*looks at the title* I really need a life don't I?
DISCLAIMER: [enter amusing disclaimer here]
Ranma: "How's this for an amusing disclaimer? *BUUURRRP!*"
Crow: "Hello? Fanfic?"
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@---^---- @---^---- @---^----
"Red alert, captain!" said Tifa with urgency. Cloud nodded, then
looked around in a confused fashion after a minute.
Ranma: "Sound familiar, P-chan?"
Ryouga: "Yeah….HEY!"
Ranma: "hehehe."
"Wait a minute, where are we?" he asked, scratching his head.
Servo: "In a relme of fantasy…"
Crow: "Where plot and grammer have no meaning…."
Servo: "You've justed entered the Fanfiction zone!"
All: "Da da daa!"
"And why does Spikey get to be the %##$%@ captin?" grumbled Cid.
"Who's the author here?"
A few beeping sounds occured, and a door to the left slid open with an impressinve "whoosh" sound and Casey walked through.
Ryouga: "And fell falt on her face."
Cid groaned. "I might have known."
Cloud glared at Casey. "What is going on here? I thought you promised to
never trap us in one of your fics again!"
Servo: "Man, how gulible are you guys?"
Casey smiled innocently. "I lied." She walked into the middle of the
room. "I just decided to do a whacked out crossover, and you have no
choice but to follow."
Crow: "I'm the God! I'm the God! Muhahahahahahahaha!!!"
Rufus looked away from the screen and looked at Casey with a look of fear on
his face. "Alright, that sounds fair, but why am *I* the pilot?" Cid
boiled with an angry red tomato-ish color mixed with a green jealousy, making a
pretty christmas appearance.
Ranma: "Dashing through the Stars, in an aluminum
can…."
Ryouga: "Over the metors field we go, screaming all the
way…"
Casey shrugged. "You look like the pilot in Voyager, in a weird sort of
way. Now, you guys be nice to me and interest those readers out there,
ok?"
Ryouga: "No need to trouble yourselves, we really don't
need to be intersted right now."
"What readers, Casey?" asked Yuffie.
Ranma(Casey): "The one's in my head."
"Those ones." Casey pointed to the camera, and Yuffie instantly felt
self-conscious and began applying makeup. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm
going to play in the Holodeck. Your mission is to find your home planet,
SQUARESOFTIA." She nodded quickly, before transporting to the Holodeck.
"She scares me." said Vincent. Everyone looked at him. He was shaking with fear.
Crow(Vinncent): "Mommy!"
Cloud gulped and felt all the attention on him. "Alright, crew. Set a
course for SQUARESOFTIA."
Crow(Cloud): "Captian's Log: A bunch of our ship fell
off and nobody likes me."
Rufus gave him a blank stare. "And how am I going to do that?"
Servo: "With the mighty Key Borad of Plot
Conntrivance!!"
He was rewarded with one of Cloud's overly used shrugs. "Just press those
buttons and pretend like you know what you were doing." He nodded to Aeris
as an example, who looked like she was scanning the area, but was really
chatting on the internet with Zack, who was currently stuck in another fiction
at the moment.
Ranma: "The poor bastard was stuck in one of those
ArisxCloud Lemons."
Rufus shrugged, flicked his hair back, and pressed a few buttons.
Ryouga(Rufus): "God I'm good
Within seconds the wonderous and famous planet,
SQUARESOFTIA came onto the screen.
"There it is, SQUARESOFTIA!" cheered Tifa. "We did it!"
All(unenthusiastically): "Yay."
"How can you tell that's even our ^@*(#*&* planet, foo'?" asked
Barret.
Ranma: "AAAA! It's Mr. T!"
Crow: "With out the 15 lbs. of Jewlery."
Tifa pointed to the screen. "Don't you see the sign that says, Welcome to
Squaresoftia. No shoes allowed.'?" Barret nodded slowly, began removing
his shoes from his feet and threw them at Rufus.
Servo: "AAA! For the love of all things good, PUT THEM
BACK ON!!!"
(they begin to gag and choke.)
"Well, that was easy." smirked Cloud, but his face was overcome with
horror as a small red beam of light came onto the screen, reached the planet,
and blew it up.
Ryouga: "Gee Cloud, I don't think there's anything left
for you to break."
"Oopsy."
All eyes turned to RedXIII. "Sorry, my claws aren't built for this kind of
work."
"Well, there goes our mission." sighed Aeris, but then her eyes lit
up. "Maybe now we can explore the area!"
Crow: "Like the one just below my belt!"
Ryouga(getting a nose bleed): "Crow!"
Yuffie shot the camera a movie star grin, her teeth
shining. "I'm going to explore the ship!" Slowly and gracefully, she
slipped out of the bridge. The others shrugged and left the bridge as well. If
they had stayed a second or two later, they would have seen the incoming
message pop up on the screen that had announce 'Enemy Ship has come into view.'
But they hadn't, so let's see what else is going on....
---------------------------------------------
Yuffie ran into the Sickbay crying. Almost instantly, the Emergency Medical
Hologram shimmered into view. "Why, Ms. Kisargi (sp?), I see you've
injured yourself. Let me have a look at you."
Ranma: "Please remove all your clothes and jump in
the.."
Ryouga: "Ranma!!"
Yuffie looked up from her badly burnt arm at the Doctor and gasped.
"H-Hojo? What are YOU doing here?"
Servo(Hojo): "Well, you see, I was hired by Shinra to
assist in the SOLDIER Program and…."
The older man shrugged. "All I remember is Casey saying something about me
being the Doctor because I'm intelligent when it comes to science." He
ignored Yuffie's snort.
Servo: "We are talking about Final Fantasy's equivilant
to Dr. Forester aren't we?"
Ryouga: "Hope this isn't going where I think it is…"
Yuffie grabbed her arm protectively and turned away. "NO! I refuse to let
you hurt me!"
"My dear, I've become a new man! There's not need to fear me." He
pulled Yuffie onto the bed/bench thingy and pulled a needle out of nowhere.
Yuffie's eyes widened. "What's that? If there's anything left of that
Jenova slime in there I swear I'll beat you so hard-"
Ranma(Yuffie): "…that your mama's mama's gradma will
feel it!"
"Heh heh," said Hojo, blocking the view to the bucket of Jenova
parts. "There's no need to worry.
Crow: 'Yeah, He's a pycho with a medical degree.
This will heal your burn. How did you get this
anyway?"
Yuffie shrugged. "I guess you can't pour mako into the ship's generator.
OUCH!" she cried as he injected her with a mad grin on his face.
(They leave the theater)
----------------------------------------------
"Well, this is interesting...." said Cloud as he stepped into the
cafeteria, or mess hall. (Who really cares?)
Servo: "Actually it's the gally."
Ranma: "Picky aren't we?"
He stepped up to the line and laughed when he saw who the
chef was.
"LARD!" laughed Palmer madly.
All(Ace Ventura): "Yummy."
Cloud chuckled. "So you got the cook's job....interesting. So," he said, "What's on today's menu?" Palmer smirked and dropped a large pile of lard onto his tray. "I'll pass." said Cloud as he dumped it into RedXIII's food dish.
Ryouga(Nanaki): "Here I am, the Gardain of Cosmo
Canyon, with more intillect then any of these shmucks combined, and I still get
table scraps!"
RedXIII, unaware of it's contents, ate carefree from his dish. Suddenly his
eyes widened, he turned a weird pinkish color, and blew up, leaving some sort
of slime about the room. Everyone else waiting in line dissapeared in a cloud.
Crow; "Well I guess that makes Red the ensign who gets
knocked off."
Scarlet waltzed into the room and picked up a tray. "Good evening, Ms.
Scarlet." grinned Cloud. "Why don't you go have some of today's
special???" She nodded kindly (it that's possible) and slid over to the
cook. Cloud escaped the room in time to hear a loud BOOM!
Ranma; "And the peasents rejoyiced."
---------------------------------------------
The doors from the holodeck opened with a "ting" noise as Casey
walked out. She glared at the doors and it finally corrected itself with a
pleasant "whoosh."
Ranma(Mel Brooks): "I didn't get a 'whoosh' outta you!"
Servo: "Whoosh!"
Ranma(Mel Brooks): "You watch your ass."
Wondering how the charactors were handling themselves, Casey began to wander
down the hallway and found what obviously used to be Yuffie. She was laying on
the ground, half mutated into JENOVA THEIF, but Hojo obviously screwed up. This
meant only one thing.
Crow: "That it was mistake to put them on a highly
advanced space ship?"
"They're not staying on task!" she realized with
a shock, and ran farther down the hallway.
"Ow ow ow c'mon, Casey!" cried Cid as she dragged him into the bridge
where most of the other charactors had relucently showed up at her command.
Servo: "Good slaves."
Casey sighed and released Cid. "So whatever happened to
SQUARESOFTIA?" she asked. The crew exchanged nervous glances.
"Uhhh, RedXIII kinda blew it up." said Barret in a tiny voice.
"But don't bother punishing him, cause he blew up too." said Cloud.
Casey nodded slowly. "Well, that makes this fiction useless, doesn't
it?"
Ryouga: 'And she realized this, when?"
"Wait," said Aeris "The scanners are going crazy! Something's
coming!"
"How do you know that?" asked Tifa.
Aeris shrugged and pointed to her desk thingy. "Because it says, 'Scanner
is going crazy. Something is coming.'"
"I didn't plan this." mumbled Casey. "Hail them."
All:*Make hail storm noises.*
"Huh?" asked everyone else. Casey sighed and pushed Vincent aside and
pressed the 'hail' button.
A garbled voice filled the room. "We are the Turks. Stand down
immediately. Resistence is useless."
Crow: "So the Turks work for the Vogons now?"
Another voice, sounding female, could be heard. "Reno, you idot, you're
supposed to say futile, and-oops."
Ryouga: "Then she hit the self destruct button and blew
both ships up, the end."
"Reno, Elena, and Rude," sighed Cloud "What are you doing
here?"
Servo; "Hi, we're selling susscriptions to Arsonest
monthly and…"
Their image came onto the screen, and Lila came into view. "Well, Casey.
If you can have your own ship and charactors, I can too!"
Rannma(Lila): "So there! Nananana!!"
"But you're trying to take over MY ship!" whined Casey as she stomped
on the floor. Lila shrugged innocently.
"It wasn't my idea. Captain Reno has decided to attack you, and I can't do
anything to stop him! You know that authors cannot interfer in fics like
these."
"They can't?"
All: "That never stopped them before!!"
"Well, they can. I was just trying to make it look like I knew what was
going on. We're beaming aboard soon, Casey. Hope to see you soon!
Byeeeeeeee." Their image left the screen, and Tifa put on the 'Red Alert.'
"Shields." said Cloud. Barret nodded and put the shields on without
much trouble. Casey gave them shocked looks.
"How did you do that so quickly?" she asked. They shrugged in reply.
"This is Lila and the Turks we're talking about." said Cloud with a
shiver. "We don't want them to come onboard our ship, not ever!"
Crow: 'Yeah the have cooties from sharin beer mugs!"
"Yeah," agreed Barret. "We don't wan't no foo' comin' board our
%$(*^% ship! There's no way they'll be taking us over."
Later...
Reno was laughing as they had easily beamed aboard and restrained everyone Reno
considered a threat.
Ranma: "Wich means they didn't have to do any
restraining."
So that meant everyone but Casey, Rufus, Aeris and Cloud
were left out the forcefield. Elena took the pilot's seat while ignoring Cid's
comments, Rude took the computer thingy, and Reno sat in the captain's chair.
"Hey, nice seats here." he said.
"Lila, how could you?" asked Casey with a pout on her face.
"Easy," said Lila "We just beat ya."
"Elena," commanded Reno. "Make a course for the planet,
TURKLAND."
All: "The most drunken place in the galaxy!"
"There's no such planet, stupid!" said Elena as she crossed her arms.
Reno grinned. "There is now."
"Captain," said Rude, but Reno silenced him.
Crow: "Captian's Log: I've lost my tuopee and gridle
and can't leave my room."
"Now I'm setting out new rules here. Number 1, I'M the boss. Number 2, you
aren't. Barret's the new cook, Tifa's the doctor, and Marlene's my
advisor."
"MARLENE!?" screamed Barret.
"Captain," repeated Rude, but was ignored once more.
Ryouga: "I know the felling all to well."
Ranma: "Who said that?"
Reno shrugged. "Most bad guys' domination plans have flaws that even
little kids can pick up. Besides, she's got more intellect than you ever
will."
All: "Amen."
Barret grumbled. "Hurt her and I'll pull every one of those red hairs out
and shove them up yer-"
"Touch him and I'll hurt you in my next fic!" threatened Lila and
Barret shut up. Then she looked around. "Hey where did Casey and Co.
go?"
Servo; "They're probably having a rum and coke
somewhere."
"They've escaped!' said Reno. "Rude! Why didn't you tell me?"
Rude rolled his eyes, (like we would have caught it) "I tried to tell
you." Reno grumbled and but decided what could those four do???
-------------------------------------
"Oosp." said Aeris innocently as she poured some of Palmer's lard
into the computer system in engineering.
Ryouga(Aeris): "How clumsy of me!"
"Excellent." said Cloud. "That should stop them soon enough.
While they're away looking for us, we'll free the others and take over the
ship."
They watched as the computer screen started flashing and a pretty blue-colored
electricity danced around the room. Rufus got an idea and turned to Cloud.
"If we destroyed the computer in order to prevent the Turks from using the
ship, then how are we going to take over the ship afterwards?" he asked,
glaring at him.
Ranma: "Well now I believe the fan fic is improving."
Crow: "How?"
Ranma(Deviously): 'We're going to see a lynching."
Cloud shrugged and Casey whacked him in the back of the head. "Smart one,
now we better run and hide before they get down here." They nodded in
agreement and ran past a room just off to the engineering, where Marlene,
currently unaware of the current events, was currently listening to Reeve
explaining how modern technology was currently responsible for the updates in
Star Trek shows. Marlene stopped listening and looked at the computer screen.
Servo(Marlene): "Uncle Reeve, why is the pretty
lady
"What does this red button do?" she asked, looking at the button
labeled 'WARNING: DO NOT TOUCH THIS EVEN IF YOUR LIFE DEPENDED ON IT. THIS WAS
PUT HERE FOR AN EXPERIMENT AND WE HAVEN'T FIGURED OUT HOW TO REMOVE IT SAFETLY'
and felt a need to push it. Reeve looked at the button in quiestion. It was
very big so that it'd fit all those capitalized letters.
Ryouga: "Marlene will be played by Deedee."
"Well," he said "I'll tell you when you're older and not so
starved to kill, alright? Now I've got to go to the potty room. Don't do
anything while I'm gone."
Marlene nodded and waited for him to leave. Once the door was shut, she
giggled, climbed onto the chair and reached up for the button...
------------------------------------------
Reno grabbed his nightstick and was about to leave the room when Lila called
him back. "What are you going to do with that? You're not going to hurt
them, are you? Well, Cloud I don't care, but the others-"
"No, Lila," smirked Reno as he spoke like a two year old. "I'm
just taking the nightstick for a walk. I wouldn't dream of hurting your
precious friends."
Ranma: "The rating of that excusse on the 'Lame-o
Meter' was…"
Ryouga: "8.5"
Crow: "10"
Servo: "9.5"
"I don't trust you." she grinned. "So I just GOT TO join you and
make sure you don't do anything." She latched onto his arm and he
reluctently left the room with her, Rude and Elena following.
Crow: "A Four-some,huh? Kinky!"
Ryouga: "Crow!"
"There they are." said Rude as he found the four in the cafeteria.
The balded man looked around. For some reason there was gloopy and yucky stuff
sticking everywhere around plates of lard. He decided he didn't want to know
and held his gun out.
Rufus glared at Cloud. "Brilliant plan, Spikey." he muttered. Cloud
shrugged.
Reno grinned as he held his nightstick proudly in front of him. "Prepare
to DIE!" But Lila pushed the stick down with her hand and Reno felt a
sudden unpleasant feeling in his toes. He glared at Lila. "Very funny. I
suppose-"
Ryouga(holding his umbrella uder Crow's nose): "Don't
even think about it."
Crow: "Wasn't going to say anything. Besides, that was
too easy."
He was cut off midsentence when something hit the ship and knocked them all
over. Rufus realised with horror that he was covered with the gooey stuff and
the lard was mashed in his hair. "The horror!"
Red alert automatically came on and they looked out the mess hall's windows and
saw a huge ship in the distance, firing on the Highwind. Everyone looked at
Casey and Lila.
"Not my fault." said Casey "I was only writing about the
Highwind when Lila showed up."
"Well I didn't write this in!" said Lila. They were about to protest
more when another shot sent them flying towards a planet. Reno swore just
before impact.....
----------------------------------------
"What happened?" asked Barret, climbing out of the wreck, the
forcefield obviously gone. The others soon found themselves free, excluding
whoever had blown to bits or injected with Jenova cells.
"I guess we're not cut out for space travel." sighed Casey.
All: "No duh!!"
"No, but it was fun for a while. What planet did we happen to crash onto
anyway?" asked Lila, looking around at the area curiously.
Ryouga:"Planet of the Apes?"
Crow: "Tatoonie?"
Servo: "Begtleguse 5?"
Tifa pulled some piece off a nearby sign and her face lost all color.
"Welcome to," she gasped. "B-BARNEY Land?!"
Cid swore as they took cover when they spotted a large purple dinosaur stomping
nearby. "Wonder who the heck it was in that other ship."
"Mission was a success, captain." announced the pilot. The captain
nodded in aknowledgment and grinned at the sliver-haired Sephy-sama.
"Perfect!" laughed Kari with an innocent little girl look.
"Leave me out of this fic, will they? That should teach them to leave me
out of the fun!" She laughed as she watched them run in terror from a
purple dino on her screen.....
THE OVERLY DESERVED END
All: "Yahoo!!"
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Yes I know I can't write good humour fics, but it's fun to try. *grin* If
anyone doesn't know, Lila and Princess Kari are also authors on this site. Go
read their awesome fics!
Ranma: 'Let's go!"