"Look, Blaine. I make pasta portraits, it's my guilty pleasure. My teacher says i'm basically the Michelangelo of my generation."
"Oh my god, Sam? This is amaz-"
"I made one of Kurt, too. Now cry.". Blaine cries and says nonsense about the macaroni, who really captures Kurt's beauty and essence.
"Dude, you need to tell me the truth now. What's your guilty pleasure? Be honest with me."
"I love Wham, it's my Jam, Sam. Wham is my Sam. I mean, Wham is my Sam, Jam. Sam is my Wham. No, shit, Jam is my Sam, Wham."
"Listen, Blaine. You're like a brother to me. We became closer this year and i'm glad i can rely on you, as you can rely on me. You're one of my best friends, so please, just tell me the truth."
...
"...okay. I have a crush on you. But-but i don't want it to jeopardize our friendship! I'm- i'm just going through a tough time..."
"It's okay, buddy. Nothing of this will change anything.". Some other nice things about friendship that make you realise how great Sam Evans is and everyone should take example from him.
All of America swoons. And also the rest of the world, cause other people watch this show too, you know? Not just americans. You're racist, Glee, my father will know about this.
"Now let's get to class before Tina comes here and vaporapes you again."
And here we wrap Blaine's crush storyline. No one sings unnecessary songs to straight guys and no one is pissed. We all start jumping to the sunset and spread rainbows.
Interlude. They sing and dance and everything is Gay and Beautiful.
"I have many guilty pleasures. I love tv shows and getting naked for no reason."
Kurt gets naked for no reason because we deserve this.
"I also love to cuddle this pillow shaped like a man. No one would ever guess this, but... this pillow is actually a replica of Blaine, cause i still love him and want to have babies with him."
Rant about Blaine and his manly chest.
"WAIT WOO, what is happening what is that thing?"
"CURTAINS MEAN PRIVACY, GIRLS. YOU KNOW WE DON'T HAVE ACTUAL DOORS"
"Oh my god, KURT? Are you rubbing your genitals on a man-pillow?! If you needed someone, you could have just called your Number One Hag In The World, me?"
…...
"I just... i feel lonely"
Kurt admits the pillow is Blaine and just get over it. We all knew it was Blaine anyway.
[Are we seriously gonna talk about Chris Brown, now? No, listen, i've got things to do somewhere else, probably, i'll just skip all this part]
SPICE GIRLS SPICE GIRLS SPICE GIRLS SPICE GIRLS SPICE GIRLS SPICE GIRLS OHMYGOD WHY AM I SO EXCITED ABOUT THIS OH BOY SPICE GIRLS
Jake sings a Bobby Brown song and dances in a really hot way, but we don't get to know why or anything else cause no one really cares. But he's really hot and we appreciate the gentle moves.
"Your boyfriend does Bowchickawow with other women for money, how did you not even guessed that before? I never thought i would ever say this but... i miss your lame smoochies and songs with Finn, and that says something about this new phase of your life, Rachel."
"WH-WH-WH-WH-WHAT?"
Kurt escapes from the window and hides in the woods. After 3 days of wandering he decides what he has to do and leaves to starts a journey: finding the seven Dragon Balls and realize his wish, "coming back to when i had decent storylines that didn't involve this shit i'm around now".
Rachel and Brody have a diva-off using a random pop song and without destroying that one song i hoped they never covered on Glee.
At the end of the battle, Rachel wins and Brody get eaten by the wolves.
KURT AND SANTANA START BONDING AND BECOMING BEST FRIENDS AND WE'RE ALL VERY HAPPY.
Then Rachel starts singing a song. Everything is still very very Gay and Beautiful.