Quinn sent a meaningful look at Finn Hudson, earning her a confused look as her boyfriend wondered what he was doing. As if he didn't know. His hand had been wandering, and although Quinn had let him done more than that on certain occasions, she was not eager to let it happen. Santana had been searching for solid evidence that Quinn was not as "holy" as she claimed to be for a month.
"Not. Here," Quinn murmured through gritted teeth, her green eyes cutting into Finn's as she jerked his hand up so it rested on her waist. He grinned sheepishly, and she resisted the urge to roll her eyes.
He was exactly what she'd wanted since freshman year. He was tall, and athletic, with popularity of his own. But he was nice enough that she could convince him that her reputation of virtue and holiness could also be upheld. She knew other popular boys with mohawks who could not accomplish this. Finn with his dark dull eyes, so easily-read and easily-manipulated. He was practically perfect for her. It was a mere coincidence that he was quarterback of the football team and the most popular boy in their grade.
"When will the next party be?" one of the freshman cheerios asked Quinn with ostensibly innocent eyes. Quinn knew those eyes. Quinn had livedthose eyes. They were not innocent, and it was obvious that if Quinn did not keep up her social requirements (socializing with as many as she could, keeping Finn her happy boyfriend, having parties twice a month, etc.) she would lose her title of reigning queen of the sophomore class, if not the entire school.
"Next weekend my parents are out of town," Quinn smiled a bitter-sweet smile at the underclassman, taking a small bite of her salad as Finn shoveled food into his mouth, earning a distasteful look from Quinn. "No better time to have a party. Especially since we only have to cheer at the football game."
"Homecoming is almost coming up," an upperclassman pointed out. The cafeteria was bustling with people who lined up to get the disgusting food from lunch line, today's fine meal being sloppy joe with sides of steamed carrots or bruised grapes. Quinn had opted, instead, for a salad which would not only look better but would ensure her body stay small and fit.
"You and Finn would make an amazing King and Queen," one of the freshman sighed dreamily. She could see the honesty written on her face, and had to stop herself from snorting. This was the kind of honesty that would soon be killed by the dishonest, deceitful drama that often took place between cheerios. Jealousy was a bitch.
"We would, wouldn't we?" Quinn laughed, her laugh to bell-like and musical to be real. But it sounded nice, coming out of her mouth. She knew it by the looks on her "friends" faces. She was her perfect self, as usual. She felt herself relax against Finn's arm, which had stayed around her waist. She rewarded him with a kiss on the cheek, as the other girls gushed about how jealous they were.
She continued talking, although she felt distinctly as though everything they said was written on a script. It was better than what she imagined the rest of school was talking about. She glanced around the cafeteria, the group of students that were all so normal and unimportant. She could imagine them talking about her, talking about how perfect she was, how beautiful she was, how-
"-fat she got over the summer!" she heard a girl from a table nearby guffaw. Quinn kept her smile frozen on her lips, her ears straining to hear who the girl was talking about, but she couldn't hear them anymore. They couldn't be talking about her, Quinn Fabray. Not after all the good she'd done to this school. Not with her constant dieting, 0% body fat, and perfection of every aspect of her body. Could they?
Later on, as she tightened her perfect blond ponytail she let a grimace show, but only when she was away from Finn and the others, warming up for cheerio practice with Brittany and Santana.
"You're having a party next weekend?" Santana inquired, her eyebrow quirking upward in defiance. "Didn't you have a party a couple weeks ago?"
"I'm not allowed to have another?" Quinn smiled sarcastically, twisting from side to side, stretching out her core. "Is there some sort of rule that you're only allowed to have one party in your lifetime that I don't know about?"
"I'm just saying your parties are a little too much like clockwork," Santana remarked with an edge in her voice. "Like, I bet I could guess the dates of your next three parties, at least, without failing."
"Santana, it's just a party," Quinn bit out evenly, stretching her arm across her red cheerio top, her pretty lips pursed.
"Okay, okay," Santana let it go, her hands in front of her, as if she hadn't started this disagreement.
"You're not going to have those mini-corn dogs again, are you? 'Cause I think I'm allergic because I started puking after I ate them last time," Brittany commented, a blank expression on her face as she looked between Santana and Quinn.
"Brit, that was because you were drunk," Santana reminded her with a grin, tossing her dark-haired ponytail as she reached for her toes, the two blonds following suit.
"And that was freshmanyear," Quinn grinned, a laugh falling out of her mouth. Although this laughter was closer to the real Quinn, it still had that bell-like sound, reminding her that even with her best friends, she could never be herself. It would never be right. It would never be perfect.
"So?" Brittany asked.
"No, Brit, no corndogs,"Quinn smiled, although feeling like it was plastered to her face.
"Unless you count the one in Finn's pants," Santana added with a bemused look on her pretty face.
A look passed between Santana and Quinn, immediately causing the cold blond to bristle and close up to her friends.
"I wouldn't know what you're talking about," she replied tightly, clearing her voice. "If we keep talking, Sue is going to murder us."
"Murder's illegal in at least thirty states," Brittany replied, and Santana sighed, grabbing the vacant blond by the arm towards the field, just as Sue spoke up on the megaphone, letting loose a stream of insults. Although, Quinn could feel Santana's searching eyes on her back as she walked toward the other cheerios.
That was just it. Quinn was constantly looking for what was consistent in her life, and one of the biggest constants in her life was the feeling that she was being watched. By her coach, by the cheerios, by her peers, by her parents, by everyone. She was being watched because they all expected everything from her. They expected her to succeed because she was beautiful and popular. They expected her to be perfect, and she was in no position to disappoint. She knew what it was like to be otherwise. To be ugly and fat and worthless. She never wanted to feel that way again.
She never wanted to be Lucy again.