A/N: I really don't know what inspired this. Maybe it's the fact that the Harry Potter fandom has finally hit it's close. Small warning, this fanfiction has a bit of dark humor in it, it's nothing too bad, but it just isn't very cheery. Please Enjoy

Chapter 1

(In which a very old owl has an accident, that caused the universe itself to shift)

"Alright, Clumps," said Professor Dumbledore as he tied a letter around the ankle of a very old owl. "Make sure you deliver that Hogwarts acceptance letter to that lucky little wizard/witch."

Clumps squawked weakly, and began to flap his wings, slowly making his way out the window. "I hate being a wizarding owl," he thought to himself. "Other Owls get to just fly around and eat stuff, but NOOO! I have responsibilities to my owners."

He flapped his wings for what seemed like hours, wondering how anyone could expect a regular old owl to fly all the way from Scotland to England in a matter of hours. Suddenly a large gust of wind blew in, blowing him far off course. "What the hawk was that!" Clumps shrieked, as the wind blew faster and faster making it harder for him to beat his wings in the right direction. He squinted his elderly eyes, and realized he had flown himself into a cyclone.

"But they're aren't any 'natural' cyclones in England!" Clumps squawked angrily. "These stupid Wizards and their satanic arts."

His angry bird thoughts were cut short when a huge bolt of lightening split the sky and an enormous gust of wind blew him for what felt like miles. Rain pelted his feathery face, and the poor bird lost all sense of direction.

And then, just like that, the storm vanished. Gone as quickly as it came, never to be heard from again. Clumps sat their in the sky dumb-founded, flapping his wings in confusion. And then he died. His elderly heart gave out and he plummeted to the earth, with a final thought of, "figures," and landed with a loud smack on a local sidewalk. Coincidentally it was right in front of our protagonist.

"HOLY CRAP!" shrieked Sally *insert-ridiculous-last-name-here*. She timidly observed the remains of what was Clumps, with mild confusion.

"Well there's something that doesn't happen everyday," she muttered to herself.

Now Sally wasn't the brightest of young girls and so she thought it would be a good idea to poke the bird carcass with a stick.

"Poke, Poke, Poke," she chanted quietly as she prodded the owl. A passing mother and her child glanced at her with worry. Maybe they thought the bird was Sally's and she was performing some sort of burial procedure, or maybe they thought she mentally challenged, it wasn't very clear.

Sally, being the slow-witted girl she was, did not notice the letter tied to the owl's until it unfolded itself after Sally had poked the owl's foot.

"What's this?" she wondered, picking up the letter.

Dear Sally *insert ridiculous last name here*,

We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted to Hogwarts School of Witch Craft and Wizardry.

"Oh…My…God!" Sally gasped in amazement. She was a witch? She was going to go to witch school? This was awesome! Rather than question the validity of this letter, or better yet, wonder why it had been delivered by the dropping of a dead bird, Sally yelled gleefully and jumped in the air, shaking her fists and being as loud as possible, causing all of the people in their houses, or on the street to stop and look at the girl with worried expressions. It was becoming more likely that they thought she was mentally challenged.

Sally sprinted home, waving the letter in the air the entire way. When she finally reached her home, she flung the door open and rushed inside.

"Mom! Dad! Guess what! I'm a witch, and I'm going to go to a magic school! Isn't that awesome?"

Unfortunately, Sally's real parents had abandoned her after not being able to deal with how idiotic their child was, so Sally was really showing her letter to her substitute parents, a sack of flour and a lampshade.

"I know it's so exciting…Mom don't cry, I promise I'll write, you guys will have a dead bird on the porch every morning…I love you two dad." Sally hugged the flour sack and the lampshade giving each a kiss. "I'm gonna go pack now!" she laughed running up the stairs with a new spring in her step.

Unfortunately for Sally, the Hogwarts letter she had received was meant to be given to a different Sally with a ridiculous last name. She was a young witch living in a magical family, while our Sally was nothing more than a pathetic muggle.

"Huh? That's strange," said Other Sally's mother, your Hogwarts letter should've come today."

"Maybe it's just late," Other Sally, suggested.

"No, you must be a squib," said Other Sally's mother darkly. "You've shamed your entire family, we'll have to lock you in dungeon now to hide the embarrassment that you are."

Oh Clumps, the mayhem your untimely death has caused.

Now as you all probably know, normally if a witch/wizard were to be born into a muggle family, Hogwarts would send a nice staff member to come out explain the wizarding world to the naive little muggles. However, they didn't know to do that for poor little Sally, so she was rather confused by the list of the many things she was expected to buy.

"Wand, Cloaks, Cauldron…I don't even know what a Cauldron is," she muttered as she read the list. "I'll just make substitutes of all that stuff so I don't have to go out an buy them."

Which is why, when the 1rst of September came, our little Sally was mulling around King's Cross, with a stick, an old superman cape, and a rock, along with a few other oddities.

"This letter says Platform Nine and Three Quarters," Sally said. She glanced around for a bit trying to figure out where she was supposed to go. She saw a guy standing by one of the trains in a spiffy looking uniform, and decided to ask him for help.

"NO!" he said loudly when she asked. "For the last time no! I don't know where it is! God! Why do you people keep asking me that?"

Sally blinked in confusion, "Well it has to be here somewhere,"

"How bout' you just run at the wall and see what happens, if I'm lucky maybe you'll die," the guy in the uniform muttered as he walked away.

"Ok!" Sally smiled happily and ran full speed at the wall.

And surprisingly…it worked.

After the obligatory staring in awe at the train with the magical music playing in the background, Sally picked herself up and made her way on the train. She felt a teensy bit awkward as lots of people were giving her odd looks (probably had to do with the Super Man cape,) and she tried to make it to a compartment without making a big scene. Tried being the key word here, seeing as how she knocked over the sweets lady and sent her trolley hurtling down the train, causing God knows how many crippling injuries.

Finally she made it to an almost empty compartment. She walked in and collapsed on one of the seats with a loud 'huff," and looked up to find the other two occupants (who we all know are Ron Weasly and Harry Potter but we can't expect poor Sally to work that all out) were staring at her.

"Is there something on my shirt!" she exclaimed loudly looking down to check, thankfully there wasn't anything on her shirt, so she turned back to look at the other to boys. "Why are you staring at me like that?" she pouted.

Harry and Ron both blinked in confusion. "Well," said Harry. "It's just, we're trying to tell a story right now, and you weren't supposed to walk in just now,"

"Yeah," said Ron. "We have an agenda here, and you're messing it up."

Sally was too distracted by the fact that Ron was a ginger to actually pay attention to what he was saying.

"Excuse me, have any of you seen a-" Hermione cut herself off short when she noticed that this compartment had three people, not two.

"Ron, Harry," she hissed. "There's a person in here who's screwing up the plot."

"I know," said Ron. "She looks kind of dense. Maybe she's mentally challenged."

"Look lets just go with it," said Harry "She doesn't seem to be paying attention any way, she looks distracted by something."

"Ginger, Ginger, that boy is a Ginger,"

"So long as she stays quiet, everything will be fine," said Harry.

"Hey!" shouted Sally loudly, causing the Golden Trio to turn and look at her.

"What?" asked Ron in an irritated tone.

Sally turned and pointed at Harry's head. "You have a line on your forehead."

And so our strange, strange, strange, story begins…