AN: a fic idea that suddenly struck me while I was feeling incredibly depressed I decided to go with it I hope you enjoy.

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters from Doctor Who

The Room

The Doctor wandered the empty halls of the TARDIS no completely alone as he could feel his Ships' senses following his every move. Coming to a stop outside an unusual door, the Doctor looked up a wan smile touching his features before he pushed his way inside. It was a room meant only for him, no other companion had ever found it. But when she felt he needed it the TARDIS would bring it out a silent invitation.

It was vast and dark, much like his own soul the Time Lord often mused as he walked to the center of the room. He seated himself in a faded pool of light; it barely fought against the darkness, only feebly reaching a few inches away from the Doctor's body.

The Doctor's head dropped, if this room was his soul than it held century's worth of pain, none of the joy remained here. That he'd always managed to carry with him, how else was he supposed to carry on when so much tragedy surrounded him, following him, mocking his every attempt at true happiness.

He pulled in on himself fighting back the black emotions threatening to swallow him whole. It was so tempting to just drop his barriers and let it cease him; to weep for all that was lost, for the blood which coated his hands. He could scream for all eternity and no one would ever know.

The Doctor pulled a shaking hand through his mussed hair, drawing shallow calming breathes even as the tears began to track their way down his face. Sometimes he asked himself why he continued to live. The Last of my kind the thought echoed through his head, and the vast chasm it tore in his heart was something he could never fully leave behind in this room. If only for the fact that he was the cause of it all.

Bighting down on his lips in a desperate attempt to hold himself together, the light falling on his trembling shoulders faded to black, and the Doctor gave in. Screaming his frustration and pain, weeping brokenly for those that he'd lost and left behind, there were so many. And he cried for the thing he could not change. Long fingers trapped themselves in his hair as he sobbed to the very heart of his pain; it was so huge he feared it might swallow him entirely.

The Doctor wasn't sure how long it was before the light returned stronger now, warming his slumped shoulder, shining brightly over him. He'd never been sure if it was his will that returned it or the TARDIS who might have believed he'd grieved long enough. But the light always came back stronger than when he entered reached to gently touch the far walls of the room.

He took a moment to draw several calming breaths composing himself, despite the fact there was no one waiting for him in the control room, there would be no questions. His secret was safe. Getting to his feet the Doctor made his way to the door stroking the wall of the TARDIS with a great deal of affection.

As dark as the room was, it was what allowed him to keep smiling, to continue searching time and space for all that was great and beautiful. And along the way he found joy, along with pain, love, where there could have or was hate. All that was dark the Doctor attempted to leave in that room.

Not all of it would stay though, some things...some people were far too important to stay behind. And as much as they might pain him to think of, they also gave him strength. He would never let the memories be tarnished, nor forgotten, just placed aside so he could remember how to smile. Because what was the point of going through all of time and space if you couldn't see the amazement in it?

Thanks for Reading

Morganeth Taren'drel