One more Loki&Sif one-shot from me, but this one doesn't include romance between them. It can be seen as a part cannon, I guess.
Warning: Jane&Jane/Thor fans might not like this. It contains some bashing.
I'm sorry for any grammar or spelling mistake.
It still sounded so unbelievable. It was like imagining sun would not come out tomorrow. A dark thought and a dark world that would be indeed. Like blind men they would stumble forward, losing ground beneath their feet.
Kind words that brought comfort. Caring hands that taught and healed. Gentle smiles full of understanding for everyone. Warm eyes filled with love for all that she found beautiful (not only light, but darkness as well).
It was all gone.
It did feel like the world had fallen into eternal darkness (had Loki felt this way when fell into the abyss?).
They would survive, of course they would. Time and time again, they had moved forward, despite their losses. Nine Realms could not afford Asgard grieving for too long. They would have to stand on their feet again soon, ready to fight until their dying breaths. Just like Frigga had done.
But not today.
They had never lost two so important figures in such a short time.
Light had died (it would never shine upon them again).
Darkness remained, behind closed door. Alone. (She wondered if he felt lonely)
Loki hadn't even been allowed to attend Frigga's funeral.
Jane had been there, right next to Thor. Where Loki should have stood.
It was unfair. Killer allowed, family not.
Not that she could share those thoughts with anyone. They were too loyal to Thor and he was too blinded by his feelings for the mortal to see reason. He shouldn't have brought her to Asgard in the first place. Death would have taken her instead of Frigga.
Less damage would have been done. Less would have grieved.
Frigga was now lost to them all. To her, who walked freely in the sun, as much as to Loki, trapped behind enchanted wards Frigga herself had created.
Had the wards weakened with her death? She had to check. Had Loki already found a chance to escape their clutches?
(She still saw the worst in him. If she hadn't chosen to betray him – to betray Frigga, who had tasked him with ruling Asgard in Odin's place – could she have prevented this?)
"Hello, Sif."
She raised her head to meet his gaze.
He looked no different than the last time she had seen him, when Odin had sentenced him on eternal night in Asgard's dungeons.
"What brings you here?" he asked nonchalantly, as if they were meeting over a jug of mead. "I must admit I did not expect such a surprise."
She knew she shouldn't be here.
Well, maybe she should. Many had escaped Asgard's dungeons yesterday. Checking on those who remained was expected of her. Each of these prisoners posed a great threat to the Realms, the one facing her posing the greatest of all.
Yet it seemed she had come to check on him for a different reason.
"I came to see…" (He wouldn't believe her.) "How you are faring."
Her answer took him completely off guard. She couldn't bring herself to gloat. Today was not the day for gloating.
"I'm well." he replied at last, but the look on his face told a different story. Only now did she notice dark bags under his bloody green eyes. His skin was pale (and cold, she imagined. His light, his fire had died out yesterday. How else could he look?). "Can't you see?"
She did see.
He had not been standing in front of her at all. It had been an illusion. He was sitting in the corner, his back leaned on the wall as if they had no strength (or will) to keep him upright. His hands and bare feet were filled with bruises and dried blood, as if a battle had occurred in his cell. But she knew his only adversaries were his own demons. His haunted eyes were empty of tears, empty of sorrow. He must have cried it all out before she came, when nobody could see him.
She felt sorry for him. He had lost the only person who still saw him as something more than a killer and backstabber. He had lost his only light. Did he feel like he had fallen into the void again?
"Was it worthy of her?"
"No funeral would ever be worthy of her." she responded quietly, the pain still too fresh. "But, as funerals go, hers was… achingly beautiful."
He let out a deep breath, as if a heavy burden had been lifted from his shoulders. She let the silence linger between them for a few moments before deciding to admit the thoughts that had been occupying her mind (It could cause no harm and maybe it could relieve her pain, if only for a bit.).
"I'm sorry you weren't allowed to attend it."
Green eyes flew to hers. Empty as they were, something still sparked in their depths.
"I think it unfair that you were not allowed to attend, while Jane was." she said when no answer came. "Frigga never stopped viewing you as a family. She would have wanted you to be there."
"Jane?" he mumbled, as if trying to remember. "Thor's mortal? She is here?"
"Yes." she confirmed bitterly. She knew she shouldn't fill him in on everything that had happened since his imprisonment, but it felt so good to finally have someone who listened. "It turned out Aether was real. Instead of staying away, like any smart person would have done, Thor's mortal meddled in where it was not hers to and the Aether took residence within her body. Before we could find a way to get it out, Dark Elves came for it."
"You seem to disapprove of Thor's choice." Loki's voice was barely more than a whisper, but she heard his every word clearly. He didn't seem surprised by her dislike of Jane Foster.
Sif hadn't been fond of the girl to begin with, but Jane had cost Frigga her life and Asgard its Queen. She was so weak. She couldn't discern what she was up to and what she was not. If she had just minded her own business, Aether would have remained hidden and Dark Elves wouldn't have come to Asgard, destroying so much and so many on their way.
Nobody thought of it as of Jane's fault. Nobody but her.
"Thor shouldn't have brought her to Asgard." she said firmly. This was her only chance to be completely honest with herself and the world around her (before she had to go back to pretending she didn't hate even the mere sight of the mortal woman). "I cannot believe he chose her life over lives of Asgard's people. Over his own mother."
She could see by the lack of mean grin on Loki's lips that it brought him no pleasure to hear that her faith in Thor had been swayed. Today was not the day for gloating.
"I once told you Thor was not what Asgard needed from its king." he said absently, as if he cared little for being right this time. "You didn't listen."
He was right. Frigga's death was her fault as much as Jane's. If she had just heeded Loki's warnings, if she had just seen past her friendship with Thor and her distrust in Loki…
"I'm sorry." she murmured, knowing how pathetic it sounded. Apologies wouldn't bring Frigga back. They would fix nothing.
Loki finally looked at her. His eyes were not empty anymore. They were full – of pain.
"You are not." his voice suddenly became sharp like a blade, taking her aback. "You wouldn't have done anything differently even if you could. The hatred you feel towards me would have blinded you from seeing reason, just like it did before."
His words hurt deeply, more deeply that she wanted to admit. She had wronged Loki so many times, in so many ways, but not because she resented him. It was not resentment that had blinded her as much as love she held for Thor. She had been blind regarding Thor as much as he was regarding Jane.
"It wouldn't." she forced the words out of her mouth, ashamed of what she had just realized. Betraying Loki was the greatest mistake of her long life – one she would never get the chance to fix. "Maybe I am as much to be blamed for Frigga's death as Jane is. If I had listened to your warning… I regret not listening to you, I truly do. It could have saved your mother and many others."
"Maybe it could have, maybe it could have not." he shrugged his shoulders, not denying her accusations of herself. "We will never know."
"It isn't that I didn't listen to you because I resent you." she couldn't bear his indifference to her apologies and regrets. It didn't come easily to her to admit she had been wrong. She just wanted him to hear it. "I do not hate you, Loki. I just…"
"Love Thor more." he finished. She could not deny it. "I know."
She shrugged her shoulders, having nothing to say.
Loki sighed and glanced at his bloodied hands before looking at her once again.
"So, if we are done dwelling on what could have been, you should leave now." he said, leaning on his palms as he tried to get up, like a small child learning how to walk. When he started walking towards his bed, his steps were unstable, likely because of his injured feet. "I would like to sleep."
She couldn't hide her surprise.
"Sleep?" she repeated in disbelief. How could he sleep, with Frigga's death on his mind? (Was he planning on…?)
He laughed mirthlessly. It was a sad, broken laugh.
"That's the problem of being thought the best liar there is." he commented humourlessly with his back turned on her, as if talking to himself. "Nobody believes you, even when you are telling the truth."
There she was caught doing it again, doubting his every word and intention, even after having sworn not a minute ago she would not do it again. How little her word meant when given to him.
"Loki, I didn't mean to…"
"You came here to say out loud what you cannot say to anyone else." he interrupted her sharply, his eyes suddenly burning into hers, despite the distance that separated them. "You can slender Jane all you want here because even if I told someone, no-one would believe me."
"I came here to…" she started and then fell silent just as abruptly. She could not tell why she had come. She could not come up with a lie he wouldn't see right through.
"Because you suddenly felt sorry for me?" he continued like she hadn't said anything. "I could tell you it was me you should blame. I could tell you it was me who provided directions to Frigga and Odin's chambers to Dark Elf who killed her, because I wanted Odin dead. Yet, you would still blame Jane. Because, who would believe me?"
She stiffened, trying and failing to utter a single word. How could he have done it? She knew he hated Odin, but he would never have risked Frigga getting hurt in the process of trying to take Odin' life. The Queen meant too much to him, even if he refused to admit it.
He was lying. He had to be lying. Lying was what Loki did best. He was famous for it. Silvertongue. Lie-smith.
"It's Jane's fault." she said, loudly enough for him to hear it.
His shoulders fell, all of his burdens back on them. Anger that had been consuming him not a moment ago died out like a flame of a candle, lost in the darkness of his empty eyes.
She had sided with him, but today was not the day for gloating.
He saw the truth as clearly as she did.
"Of course it is, Lady Sif." he sighed cynically. "Because how are we going to live with ourselves if it isn't?"