Chapter 1
Renesmee's POV
"Really?" I asked with a raised eyebrow and Jake just grinned as he and Emmett looked at the envelope in my hand with the return address, RDF Media, in type on the front.
"Come on, you know it'll be fun, Ness." Jake walked up and wrapped his arms around my waist, then looked down at me with giddy eyes.
"Easy for you to say. You and I are both part human. Everyone else isn't."
"I was a pawn in Emmett's game." Jake pouted and I rolled my eyes, looking over to Emmett.
"Aunt Rose is going to kill you." I informed him and Emmett suddenly lost his grin, obviously not having thought of Rosalie and her wrath. "Rose." I said softly, calling her back to the house from the backyard where she and Mom were playing chess. When Mom beat Rose she got angry so they had to play outside; Rose tended to be a sore loser.
"What is it Nessie?" Rose asked and I smiled at Emmett.
"Why don't you tell her what you did, Uncle Emmett?" I said in a teasing tone, knowing I could get back at Jake later, but wanted to watch Rose's explosion first.
"What did you do?" Rose looked at him hard now and he shrunk back a little.
"I love you, Rosie." Emmett approached her. She held him at arm's length and he handed her the letter in his hand I'd handed over to him. He seemed reluctant but she snatched it from his hand and began reading through it.
"What the hell! Family meeting! Now!" Rose exclaimed and every one was in the living room watching what was going down, except Grandpa Carlisle who was still at work.
"Why did you need to call a family meeting?" Jasper asked with his hair tousled; Alice was only wearing a silk bathrobe. We all knew what was going on up there and it had used to make me gag a bit, but I had gotten used to it and learnt to tune it out.
"RDF Media." I stated simply and Rose handed the letter to Grandma Esme dramatically.
"What is it?" Mom asked.
Grandma was staring at the letter wide eyed, then began reading, "Dear, Mr. Carlisle and Mrs. Esme Cullen, your family has been selected to appear on the reality television show Wife Swap after we watched your family on the video you sent to us. We would like you to call us upon receiving this letter and the following day we'll send out a camera crew. Please do not postpone your reply. We begin the swap on May 22."
"Who did this?" Grandma asked.
Emmett and Jacob looked down guiltily and Dad growled, "What the hell do you think you're doing putting us on reality television Jacob?" ignoring Emmett's involvement because we were all used to Emmett doing stupid stuff. I swear if I ever spent a moment away from Jake, Emmett got him to buy into whatever stupid plan he had brewing in his brain at that moment.
"I only held the camera." Jacob held up his hands innocently and I was thankful I remained under Mom's mental shield anytime I was around Dad because I really wanted to pounce on Jacob at that moment. Jacob coughed and I realized I was sending him mental images while holding his hand. I sent him a sorry and he just chuckled, making Dad glare a little bit more because I'm sure Dad was reading what Jacob had received from me. I could normally stop my gift from projecting, but sometimes I forgot.
"Way to stick together." Emmett mumbled. "I vote we all blame Alice because she didn't tell you when she saw it in her vision."
"I didn't tell them because you bribed me with tickets to fashion week!" Alice glared at Emmett.
"Well, it's not my fault you're a shop-a-holic. Maybe this new mom will send you to rehab," Emmett threatened and I groaned at how childish my aunts and uncles could act from time to time.
"Shut up!" Grandma exclaimed and everyone did automatically, not used to her being the one to explode. Normally Dad had the anger issue. "Sit." We all obeyed Jake sitting on the ground and my following, sitting between his legs. Mom and Dad sat at the piano bench. Rose and Emmett sat on the couch and Jasper sat down in the recliner with Alice perched on the arm. "Now. Guess what we're going to do until Carlisle gets home?" We all waited knowing not to speak when she was mad. "We're going to sit here in silence like the children you are."
"But we didn't-" Alice began, but was silenced by Grandma's raised hand.
"You did Alice. You saw a vision of it and didn't tell anyone. And I know you told Jasper."
"Well, we didn't do anything," Mom said and Grandma nodded at her.
"I would bet Edward has read it in their minds, and whether he told you or not doesn't matter. Sit. Quiet. If I hear a word Alice you're getting your shopping privileges taken away, Emmett, Jasper, and Jacob you get your video game privileges taken away. Renesmee you get your art supplies confiscated. I'll take away your tools Rosalie." Rose looked aghast and crossed her arms huffing. "Edward you get your music taken away and Bella your books. Does everyone understand?"
We all remained seated and quiet for the next three hours. What a way to spend a Saturday. I kept sending Jacob pictures of random things we should be doing, and then changed it to a picture of my window locked. He looked down at me with confused eyes and I sent him the words, 'I'm not happy with you. You're not staying over tonight.'
Jake pouted and pulled me into him wrapping his arms around my waist. Dad coughed as he pressed his lips to my neck and bit it lightly. I nudged Jake with my elbow and he just grinned winking at Dad. I sighed quietly. Grandma was back in her garden, but she was listening for us to make any noise.
"Why is it so quiet? This is unnatural," Grandpa said when he walked into the room; I distinguished Grandpa Carlisle from Charlie by calling Grandpa Charlie Pa-Paw, even though we weren't living in Forks anymore; we were living about a hundred miles south, in Oregon. The only sounds were mine and Jacob's breathing and heartbeats. Other than that everything was silent.
"Remain silent," Esme said as she walked into the living room, wiping her hands on her pants before kissing Grandpa and handing him the letter.
He read through it then seemed to reread it in disbelief. "Who did this?" Grandpa asked seeming more flustered than I'd ever seen him. Emmett slowly raised his hand. Jake remained with his arms wrapped around me until I sent an elbow into his stomach for not saying anything. He slowly raised his hand just as guiltily as Emmett. "Why would you do that? You both know the danger that puts us in."
"I'm sorry Carlisle." Jake apologized and Carlisle nodded.
"Thank you Jacob. Now Emmett. What elaborate excuse do you have prepared this time for your stupidity?"
"We need a little fun around here and I think a human will shake things up really good."
"Well I see no way to get out of this at this point unless Esme doesn't want to do this because she'll have to go into a human home." Emmett's eyes got wide, obviously not having thought of that.
"I'm fine with it. I enjoy human company sometimes, but I need to know that all of you kids will be fine with a human in the house," Grandma said.
"I know I will be," Dad said kissing Mom's neck showing he remembered when she was human and he handled that.
"And I will," Mom said. With her super control over impulses even when she was a newborn Mom would be okay.
"Of course we will be," I said of me and Jake.
"This is gonna be fun," Emmett said.
"As long as she isn't too ugly," Rose muttered.
"We'll be fine. Right Jazz?" Alice asked.
"Of course we will. I'll even work on emotions if I have to."
"Then it's settled. Now Emmett do you have this video you sent in?"
"Of course. It's hilarious," Emmett chuckled and got the video popping it into the player.
We began watching with what looked like Carlisle sitting in his study. The camera flew in a semi-circle landing on the wall of the hall and the 'cameraman'; AKA Jacob Black, began walking. The voice on the video wasn't Carlisle's, but instead Emmett's trying to disguise itself as Carlisle's. "Hello. Who you just saw was me, Carlisle. I am the patriarch of this house."
Carlisle grimaced at Emmett's butchering of his accent. "I work at the local hospital and enjoy reading and old English art which is the decoration of my study. Religion is a strong subject I enjoy studying and have found I have some things about several religions that I can understand. We are very open to our children making their own ideas up about the world, so we do not make them do anything they dislike, including attending church.
"My wife Esme enjoys gardening and is the most beautiful and perfect mother to the kids whom are all adopted. She also does interior design jobs from time to time when she wishes and refurbishes antique furniture." Grandma smiled at Emmett's sucking up and he grinned triumphantly as the camera came to Rosalie fixing the car.
I heard gagging that sounded like Jake as Emmett's Carlisle impression said, "Now this is my beautiful, eldest daughter Rosalie she came to our family with her brother Jasper, who we will speak more of later, three years ago. She is very obsessed with her looks, but she is very good with cars, quite a skilled mechanic, working on the family cars even when they don't need it. She is a senior in high school along with my other adopted son, Emmett, who is quite the avid sports fan. Esme and I allow them to date since they are not related and Emmett only came to us a little after Rosalie. He and Rosalie both enjoy sports, whether watching them or playing, and he is the resident clown, making everyone smile and have a good laugh when we're too uptight." By the end of Emmett's talking Jacob had moved the camera away from Rosalie and Emmett and was filming the Porsche's engine, obviously tinkering on it as his hand is several shades darker than even mine being the darkest of my family; admittedly I was still extremely pale compared to most people.
Rose paused it and glared at Jake who hid his face in my hair. "How dare you gag and turn the camera away from me during my spotlight mutt?"
"No derogative terms," Grandma warned taking the remote from Rose and pressing the play button. We could cuss, well when Dad didn't try to kill me for it, but the terms mutt and leech were off limits. I had actually ignored Jake for a week, a feat that had almost killed me for using the term leech around me once. I had got very offended since I am I half-'leech'. He had been referring to Rosalie as a 'stuck-up, self-absorbed leech'. I had no problem with any of it except the leech part. To be honest the rest was true.
The camera continued to Mom reading a book, Wuthering Heights it appeared, while Dad played her lullaby on piano. "This is Edward, my first son. We believed he was gay until Bella came along. She was adopted most recently and admittedly we had worried she might be lesbian with her immediate attachment to Alice who we'll speak of in a minute." Mom and Dad both growled at Emmett who was laughing loudly. "Edward enjoys playing piano and has an extensive music collection of artists who were dead before he was born," That joke received a couple smiles from us even though Emmett was doing a good job at being rude and setting it up to make fun of the rest of us. I hoped Jacob's involvement in this project would at least mean I got teased a little less, but I doubted Jake had any say aside from camera angle. "Bella enjoys reading and playing chess. She is one of the few people who can beat Edward in chess. They are both scholars, also known as know-it-alls amongst the other children."
As the camera travelled through the house we waited to see whether it would be me and Jake or Alice and Jasper it landed on. It was the latter two. Alice came on camera with Jasper building a giant house of cards under the staircase as was per usual when Alice wasn't shopping or they weren't locked in their bedroom. "This is Alice and Jasper. They're a couple, but they aren't as showy about it as Rosalie and Emmett who are very physical." We all cringed thinking of that no matter how used to it we were. "They both enjoy the childish pursuits of building card houses and Lego cities to which Emmett gets chased around the house for destroying when he is feeling mischievous. Alice is a shop-a-holic who may need thera-"
"Emmett! Jacob!" Alice exclaimed standing up from the card house causing it to blow over.
The camera went black with only the voice of Emmett's Carlisle saying, "Jasper is Rosalie's younger brother, and Alice is Bella's best friend. Alice is very outgoing, while Jasper is more reserved and overly polite always using yes ma'am and no sir."
The picture on the camera came back and it was Jacob and I lounging around listening to music. I was lying on my stomach on my bed and Jake was sitting on the floor at the foot. His hair was just a little shaggy and I was playing with it as I sang softly in his ear the lyrics to a song we had been listening. "Finally this is Renesmee and Jacob." Jacob looked over to the direction of the camera and winked. I turned a little slapping Jacob in the back of the head as we watched the video.
'You're really getting it now,' I sent to Jacob and he buried his face back into my hair nuzzling my neck. 'You're not getting off that easily.'
"Renesmee was my first daughter, Edward's sister. She and Bella are quite close due to Edward and Bella's recent engagement. The overgrown man that looks older than he is is actually only twenty and Renesmee is seventeen, so even though he appears to be in his mid- to late-twenty he's really not such a pervert as you might think."
"I didn't see this part," Jake growled and Emmett just continued to chuckle.
"Renesmee enjoys spending most of her time playing with her dog Jake who might be gone for filming if we get picked and listening music like her brother Edward, only more contemporary music is her pick." I glared at my uncle for the dog comment, but he kept grinning like an idiot.
"Jacob is not one of our adopted children. He lives in the guest house and Renesmee sometimes stays with him as they have a mature relationship." I blushed bright at that and turned my face to hide it in Jacob's chest.
"This was our family. I hope you enjoyed us and we hope you pick us to appear on your show." The scene ended with the camera on the entire family, including Emmett and Jacob who were smiling at the camera while the rest of us were clueless. It cut off and Carlisle stood back up taking it out of the player and handing it to Emmett.
"You're all dismissed. Esme and I are going out. Be ready for cameras tomorrow and remember to practice acting human."
We all dismissed; me and Jacob retreating outside. I travelled at a vampire speed walk ahead of him until we reached the lake three or so miles from the house. I turned on Jacob when we got there with a glare. "Before you kill me let me try and explain."
"Thirty seconds," I said.
"Well. It was Emmett's idea."
"Restart. That isn't valid."
"I only held the camera."
"Not valid," I repeated and Jacob quirked his eyebrow making me smile. "I'm looking for something a little more personal."
"Oh! I love you, Ness," Jake kissed me and I smiled.
"Good mutt."
"Hey. No using derogative terms. Remember?"
"I'm allowed to when you act like one. You know this could put us in danger. I mean really Jacob."
"You know you'll enjoy it," Jake grinned and sat down pulling me with him. I landed on his lap with an 'oof'.
"I'm going to miss Esme. I've only ever been away from her a couple days when we visited Forks and La Push." We had done so for Billy's funeral. It was the first extended period I'd ever spent away from my family; only Jacob and I went.
"I know, and I'm sorry I didn't think of that. I just heard Emmett's reasoning of it being fun and I agreed. I didn't expect we'd actually get picked."
"When are they ever going to get the chance to find another family as weird as ours?" Of course we'd be picked. They thought we were crazy, incestuous kids. We seemed creepy to the outside eye.
"And they don't even know the half of it."
"Oh? Would it be considered odd that the ten year old hybrid vampire, human is dating the shape-shifting twenty-six year old?" I asked sarcastically and Jacob scowled.
"I hate telling you this, but shut up. I can't stand hearing that. I am twenty at this point apparently and you are seventeen."
"In this town that's what we are," I smiled.
"You know, I love you so much."
"And I have to love you to stick around your big goofball ass." I slid away from Jacob and laid down with my head in his lap, his legs Indian style under me. I watched the sky as Jacob played with my hair. It got dark sometimes while we were out there, so we were going to head back to the house, but I stopped and said, "Hey. Let's just go back to yours so we can actually get a good night of sleep." Esme had taken our move as a chance to build Jacob a house on the property a little ways from the main house. Only within the past year had I been allowed to start staying at Jake's because Mom and Dad had agreed I was growing up.
We'd been together since shortly after my seventh birthday, three years ago, when I reached full maturity, but unlike the rest of the couples in our family we weren't married. Dad had made Jacob promise not to propose and me not to push for anything like marriage until I had lived eighteen years. I respected my dad enough that I agreed and Jacob was just glad Dad hadn't tried killing him yet, but I really wanted to be with Jacob. At this point I wouldn't have married him yet even if he did propose.
Before I even heard Dad's rule I had decided I would finish going through real high school at least once and get at least one college degree before I married Jake. I only had a year of high school left, which had proven to be quite easy since I already knew everything, including French, Spanish, thanks to Carmen, and Latin which the Romanians had taught me upon visiting when they had come back to see if the Volturi had made a move against me again.
"You know I'm all for staying at my place." That meant he would actually have a bed long enough for him since he stood six-foot-seven inches tall, dwarfing Renesmee's five-foot-five height.
"Hey. Slow down," Renesmee said as Jacob expected her to burst into vampire speed now that they knew where they were going. "I want to just walk with you. It's beautiful out here."
"Never as beautiful as La Push." Jacob looked up at the sky and Nessie stopped him seeing the tear in the corner of his eyes that he wiped away.
"I hate seeing you sad," Nessie said kissing the tear that escaped Jacob's eyes unchecked. "What's wrong?"
"I've been thinking and my dad isn't going to be the only one I lose. Most of the pack has stopped shifting. They aren't going to live forever. You can tell they're aging and I'm not. I'm staying the same. I mean, Quil is waiting to start aging when Claire is older, and Sam already has. To be honest it scares me."
"Do you ever regret you imprinted on me? That you couldn't have a normal life and fall in love with a normal girl who you could age with?"
"Never have I once regretted imprinting on you Renesmee." I knew he was beyond serious when he used my name instead of my nickname. "You're the reason I live. I love you more than my life."
"Corny, but I love you anyways."
We returned to Jake's house and he grabbed a bag of chips from the cupboard. I crinkled my nose, still not a fan of many human foods. "I'm going to bed. Goodnight. Brush your teeth before you come to bed," I warned Jake because I hated kissing him after he ate human food unless he brushed his teeth. Fruits were one of the few things that appealed to me because they were sweet, but not so sweet as the horrid candies Emmett and Alice had tried feeding me when I was younger.
I was in one of Jacob's t-shirts and my boxers almost asleep when he slid into bed beside me. I was under the cover, but came out from under them when Jake lay down since he was plenty of warmth. I snuggled into his chest happily and soon we were both asleep.