usual, the Marines attempted to stop him.

The moment he stepped forward all the weapons were pointed at him and even a few marines were calling for back up, Of course they were. After all, this was the world press. The organization that had all rights regarding whatever news was published, released, printed, unreleased and other shady business's regarding information. Well, this wasn't their main branch but permitted and approved information could also travel like wild fire from this parts.

Exactly what Naruto needed!

"Turn around! This is under the World Government!" A soldier screamed in confidence as Naruto's approach continued. He sighed, didn't the newspaper just say who he was? Everybody knew who he was for fucks sake! The only fucker who had the means to eat on the Government table while spitting on pirates and at the same time eat on the pirates table and spit on the Government!

For fucks sake, this was Uzumaki Naruto. The double headed blade!

"I thought I was known around these parts?" Naruto questioned in a hurt manner as he approached but instead he was getting the same reaction. The soldiers all had hands on the trigger and other on whatever weapons they had in hands.

"Really, we don't have to do this!" He stopped in his spot and raised his hand up in a sign of defeat but he continued his conversation nonetheless.

"I like the authority, believe it. Where I come from I was even the authority but things have changed. Regardless, I rather not hurt any of you. You are like how many? Uhn?"

"Silence! You scum. What could you hope to do against us? We have over two hundred men!" A roar of approval followed along with more men coming in. He also noticed a few Navy ships anchoring at the closest water parts, that wasn't bad.

"I know the law. This isn't the main Branch, you have no buster call access and even then, the ships can't fire at us because there are people inside. Believe it, I'm as safe as I want to be, you on the other hand….."

"Enough! Quietly surrender yourself for attempting to invade the World Press or..:

"Okay.. Okay!.. I just have one thing to say!"

"What!"

"It sucks that am not getting paid for this!" Naruto smirked as he got into a battle stance. The soldiers roared and began attacking with guns rapidly. Naruto dodged a few bullets before putting his hands together in a seal.

"Illusionary Technique, Absolute Darkness!"

The soldiers all became trapped in an illusionary darkness while Naruto worked unnoticeably between them and proceeded into the gate. There a large land mass was seen with a huge building in its middle. And then there were more Marines on the inside, many of them raced towards him shooting all the way but he merely yawned. Weak fuckers!

The darkness proceeded and all the soldiers both inside the gates and outside were caught. In their moment of fear they began firing shots all over and injuring their selves in the process but Uzumaki Naruto didn't mind. He just walked into the building, then up the stairs and finally, he was in the Administrator's office. How he didn't end up elsewhere was a miracle.

The Administrator was obviously shitting himself.

"Don't panic! Please don't. I mean you no harm!"

The man was fat, with fatter lips and he had no eye brow. Also bald, he dressed in an uptight suit that made him look, at least, a little responsible. Naruto raised a brow?

"You look like those Celestial Dragons!"

The man quickly pulled out a golden Den Den Mushi with a button on it. Naruto looked surprised for a moment before speaking. "I had no idea! What the fuck?"

"Now move backwards slow and slow!" The man demanded and Naruto obliged with his hand behind his head. Slowly, slowly…..

"What made you think we didn't have a buster link? Uhn? You worthless pirate!"

"Please Sir, refrain from calling me a Pirate" Naruto pleaded.

"Shut up! You worthless trash! This is the Second Largest Branch of World Press! How dare you look down on us? Who the fuck do you think you are?"

"Please Sir if you would just hear me out!"

"Fuck you! On your bloody knees!"

Once again Naruto complied and knelt down. The man looked closer at him and realized. He was just a fucking seventeen year old. Yellow blond hair, whiskers, bandaged left hand, complete orange suit but still..

"I should have known. Only a misinformed rookie would attempt something as stupid as what you have done! Attacking a Government Firm is unacceptable!"

"Please Sir.. If you would just listen!"

"Enough!" The man pulled out a sea stone handcuff and threw it to Naruto. He wore the chain and the man began pushing Naruto out of the room. He walked Naruto to a large conference room. The gun sounds were still going off so that had many people hiding behind their own machines but as their administrator walked in with a cuffed Naruto everybody rejoiced except one.

"Bring the camera's! Take a shot of this sorry shit!"

"Huraaaaaaaayyyy!"

Multiple pictures of Naruto were taken and simultaneously many journalists were writing stories of how a pirate that broke through the marine defense and through the gates had been caught by the one and only administrator. No doubt once the news went mainstream the administrator would be promoted along with a few others, it was obviously their lucky day until…..

"Sir, you have to listen to what I am saying!" One of the workers pleaded but the Administrator couldn't have given a shit. Even while the many marines were still shooting their asses outside he decided to start off punishing the caught marine with a slap. Then he proceeded to a kick and other offensive measures while pictures were being taken.

"This is my moment!"

"My bloody moment!" He kept at it until Naruto fell on his back.

"Please Sir,.. Stop that!'

"Shut up! Don't… Fucking .. Mess… with.. The …Damn ….Government!" More kicks..

"Enough!"

The administrator raised his nonexistent brow. "How dare you fucking raise your voice against your boss?"

"I'm sorry but sir… That's Uzumaki Naruto!"

"Uhn?"

….

"Then it's all better then! This notorious bastard is finally officially Government Property!" He kept on hitting Naruto.

"That's not it Sir.. It's just that,… It has been announced that Sea Stone has no effect on him!"

"What?"

The man looked at the blond and to his surprise, he had been hitting a log of wood all along. Now he was obviously scared as fuck. The real Naruto walked from behind him in a majestic fashion. He was swinging the sea cuff in one hand and had a huge grin on his face.

"Alright, let's get down to business!" He clapped his hands and immediately two reporters brought a chair and a table which he rested on. Another clap and a bottle of sake was brought.

"So now! Where were we?" He looked over to the Administrator and noticed he was still grasping the Buster Call snail in an angry fashion. Naruto smirked and took it away from him.

"This shit!" He pressed the button and nothing, again and again until it broke and was revealed to be only just a golden plastic model. "Hahaha.. I bet you though you'll get a promotion right? Fool!"

He walked closer to the Admin and kicked the man in the guts. He then took a great pose on the man's fallen body. Ultimately, many photos were taken!

"Now, I don't know which fool wrote my story on today's headline but now I want that changed! Hands on paper fools!"

"Now! Uzumaki Naruto! The man you still don't want to fuck with. The man that'll literally fuck you from behind! Hahaha, the man that's currently pissing in the Worlds Press and most importantly, the man you can hire for anything! I do both Government and Pirate work but don't ever… ever call me a Pirate because I'm a ninja that you should call the one and only..

HUNTER!"

Did ya get that? He asked pointing a gun he picked up from earlier at the workers. Of course they nodded.

"Next, my job fees..

Government- above a Billion Berries no matter what.

Tenruybito- above government pay

Shichibukai- Ranges from a million and above

Yonko- above a Billion Berries no matter what.

Rookies- Free for now

Revolutionaries- Government pay

And for ya'll that need assistance, just dial me. Den Den Mushi particles are….."

Now… gimme a damn sample of the page!"

He glanced at a newspaper script that held all the info he had dropped. Exactly what he wanted. It had already been sent, in a few minutes the world will probably be reading his info alongside seeing him towering over the defeated form of the Administrator. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! This is the life.

After an hour of drinking and scaring the shit out of the workers the gun shots had finally calmed down. The marines had probably already shot themselves to death. Now all he needed to do was get off the island before more came.

He took his exit and proceeded to the water links. He easily snatched a Marine ship and took over with a few clones. He was leaving to God know where. Before long he had a call from his Den Den Mushi.

"Uzumaki Naruto here!"

"You damned fool! How dare you!"

"Uhn?"

Sound of the snail phone being snatched was made and another voice began speaking.

"hahahaha.. Uzumaki Naruto. I like your style!"

Naruto's eyes widened before he burst into laughter.

"Garp-san! It's been a few weeks! Is there a new job for me?"

"hahaha.. You wish!" The phone was snatched again and the previous voice continued.

"You damned fool. You have succeeded in putting the Government to shame! How dare you! There will be retribution for this action!"

"Sengoku-san? Guess that means you don't have a job for me?"

"Shut up!" The signal was lost.

Naruto stared at the sky for a minute as if contemplating on his next call. It rang again.

"Uzumaki Naruto speaking.."

"Trafalgar Law!"

"Guess you're calling for the free service?"

"Can we meet?"

"For what reason?"

"I want to test myself against a man of your rank"

"hahaha… Of course we can!"

….

Yeah! This is that type of story you write when you get stomped over by the one and only Writers Block! Ain't it something? Furthermore, I'm dropping my temporary resignation letter. I'm in the shitty University now, ya know.. A man's gotta read.

So this year will probably be like last year… Excess reading, fasting's and little updates..

So.. Knock ya selves out!