I feel like I have to fairly warn you. I'm not very good with updating my stories soon. But if there's enough reviews, I just MIGHT update sooner, considering I have LOTS of free time. And this is just to try and get me back to the FF sphere. So yeah, expect BIG disappointments. But just hope all the same. *sadistic but pitiful smile* And I have a very foul mouth….
Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, everyone would be better off looking like dots than how I know how to draw them.
Dedicated to: Sasuke and Sakura for being such an awesome and addicting couple.
WARNING: VERY FOUL LANGUAGE. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
Chapter 1
Fuck life.
Fuck hell.
Fuck me—no wait, don't do that.
Just, psh, forget about it.
But don't forget to fuck this fucking bastard who's fucking mocking me with that fucking smirk of his. Yes, I was just testing how many times I can say fuck in a sentence. Which turns out to be four, and that wasn't fucking good enough.
Oh how I want to show him who's boss. I'd rip that smirk off his face and fu-castrate his balls. And much to my pleasure, I could. Me and Uchiha – I sneered as I thought that word. Yes, I SNEERED. I'm never calling him Sasuke-kun again! FEEL MY LOATHING! – danced in a graceful and dangerous dance trying to see who gets to damn who first. And I was winning. Damn right was I winning.
He was weak. weak. weak. weeeaaaaak. I laughed sadistically as I punched him in the gut.
CRUNCH!
Oooh! I liked the sound of that. He was darn well slow. Muahahaha! FML! Yes, I was going to use FML as an acronym for Fear My Loathing now. Because I was cool like that. I may have gone with FMW for Fear My Wrath but wrath is so overrated. And I'm cool. And insane. And sadistic. And insane. And bored. And insane. And all the other things. But we can't forget insane. So there, I went with FML. Got a problem with that?
Dancing on my toes, I dodged a very close call attack from the Uchiha shithead and tried to attack back as gracefully as I could. Because every heroine's got to look graceful –or at least cool– when kicking some serious ass.
Seeing an opening, a grin spread over my face in satisfaction as I got behind him, ready to pummel him.
HELL YEAH!
-X-
CRASH!
Damn. I woke up
And it was getting to the good part too...
Double damn.
But ah well, let's face it. That can never happen in real life. Know why? Plenty of reasons. One: Sasuke wasn't that weak nor was I that strong either. And Two: I'm not Mary Sue.
Okay, maybe I did say 'plenty of reasons' but two's plenty and everyone knows that. So throw logic out of the window. Yes, throw it out. Kick it out. Do not think.
I sighed and rolled on my back, wanting nothing more than to get more sleep with fucked up dreams of castrating the Uchiha. FML! Muahaha! But damn, I have to get up. That crash that woke me up did not sound pretty and the least I could do is check to see that no one broke the urn containing the remains of my precious mother.
Heaving a big sigh, I pulled myself up and didn't bother to comb my pretty pink hair before walking down the stairs. Oh good, my mother's remains hadn't been disturbed. But my father's were. And…oh damn.
"Sasu-chaaaaan!" I shrieked (whined) as I pulled my kitten – who can blame me? It was a pretty name – away from my dad's precious remains. Damn. damn. damn. damn. damn. damn! "Why did you piss on dad's remains?"
-X-
"It's okay Sakura-chan. I'll take good care of this cutie. I'm sure he didn't mean it. I'm surprised he had the brains to pee on some dirt instead of on the shiny floor."
No Naruto, he meant it. I swear! I can see that evil gleam on his eyes all the time. He obviously took after that thing I named him after.
"It's my dad's remains Naruto! On purpose or not, I am thoroughly pissed."
Naruto shuddered when I said 'remains'. Yes, shudder Naruto, shudder! FML! No fucking thing –purposely or not– is allowed to piss on my dad's remains. They had to be evil to do something like that. They just had to!
Naruto can obviously feel my loathing because he was already backing away slowly, trying to protect and shield the little ball of fluff in his hands from my icy electric glare.
"I'll pick him up tomorrow Naruto. I just need to not see his…" evil little play-innocent-cause-no-one-would-blame-something-cute-like-me fucking ass "…face for now." I said in contrary to what I thought. My smile was black in place and my eyebrow was twitching and I slammed the door on his face.
Now, time to find a way to purify my dad's precious remains. Damn that cat!
"Sakura-chan's scary when she's angry and smiling like that." Naruto whispered to the kitten from behind the door.
Hell yeah!
Flap flap
"Look. A bird."
Flap flap
"What have you got there birdie?"
-X-
Knock knock
"…"
Knock knock
"Go away."
Knock knock
"I said go away you f—oh, Shizune."
"Tsunade-sama…what if it was one of the elders that was there and not me? You should really be cautious with your words."
"I don't give a damn about those elders."
"…"
"…"
Glare.
Glare.
Sigh.
Glare.
"A messenger bird arrived."
"And…?"
"It's from Suna. Here's the message."
(pause)
"Shit. Makiro!"
"Hai! Tsunade-sama."
"Call Haruno Sakura and Tanaka Ten-ten over and tell them to be quick as this is a priority mission."
"Hai!"
"…wait."
(shuffle of papers)
"Include Hyuuga Neji too."
"Hai!"
-disperse-
He was evil.
A really evil little spawn.
An evil little spawn who took after the man he was named after.
"CURSE YOU SASU-CHAN!" I cursed as I placed the lid back on the urn of my father.
Now my father smelled like cat-piss.
And I had no fucking idea how to disinfect that.
Sigh.
Double sigh.
Triple sigh.
Poor father…
"Haruno-san."
Fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. I wasn't on my guard and that damned ANBU guy with the mask surprised me.
"Hai?"
What kind of unguarded baaad ninja are you Sakura? You let your guard down. Baaad…
…I'm blaming it on Sasu-chan! When I finish here, I'm taking Sasu-chan back and I'll proceed to strangling that fur ball of an evil spawn to death. FML! Muaha! From now on I'm sticking to Muaha. Muahahaha is so overrated. And Muaha was shorter and had a more longer lasting effect.
"Tsunade-sama summoned you. She said to be quick since it was a really important mission."
Darn. Spawn strangling will have to wait.
"Hai! I'll be there as soon as I finish fixing up some stuff here." I nod and smile.
The masked ANBU dispersed and in a hurry -because I was planning to take a short visit to Naruto first- and running out of ideas, I grab some fresh flowers from a vase nearby (which I placed early this morning) and dumped it inside my father's urn, returning the big jar to where it was supposed to be.
Let's just hope that when I get back, my father's remains would smell like 'the fragrance of a flower'.
Walking out of the apartment, the bright sunshine hit me and I felt hot…
Not that hot, you pervert.
I meant hot hot. Like literal hot.
I locked the door behind me and began jumping from rooftop to rooftop heading toward Naruto's house. I felt elated that I could sneak some spawn strangling in. I bet that house was still messy. No wait, I bet that house was even messier than before. Well, duh! Of course it would be messier. Naruto was an idiot who didn't know how to clean. He seriously needed a girl who could look after him. Like Hinata for example, but Naruto just had to be too dense to realize this. Sometimes, I couldn't help but want to punch him to the sun for being too dense and not realizing Hina-chan's feelings…Poor girl.
Landing on Naruto's roof, I jumped down on the balcony and rapped my hand across the glass door sharply.
Knock knock
Oooh, I could see Sasu-chan in there. He was rubbing against Naruto's legs and purring, all the while looking at me with an evil gleam in his eye. I could swear he was mocking me. Oooh, let the spawn strangling commence!
"Yes, Sakura-chan?" Naruto opened the door and peered out at me curiously. "I thought you were getting your kitten tomorrow?"
Damn right I was. I didn't want to see that fur ball's asshole excuse of a face. But now I'm to go on a mission, I just had to sneak in some spawn strangling before I left. It would help me feel better.
"I was. But then Naruto, I have to go on a mission. So, well, I just wanted to say goodbye…" I walked past him softly to my kitten and seemingly picked him up tenderly. But unbeknownst to Naruto, my grip on the little spawn was anything but tender. FML YOU LITTLE BITCH! Muaha! "…to my little Sasu-chan." I smiled up at him, careful to hide the struggling poor kit out of his sight.
"Sasu-chan? Why does that name sound familiar?"
Idiot.
"Nothing really." I dropped the choking and poor kit to the floor. I almost pitied the little creature. Almost. He deserved what he got. Hah! But I didn't want to kill him. No not yet. Strangle him? Yes. Murder? No. Torture? Hell fucking yeah! "Gotta go." I smiled and headed back to the door. "Oh and Naruto?"
"Hai?"
"Do us all a favor and invite Hinata to ramen tonight."
This was a favor long overdue.
"Hinata…oh you mean Hinata-chan?"
Obviously. Who else you dense dumbass?
"Yeah."
"Sure." Finally! "Bye Sakura-chan! Take care!"
My eyes softened. He may be a dumbass, but he was one of my closest friends after all.
"You too."
I'm not the type of author with amazing long chapters but I hope you're satisfied. Really, I hope you're happy. And if you are, please tell me in a review. Please?
Sakura555
Over and Out!